New Beginnings
User Topic: it worth the trouble?
Member # 21854
Default  Posted: 5:31 PM, November 16th (Saturday)

OK guys and gals....have a few questions about Help me out a hassle...did ya meet any "decent" people....a bunch of players and gold diggers? how high is the bullshit level?

Been "not in a relationship" since June and thought i'd give it a not a kid....pushing 60 a little harder than i'd like.....but getting a bit tired of my cooking....KWIM?

Would love to hear the pros and cons...



DDay 9/25/2008
R started 11/10/08

Posts: 5827 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Texas
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 6:18 PM, November 16th (Saturday)

CON: You won't find me on

Con: You won't find me there because I found my now-EX had a profile there and I realized how easy it would be to lie & make a profile filled with falsehoods. If he can do it, so can others. I assume women lie as much as men do.

Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011

Posts: 9810 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Member # 5929
Default  Posted: 6:19 PM, November 16th (Saturday)

So many people meet online these days it seems hard to find a couple who didn't.

Match is not the only site out there, too. If you don't like that one, try another.

Keep calm and carry on.

Posts: 49482 | Registered: Nov 2004 | From: Minneapolis
Member # 32380
Default  Posted: 7:25 PM, November 16th (Saturday)

It's like anything else, you get out of it what you put into it. Just have tough skin because you may message a lot of women and they won't reply. Why?...I'm not sure. Especially if you're a decent guy that doesn't appear crazy, etc. But know I believe many women (sorry to offend the ladies on here but it's my experience) on there really aren't all that interested in dating unless George Clooney comes along. Or they are expecting him when y'all meet. It's either that or they really just don't have the time to date but are on there anyhow. Maybe just to look...who knows. Trust me when I say your success rate is probabably going to be less then 2%. In that I mean actually contacting 100 woman, enough reply, five agree to meet and you wind up actually dating two of them consistantly at any given time.

I did meet my gf on there 1.5 years ago and honestly it was probably the best first date I've ever had in my life....including exWW. We stayed out until 3:30am...and then again the next night and a few weekends after that. Can't remember the last time I was out that late so many weekends. We've had our ups and downs learning about one another. We've even taken a break for a few months at one point. Just have fun with an open attitude and stick with it.

BS(me) 48
WW 46
1 son 14 yrs old
Married 18 yrs, together 21 yrs

"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have." ~ Bob Marley

Posts: 1470 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: Zombie Land
Member # 39668
Default  Posted: 7:31 PM, November 16th (Saturday)

I've never tried it-- but my best friend met his W on OKCupid last year. They swear by that site. They keep telling me that if I don't make a profile on it, they will.

BS / D

Posts: 863 | Registered: Jun 2013
Member # 16631
Default  Posted: 7:45 PM, November 16th (Saturday)

A nurse is in a coma as of yesterday, in Melbourne, Australia, they think she met her attacker on RSVP.

Also in the paper was a picture of a guy who murdered his girlfriend. He looked like a really nice guy, friendly face!

I think OLD is much riskier for women.

I have tried it briefly, living in a small town it seems like everyone's crazy ex is on there. Even a couple of friends who met their match online have said they can see why these guys ended up divorced. The same issues are still there.

What about talking to people in real life and asking them out? That's what I'm looking for in a guy.

Posts: 609 | Registered: Oct 2007
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 8:15 PM, November 16th (Saturday)

What about talking to people in real life and asking them out? That's what I'm looking for in a guy.

Me too.

ETA: Or, hell's bells, maybe I'll ask him out.

[This message edited by Nature_Girl at 8:15 PM, November 16th (Saturday)]

Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011

Posts: 9810 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Member # 20849
Default  Posted: 8:30 PM, November 16th (Saturday)

I have to do the real life thing too. I need to feel somewhat comfortable with someone before I will even go out with them, which is why I can't do OLD. Plus, my WS was (and probably still is) on as many sites as he could get on, lying thru his teeth about stuff, and he comes off as a wonderful person at first. I do know it has worked for some though, so I guess it is up to whether you want to deal with the drama and whackos you may have to wade thru before you find the decent needle in the haystack.

Original WS D-Day July 10, 2008. Kept lying, he is gone.
New WS (2 EA's, no PA) 12-3-13
If you don't like where you are, then change it. You are not a tree.

Posts: 15280 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Ohio
Member # 18442
Default  Posted: 9:37 PM, November 16th (Saturday)

I tried both but I met my soon to be ex H on there and now that I know his bs lies, I dont think i will believe much of anything on there. I do browse at times just to see whos out there, all over the world but mostly creeps. ugly creeps w beers in hand :(

6/07 EX had several Emotional/sexual A
FALSE Reconciles. cheats again. D 5/09
2013- 10 month marriage &D to friend. he was a lyin, freeloadn biploar mess.
NOW? Living my life and loving it.

Posts: 691 | Registered: Mar 2008
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 11:02 PM, November 16th (Saturday)

I have met some decent guys on Match, I think it is totally worth the trouble. You just have to take it (like everything) with a grain of salt. It doesn't happen instantly, and I think if you go in just looking to meet new people, it takes the pressure off.

I do receive a LOT of emails I am not interested in. For ME, I will look at a profile and respond if the email is pleasant, required a little thought into it, isn't creepy (one just emailed me that he prayed I would wait for him….), and in my age range.

Have some GOOD photos up, I want to see clear photos. Have something funny and interesting in your profile, things you like to do, etc. I want to be able to think, "Oh yeah…me too!".

I do think there are lots of people on there for the wrong reason, it is just a matter of wading through a little and not taking it too seriously.

me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings

Posts: 4175 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: South
Member # 20152
Default  Posted: 11:09 PM, November 16th (Saturday)

In my experience, OLD was a "needle in a haystack" situation. I just happened to get REALLY lucky and find the needle.

I had my profile up on OKCupid for THREE YEARS before I found someone that I really liked (in other words, my current H, heh).

I do want to mention that it's helpful if you update it every so often. My profile was up for a long time, but I kept it updated every three months or so - new pictures, maybe some new information, etc. Each time I updated, I got new "hits" and the dance started all over again, heh.

That's really the secret, as cmego said - you cannot, cannot, CANNOT take OLD seriously. That's a certain way to have hurt feelings. When I used it, I would go out on a date, enjoy the movie or dinner or whatever, and that would be the end of it for me unless I felt a certain spark that I would want to pursue it further, or if they called me first (which sometimes happened). Otherwise... eh. It was a date. It was a night where I wasn't in bed reading or curled up with my kittehs.

Some guys I went out with... yeah, I would have RATHER been curled up with my kittehs!

I never tried Match or any pay sites (mainly because it didn't matter that much that I'd fork out money, heh), but OLD is worth a shot, surely. I know lots that have had luck with it, myself included. But... be sure you're ready. Thick skin is a must.

Good luck.

XBS - 42 and fabulous :D
Remarried happily in 2013
A relationship is built for two. But apparently, some bitches don't know how to count!

Posts: 602 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: The Chesapeake Bay
Member # 30742
Default  Posted: 11:17 PM, November 16th (Saturday)

I have tried and I am done with it as I am with the other sites I tried. I simply must attract nut cases - I had everything from total stalker to poofers and scammers.

I prefer to meet people in person; not that easy because I don't approach people ever and I don't pursue if I like somebody (except for xSO and see where that got me).

Temporarily independent with the whole world at my feet.

Posts: 1259 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: California
Member # 39772
Default  Posted: 1:59 AM, November 17th (Sunday)

Once you get some info on the guy. You can google and look up their Facebook and LinkedIn pages to make sure they are legit. So far all the basic facts (jobs, marital status, kids, etc ) have been except I had 2 guys fudge their age. They are older than their online profile. Good Luck!

Posts: 72 | Registered: Jul 2013
Member # 22860
Default  Posted: 2:33 AM, November 17th (Sunday)

I'm in a different country, but I have been on Match a couple of times and I ended up dating two off there (not at the same time lol) and they were 'normal' guys, and I have stayed friends with them both.

give it a shot - nothing to lose except a little time sifting through.

but maybe remember the SI motto - trust but verify. there IS quite a few odd (being polite) people out there

Me = FBS
Him = gone

things that happen in my life do not define who I am. I get to choose to be the best I can be, for me. cause I'm worth it.

Posts: 286 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: my happy place (most of the time)
Member # 16953
Default  Posted: 3:19 AM, November 17th (Sunday)

I tried it once. I do not have anything good to say about it. Took out 3 different women who turned out to be disasters in the making. One who I thought was pretty cool turned out to be M. I was S at the time and told her my tale of woe. She seemed sympathetic to my situation. On the third date she dropped the bomb on me saying she was M, but it was OK because she and her H had an open M. I remember dropping my fork at dinner, throwing some cash on the table to cover the bill and left. She even had the nerve to try and contact me many times after that. That ended my OLD experience. But I guess for some it might work. I know a few people who met their spouses OL. They seem happy, so I guess it can work for certain folks.

You cant eat soup with chopsticks.

Posts: 5716 | Registered: Nov 2007
Member # 1822
Default  Posted: 9:38 AM, November 17th (Sunday)

It can be worth the trouble. I met my husband on Match.

I met a few very nice men, no real weirdos. I had a good experience. You just never know unless you try.

Divorced 9/2010
Just married 7/4/13

Posts: 4083 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Twin Cities
Member # 27454
Default  Posted: 9:45 AM, November 17th (Sunday)

Hell yes!!!!!

Have Just spent a truly lovely weekend with my SO of 10 months.... We met on match. As we often say about each other ....."best thing we've ever bought on the Internet"

I think my best advice is show the person you are. Write a detailed profile. When a guy takes time to write back in detail and mentions different things from your profile you know he has actually read it

Me = BS aged 43
2 boys, 13 and 9
DDay 1/19/10
Confronted him 2/16/10
Finally Divorced 8/29/12

“We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us.”

Posts: 726 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Expats in Europe
Member # 3075
Default  Posted: 9:55 AM, November 17th (Sunday)

I never had much luck. Plus I'm over 50 and won't lie on the age bracket so I'm out of the range of the main search on there (Age).

Once in a while I'd get a hit by a 20 year old who probably thought I was some cougar - no thanks... Most of the men my age appear to be looking for 20-30 somethings.

So no - it was not worth the trouble or time for me.

Posts: 306 | Registered: Jan 2004 | From: CA
Member # 21854
Default  Posted: 11:24 AM, November 17th (Sunday)

Thanks....never tried this "on line" dating thing......thought i'd give it a whirl. thanks again...


DDay 9/25/2008
R started 11/10/08

Posts: 5827 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Texas
Member # 12908
Default  Posted: 12:12 PM, November 17th (Sunday)

Thumbs up! 100% positive for me. Though, I am chosing to give up on dating for the time being. Match has nothing to do with it - too busy IRL.


BH - no longer 48
3 DD's - (27, 24 and 17)
Divorced on 8/6/09

Posts: 9186 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: Eastern Washington
Member # 1224
Default  Posted: 3:12 PM, November 17th (Sunday)

I had the same experience as brokendream, I am 53 and only sixty something men are looking for that and I am not interested in them. Men my age are all looking for younger.

Older women really are invisible to the majority of men their age. This is obvious on any OLD site.

[This message edited by shiloe at 3:13 PM, November 17th (Sunday)]

But remember, good love is hard to find . . -Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers
BS - 54
Cheater -54
Married 26 yrs
DD - 21 DD -19 DS-17
A#1 2000 with married ho-worker/neighbor ow#1
A#2 2007-? OW#2 LTA with yet another married ho-worker. Kicked h

Posts: 608 | Registered: Mar 2003
Member # 9344
Default  Posted: 5:11 AM, November 18th (Monday)

I vote go for it, Bufffalo. You won''t know until you try.

Add me to the list of people with a positive Match experience. Out of the 6 guys I met, all were second and third date material. I was able to filter out the weirdos ahead of time.

I''m dating an awesome guy now that I met online. It can be a needle in a haystack of find someone you want to date exclusively, but there are good people out there just like you.

She packed up her potential and all she had learned and headed out to change a few things.

Posts: 7605 | Registered: Jan 2006 | From: Poolside
Member # 38541
Default  Posted: 6:10 AM, November 18th (Monday)

I met my fiance on Match just over four years ago and we are getting married next May.

Posts: 154 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Australia
Member # 1330
Default  Posted: 6:52 AM, November 18th (Monday)

I met some very interesting people using OLD, including my SO of 3.5 years, the incomparable GDM.

In my opinion, you might meet a few stinkers, but if you keep your investment minimal in early stages and go into it with the idea of getting to know someone better vs. finding a relationship, you should be fine.

I agree there are scumbags who use the service, but there are also genuine people trying to connect.

I met some fascinating folk on line. Have remained friendly with a few as well.


[This message edited by Catwoman at 6:54 AM, November 18th (Monday)]

FBS: Married 20 years, 2 daughters 25 and 22. Divorced by the grace of GOD.
D-Days: 2/23/93; 10/11/97; 3/5/03
Ex & OW Broke up 12-10
"An erection does not count as personal growth."

Posts: 29657 | Registered: Apr 2003 | From: Massachusetts
Member # 26912
Default  Posted: 11:28 AM, November 18th (Monday)

I met my now husband on close to 4 years ago... you will get a thumbs up for "OLD" from me...

DIVORCED! Remarried to a real man!
BW (me) - 41 (now 46)
WH (him) - 43 (now 48)
OW - 23 yr old foreign gold digging whore looking for her American meal ticket
1 14 yr old son (now 19)
married 20 years/together 25 years
D day - 9/23/2009 5pm

Posts: 802 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Mid Atlantic coast
Member # 31758
Default  Posted: 11:51 AM, November 18th (Monday)

I met my SO of 2.5+ years on Match. Overall I had a really good experience on it. (I am 47 BTW) I never understood the people who get SO worked up over the online dating experience. I think you just have to have the right frame of mind going in.

You have to assume that there is going to be a lot of rejection and you can't take it personally.

You will be contacted by a lot of weirdos. They might be obvious weirdos or ones that show their weirdness later on. Expect it. Don't freak out over it. Laugh at it. Sometimes that's the fun part!

You have, have, HAVE to do a lot of screening of anyone you meet. For me that meant emailing and talking to the person up front. I had to know their full name, where they worked, snoop on them via the internet, etc. If I couldn't get at least some sort of independent verification of them outside of OLD then I didn't meet them.

I had the mindset that it was 2-3 dates and NO MORE. Period! That way I was able to not care if the guy poofed. Truly - it made a huge difference in my whole perspective. If we had 2 dates and he started flaking on communication.... I was like "eh... he only had one more coming anyway."

For me personally I was also able to not get attached because I didn't sleep with them in the first 3 dates but YMMV.

My current SO made it so long because after 3 dates I stopped seeing him and moved on... but he kept in touch with me. Then I sort of put him back in the rotation after I had a last minute cancellation for a concert I had tickets to.... so for his second round of 3 dates - well, he grew on me enough that I decided he was a keeper.

Try it! It can be fun and there ARE some really great people out there. Just take your time and be choosy.

Men were deceivers ever; one foot in sea and one on shore, to one thing constant never.

Posts: 620 | Registered: Apr 2011 | From: Midwest
Member # 14003
Default  Posted: 3:18 PM, November 19th (Tuesday)

I believe Groupon has a special right now for a one month membership for $17.00. It may be worth checking it out.

Choices, Chances, Changes.....You must make a Choice to take a Chance or your life will never Change.

Posts: 13801 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Houston
Member # 22386
Default  Posted: 5:47 PM, November 19th (Tuesday)

Saw this post earlier...there is a site for singles 50+ called

Posts: 7589 | Registered: Jan 2009 | From: Northeast
Member # 39451
Default  Posted: 8:25 PM, November 19th (Tuesday)

I gree with spirit, you got to be careful and be patient to find that right one.
I chat a while before i meet anyone, by the time I already have a feel of the person, I have been on OLD for months only chatted with three guys and only met one so far, we met twice for past month, I met him whenever I have time. He is a super nice person, tell me everything about his work, his son, etc. Actually i think it is a bit too much too soon.

He asked me to go to his Xmas party I have not agree yet. But we do plan a drive to the mountains to have a dinner for his BD, I like him so far.... But it won''t hurt me if he poofs...

M: 10 years
DD:5 DS Twin: 2 yrs old
DDay: Earlier 2013, WS flew/met many times with a Philippine girl found online (20 yrs younger)
SA finalized 6 months after DD. divorcing...
I am determined to fly even with broken wings and a broken heart!

Posts: 177 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Canada
little turtle
Member # 15584
Default  Posted: 9:07 AM, November 20th (Wednesday)

Keep us posted as to how it goes!! and let us know if you need any feedback setting up your profile. I enjoy hearing the stories from online dating.

I did online dating off and on for years. The best part was the convenience of meeting a bunch of people at once. I had limited free time for dating so I liked being able to read profiles and get to know people during the week before having weekend dates. In the end, I met my SO.

I never tried any of the paid sites, but of the free ones, I enjoyed OKC the best. pof and craigslist had too many players. But then again, even the free sites vary by location. If you have time, check them all out!

Failure is success if we learn from it.

Posts: 4202 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: michigan
Member # 36827
Default  Posted: 10:23 AM, November 20th (Wednesday)

FWIW, great experience with OKCupid. Sure, you will have to wade through a few flakes, experience poofers, etc, but my current SO I met there is a great person, and we enjoy each others company very, very much... I forgot what a caring, kind, generous, HONEST women was like. It's simply amazing.

I was shocked at how much I enjoyed the experience, and how nice it was to be able to discover ladies who were on the same sheet of music as I was with regard to interests, philosophy of life, etc. Always emailed/talked on the phone extensively before meeting, and went from there...

Good luck to you, and hope you find the OLD experience rewarding!

D-Day spring 2012
Me BS 47
Xcheater 44
One DD 19
Married 23 years
Divorced 12/23/13 Fu*king A!

The cruel, the unkind, those without honor, feast on the tender heart...

Posts: 652 | Registered: Sep 2012
Topic Posts: 31