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Divorce/Separation
User Topic: Would you accept flowers from your WS on your birthday?
LIGHTCHASER
New Member
Member # 39841
Default  Posted: 4:43 PM, November 20th (Wednesday)

Hi friends, I need your advice. My birthday is on this Sunday 24 of November and I want to be prepared if my WS, with whom I have been separated for about 4 months, brings me flowers on that day. I haven't filed for a divorce, yet but I feel like it is the best option for me because he told me that he doesn't love me anymore or finds me attractive. He has never apologized for what he has done. He wants to return home but claims that he just doesn't want to have a divorce because of the kids. Yet, he tries to manipulate me by bringing me flowers on special occasions. He had his own birthday this month and I intentionally ignored his birthday. What would you do or say if he appeared with a bunch of flower on your birthday?


DD: Mid April 2013
Married for 9 years
Have twins aged 3,5

Posts: 24 | Registered: Jul 2013
Gemini71
Member
Member # 40115
Default  Posted: 5:07 PM, November 20th (Wednesday)

I'd say 'Thanks, the kids will love them," and put them aside to ignore. To reject a gift would make too big of a deal about it. To accept them for yourself, kinda creepy given your situation. Treat them like the meaningless gesture they are.


Edited to correct stupid typos.

Two steps forward and one step backwards, is still progress.


Posts: 1659 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Illinois, USA
shiloe
Member
Member # 1224
Default  Posted: 5:46 PM, November 20th (Wednesday)

Okay, being the way I am and feel now
I would not accept them but tell him to give them to his married whore


But remember, good love is hard to find . . -Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers
BS - 54
Cheater -54
Married 26 yrs
DD - 21 DD -19 DS-17
A#1 2000 with married ho-worker/neighbor ow#1
A#2 2007-? OW#2 LTA with married ho-worker. Kicked him out, he filed

Posts: 589 | Registered: Mar 2003
GabyBaby
Member
Member # 26928
Default  Posted: 5:55 PM, November 20th (Wednesday)

I'm a bit mean too, lol.
I'd take them, then promptly dump them in the trash- while he watches.
All without saying a word or showing any malice, anger, etc. No emotion.

[This message edited by GabyBaby at 5:56 PM, November 20th (Wednesday)]


Me - 40s
SorryInSac - WH#2 - 40s. DDay 7/12/14
Married 4, together 7yrs total
Status - R looks possible..

DD(21), DS(18, PDD-NOS)
6 Furkids

WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW)
Legally married 18yrs, together 16.5yrs

I edit often for clarity.


Posts: 6380 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: California
dmari
Member
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 5:57 PM, November 20th (Wednesday)

I would faint if I got flowers from stbx!! Never happened when we were together so wouldn't happen now.


Me (BS): 42 Children: DD 18, DS 15
Settled at mediation
Officially divorced ... SOON!

Posts: 2146 | Registered: Oct 2012
Thefly559
Member
Member # 40268
Default  Posted: 6:04 PM, November 20th (Wednesday)

Take a crap in front of her and wipe with them. I think I'm still angry. Lol


"what does not kill you , makes you stronger"

Posts: 631 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: nyc
fireproof
Member
Member # 36126
Default  Posted: 6:10 PM, November 20th (Wednesday)

I would accept them and say thank you if he mentions it.

Take the high road. That being said if he doesn't call I wouldn't go out of my way to thank him.

Then I would either share them with the kids and say it is from a friend or surprise an unexpecting older woman with some flowers.


Posts: 933 | Registered: Jul 2012
StillLivin
Member
Member # 40229
Default  Posted: 6:25 PM, November 20th (Wednesday)

If he is going to bring them to you, then just conveniently be out for your birthday.
Hell no I wouldn't accept them from him.
Or, have the trash can close by so you don't have to waste energy making grand jestures of tossing them in the trash.


I don't need further confirmation of what a fuckwit he is. I already have plenty, thanks very much. -SBB
D: 7/2/2014

Posts: 2214 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: AZ
LIGHTCHASER
New Member
Member # 39841
Default  Posted: 7:10 PM, November 20th (Wednesday)

Thank you so much pals. You are so entertaining. By the way, don't think that my WH had been very romantic or caring during our marriage before the affair. He would only bring me flowers and just give them to me without kissing or saying something nice. I always felt like he was doing this just to fulfill his responsibility.


DD: Mid April 2013
Married for 9 years
Have twins aged 3,5

Posts: 24 | Registered: Jul 2013
MakingLemonade
Member
Member # 41143
Default  Posted: 9:33 PM, November 20th (Wednesday)

Accept them and say you'll be passing them along to (_____). WH did this to appear remorseful after he was busted. Took them to his mother who was on hospice.


Me: 40's; XBS Him: 40's; XWS/NPD/SA
D-day 1: 5/2007- A #1; 7/2007 A #1 continued-R
D-day 2: 3/2013 A #2/multi-ONSs; 4/2013 A #2 continues to present
D: 7/2013 (25 yrs together; days shy of 22nd anniversary-GOAL MET!)
Our kids: teen & tween

Posts: 168 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Southern US
ruinedandbroken
Member
Member # 29250
Default  Posted: 10:05 PM, November 20th (Wednesday)

My ex had the kids give me a birthday card and then he also gave me a birthday card that said something like, "hope you have a great day." WTF-Ever! I didn't return it to him because I didn't want him to think I gave it much thought but I promptly ripped it into tiny pieces and threw it in the trash. I don't want that hypocritical crap in my house.


“People who cheat feel that life is for the taking, and that everyone deserves happiness no matter what the cost. I must remember these tricks if I ever have my soul surgically removed."
Me: BS 42. Him: WH 41 2 Kids 6&9
Married 14 yrs Together 21

Posts: 1572 | Registered: Aug 2010
Compartmented
Member
Member # 29410
Default  Posted: 8:27 AM, November 21st (Thursday)

My X sent seriously ostentatious flower arrangements to me to impress the children, during the divorce. All while sticking it to me legally. It definitely irritated me. I said nothing, as I didn't want to play into whatever game he was playing with my children. But whenever the flowers showed up when my children weren't home, I had the best time flying out the door with them to take them to the nursing home!!!

Posts: 1244 | Registered: Aug 2010
Newlease
Member
Member # 7767
Default  Posted: 8:33 AM, November 21st (Thursday)

My XWH sent flowers to my office on my first birthday after the D was final. I was so pissed! If he had been in front of me, I would have smashed the vase over his head. Instead, one of my co-workers took them and donated them to a nursing home.

I did not mention them to him. No thank you, no f&ck you, just silence.

NL


Even if you can't control the world around you, you are still the master of your own soul.

Posts: 7676 | Registered: Aug 2005
Housefulloflove
Member
Member # 38458
Default  Posted: 12:17 PM, November 21st (Thursday)

'Thanks, the kids will love them," and put them aside to ignore.

This. Although when Ex sent me flowers on mother's day I didn't say anything more to him than "thanks" but in my mind they were just something nice to decorate our kitchen island until they died. We were just 4 months post separation and I had reached the point of not wanting anything to do with him anymore and hating every interaction we had.

It was a lot easier to say "thanks" and move on than tell him that I didn't want any worthless gift from his emotionally dead self.

[This message edited by Housefulloflove at 12:19 PM, November 21st (Thursday)]


Me-29 Starting over
ExWH-29 Probable NPD, PA, manchild
3 beautiful young children
DDay 1/20/13 Admits PA
No remorse so NO R. DIVORCED! 9/2013

Posts: 541 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: USA
Nature_Girl
Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 12:27 PM, November 21st (Thursday)

Hmmmmm... I have to think. Um, would I accept flowers from EX for any reason? Hmmmmm..... Is it possible to poison flowers so the recipient would die from smelling them? Possibly. Hmmmm....

This is hard.

Not!


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9538 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
miadianna
Member
Member # 10516
Default  Posted: 12:31 PM, November 21st (Thursday)

Believe me, they do it for themselves. To look good on the outside, to feel better about what they did, etc.

My XH sent me a huge bouquet of roses for Mother's Day the year he left us (he had to know by then after 25 years, I thought flowers were a waste of money and they did nothing for me) but he sent them anyway. On the card, it said "Love, XXXX"

I had his password to his credit card account online and saw that he sent OW the exact bouquet to her on Mother's Day from the same florist. I'm sure he put "Love" on that card too. Really nice guy, huh?


Me: BS 53
Son: 27 years old
Daughter: 25 years old
D-day(s) 9/23/94 - 1/31/05
Divorced 4/10/08

Posts: 7469 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Illinois
LIGHTCHASER
New Member
Member # 39841
Default  Posted: 6:46 PM, November 21st (Thursday)

Although all of us want to say " Fuck you" deep inside, just like most of you I will most probably say " Thank you".

By the way, I've loved the woman saying "NO" she is so cute.

You are all great!


DD: Mid April 2013
Married for 9 years
Have twins aged 3,5

Posts: 24 | Registered: Jul 2013
Vulcanized
Member
Member # 33523
Default  Posted: 6:53 PM, November 21st (Thursday)

XH gave me a really thoughtful, had to go thru some effort & advance planning anniversary gift. Which was the day I moved out. Just said thank you and nothing more.

I think a simple thanks, if in person. If delivered, crickets. Happy almost birthday!


Me: MH 40s; Him: MH 40s (I had RA)
OW: 30s, moron; one of many
M: 8 yrs
3/13: D'd
-----------------------------------------------------------
Everything is as it should be.

Posts: 738 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Vulcania
Topic Posts: 18