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User Topic: Don't you hate it when that happens?
WhatsRight
Member
Member # 35417
Default  Posted: 10:52 AM, November 18th (Monday)

I was watching Iyanla Vanzant last night on Oprah LifeClass.

She was talking to "fatherless sons". My husband falls into that category - not that his father was not there, but that he was there only 1/2 of the time physically, and NEVER there emotionally.

I called my husband in the living room to watch it with me. Among other things, Iyanla was saying to one man, that he was in his "head" not his "heart" - regarding his remorse for not being there for his kids.

This was like an "ah-ha" moment for me. I never had thought about it so simply before. My husband has said he was sorry before, but it was most definitely from his head. I think he feels it from his heart - if he could ever get in there to find it!

Anyway, after the show, I asked him if it made sense to him what she was saying, "talking from your head and not your heart". He said yes.

So I told him that this was the exact reason that I could not reconnect with him - because he is in his "head" not his "heart".

He did not respond. (So I guess not a truly successful end to the experience.) But, I felt very good about the fact that I said that to him, regarding something he said he understood, and then I did something I rarely have done. I shut up.

I certainly do not expect him to come home tonight and weep and beg forgiveness. But I let him know where I was coming from. I don't think he can have any doubts now about why his "I'm sorry" has not 'done it' for me, or about what I need from him.

[This message edited by WhatsRight at 10:53 AM, November 18th (Monday)]


"Noone can make you feel inferior without your concent." Eleanor Roosevelt

I will not be vanquished. Rose Kennedy


Posts: 1850 | Registered: Apr 2012
eachdayisvictory
Member
Member # 40462
Default  Posted: 11:25 AM, November 18th (Monday)

I think I know what you're getting at. It's hard to express what we 'mean' to our fWSes sometimes, and when I hear or read something that explains what I feel, I love sharing it with my H.

I hope this is a corner for you. I hope he turns it and really walks in your shoes and feels what you feel.


me, BW: 33
FWH: 34
Dday: feb 11, 2013
Dday #2: may 6, 2013
LT PA and EA for 2+years
children: 2 boys age 2 and 5
Reconciling

Posts: 375 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: nova Scotia, Canada
Topic Posts: 2