User Topic: How long have you gone without love making?
Member # 38914
Default  Posted: 3:45 AM, November 17th (Sunday)

For me it's been 9 months. Though there's a little longing sometimes, I'm willing to stay this way until someone special comes along.

D-day:2/24/13 (I was 10 weeks pregnant at the time and DS was 15 months)
Status: Parted ways!

"If only I can fight just a little longer, I know it's gonna make me stronger" Jamie Grace-Holding on.

Posts: 343 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Ohio
Member # 33523
Default  Posted: 3:56 AM, November 17th (Sunday)

2 years, 6 months, 18 days.

Not that I'm acutely aware that I need some tail ...

Me: MH 40s; Him: MH 40s (I had RA)
OW: 30s, moron; one of many
M: 8 yrs
3/13: D'd
Everything is as it should be.

Posts: 746 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Vulcania
Member # 32962
Default  Posted: 7:15 AM, November 17th (Sunday)

3 years and 9 months. I have only had sex about half a dozen times since my marriage ended 8.5 years ago. I regret most of those. I really don't miss it, which is weird since I always had a very healthy sex drive. My ex had very deviant sexual desires however and I felt so objectified (never loved) so it really harmed my sexual appetite spending almost 15 years like that.

-betrayed almost my whole almost 15 yr marriage
-divorced since 2004

Posts: 866 | Registered: Aug 2011
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 7:17 AM, November 17th (Sunday)

About 15 months after we separated, I was in no shape to date and I knew it. Then I dated. Now, back "on the bus" (See New Beginnings…) for about a year.

We discuss down in NB's (for the womenz at least….) that our bodies adjust. I say that my body goes into hibernation when I'm not sexually active. Then when I do meet someone and want to be sexual, it roars back to life

me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings

Posts: 4134 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: South
Member # 40268
Default  Posted: 8:01 AM, November 17th (Sunday)

With another person? Lol. So far 7 months used to not be 7 days. The first few were tough. Now it's cool. Emotionally I am still screwed up. Same person since childhood 19 years. How she did it so easy I hate. The fact that I am a guy and it bothers me I hate. But I am closer than I was 6 months ago.

"what does not kill you , makes you stronger"

Posts: 646 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: nyc
Member # 34477
Default  Posted: 8:04 AM, November 17th (Sunday)

Sex... 2 years. Making love? 7 years. Ever since my exwh started forcing me to have sex with him the love was gone

Me: BW (35)
Him: ExWH (31) EA/PA with MOW coworker
Married 9 years, 2 small kids
dday 3/12/2011 divorced fall 2012

My ipad does a lot of crazy typos.

Posts: 648 | Registered: Jan 2012
Member # 34373
Default  Posted: 9:06 AM, November 17th (Sunday)

Since Memorial day weekend 2011. I am not the type to just go get some for the sake of getting some and I just haven't met anyone who I want to risk doing the whole relationship thing with again. I miss it but not enough to make any changes at this point.

Me: 46 BS Divorced
Him: 45 Married OW
DDay: 07/04/2008
Divorced: 06/15/2011
5 kids: IrishLass 27,IrishLad 25, IrishLass 23, IrishLad 21 and IrishLad 12
"You can't run from trouble..there ain't no place that far"

Posts: 1751 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: WA
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 10:16 AM, November 17th (Sunday)

There's a thread down in New Beginnings about the 'bus'...I've been riding the bus for nearly two years now. Sigh.

"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

Posts: 4619 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
Member # 38914
Default  Posted: 10:23 AM, November 17th (Sunday)

Wow, kudos to all of you for staying this long. It a sign of maturity not to have sex just because your body wants it. Controlling our actions and desire is part of the healing process.

D-day:2/24/13 (I was 10 weeks pregnant at the time and DS was 15 months)
Status: Parted ways!

"If only I can fight just a little longer, I know it's gonna make me stronger" Jamie Grace-Holding on.

Posts: 343 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Ohio
Member # 27544
Default  Posted: 10:44 AM, November 17th (Sunday)

Longest stretch was... years. Plural.

At the rate I'm going, I may end up going for a new personal record....

Me: BGF - 33
Together 11+ years - not married, no children.
D-Day: 2/9/2010
OC Born: 10/9/2010
Status: He chose OW/OC and left immediately.

Posts: 2225 | Registered: Feb 2010
solus sto
Member # 30989
Default  Posted: 11:33 AM, November 17th (Sunday)

Years. Longer, if the term "lovemaking" means anything more than sex.

BS-me, 52
WH (Trac-fone), 52, PD
2 kids-DD25, DS18
multiple d-days
Alone, most strangely, I live on~Rupert Brooke

Posts: 8677 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: midwest
Member # 40249
Default  Posted: 1:46 PM, November 17th (Sunday)

I'm not sure how long, but I'm fairly certain it has been at least one year. It contributes to the debilitating feeling of loneliness sometimes, but at least I don't have to deal with having a woman around that I love intensely but will not have sex with me. That was torture.

[This message edited by endlessabsurdity at 1:47 PM, November 17th (Sunday)]

Posts: 80 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: United States
Member # 40115
Default  Posted: 2:33 PM, November 17th (Sunday)

Ever since D-Day, so I'm going on four months. Not that long I guess.

I'm sure it was just 'sex' for STBXH for a long time, but for me it was lovemaking. I now accept that my experience of our marriage is much different than his.

I'm Divorcing the cheating prick, so I bought a battery operated one.

Edited to correct stupid typos.

Two steps forward and one step backwards, is still progress.

Posts: 1747 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Illinois, USA
Member # 1822
Default  Posted: 7:39 PM, November 17th (Sunday)

I went over 5 years.

Divorced 9/2010
Just married 7/4/13

Posts: 4081 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Twin Cities
Member # 36697
Default  Posted: 10:04 PM, November 17th (Sunday)

I'm pretty sure my sperm have fossilized.

ETA: a picture!!!!!

[This message edited by h0peless at 10:16 PM, November 17th (Sunday)]

Posts: 1677 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Baja Arizona
New Member
Member # 35875
Default  Posted: 10:22 PM, November 17th (Sunday)

Honestly and this is embarrassing to say, it has been so long that I am not even sure. At least 8-9 years.

Posts: 39 | Registered: Jun 2012
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 1:51 AM, November 18th (Monday)

Love making ~ many years. Sex ~ a month before stbx walked out so as of this month, 14 months.

I am not even close to being ready to date or even be friends with other men so I take care of my own needs I think I miss the intimacy more than sex though. My stbx is the only person I ever had sex with so I don't even know where to begin or look or learn or anything which is why I am soooo not even close to being ready to even meet other men.

@ h0peless: That is so friken hilarious!!

Me (BS): 42 Children: DD 19, DS 15
Settled at mediation
Officially divorced ... SOON!

Posts: 2186 | Registered: Oct 2012
Member # 16953
Default  Posted: 2:44 AM, November 18th (Monday)

I can tell you this. I can do years standing on my head. I purposely took a year off from everything. No dating, sex, relationships. After that it was close to another year before I had sex again because I could not get a date to save my life. And to be honest if it meant having to go through this shit ever again, I could honestly say I'd stay celibate.

You cant eat soup with chopsticks.

Posts: 5653 | Registered: Nov 2007
Member # 29183
Default  Posted: 9:29 AM, November 18th (Monday)

I last had sex about 4.5 years ago, just before d-day. Love-making? I don't even know. Maybe 8-10 years ago??

I'm a "sex only within marriage" kind of gal, so I'm in this for the long haul.

3 amazing kidlets
To WXH "Now you're just somebody that I used to know."
D-day and separation - June, 2009
Divorced - December, 2011

Posts: 2508 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: A better place
Member # 32789
Default  Posted: 12:18 PM, November 18th (Monday)

Almost 2 1/2 years without sex.
He was the only one.
I have never had lovemaking since he told me that he fell in love for the first time when he re-met MOW.

[This message edited by Lola2kids at 12:20 PM, November 18th (Monday)]

BS: (Me) 47
Kids: twins DD(10)
D-Day April 18, 2011
Him:out Sept. 11, 2011
He moved to Europe June 27, 2014.
"They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder but I am growing more and more fond of his absence"

Posts: 1385 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: Ontario, Canada
Member # 16482
Default  Posted: 12:22 PM, November 18th (Monday)

I guess I have the record. 9 years, 2 months and 26 days. Yes, I'd still like to and no, I doubt if I will ever again. Thanks EX. Why couldn't he have decided he was "unhappy" 30 years ago?

I divorced him because I didn't like his girlfriend.
M 30 yrs.

Posts: 9587 | Registered: Oct 2007 | From: East of the Rockies
Member # 7767
Default  Posted: 3:21 PM, November 18th (Monday)

Eighteen months after D-day #2. That was the longest I went without since I was 16 years old. I was afraid I would hurt the first guy after the D was over (9 months). It turned out to be a bad relationship, but I don't regret that part.


Even if you can't control the world around you, you are still the master of your own soul.

Posts: 7690 | Registered: Aug 2005
Member # 18442
Default  Posted: 9:52 PM, November 18th (Monday)

I was JUST thinking about this. I think I went one year. WAY. TOO. Long. and prior to that I had one orgasm in 10 yrs. it sucked.
I wont go that long again, even if I need to hook up once in while with someone half decent. I have no plans for dating tho.

6/07 EX had several Emotional/sexual A
FALSE Reconciles. cheats again. D 5/09
2013- 10 month marriage &D to friend. he was a lyin, freeloadn biploar mess.
NOW? Living my life and loving it.

Posts: 691 | Registered: Mar 2008
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 11:15 PM, November 18th (Monday)

Five years and five months, not counting the years his head was somewhere else when he was with me....

If it comes along again, fine. If not, fine.

Life goes on.

DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17385 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
Member # 38914
Default  Posted: 1:39 AM, November 19th (Tuesday)

Wow, long stretches here. I'm still a baby compared to some of you.
Sex sex sex.....a source of joy and pain likewise. Despite my raging hormones, I'm careful to make sure I really knos someone before I give of myself like that again. If I see any red flags, you're out. So easy to break up with someone if you haven't had sex with them.

D-day:2/24/13 (I was 10 weeks pregnant at the time and DS was 15 months)
Status: Parted ways!

"If only I can fight just a little longer, I know it's gonna make me stronger" Jamie Grace-Holding on.

Posts: 343 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Ohio
Member # 9078
Default  Posted: 12:06 PM, November 19th (Tuesday)

Lovemaking? What is this thing called lovemaking? Do you have to bake it or fry it?

I would say the last time I "thought" I made love was about 6 years ago. The last time I had sex was about a year and a half ago.

Me - BW
Him - WH
Divorced - 7/2013

Posts: 825 | Registered: Dec 2005
Member # 36579
Default  Posted: 7:37 PM, November 19th (Tuesday)

A year and 2 months since sex during false R. The thought of that makes me want to throw up. A good 2-3 years since love-making.

Me 46
ExH 51
EA Jun-Aug 12 (OW1)FB flirting and then EA/PA with OW2 (Aug-Dec 12). New OW Jan 13, introduced her to the kids immediately.
Married 10 years, together 14yrs
2 kids (DS11 & DD7)
Separated Jan 13. Divorced Jun 14

Posts: 180 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Australia
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 7:05 AM, November 20th (Wednesday)

The last time I truly "made love" (as opposed to sex) was the night before D-day: November 11, 2012. STBXWW and I had one of the most intimate, beautiful nights ever: making love off and on for half the night, pillow-talk about the future, laughter, "I love you's" galore...

The next morning she promptly drove to her AP's and presumably had sex with him. I tracked her phone (after our wonderful night I was planning to surprise her with brunch) and my life as I knew it was over.

Shocking, now that I look back on it.

Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.

Posts: 1613 | Registered: Dec 2012
Member # 34678
Default  Posted: 7:32 AM, November 20th (Wednesday)

It would have been pretty recent, but I had just read the book, "Why men love bitches". It's about being a person of strength, self confidence, and not getting walked all over --- while being feminine at the same time~ It says to NOT jump into bed right away (something I always did), until the person shows you who they really are. (Yall this is all new to me!!!! ) According to the book, you get people to show you who they are by keeping a new relationship "light, not so intense right away, like a friend" at first.

Wow! When I started thinking this way, I began to see this person would end up hurting me in the long run.....In the past I would have had sex right away, then tried to "make the 'relationship' work" for a couple of years, then finally seeing the true person...

So those of us on the bus,, it shows a strength that we don't "give it up" easily. A new person is going to have to show us who they are, then they get a night to remember

me BS 52
him - 46
married 15 years DIVORCED 10 31 12
children - ds15 ds12
d-day 12-19-11
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day
Divorce filed

Posts: 2111 | Registered: Jan 2012
Member # 26912
Default  Posted: 7:48 AM, November 20th (Wednesday)

In my marriage to my XWH I went 7 years without it due to his "ED"..... we had a sexless marriage for that long... I look back and still cant believe the disfunction that was that relationship and I wonder why I stayed so long. On the flip side, today I am married to a great man and get it at least 4 times a week.. and I love it!!! Life is good

[This message edited by Dawnie at 7:49 AM, November 20th (Wednesday)]

DIVORCED! Remarried to a real man!
BW (me) - 41 (now 46)
WH (him) - 43 (now 48)
OW - 23 yr old foreign gold digging whore looking for her American meal ticket
1 14 yr old son (now 19)
married 20 years/together 25 years
D day - 9/23/2009 5pm

Posts: 802 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Mid Atlantic coast
Member # 39801
Default  Posted: 8:07 PM, November 20th (Wednesday)

My XWS and I made (crazy, intense) love only a week or so before we signed the papers.
Divorcing someone you love is really hard.
In the 18.5 years we were together the longest stretch we went before we were separated was 10 days. That's including the birth of 3 boys.
After the separation (and during and after the affair) the longest we went was 1 month.
Since the D I have had 2 opportunities and took one.
It was with an old friend and I actually quite enjoyed it. I did get somewhat upset after because I felt bad for not feeling bad (? does that make sense?) He held me and talked me down while I cried.
For me, I felt it was a bond I had to break with my XWS because we always had a lot of sex and love making. To me it was "ok, I really AM divorced, I can make an adult decision to be with someone else."
I don't think there's anything wrong with having sex for the act of it as long as you're careful, prepared and don't expect something else.
In my defense, I am 38 and I can count the number of people I have been with on 1 hand.

I cannot be responsible for another's personal growth.
DDay#1 of a "cheatillion" 4/1/13
Divorce final 11/04/13

Posts: 452 | Registered: Jul 2013
Member # 40249
Default  Posted: 8:31 PM, November 20th (Wednesday)

On the flip side, today I am married to a great man and get it at least 4 times a week.. and I love it!!!

Dawnie, you give me hope for the human race. I would probably break down crying with gratitude for once a week. I feel robbed of so many years. Then she just gave it all to someone else. I made it through so many years with so little affection and sex, and then she just threw me away...

Posts: 80 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: United States
Member # 29250
Default  Posted: 10:42 PM, November 20th (Wednesday)

I'm not the type of person to have sex for the sake of having sex. I don't judge people that are, it's just that for me, sex and emotion are intertwined so it would be hard for me to just sleep with anyone.

So therefore, let's just say it's been far too long. :(

“People who cheat feel that life is for the taking, and that everyone deserves happiness no matter what the cost. I must remember these tricks if I ever have my soul surgically removed."
Me: BS 42. Him: WH 41 2 Kids 6&9
Married 14 yrs Together 21

Posts: 1575 | Registered: Aug 2010
Topic Posts: 33