I was married for 17 years and condensed the spousal support into 5 years because I knew it would be a challenge to get on my feet. I'm self employed and in keeping our country cottage, moving to a rural area, it meant greatly rejiggering my therapy practice during a recession while being devastated.
I will make it financially though I am sure I will feel the difference. Ive rebuilt the business somewhat, though I've made some 'mistakes' and it's not where I want it to be. I've gone through boatloads of money anxiety but somehow I know I will be OK.
But I've been re experiencing the grief again. The end of spousal support also means the last tie to XH is done. We may well never have any more contact. He's a withdrawn type and won't try to be in touch. Of course I know there is no point in reaching out to him myself. So that's that.
My mind still has a hard time grappling with the disconnection. Someone I loved so much, who was my north south east west and home base is completely wiped out from my life...it just boggles my mind and heart all over again.
I had a dream of watching buildings tumble down all around me. A woman runs out of the rubble, her face scratched up, saying, 'my lips are burned'. Another woman looks at all the devastation and curses, 'fucking sorrow!'
I am surprised at the level of grief I am still experiencing, even as I see I have rebuilt a good life and have many happy days.