I was watching Iyanla Vanzant last night on Oprah LifeClass.
She was talking to "fatherless sons". My husband falls into that category - not that his father was not there, but that he was there only 1/2 of the time physically, and NEVER there emotionally.
I called my husband in the living room to watch it with me. Among other things, Iyanla was saying to one man, that he was in his "head" not his "heart" - regarding his remorse for not being there for his kids.
This was like an "ah-ha" moment for me. I never had thought about it so simply before. My husband has said he was sorry before, but it was most definitely from his head. I think he feels it from his heart - if he could ever get in there to find it!
Anyway, after the show, I asked him if it made sense to him what she was saying, "talking from your head and not your heart". He said yes.
So I told him that this was the exact reason that I could not reconnect with him - because he is in his "head" not his "heart".
He did not respond. (So I guess not a truly successful end to the experience.) But, I felt very good about the fact that I said that to him, regarding something he said he understood, and then I did something I rarely have done. I shut up.
I certainly do not expect him to come home tonight and weep and beg forgiveness. But I let him know where I was coming from. I don't think he can have any doubts now about why his "I'm sorry" has not 'done it' for me, or about what I need from him.
"Noone can make you feel inferior without your concent." Eleanor Roosevelt
I will not be vanquished. Rose Kennedy