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Divorce/Separation
User Topic: Sleeping in?
Pass
Member
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 7:47 AM, November 22nd (Friday)

The Princess' new man (let's call him "Rig Pig") is taking her to Cuba for a week of the xmas holidays. She had told me she will be gone until Jan 4. I have my time with my family planned, and then the boys and I are coming back home to hang out for the rest of the time.

I just had a very nice date last night, and hope to have more (maybe even multiple dates with the same woman?) in the future, so I thought it would be nice to know if I was going to have a Saturday night free. My text exchange with The Princess:

Me: After your xmas holiday, what time will you be picking up the boys on Jan 4?

Her: Don't get in until 1:00 a.m. on the 5th so would get them later that day.

Me: K. Not trying to get rid of my boys, but please figure out a pickup time and let me know.

Her: Sounds like you're making a plan. How about 4:30?

Me: 4:30 works

She won't have seen her little boys since Dec 26, will have spent all week with Rig Pig, gets in at 1am, but can't be arsed to get the fuck out of bed and get here until 4:30? She needs her 14 hours of sleep (assuming with Rig Pig) after a week in the sun? Fucking bitch.

I will make sure that the boys and I have fun during that time, so I'm not really concerned about spending an extra day with my boys; I might even appreciate it! However, her boys love the shit out of her, and she will only see them for about three days of their xmas break (she's a teacher, so she has the same break!). Surely, she could part with Rig Pig a few hours earlier after a whole week and a half together? Apparently not.

Also, she just had to apply the "Sounds like you're making a plan" dig. Whether I'm making a plan or not, is none of her business. And if I were making a plan, 4:30 on a Sunday sounds like a good time for that?

I'm not even going to bring any of this up with her. Fuck her. I will enjoy another day with my boys, and enjoy maintaining a good relationship with them as they go into their teen years. As someone on here told me once: I'm not responsible for her relationship with our kids anymore.

But I just don't get it.


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after 17 year marriage, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 1883 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
Helen of Troy
Member
Member # 26419
Default  Posted: 10:40 AM, November 22nd (Friday)

Gently, it sounds like you're giving her too much leeway then resenting it.


Notice difference? in this fake scenario:


Pass: I am available from 1-3pm for boys exchange/pickup/dropoff. What time should I expect you?

Princess: Well, I have a very late night flight home from my fucking vacation and don't arrive until 1:00am the night before so it has to be late. I need my sleep you know.

Pass: Boys will be ready at 2:45pm, see you then.

Princess: Ok.


Posts: 4697 | Registered: Dec 2009
Pass
Member
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 4:29 PM, November 22nd (Friday)

Helen, you are very wise. I thought I was being bad-ass by saying "please figure out a pickup time and let me know."


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after 17 year marriage, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 1883 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
SBB
Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 5:19 PM, November 22nd (Friday)

What Helen said.

But props to you pass - you ARE getting better at this. There is still too much chit chat.

Why do you need to know NOW if you're going to have a free Saturday night in January? I get wanting to have stuff locked in but I don't buy the 'nice to know if I was going to have a Saturday night free'. Be honest, did you want to let her know you know about her holiday?

Gently, she has no shame - there is no making her feel anything about what a POS she is. She likes it. This is how she rolls now.

Do you not have handover times in your agreement? Sorry - I can't remember if your agreement is locked in yet. I have times - we do seem to be able to agree on flexibility outside of those times too.

Did you guys discuss Jan 4 or was it in an email exchange - this is why having everything in writing is so important.

This is how this exchange would go with the sad clown if we didn't have times in.

Me: Further to the email exchange dated X the girls will be available for pickup on Jan 4 from [timeframe that suits me, usually 9am-12pm]. Please confirm what time you will be picking them up.

Him: [Blah Blah Blah insert lower muppet fuckery changing it to the next day]

Me: 9am-12pm Jan 5 suits. Please confirm what time you will be picking them up.

Him: [Blah Blah Blah insert lower muppet fuckery asking for 4.30pm pickup].

Me: Noted.


Buzz- The word you are searching for is 'Space-Ranger.'
Woody- The word I'm searching for, I can't say, because there are Pre-school toys here.

Posts: 5545 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
Pass
Member
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 5:34 PM, November 22nd (Friday)

SBB, nope, she had of course, phoned to let me know about her holiday - and that her thighs were paying her way. She may have phrased it differently.

I love having every weekend with my boys, but once in a while it is just nice to have a weekend off. I've had two of those since March 2, and they were planned a long time in advance. I figured since I was going to have the boys for a week and a half, it would be reasonable to expect that she would pick them up ASAP after getting back. My mistake was in asking her what time SHE wanted to get them.

Next time, I won't make that mistake.


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after 17 year marriage, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 1883 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
Pass
Member
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 5:35 PM, November 22nd (Friday)

And you're right, I was too chit chatty.


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after 17 year marriage, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 1883 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
Thefly559
Member
Member # 40268
Default  Posted: 6:33 PM, November 22nd (Friday)

keep your kids the whole time f--k that bi--h don't even ask her when she is picking up the kids , let her contact you then document how often she isn't with the kids and use it in court. my piece of shit slut does the same crap. sorry I get pissed off. you are doing great by the way keep up the strength!!!


"what does not kill you , makes you stronger"

Posts: 643 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: nyc
Pass
Member
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 11:00 PM, November 22nd (Friday)

It's okay, Fly. You're allowed to spell "bitch" out in full when you're talking about The Princess - won't offend me a bit!

Yep, for the most part, I do just take the kids whenever she doesn't want them: I refuse to let my boys feel like hot potatoes.

It's just that once in a while I think that I really might like to meet someone nice, maybe even fall in love - some sex wouldn't be bad either!


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after 17 year marriage, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 1883 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
persevere
Member
Member # 31468
Default  Posted: 12:34 AM, November 23rd (Saturday)

I agree with the previous posts - keep any contacts very structured to accommodate your preferred outcome - boundaries!

And, yes, you absolutely deserve to have your own life and relationships, whatever that may include. Princess just doesn't need to be any part of it, it's simply none of her business.


Me: BW-44
Him: XWH-44
Together 9 yrs
DDays: 1/10/2011
Status: Divorced 4/27/11

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling


Posts: 4503 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Texas
Topic Posts: 9