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Divorce/Separation
User Topic: Need strength!
Hotmama
New Member
Member # 41374
What?  Posted: 4:34 PM, November 17th (Sunday)

Just joined this forum and need encouragement and strength. I'm not up to speed with the acronyms so bare with me. My WS was having an affair with a friend of mind, moved in with her and her kids. She was also married and our kids were friends. He has told the kids way too much and they are too young for this - 6 and 8. They know their dad left me for his girlfriend, which is obvious since he moved from our house into hers, and when they visit him he forces them to spend time with her and her kids. It's absolutely absurd. I am in Ohio which is a no fault state, and he can live wherever he wants. However,the courts require we take a parenting class... In which they say don't tell your kids about adult issues, affairs, money, and NEVER let them meet someone else you are dating for at least a year after the divorce. My kids are in counseling and so much has come up - they are afraid he is going to try and kidnap them, her kids bully them and their dad doesn't stick up for them, he told them they wouldn't be able to live with me because I am mentally ill. He assaulted me in front of the kids and I got a restraining order but then had to drop it so he didn't lose his job. After talking to the kids through all of this, the counselor has determined that they are being emotionally harmed by my WS' behavior. It makes me so angry. I finally filed for DR 8/23 after absurd attempts at negotiating a dissolution. We finally got orders for support on 10/22 but he still pays nothing. I have all the garnishment paperwork submitted, it's just a matter of time. The court also ordered visitation based on guidelines set by the kids counselor - I was ecstatic! But we filed the recommendation and it still sits pending in front of the court, and my Douchebag ex was able to get an emergency order for visitation. The rules and games that get played are such b.s. In divorces. He shut off our utilities and cancelled the kids karate, because he can't afford my house and his girlfriends. He also claimed her kids as his dependents on his financial affidavit filed with the court and such a long string of lies. I have a paper trail and will nail him in the end. He owes me a lot of money because he's in arrears on payments. Things could definitely be worse . . . But I'm having such a hard time dealing with the betrayal and who is this man? He has clearly lost his mind, friends have suggested drugs but I suspect a mental breakdown of some sort. He is not the man that I was married to, but I still greive for what I thought I had and for the dream of having a complete family. My anxiety is off the hook and has been since June when I started to suspect the affair. I just want to get over him, he's not worth it and we are SO much better off without him. He is a complete narcissistic and only cares about himself - so many things that happened in the past that I accepted but see now how abusive they were. I just want to be able to protect my kids. Everyone hates him for what he did to our family and people are disgusted with his behavior and with her, so they have no friends. Even knowing this I still have hard days - I know that karma will come and get them, and she has NO idea the monster that she is living with. They only knew eachother for one month before moving in together (I caught the affair as soon as it started, thankfully, through my 8 year old who knew something weird was going on!) and a tiger doesn't change its stripes, so she will be wondering very soon who this asshole is that she lives with. Somoene she deserves, for sure! Ive also found out she has an std, which he will have soon enough if he doesnt already. My husband makes a lot of money and that's one of the big things she found so appealing - but they are already struggling financially due to attorney fees and the money he is ordered to pay (the majority of which isn't even being paid yet!). I just feel so alone and have so much anxiety. Not sure why I would even be interested in another man after what I've gone through. Any words of support or wisdom would be appreciated!

Posts: 5 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Ohio
Thefly559
Member
Member # 40268
Default  Posted: 4:49 PM, November 17th (Sunday)

So sorry you are here , but as you can see you are not alone. If nobody told you already , please get tested (std) . It sounds like you are handling this well, your words sound strong. Focus on you and your kids and your physical health which in turn will help you emotionally. What happened to the OW husband? Is he out of the picture? Divorce is horrible , worst thing I have ever experienced in my life. But you will be so much better in the end. They say ,I am also in the middle so I cannot tell you the end of my story yet. I wish you ll the best. Please listen to the wisdom on this site.


"what does not kill you , makes you stronger"

Posts: 647 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: nyc
Tripletrouble
Member
Member # 39169
Default  Posted: 5:46 PM, November 17th (Sunday)

Welcome Hotmama to the crappy club. You will find so much support and wisdom here. I also believe my xh lost his mind. How else do you explain such bizarre behavior after so many years of knowing them? I also learned about NPD and suddenly many pieces fell into place and years of issues suddenly made sense.
Please talk to your doctor about ways to deal with anxiety. I've had way more problems with anxiety than depression. Exercise is good of course, but I along with many others in this situation have prescriptions for meds to help. I take a low dose anti anxiety/ anti depression combo. It allows me to function.
All the best to you, you are in the right place here on SI.


40 somethings - me BW after 20 years
D Day April 2013
Divorced November 2013

Be happy with what you have while you work for what you want - Hellen Keller


Posts: 638 | Registered: May 2013
Topic Posts: 3