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User Topic: His illegitimate child was born
StillLivin
Member
Member # 40229
Default  Posted: 10:11 AM, November 26th (Tuesday)

My H's mistress must've had her baby. She posted a stupid picture. She is kissing at the camara, but she has a face like a man.
I knew she was pregnant. Should've known she had the baby, he's been sending me passive aggressive stupid emails and trying to provoke a fight for the last couple of days.
God, this shit hurts so damn bad and I'm at work sobbing like a pathetic idiot.
How can the sight of her and that baby hurt so much. I thought I was prepared and yet, here I am feeling like I was kicked in the gut.
Nothing would make me happier than a get out of jail free pass so I could go beat the shit out of her and wipe that pucker off her manly looking face.

Some consolation, the child is fugly. It took after it's mother.


I don't need further confirmation of what a fuckwit he is. I already have plenty, thanks very much. -SBB
D: 7/2/2014

Posts: 2141 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: AZ
Lovedyoumore
Member
Member # 35593
Default  Posted: 10:25 AM, November 26th (Tuesday)

So sorry. You have my thoughts today. Crying is all we can do sometimes.


Me 52
WH 52
Married 30+ years
Together trying to R

I tell people I am tired but really my heart is broken and I am sad.


Posts: 1384 | Registered: May 2012 | From: Southern, y'all.
stunnedin12
Member
Member # 38141
Default  Posted: 10:26 AM, November 26th (Tuesday)

Oh my. I can not imagine the pain you are experiencing. I am so sorry. Just so sorry.


ME - Betrayed Spouse
Him - Wayward spouse
Not sure, but trying I guess.

Posts: 428 | Registered: Jan 2013
LosferWords
Guide
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 10:28 AM, November 26th (Tuesday)

(((StillLivin)))

Posts: 6139 | Registered: Dec 2010
Shocked2believe
Member
Member # 41010
Default  Posted: 10:31 AM, November 26th (Tuesday)

StillLivin
Let's hope she lives to regret her shameful mistake forever. She certainly wouldn't want a life like that for her little girl (should the baby be a girl of course). I'm sorry for your pain. (((Hugs)))


Me: BS Married 10 years, together 20
Him:WH - EA with engaged COW.

'If you come into my life, the door is open; If you leave my life, the door is open; Just one request, don't stand in the doorway, you're blocking the traffic'


Posts: 122 | Registered: Oct 2013
SisterMilkshake
Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 10:38 AM, November 26th (Tuesday)

(((StillLivin))) I am so sorry you are hurting. It takes quite awhile for all this shit to not hurt us anymore. It hasn't been that long for you (I am sure it feels like an eternity, though), be kind and gentle with yourself. Cry and let it out. You have a reason to cry and hurt. I wish all of us here could take some of the pain for you, it is so hard to read of a fellow members pain and only have words to give.


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9403 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
tushnurse
Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 10:46 AM, November 26th (Tuesday)

((((SL))))

Sorry you had to see it. That's darling that the new mom is making duckface at the camera, nothing says I'm ready to be a good mom like tryinig to look like a whore in your post partum pictures.
(I am ripping on her to help you feel better I hope its' working).

Poor baby, what a great way to grow up.....

Remember to be kind to yourself today, and allow yourself to grieve, but then go do something that makes you realize how lucky you are that you don't have to put up with the Twit anymore.

((((and strength))))


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 7790 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
prowoman
Member
Member # 40761
Default  Posted: 10:53 AM, November 26th (Tuesday)

((StillLivin))

In disbelief of the mess these people can create. What a horrible situation for everyone involved. I feel your pain, and see the same shit coming in my future. Wish I could do more for you! Know we're here for you rooting for you and get what you're going through. Sending strength and good thoughts.


me: BS 39 | stbxWH: 46
DD14, DS2
DDAY: Aug12... A continued "underground"
Separated Nov13- OC due June14

Posts: 118 | Registered: Sep 2013
StillLivin
Member
Member # 40229
Default  Posted: 10:54 AM, November 26th (Tuesday)

Thank you, my SI family. None of my friends understand how I can be so strong for all these months and have a complete breakdown. The feel I should have been over this enough not to care. Only my sister understands, she lived through this crap too in a previous marriage.
Friends that haven't been through this think that just because someone is strong that stuff can't still get to them. I'm not the bionic woman. I'm just not.

(I am ripping on her to help you feel better I hope its' working).

And yes, tushnurse, it did kind of bring a snicker.
Got my sister sending me encouraging emails too now.
She says she hates them both. I love her, she hates who I hate.
I'm taking my break and going to mail the SI glitter cards for Christmas to DS and MH now.
I hope I can fake it when I get back.


I don't need further confirmation of what a fuckwit he is. I already have plenty, thanks very much. -SBB
D: 7/2/2014

Posts: 2141 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: AZ
plainpain
Member
Member # 40139
Default  Posted: 12:54 PM, November 26th (Tuesday)

I'm so sorry, StillLivin. I completely get it - it's just the betrayal that keeps on giving. I am dreading that moment myself - I just creeped my H's OW FB page, and her profile pic is of her about 8 months pregnant. Smiling. Dressed like a respectable lady. A year ago, she was bra-less, making bedroom eyes at the camera. It makes me want to hurl, for sure.


Me: Believer; 40s
Him: Liar; 40s
Married 19 years
1 year EA/2 month PA/incidental infidelities I can't begin to process
OC born 2014
OW:21
In successful R, but still in just plain pain.

Posts: 714 | Registered: Jul 2013
StillLivin
Member
Member # 40229
Default  Posted: 12:59 PM, November 26th (Tuesday)

plainpain,
I'm sorry. I know how much this hurts. I should have left well enough alone and not creeped her FB page. He's been sending a whole crap load of passive aggressive, and some not so passive emails. I started wondering why all of a sudden he was being such a jerk again...and I creeped. I've only looked at her FB page 1X in the past 5 to 6 months.
Don't go on her FB page. It will crush you.
He tells me he is happier with her. Well then, if he is so f...ing happy why are you working so hard to hurt me! I didn't do anything but be good and loving to him.
(((plainpain))) more hugs back at you!


I don't need further confirmation of what a fuckwit he is. I already have plenty, thanks very much. -SBB
D: 7/2/2014

Posts: 2141 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: AZ
painfulpast
Member
Member # 41038
Default  Posted: 1:50 PM, November 26th (Tuesday)

(((((StillLivin)))))

I'm so sorry. I'm glad you have your sister. They are awesome, aren't they?


Love leads to tears, tears lead to sadness, sadness to memories, memories to madness

Posts: 1669 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: East Coast
momentintime
Member
Member # 16394
Default  Posted: 2:02 PM, November 26th (Tuesday)

He tells me he is happier with her.

Then there is the door! FTG.


BS-me FWS - him
D-day 8/04
R'd

"Global editing disclaimer - I edit almost everything I post, and I am not going to post why every time."...re: Bionical girl


Posts: 2899 | Registered: Sep 2007 | From: New York
StillLivin
Member
Member # 40229
Default  Posted: 2:42 PM, November 26th (Tuesday)

OMG...ok I know I'm supposed to be NC. But...
Let me back up. He finally admitted that he wanted me to "believe" she was pregnant because he wanted to hurt me.
I cannot have children, several miscarriages...see!
She posted a pix of her and her infant nephew from like 3-4 months ago just to mess with my head.

So here is what i sent him when he finally emailed me the truth.

WTF, she is really just that gross? No f...ing way! NO WAY! She is NOT pregnant???????

Even the PI thought she was either morbidly obese or seven months pregnant. He called her fluffy. Ain't that a hoot!

Bwahahahahaah. OMG. Thank you, sweetie, you completely made my day!

So let me get this straight, you threw away your beautiful wife who has had your back for over 20 years. The one who stuck by your side through thick and thin. You know, who kept you from going to prison when cray cray was in the picture still! The one that nursed you and your sons whenever you got sick. The one that did your resumes and applications. You know, basically had your back and was a partner in the true sense of the word. Who pretty much waited on you hand and foot and absolutely adored you...yeah, her! You traded your beautiful wife in for Princess Chewbaca, who looks like a troll with troll hands and feet, and says shit like people persons peoples.
Yeah, and that was a smart move how?

Oh, wait, I forgot, she is devout. She devoutly snuck around with a married man who was living with his wife. Yep, Miss Virtuous...oh wait, I'm the only one with virute here!

OMG I can NOT stop laughing!

Hey, so how is the job searching going? Is Shrek helping you with your resumes and job applications? Is she networking and putting out hard copies of your resumes?


I don't need further confirmation of what a fuckwit he is. I already have plenty, thanks very much. -SBB
D: 7/2/2014

Posts: 2141 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: AZ
StillLivin
Member
Member # 40229
Default  Posted: 2:44 PM, November 26th (Tuesday)

Oh, and I wanted to thank you guys! Really. I was in so much pain this morning. It even surprised ME that I could feel that.

I'm done with his crap. Now, I'm hoping she tricks him and gets pregnant on purpose!

I think I'm back on track today!

Mailed off the SI Christmas glitter cards!!!1
Woot woot!


I don't need further confirmation of what a fuckwit he is. I already have plenty, thanks very much. -SBB
D: 7/2/2014

Posts: 2141 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: AZ
Brandon808
Member
Member # 35619
Default  Posted: 2:58 PM, November 26th (Tuesday)

I think I''m back on track today!

So glad to hear this.


xBH
D final 8/2012

Posts: 3651 | Registered: May 2012 | From: southeast
StillLivin
Member
Member # 40229
Default  Posted: 3:06 PM, November 26th (Tuesday)

So glad to hear this.

Thank you, Brandon808!


I don't need further confirmation of what a fuckwit he is. I already have plenty, thanks very much. -SBB
D: 7/2/2014

Posts: 2141 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: AZ
devasted30
Member
Member # 39439
Default  Posted: 3:16 PM, November 26th (Tuesday)

What the hell is wrong with people. It's not bad enough what he's done????????? Some people do not deserve life - but then, maybe that's what he's getting with her - "a life sentence" and it sounds like they deserve each other. IMHO

Posts: 898 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Ontario, Canada
anewday78
Member
Member # 39357
Default  Posted: 3:25 PM, November 26th (Tuesday)

Some consolation, the child is fugly. It took after it's mother.

I'm sorry, SL, that was freakin' great!

On a more serious note - (((StillLivin)))


Posts: 350 | Registered: May 2013
fourever
Member
Member # 30631
Default  Posted: 3:30 PM, November 26th (Tuesday)

OMG, This is completely insane! You need to get far,far away from this crazy. Kids don't even play games this pathetic. Run!


In R since shortly after DD.
Discovered what was right in front of him and nearly lost.

Always, tell the other BS! Always!

"It's hard to be in love when you can't tell lies"!


Posts: 873 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Northeast
still2suspicious
Member
Member # 31722
Default  Posted: 3:39 PM, November 26th (Tuesday)

That is a new kind of fucked up wrong!!

Sending (((SL))) that you had to go thru that!

What a couple of dipshits!! Geez.


Me: BS
Him: WH
DDay: LTEA

Posts: 1262 | Registered: Apr 2011 | From:
anewday78
Member
Member # 39357
Default  Posted: 3:43 PM, November 26th (Tuesday)

Wow, I guess I should have read to the end of the thread before I commented! So happy for you, SL. I'm sure this information takes a lot of sting out of the moving-on process for you.

Posts: 350 | Registered: May 2013
StillLivin
Member
Member # 40229
Default  Posted: 3:48 PM, November 26th (Tuesday)

OMG, This is completely insane! You need to get far,far away from this crazy. Kids don't even play games this pathetic. Run!

That is a new kind of fucked up wrong!!

^^^^ All of this. Jeez, I really really needed to go through this.
Twisted and sick. You hear about this on lifetime movies.

I'm done folks. My heart finally caught up to my head. Who does this shit. I have had several miscarriages. He was there for them. He knew how devastated I was that we couldn't have a child together. Ewwwww, WTF is wrong with him? And her....she went along with it. If I were with someone and they wanted to "get back" at their ex, the first thing I would be asking is "WHY", are you still in love with her or something. Huge red flag that she ignored.
I deserve so much better than this crap. And I'm glad I NEVER let him even get an inkling that his games were working.
Those two deserve each other.

I'm sure this information takes a lot of sting out of the moving-on process for you

And THANK YOU too anewday

[This message edited by StillLivin at 3:54 PM, November 26th (Tuesday)]


I don't need further confirmation of what a fuckwit he is. I already have plenty, thanks very much. -SBB
D: 7/2/2014

Posts: 2141 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: AZ
PurpleRose
Member
Member # 33129
Default  Posted: 4:37 PM, November 26th (Tuesday)

So she really didn't have his baby?

I have no words for,the level of disturbed that truly is.


divorced the Dooosh
*****************************
even if you find your voice,
sometimes it does not matter anymore,
when you speak to a man who is deaf by choice.
~dodinsky

Posts: 3518 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: Happyville
StillLivin
Member
Member # 40229
Default  Posted: 4:47 PM, November 26th (Tuesday)

So she really didn't have his baby?
I have no words for,the level of disturbed that truly is.

Yep! But she damn sure posted a picture of her with a newborn. Actually two. The baby nephew should be about 6 months old now. They planned the crap.

Sick, I know.

She even cropped out most of the background so I wouldn't be able to tell it was an older picture from when she lived in a trailor with her folks.

[This message edited by StillLivin at 4:49 PM, November 26th (Tuesday)]


I don't need further confirmation of what a fuckwit he is. I already have plenty, thanks very much. -SBB
D: 7/2/2014

Posts: 2141 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: AZ
whiteflower99
Member
Member # 13937
Default  Posted: 4:55 PM, November 26th (Tuesday)

I have started and erased three responses to this. I am just....
Really?
This is a new level of ...
Really????????
I am so so sorry.
Wow. Just... wow.


What are you pretending not to know?

me FBS
him idiotic sex addicted, hormone addled, porn watching, post pubescent male with a walking hard on for anything without a penis
4 kids 15 13 12 8
Earned my *F* the hard way; no longer defining mysel


Posts: 1690 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Greensboro, NC
painfulpast
Member
Member # 41038
Default  Posted: 4:57 PM, November 26th (Tuesday)

That is beyond sick. I'm surprised he emailed you the truth.

You should send her a thank you card for getting that asshole out of your life.


Love leads to tears, tears lead to sadness, sadness to memories, memories to madness

Posts: 1669 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: East Coast
PurpleRose
Member
Member # 33129
Default  Posted: 5:02 PM, November 26th (Tuesday)

SL I'm sorry. That is just unbelievable.

You are really the winner here, and he is a complete asshole.


divorced the Dooosh
*****************************
even if you find your voice,
sometimes it does not matter anymore,
when you speak to a man who is deaf by choice.
~dodinsky

Posts: 3518 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: Happyville
SisterMilkshake
Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 5:34 PM, November 26th (Tuesday)

In the thread that I started in General called "A-HA! The AP Is a Sociopath, Interesting" I had this quote in there:
They don’t view “winning” in the positive sense of achieving success–be it successful long-term relationships or professional endeavors–but rather as causing others to lose.
Maybe you should read that thread and the link I put in my last post about "winning". I think maybe this applies to your WS, the AP, or both of them. They sound like they need to "win" by any means necessary. Their winning doesn't look like normal people winning.


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9403 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
StillLivin
Member
Member # 40229
Default  Posted: 5:53 PM, November 26th (Tuesday)

Sister Milkshake, he is PA, she has sociopathic tendencies, but she isn't a true sociopath, just broken and disturbed. Thank you, though. I did a paper on sociaopathy my first year in college. Wish I'd done one on clincial PA too!
Painfulpast, he wouldn't have told me the truth, but I called the boys and his parents and gave them the horrible news that he had yet another kid born. Embarrassment.
Whiteflower and Purplerose, thank you for the support. I got your back too!

I'm coming out of the shock of this sickness. I don't think he will be able to do anything else that would surprise me now. At least not anything he won't end up in jail for. He is too afraid of losing his clearance to do any real physical hurt.


I don't need further confirmation of what a fuckwit he is. I already have plenty, thanks very much. -SBB
D: 7/2/2014

Posts: 2141 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: AZ
Brandon808
Member
Member # 35619
Default  Posted: 6:07 PM, November 26th (Tuesday)

Painfulpast, he wouldn''t have told me the truth, but I called the boys and his parents and gave them the horrible news that he had yet another kid born. Embarrassment.
How will his parents react to this sick game I wonder? Unless they''re as depraved as him they must be mortified their own child did something like this.


xBH
D final 8/2012

Posts: 3651 | Registered: May 2012 | From: southeast
Holly-Isis
Member
Member # 13447
Default  Posted: 6:31 PM, November 26th (Tuesday)

When I first read this is was going to post that if there's any justice in the world, he'll find out he's not the baby daddy after supporting it for 18yrs.

This...I don't know what's worse, facing the reality that your WS created a new life with someone else...or that your WS is deranged enough to fake it to this extent.

We all hear stories of OW that are "pregnant" and "abort", "miscarry" or the baby just plain fades away. But this...a whole deeper level of depravity.


"Being in love" first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. *CS Lewis*

❣I hope my issues don't discourage ur healing. I've buried a lot & my WH hasn't done his part in R❣


Posts: 10982 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: Limbo
HurtButHopeful?
Member
Member # 25144
Default  Posted: 6:40 PM, November 26th (Tuesday)

StillLivin,
I'm so glad for you that Shrek wasn't pregnant! Those cheaters would make terrible parents!!!

You are so much better than that. You can make a clean cut from him, not having children in common. He really is a detriment to your peace. They are trash, and they prove it by their actions. Block him. Forget him. Look straight ahead and keep on going without him.

(I loved your rant, by the way. Don't let them get you down. They are nothing, you are precious.)


Reconciliation means that we both are authentic and vulnerable. I still have my H, and he's a better man than ever!

Posts: 1716 | Registered: Aug 2009
storm77
Member
Member # 40277
Default  Posted: 7:54 PM, November 26th (Tuesday)

WTF is wrong with these two crazies. A OC is a whole new level of pain and to cause that type of emotional distress is f'd up!!! I would tell everyone and I mean everyone what these two people tried to do to you! I would forward the email/text to everyone in his contact list.
I am so sorry and angry for you at the same time!


Me BS:35
Him WS:36
Kids 10 and 3
Embracing the furture. I know that I will be great no matter what the future brings.

Posts: 126 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Chicago
Chandler
Member
Member # 23038
Default  Posted: 8:24 PM, November 26th (Tuesday)

((((((stilllivin))))) it sucks I know I have lived it too...I still cry about it somtimes and OC is 5. hang in there one day at a time


ME:BS Him:WS
D-Day: Too many I lost count
OC born Jan 09
"If happy ever did exist, I would still be holding you like this, all those fairy tales are full of shit, one more fucking love song I'll be sick" -Maroon 5

Posts: 1337 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Somewhere I never wanted to be
gonnabe2016
Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 8:53 PM, November 26th (Tuesday)

She posted a pix of her and her infant nephew from like 3-4 months ago just to mess with my head.

He finally admitted that he wanted me to "believe" she was pregnant because he wanted to hurt me.
I cannot have children, several miscarriages.

Your WH is one Sick.Puppy.
I thought my serial-cheating stbx was a sick puppy for telling me that he was just trying to *make me jealous* as a reason for his breaking NC with one of his OW's. But...holy shit. Your WH and his OW are just downright evil.


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 7681 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
Kalliopeia
Member
Member # 35053
Default  Posted: 11:29 PM, November 26th (Tuesday)

this happened to me a couple of weeks ago.

I had never seen his OC. no photos or anything. the little boy is almost 2 years old.

Then bam 20 pics of this child posted by his mother. I knew he existed. For going on 2 years.

But there he was. Real. Adorable, too. Sweet little guy appears to be anxious because he was wringing his hands in a lot of those pics.

It took me back to the day I found out about him. Total numbness and shock. Then the hurt.

I guess I accept he is really there. He didn't do anything wrong.


Posts: 478 | Registered: Mar 2012
Kalliopeia
Member
Member # 35053
Default  Posted: 11:33 PM, November 26th (Tuesday)

btw, op, what they did to you is messed up.

Posts: 478 | Registered: Mar 2012
Skan
Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 12:27 PM, November 27th (Wednesday)

If this is THE thing that helps you move on with no regrets, then it''s worth it, IMO. I''ve had several miscarriages and found out that I was unable to carry a child to term. Had anyone pulled this shit on me, after the soul-eating heartache, I think that I would have come unglued!

Live well and be happy. Best revenge you can have with these assholes!


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 4551 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
StillLivin
Member
Member # 40229
Default  Posted: 1:09 PM, November 27th (Wednesday)

If this is THE thing that helps you move on with no regrets, then it's worth it, IMO. I've had several miscarriages and found out that I was unable to carry a child to term. Had anyone pulled this shit on me, after the soul-eating heartache, I think that I would have come unglued!
Live well and be happy. Best revenge you can have with these assholes!

I've had a half night's sleep to reflect.
Yes, scan, this was the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back.
I woke up in the wee hours. It was still heavy on my soul. The utter sadness of my STBXH's sickness. I got on my hands and knees and prayed and prayed. Think I was down there for about 2.5 hours. I haven't done this kind of prayer in a long time.

I'm tired of feeling all this hurt and I'm tired of being angry. I just am. I am moving forward. Of course, when I sent that email rant yesterday, I meant every word of it. It was the me that wasn't tired yet of being so angry. She is a trifling, disgusting whore. So what. I'm better than her. I'm taking the high road. I'm not giving him anymore headspace to put toxin and poison in my soul. He will NOT have that power over me again. Below are the emails that were sent back and forth. He doesn't truly get it. And, he is still rugsweeping the extent of his betrayal and calling it mistakes, but not my problem...like i said, I'm moving forward now.

His response to my belittling email to him:
Look we were not together for 20 years, but I guess it sounds better to you when you tell all of your friends that crap. You know what I dislike the most is that I have to deal with you for another three plus years but like I said before at least I have a little peace from you. can we just stick to what I have to pay you every month and getting rid of the truck? I mean look at the e-mails that you have sent me, man you are on some high school stuff. Get over yourself StillLivin, get a life.


My response:
We've had a friendship, not a marriage, that spanned over 20 years. I am really and truly sorry that all you can remember from our marriage is negative. I remember wonderful Christmases with the kids opening up all of the presents that I lovingly shopped for and wrapped. I remember the hot cocoa and all the cookies I've baked and you and the boys have enjoyed. LOL, I remember all three of you turning up your noses in disgust at menudo. The boys sneaking up the stairs trying to get out of helping with the dinner's preparation. OMG I remember you laughing so hard your stomach hurt when I would call them back down those stairs to get back to business. I remember how bad your gas and diarrhea was when you and the boys had my awesome lasagna for the first time! I remember every single time I've made my pasta the happiness in your eyes and the bloat in your belly. You never could push away from the table when i made it.
I remember the first Christmas, the look in your eyes when you saw all of the trouble I went to for you and your sons. You really appreciated that I felt you AND your sons were worth all of that trouble.
I remember the first time you had my turkey and stuffing. Kept telling me you don't like stuffing. Now, every year, you get the biggest portion of stuffing.
I remember the laughter, the hugs, the kisses. I remember how special I felt when we made love to each other.
Oh my goodness, all the tears when cray cray 2d ex wife did her damndest to ruin you. Gosh how I remember our tears during that time. The fear that she would be able to convince a judge to put you in prison based on her lies. She wanted to make your life a living hell and I was NOT going to let that happen to someone I loved so fiercely. I remember us sticking together as a family when she jumped in bed with the devil. I remember the fantastic news that the judge didn't buy her lies. I remember getting on the phone with your Mom and sister and getting all the details. Me AND the boys all made your birthday cake and met you at the airport. We went to Denny's and they came out and surprised you with that huge, 3 layer chocolate cake with chocolate frosting. See, we had missed your birthday because you had to face the devil in court on your day. But we all made up for it when you got back. I remember the look on your face. That look was a cross between relief and finally acceptance that it wasn't a dream, that you truly had prevailed and now you were home with your family.
I remember sticking together as a family in the fires. You, DSS#2, Renia kitty and me all in that hotel room. LOL, we were so sick of McDonald's and KFC after that month there. Uhgggg and those nasty nasty eggs they served at the hotel. You taking DSS#2 out for driving lessons.
I remember the first time taking you to the Cost Plus World Market and Tres Amigos furniture store. Man you really liked those two stores.
For a few months, I was so hurt, so lost. Instead of giving my pain to God, I turned it on you. It was easier to be angry with you than to be on the floor in the fetal position every day with body racking sobs for the hurt and devastation you and your mistress caused me.
Last night I woke up. I got on my hands and knees and prayed for almost 3 hours. I cried. I let all of the hurt out.
I wished, in the beginning, that God would see fit to let you feel the pain you and your mistress caused me. I wanted you to hurt as bad as you and she hurt me. I just couldn't understand how someone I have been so fiercely protective of and loyal to could show me such complete and utter betrayal and disrespect and for so many years. How could you hate me so much when I came home every day and performed acts of love. I cooked, cleaned, blah blah blah.
Now, I feel only happiness. I choose from this day forth to bring up only the good memories. I won't let the Devil in as he whispers and reminds me of my grief and hurt. I release my hurt and anger for your betrayal. I no longer want God to give you what you and your mistress so selfishly and cruelly gave to me.
I've come to realize that you were already in some kind of pain. Only hurting people hurt the people that love them so much.
And love you I did. I loved you with every pore in my body. I don't regret being good to you anymore. I don't regret how I cherished you and your sons. I was supposed to do that. For whatever reason, I was also supposed to go through this pain. I don't question HIM anymore. I praise HIM instead, because through only HIS love could I have finally found this strength and this peace.
Mr. StillLivin, whatever demons ride you, I pray you get them off your back and that one day you find yourself to healthy. I hope you eventually learn that happiness comes from within and from God's love. No person or possession can give you complete happiness. I pray that you find clarity and that whatever is broken inside you can somehow be fixed. I hope one day you can become the man that I know is inside you. I hope you heal and I hope you never hurt another person again, I hope that you learn to love yourself as I have loved you and as our Lord has always loved you and always will.
May you find peace in your new life. I'm sorry that I couldn't by example show you how to love yourself.
I'm so tired of being hurt and angry. I'm done with it.

I forgive you.
I forgive your mistress.

His response:
I do remember those times, this is the nicest e-mail that I have received from you in a while. I am sorry for the harsh e-mail about the get a life stuff StillLivin, that wasnt nice at all.

My response:
You hurt me to my soul. There was no emotional abuse from me. Now I'm NOT saying that I never said harsh things, just that it wasn't emotional abuse. I've always called things pretty bluntly. And I'm sorry if my bluntness over the years caused you further damage or pain. That was never my intent. In your heart, your true heart, you know the truth. You have told me one time too many that I am a better person than you and that you didn't deserve me. You have told me one time too many that I am an angel from heaven just like your Grandmother. You cannot turn around and tell me things I know aren't true because I was there. I hope you can face your truths one day.
I'm sorry for your pain. You have to figure out a way to let all that pain go or you will continue on the wrong path, and you will continue to hurt people that love you so much. You will continue to shame yourself and hate yourself. Believe me, I saw it in myself I was so hurt by your betrayal. Instead of focusing on the hurt, going THROUGH the hurt, I chose to compartmentalize it and let it become anger. I'm a good, no scratch that, I'm a really great person inside. The Devil was whispering pretty hard in my ear, though! He gets us through our love and our hurt. I have always seen your pain over the past 20+ years. I thought my love would help you. My mistake is that that was the Lord's job to heal you.
I hope you heal. I really do.
Thank you for your betrayel. Thank you for the pain. I thank HIM as well. I give praise now and forever more. I'm stronger and more virtuous for it. I see clearly the Devil's hand and how he tried to lure me.
Careful, be very careful, you have been down this road longer than me and you are further down it.
Me, I'm turning back around and heading back into the light now. It's been pretty dark where I was almost headed, but I see a lot of light in my future.

His response:
Wow may the Heavenly Father continue to send you blessings and you are right I have been dealing with my pain through the Heavenly Father. I am not perfect but am trying to work on that and you are like my Grandmother the only difference is she new how to build up a person. My Grandmother used to tell me that it was ok to fail at things becuase that is how you become stronger with the Heavenly Father. I have failed at alot of things in my life since the passing of my Grandmother, but I new she is telling me its ok just be a better and stronger man when dealing with women. See I have no problems d3ealing with a man when they piss me off but a woman is so different. I didnt mean to hurt you so deep, again I am sorry StillLivin.


I don't need further confirmation of what a fuckwit he is. I already have plenty, thanks very much. -SBB
D: 7/2/2014

Posts: 2141 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: AZ
StillLivin
Member
Member # 40229
Default  Posted: 1:09 PM, November 27th (Wednesday)

ooops, double posted...danged computers!

[This message edited by StillLivin at 1:10 PM, November 27th (Wednesday)]


I don't need further confirmation of what a fuckwit he is. I already have plenty, thanks very much. -SBB
D: 7/2/2014

Posts: 2141 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: AZ
ArkLaMiss
Member
Member # 14918
Default  Posted: 1:28 PM, November 27th (Wednesday)

SL, please stop talking to him! He's a mindfuck and will twist and use all that you say against you.
Honey, he ain't worth the salt in your tears! Don't give him anymore head space. He's not worthy of ANY part of you!
Hugs.


Just HOW stupid do you think I am, exactly?

Posts: 1164 | Registered: Jun 2007
StillLivin
Member
Member # 40229
Default  Posted: 1:33 PM, November 27th (Wednesday)

SL, please stop talking to him! He's a mindfuck and will twist and use all that you say against you.
Honey, he ain't worth the salt in your tears! Don't give him anymore head space. He's not worthy of ANY part of you!
Hugs.

ArkLaMiss
Promise, I'm good. Those two emails were for my sake, not his. I'm glad he half kinda sorta well not, maybe??? gets it.
But, yes, from now on it's just about business.
I really do forgive him now. His crap yesterday, insane and sick, opened my eyes to how pitiful he really is and I just can't hate pathetic anymore.
And (((hugs))) back at you, sweetie! We will all get through this insanity and come out better and stronger!


I don't need further confirmation of what a fuckwit he is. I already have plenty, thanks very much. -SBB
D: 7/2/2014

Posts: 2141 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: AZ
silverhopes
Member
Member # 32753
Default  Posted: 1:37 PM, November 27th (Wednesday)

I am glad the emails were for you. He doesn't get it, I'm so sorry. He doesn't even remotely get it. There were no true apologies, and he still tried to act patronizing to you by saying it was the "nicest email he'd gotten from you in a while". Right now, he's trying to convince himself he's "not so bad", most likely. No personal responsibility whatsoever.

Seek out the peace you need from the situation; it might have ups and downs, but keep your eyes on your journey. Nevermind his.


Find peace. Or sleep on it.
"Not my monkeys. Not my circus." ~Polish proverb (<~~~ as a codependent person, this comes in handy sometimes!)

Posts: 3880 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: California
StillLivin
Member
Member # 40229
Default  Posted: 1:50 PM, November 27th (Wednesday)

silverhopes
HTG I just feel sorry for him. I'm 10X more whole than him and I was the abused one. I did a lot of work on myself in my early 20s.
I just can't hate him anymore. I finally see how pathetic and broken he is. He has a really good side, but he is so damaged, he will never be happy with himself. That little bit of good in him will always be overshadowed by the broken in him. He will continue to repeat his actions and then blame others.
A friend told me something that almost made me cry. She said, "Sergeant StillLivin, you've always carried yourself like you knew what you were doing, like you genuinely liked yourself and like you have pride in who you are! I've always admired you and wished I was always such a happy proud person."
It touched me to no end. It is so true. I genuinely like who I am and I do not do things (since my early 20s) that I would ever be ashamed for my family or DSSs to find out about. I conduct myself with honor and integrity.


I don't need further confirmation of what a fuckwit he is. I already have plenty, thanks very much. -SBB
D: 7/2/2014

Posts: 2141 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: AZ
Skan
Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 8:25 PM, November 27th (Wednesday)

Stay strong, darling. When you see the light, always, always choose to walk towards it. Let the shadows fall behind you, not in front of you. Walk in love and honor, my sister. Walk in beauty and light. (((hugs)))


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 4551 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
tara1110
Member
Member # 41202
Default  Posted: 8:59 PM, November 27th (Wednesday)

((((StillLivin)))


Me BS:34
H WS: 28
OW: 33 (butter face... Thanks to sistermilkshake for the nickname)
Dday: July 24, 2013 (5 days after our 5th wedding anniversary)
7yrs together, married for 5 yrs
Status: divorcing

Posts: 86 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: North Carolina
Topic Posts: 47