User Topic: Contact AP BS?
Member # 41010
Default  Posted: 1:23 PM, November 25th (Monday)

So after much reading on SI, it seems to be a consensus that you should tell the BS of the AP.

The other day I told my WH that at one stage I considered confronting AP (not anymore though as I have no time to lower myself to her level). He told me that if I had done so, that we would have been finished. Still protecting her????

Now I have the AP's BS fb email address. Should I out her to him as I'm so angry about the damage she's done without any consequences and they can still remain 'friends' whilst I'm "happily" accepting 'nothing' is wrong? I want to do it annoumously at first with the evidence I have. Should I or am I just being unnecessarily vengeful?

Me: BS Married 10 years, together 20
Him:WH - EA with engaged COW.

'If you come into my life, the door is open; If you leave my life, the door is open; Just one request, don't stand in the doorway, you're blocking the traffic'

Posts: 122 | Registered: Oct 2013
Member # 33374
Default  Posted: 1:31 PM, November 25th (Monday)

I would be contacting her so fast their heads would spin! Just remember to do it with kindness and compassion as the OBS may have no idea what's coming!

You are not dealing with rational people or situations. Normal thought processes won't work...story of my life.

Me- BW, 28
Him- fWh, 34
Mostly R'd, minus a few scars...bought a house and got a puppy...And baby makes 3! She arrived August

Posts: 2030 | Registered: Sep 2011
Member # 38089
Default  Posted: 1:33 PM, November 25th (Monday)

I gave an ultimatum. I told my WH to tell the OW that she had 4 days to tell her BH, or I would. AND that I wanted to talk to him on the phone to confirm that she actually told him.

She told him, and wanted me to call her phone while she was with him and talk to him. Yeah right.

I found his cell phone number, and called him while she was at work, and talked for about an hour confirming stories.

Not surprisingly the whore bag didnt tell him a lot....and told him half truths.

Im glad I did it.

BS(Me) - 32
WS(HUbbie) - 40
OW - 44 (a ugly, old, white trash horse faced Coworker)
Affair was 2 months long
3 kids - 5yr old, and twins 8 months
Dday - 12/25/12 (lots of signs before I should have seen)

Posts: 551 | Registered: Jan 2013
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 5:17 PM, November 25th (Monday)

He told me that if I had done so, that we would have been finished. Still protecting her????

Oh hell yes, he''s still protecting her (and himself). That little statement would have me on the road to total tell-all in warp speed!

Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012

Posts: 4926 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
Member # 19636
Default  Posted: 5:28 PM, November 25th (Monday)

You definitely tell the OP's BS. With evidence and compassion. Without any warning to either your WS or the AP. Do it. Do it. Do it.

And be kind. The other BS is likely to be as hurt as you are, and there really is no better cure for uniorn farts than exposure to daylight.

BW - Reconciling

edited for typos (I always have to!)

Posts: 3630 | Registered: May 2008 | From: Midwest
Member # 41038
Default  Posted: 5:28 PM, November 25th (Monday)

Why are they still friends? That doesn't work.

I told. I was told that if I did, we'd be through. I didn't care. If OBS had found out and not told me, I'd be very upset. OBS deserved to know, much more than my lying cheating WH deserved to save face or to have less people find out, and far more than WH deserved to protect OW.

Surprisingly, he didn't leave. It's just more bullshit from a cheater.

Again, why are they friends? Why would you accept that?

The stones from my enemies, these wounds will mend
but I cannot survive the roses from my friends

Posts: 1898 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: East Coast
Member # 40488
Default  Posted: 7:16 PM, November 25th (Monday)

Oh no you tell the BS now before the OW spins some lies about you or intercepts your emails...try to call their home and ask for him. The OW will do everything to minimize their role.
He is protecting her and himself. My WH did the same thing but I called her them BS in my case as she was single but kept lingering on..
Oh and after you tell the BS call that OW and give her a piece of your mind and tell her that you have informed her husband.
Good luck.

Me-BS 50 Him-WH 47, DD17
Together since 1993, Married 19 yrs
DDay 3/12,4/12,7/12 EA-PA OW - 25 single husband chasing bastard whore

Posts: 515 | Registered: Aug 2013
Member # 41412
Default  Posted: 7:22 PM, November 25th (Monday)

I am planning on contacting the BOW about my wife's OEA with her husband after the Thanksgiving Holiday. I feel it is the right thing to do, though I worry it will bring the OM back in contact with my wife. She won't talk to him, she will observe NC I am certain. But it will be stressful.

[This message edited by bobf at 7:29 PM, November 25th (Monday)]

Me: BH early 50s
Her: fWW late 40s (kmom2662)
7 Wk OEA, Skype, Cyber
DDay 10-4-13
Married 20+ years
Currently in R

Posts: 143 | Registered: Nov 2013
Member # 41196
Default  Posted: 7:40 PM, November 25th (Monday)

You should tell her, she deserve to know. At the time the A was going on between my WW and her COW, if anyone had told me I would have been forever grateful. Just do it respectfully and not for vengeance, but as a good action you will be doing for her.

ME - BS - 33
fWW - 33
Married 8 years, together 15
3 kids: 6, 4 and 2
D-Day: September 30th, 2013
She had a 6 weeks A with a COW

Posts: 145 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Quebec, Canada
Member # 32047
Default  Posted: 11:45 AM, November 27th (Wednesday)

He told me that if I had done so, that we would have been finished.

This pisses me off. My immediate reaction was how dare he threaten you with that.

I spent six months agonizing whether to tell the OW BS despite all the advice of the wonderful members here. All the same dilemmas, would I be doing it for the right reasons, would I be destroying another life. When I finally told him I realized how right they were. It has nothing to do with revenge, even if it seems like it at the time.

hugs sweetie xxx

me - BW him - WH
Together 23 years, Married 21
2 children 14, 11
Dday - 4/11/2011 double betrayal
"After the A, being honest and being a bitch are pretty hard to tell apart." - Ladyogilvy

Posts: 147 | Registered: May 2011
Member # 35902
Default  Posted: 11:54 AM, November 27th (Wednesday)

I'd tell the BS and confront her. They are still "friends" that doesn't work for me. IMO if the WH want to make it work even if it's just an EA they still need to cut off the AP. They are spending all their emotional reserves there instead of working on the marriage. BS deserves to know as well, I'd want someone to tell me. When my WH had a PA in front of everyone I know not one person told me and I was angry with a lot of people for a long time. I wished someone, anyone told me.

Me: 33 mother to 2 girls
Him: 1 PA and 2 EA
Us: together 9 years married 5 years. Trying to work through this.
I refuse to commemorate D-Day

Posts: 75 | Registered: Jun 2012
Member # 14576
Default  Posted: 12:01 PM, November 27th (Wednesday)

I found his cell phone number, and called him while she was at work, and talked for about an hour confirming stories.

Good for you!!

He told me that if I had done so, that we would have been finished. Still protecting her????

Oh, he is definitely protecting her - and himself. Selfish a**.

So, given this recent turn of events and your WH's threats...did he leave?

And the fact that they're still friends - you are a stronger woman than I. When FWH initially refused to go NC because "there's no reason I can't have female friends" - I was gone. This is when the extraction of his head from his ass began.


Me - 49; FWH - 51
Married 31 years 9/2/14
2 grown daughters-30 & 27
5yo GS,22 mo.& 2 mo. GD (DD30) and 2.5 yo GD(DD27). D-day #1 - 1/06; D-day #2 - 3/07
Reconciled! Construction Complete.

Posts: 5078 | Registered: May 2007
Member # 18819
Default  Posted: 1:18 PM, November 27th (Wednesday)

Abosolutely tell. If that is the thing that makes your WH leave the M then you are better off finding out now rather than later. You deserve more. Tell because it is the right thing to do.

Posts: 790 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: Midwest
Topic Posts: 13