New Beginnings
User Topic: Another financial thing from D
Member # 19258
Default  Posted: 10:28 AM, November 15th (Friday)

For the first 4 years after we S, I was in financial dire straits.

This year has been much better. I've splurged on a few things. Its been nice. But a lot of what I've spent money on has been replacing boring practical things that I lost in the D. I was looking at my quickbooks and I'm stunned how much money I've spent buying stuff this year. I've made due w/o it but its all practical stuff that I should have had.

Today I bought a stud finder and a hammer. It was a small purchase. I used to have these things. Jumper cables, he left me with the non functioning cordless drill, rakes, wheelbarrow, brooms, flashlights, ect ect ect. Stuff that's kind of cool but its all stuff that I used to own. It has added up to thousands over the last year. CRAZY!

[This message edited by hexed at 11:18 AM, November 15th (Friday)]

But that's just a lot of water
Underneath a bridge I burned
And there's no use in backtracking
Around corners I have turned

“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” -foulton oursler

Posts: 8462 | Registered: Apr 2008
Member # 12908
Default  Posted: 11:15 AM, November 15th (Friday)

I hear you. I have replaced an entire household. D is not cheap.

BH - no longer 48
3 DD's - (27, 24 and 17)
Divorced on 8/6/09

Posts: 9188 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: Eastern Washington
Member # 19258
Default  Posted: 11:20 AM, November 15th (Friday)

Its truly mind blowing when I look at it. He took half of all the dishes. Did it w/o even discussing it with me so each of us could have a complete set. Now I've got a random assortment. This is clearly not one of life's real problems but damn I can't wait to buy a matching set of dishes. Still irks me a littel when I open that cabinet

But that's just a lot of water
Underneath a bridge I burned
And there's no use in backtracking
Around corners I have turned

“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” -foulton oursler

Posts: 8462 | Registered: Apr 2008
Member # 24518
Default  Posted: 11:57 AM, November 15th (Friday)

I was lucky. I got to keep most of the household stuff. It's the tools and garage stuff I've had to replace.

And major appliances. And my vehicle. And the AC system for the house.

The list seems endless.

Say what you wanna say and let the words fall out...honestly
I wanna see you be brave

Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than, less than perfect

Posts: 12168 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: DeepInTheHeartOf, TX
Member # 24210
Default  Posted: 1:01 PM, November 15th (Friday)

Ex was to leave any tool we had a duplicate of plus all my dad's tools.

Pah.....I got an assortment of broken junk. The man even took the cabinets RIGHT OFF the wall in the garage.

For that first year or so, each payday I would buy one replacement item. My GFs always would chuckle at my latest buy from the ShopVac to my circular saw.

It sucks but I look at it this way....I have all new stuff.

Eyes are useless if the mind is blind.

Posts: 2185 | Registered: May 2009 | From: Pa
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 2:43 PM, November 15th (Friday)

Yep. I was very kind in that I gave him anything from the house that I had extras of. He didn't even leave me a shovel or rake. The $500 weed whacker that my parents bought for us? He took it. Jagoff.

You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7781 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
Member # 16953
Default  Posted: 6:14 PM, November 15th (Friday)

During my S my XWW sold my power tools on Craigslist. When I confronted her on it she said they were hers too. So when we finally D and were moving from the house I took a box that was labeled shoes. In it were all her winter shoes and boots. And trust me that woman had shoes up the Ying Yang. When the cold weather came around she asked if I mistakenly had taken her shoes. I told that yes I had them but threw them away. She was pissed and started a big fight. I had to remind her that as she saw fit to sell my power tools claiming they were hers as well. I figured in that spirit her shoes belonged to me as well. She cursed me out and hung up on me. It was one of the small victories that us BS seldom get. A few weeks later I dropped them off at her fathers house as they were taking up space. I got a text that night that simply said "Your an Asshole" For some reason that made me feel better also.

You cant eat soup with chopsticks.

Posts: 5747 | Registered: Nov 2007
Member # 12050
Default  Posted: 6:29 PM, November 15th (Friday)

I still miss all my landscaping tools. I never even thought to go in to garage when I was packing so I left all my major tools behind.


Posts: 2721 | Registered: Sep 2006 | From: newfoundland
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 6:37 PM, November 15th (Friday)

stronger...that is some funny ass shit!!!

hexed, I completely hear you. I'm one year out from D and am going to be spending the next...god, I don't even know how many years replacing household stuff...on a teacher's salary. Joy.

"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

Posts: 4693 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
exhausted lady
Member # 30217
Default  Posted: 8:01 PM, November 15th (Friday)

Oh God can I relate to your post hexed! My NPD XSO was one of those guys that left tools out in the driveway, lost them, just basically didn't respect my shit. I've been replacing stuff for 3-1/2 years, and every purchase I make kinda pisses me off, because I'm replacing stuff HE was so careless with.

This week I splurged and bought a brand-spanking new Stihl chainsaw. WooHoo! Yeah, I HAD a chainsaw and X "fixed" it......which means it will probably never run again without spending more than a new one.


I've been having to do it a little at a time too.....but the Bear splurged big-time and bought a 5 ton log splitter 2 weeks ago. So nice to have a man around that actually "gets it", and HELPS! Heehee.....he knows my love language is "get 'er done".

Sometimes the hardest part of finally seeing through someone is accepting what you see...

God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to
change the one I can, and the wisdom to know it's me.
-Reinhold Neibuhr

Posts: 3168 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: Colorado
Sad in AZ
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 12:33 AM, November 16th (Saturday)

I'm the one who moved out, and since I was moving in with my mom, I couldn't take much. When I finally got my own place, it was shocking what I had taken for granted before. When I had to buy a razor knife (rather than going out to the garage for one--of many!) I actually started to tear up. But I got over it.

I still have not bought myself any power tools; there were many time that life would have been easier with them. I'm especially thankful that Crescita came over and was able to help me put my bed and couch together with her power screw driver.

I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 20317 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
Member # 22860
Default  Posted: 4:52 AM, November 16th (Saturday)

yup I'm with you all on this one.

mine even undid and took the workbench that had come with our house - and it wasn't a great one at that. and he took the ride-on mower - and moved into a house with no grass - leaving me with what took 10 hours with the ride on to mow.

a year later and I've just bought a fabulous better than his ride on mower. and have thoroughly enjoyed mowing the lawns knowing that it was all mine.

have had to buy a weed eater, water blaster, chainsaw, and countless other tools as well.

on the plus side, its all brand-new stuff that I get to enjoy using

Me = FBS
Him = gone

things that happen in my life do not define who I am. I get to choose to be the best I can be, for me. cause I'm worth it.

Posts: 286 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: my happy place (most of the time)
Member # 19258
Default  Posted: 3:41 PM, November 17th (Sunday)

Geez~! I still don't own a mower...eeek! I HAVE to buy one next year. My X took half the dishes but not one complete set. Half of 3 different sets of dishes out of spite. Everything from brooms to the vaccuum cleaner disappeared.

This weekend I completely splurged on a new couch and chair. That was HUGE for me. The first new, from the show room furniture I've owned in a very very long time. My old set was pathetic and had picked up a funky odor. My X took the nice leather sectional before I had a chance to do anything about it.

But that's just a lot of water
Underneath a bridge I burned
And there's no use in backtracking
Around corners I have turned

“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” -foulton oursler

Posts: 8462 | Registered: Apr 2008
Helen of Troy
Member # 26419
Default  Posted: 4:01 PM, November 17th (Sunday)

Uh huh that fucktard even took shovel and flashlights not to mention all the tools. So he could move into an APARTMENT with OW. I was to keep up the house repairs, lawn ect with no tools. And I guess if the power went off or there was a hurricane too fucking bad for his kids and me.
He took all this stuff when the kids were at school and I was at work, powerless to change the locks at the time. I got one last laugh, he never found the silver place settings, the pattern he forced me to get that matched his family''s pattern. I took that to the pawnshop when the price of silver was way high! it put a dent in my legal bill!

Posts: 4719 | Registered: Dec 2009
Member # 15300
Default  Posted: 2:57 PM, November 18th (Monday)

I moved from a large house and acreage to a 2,000-ft. condo when I left XSO. Now I live in a house again. Just a few weekends ago I replaced the heavy duty power washer. Ya-hoo! When I left, it was with all my personal belongings, all the pots & pans, china and crystal (I owned it all before we started living together and he owned next to nothing), all the art on the walls (ditto) except one original he had purchased, and I left all the furniture except four chairs that wee mine before. I took the baby grand while he kept the Bang & Olufson built in sound system. I later sold the piano, the four chairs (I'd bought 14 more for our house that matched mine and they weren't any longer available) and one piece of art back to him.

Age: 64..ummmmmmm,, hell born in 1947. You figure it out!

"I could have missed the pain, but I would have had to miss the dance." Garth Brooks

Posts: 7305 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Toronto, Canada
Topic Posts: 15