User Topic: F-U Thanksgiving
Member # 29250
Default  Posted: 6:06 PM, November 27th (Wednesday)

Eff you for putting so much societal pressure on family and togetherness.

Eff you for making me feel so empty because my kids are with their dick-head of a father for the entire Thanksgiving break instead of with me.

Eff you for all the heartfelt Thanksgiving dinner commercials on t.v. showing in tact families sooooo happy and fullfilled.

Eff you for for making me feel like crap at my 6 year old's Thanksgiving feast where all the kids talked about their yearly family Thanksgiving traditions. My kids Thanksgiving are never the same from year to year.

Eff you for making me feel like a loser because I am having dinner with a friend's family because I don't have much of my own.

Eff you Thanksgiving and a double Eff you to Christmas. Eff both of you. I used to love you and now you break my already shattered heart.

“People who cheat feel that life is for the taking, and that everyone deserves happiness no matter what the cost. I must remember these tricks if I ever have my soul surgically removed."
Me: BS 42. Him: WH 41 2 Kids 6&9
Married 14 yrs Together 21

Posts: 1575 | Registered: Aug 2010
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 6:09 PM, November 27th (Wednesday)


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.

Posts: 8078 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
Member # 10516
Default  Posted: 6:20 PM, November 27th (Wednesday)

(((hugs))) I understand and feel the same. It's such a difficult time of the year for us. Strength and hugs.

Me: BS 53
Son: 27 years old
Daughter: 25 years old
D-day(s) 9/23/94 - 1/31/05
Divorced 4/10/08

Posts: 7482 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Illinois
Member # 39193
Default  Posted: 6:27 PM, November 27th (Wednesday)

Amen and ditto.

I used to look forward to the holidays all year. Now I just want to get through them in one piece.

Sometimes I feel like there's nothing left in my life that he hasn't tarnished in some way.

Me: Enjoying life
Him: Someone else's problem

Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage. ~ Anais Nin

Posts: 914 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Oregon
Member # 33129
Default  Posted: 6:28 PM, November 27th (Wednesday)


I'm sorry you are so down. I have a love/hate with Thanksgiving ever since the Dooosh moved us 3 states away from our families. This year it's just me and 2 of my kids (oldest is working). We have also been invited to 3 dinners - so I let go of feeling like an outsider and have accepted dinner with one, dessert with another, and Black Friday shopping with the third!!

I hope your day is full of comfort...

divorced the Dooosh
even if you find your voice,
sometimes it does not matter anymore,
when you speak to a man who is deaf by choice.

Posts: 3612 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: Happyville
Member # 29250
Default  Posted: 6:32 PM, November 27th (Wednesday)

I used to look forward to the holidays all year. Now I just want to get through them in one piece.

Sometimes I feel like there's nothing left in my life that he hasn't tarnished in some way.

Same here

“People who cheat feel that life is for the taking, and that everyone deserves happiness no matter what the cost. I must remember these tricks if I ever have my soul surgically removed."
Me: BS 42. Him: WH 41 2 Kids 6&9
Married 14 yrs Together 21

Posts: 1575 | Registered: Aug 2010
Member # 40268
Default  Posted: 7:39 PM, November 27th (Wednesday)

Amen. I agree. I would like to add an fu to my x Inlaws. Thank you.

"what does not kill you , makes you stronger"

Posts: 678 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: nyc
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 7:58 PM, November 27th (Wednesday)



You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana

Posts: 25726 | Registered: Aug 2011
Member # 36307
Default  Posted: 9:55 PM, November 27th (Wednesday)

I am fortunate to have friends. But the holidays certainly take a turn, from the traditions of the past with families divided.

Plus when you are my age, parents deceased, extended family growing smaller and smaller, it is lonely.

Again, I am thankful for my friends and am always included and welcome in their homes.

BS: Me (63yo)
FWH: HIM (65yo) serial infidelities over past 35 years
OW: Many, most recent 1/2 his age
DD: Multiple unconfirmed until 2012 when I presented evidence, plus LTA with his friends wife lasting 10 years. TT over past year
So done,

Posts: 618 | Registered: Jul 2012
Member # 20082
Default  Posted: 10:09 PM, November 27th (Wednesday)

This will be my first Thanksgiving as an almost-single mom...I'm just grateful that I had no plans to cook. Eff this holiday, DD and I are eating out.

Me: 33 STBXH: 34 DD: 8
D Day (EA): 6-19-08
D Day #2 (SA): 7-5-10
D Day #3 (EA): 11-8-13
WH moved out: 11-18-13
Moved BACK IN (because the lawyer told him to): 11/29/13.
Filed for Divorce: 12-9-13
In house, fun, fun.

Posts: 474 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: AL
Member # 40361
Default  Posted: 10:16 PM, November 27th (Wednesday)

I'm with you. This is the lowest I've felt since DDay and I also hate the happy family world out there; all those people sitting around the table little boy went with his dad today for a long weekend. His dad who seems happy in his new life, while my little boy says: I have nothing to be grateful for this year. I long for the family that I created in my mind, but really didn't in the end, feel in my heart, because he was so gone, so detached.

May we all pass through these next few weeks and move on into a better life. Sending hugs to you!

Me: 58, SAHM
Him: 58, LTA 2.5 years
Married 9 years, together 15
Dday: June 11 2013
DD 9 years

Posts: 57 | Registered: Aug 2013
Member # 39036
Default  Posted: 10:33 PM, November 27th (Wednesday)

I'd like to add a big ole helpin of runny mashed potatoes to the inlaw's dinner and a side of irritable bowel syndrome to the loser ex who made it so that the his kid never got to experience being with his mom and dad on any holiday...ever. Lots of IBS for that guy.

Me: BS 36
Him: WS 37
14 month old DS
Married 5 years, together 8, DIVORCING!!! (taking forever)
DDay: 3/1/13 (4 Month PA while I was pregnant)
Sometimes all you have to do is forget what you feel and remember what you deserve.

Posts: 374 | Registered: Apr 2013
Member # 38271
Default  Posted: 10:41 PM, November 27th (Wednesday)

I'm with you too!

My DD, is going with STBXH, to his cousins, in another state for the weekend, and my DS, is staying because he needs to work. FIRST time, I won't be with both my kids at Thanksgiving!

I just want to get through tomorrow! Then I have my 24th "anniversary" on 10th!

At least there will X-mas eve, where I'll have both kids, close family and friends over, but hardly any money for gifts!

Keep telling myself.... I will survive this, I will continue to have faith, I will find a new happy normal!!! and last year this time..I was a mess! The year before that... a huge hot mess, in false R

Just writing that, I know I've come a long way!

You will too.. we'll get there together!


"The Secret of Change is to focus all your energy - not on fighting the old, but on building the new" ~~Lori Greiner FB post~~

Posts: 505 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Pennsylvania
Member # 40115
Default  Posted: 11:38 PM, November 27th (Wednesday)

I hear ya. My 3 reasons to live are with their father in Iowa for the week. Sucks to be me. But if this is the price for having my kids for 80% of the rest of the year, I'll gladly pay it!

Edited to correct stupid typos.

Two steps forward and one step backwards, is still progress.

Posts: 1860 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Illinois, USA
Member # 31421
Default  Posted: 12:52 AM, November 28th (Thursday)

Know how you feel, but look at all the things you have and not what you don't.

Be thankful you have hands to type
Be thankful for legs to walk
Be thankful for SI so you can talk to people who understand
Be thankful for the electricity that keeps us warm
Be thankful that your children will be with you again
Be thankful for Gods blessings no matter how small
Be thankful for.......

Its easier to crawl out of this hole if you count the small blessings instead of looking at what we don't have. I am not taking away from how you feel,but trying to help you realize what really matters. I would much rather be here by myself than to go through that year of hell after I found out he cheated and how he treated me.

I am thankful I am divorced.

Posts: 2175 | Registered: Mar 2011
Member # 1224
Default  Posted: 6:31 AM, November 28th (Thursday)

I concur.

It's just another day to me now.

Just want the holidays to go away.

But remember, good love is hard to find . . -Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers
BS - 54
Cheater -54
Married 26 yrs
DD - 21 DD -19 DS-17
A#1 2000 with married ho-worker/neighbor ow#1
A#2 2007-? OW#2 LTA with yet another married ho-worker. Kicked h

Posts: 615 | Registered: Mar 2003
Member # 33699
Default  Posted: 6:53 AM, November 28th (Thursday)

Sorry R&B. I know how it is. Last year we did a huge feast for Thanksgiving. This year xWW is taking the younger ones to her mother in Arkansas and the older ones have to work so I won't have any of my kids with me. But I am not alone either because I wil be making new traditions with GF and her family. And I am looking forward to next year when we have a full household again at Thanksgiving.

It's time that you can start fresh. Make new traditions. Try new things. This year try to get with some friends. Or enjoy the quiet time and be thankful for those kiddoes knowing that even though they are not with you this weekend, they love you deeply AND next year you will have the full 4 days to really enjoy the the holiday and to develop a new tradition with them.

Stay strong, in the grand scheme of things, today is but a day.

"Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indominable will" - Mahatma Gandi

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - Aubrie

Posts: 3432 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Georgia
Member # 41433
Default  Posted: 7:36 AM, November 28th (Thursday)

I can't even deal with thinking about holidays yet.
I have no idea how we are supposed to make them fun and happy for our kids, while the ones who left us are off doing whatever they please with no responsibilities.
It's surreal.
Too bad we can't have our own anti-holiday, all of

He left me 18 weeks pregnant with twins for another.I am a Licensed Private even happens to us.

Posts: 354 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Canada
Member # 34405
Default  Posted: 8:23 AM, November 28th (Thursday)

Yeah; I told myself yesterday while fighting tears all day long, it's only a day. I have plenty to be thankful for. I have a warm home. My doggies love me. My kids want me to be with them but that would cost money I don't have to spare much less share.

I'm missing cooking for an entire week before the holiday? The house cleaning? Making sure we have enough to feed both families? Running until I collapse at the table? I keep telling myself I should be grateful I'm not doing all of those things when I really miss the craziness. I miss my in laws. I miss my world.

So, I'm not doing as well as I promised myself I would but I keep saying I'll go for a walk. I'll go for a beer at the inn and spend a few minutes with others that have no place to go. I'll say a prayer thanking God for another day, even a day in pain and disbelief is better than no day.

This sucks. It hurts. This day will pass.

God bless us, everyone.

Posts: 633 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Boston
Member # 34373
Default  Posted: 9:16 AM, November 28th (Thursday)

The holidays are difficult especially the first few years of separate ones. I do have to say that the longer I have been single the better they are getting. I have adjusted to the EOY holidays for IrishLad and he has too. I always make sure we have some time with his big brothers and sisters whether it's the actual day or not. I kinda like the holidays when I don't have to run around to several family/friend gatherings and I can lounge around in my PJ's. I swear it does get better.

Me: 46 BS Divorced
Him: 45 Married OW
DDay: 07/04/2008
Divorced: 06/15/2011
5 kids: IrishLass 27,IrishLad 25, IrishLass 23, IrishLad 21 and IrishLad 12
"You can't run from trouble..there ain't no place that far"

Posts: 1777 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: WA
Member # 5929
Default  Posted: 11:13 AM, November 28th (Thursday)

I hate Thanksgiving. When I was first divorced it was sad for me because Thanksgiving was the last holiday I was able to spend with my inlaws (whom I adored).

Then like 2 years later my grandfather was killed the weekend before thanksgving in a deer hunting accident. Then 2 years after that my little brother took his life on Thanksgiving weekend.

I pretty much hate this holiday. I avoid doing traditional "family" things because I find them depressing. I will be spending my afternoon/evening getting drunk with my friends, playing video games and watching Thankskilling.

Keep calm and carry on.

Posts: 49482 | Registered: Nov 2004 | From: Minneapolis
Member # 39036
Default  Posted: 2:24 PM, November 28th (Thursday)

I wrote a post yesterday about making the most of it, and I plan to do that when guests start arriving to my parents' house...but right now I'm lying in bed with a stomach ache. I think I blocked out the fact that I could feel this way during a holiday that I minimized how crappy I would feel. Well this is my pity party time before I get dressed and get DS ready to celebrate.

There's just a giant knot in my stomach and I hope to God that STBX is having pangs of guilt or some type of emotions today, although I doubt it. This is the first thanksgiving in 9 years that we aren't together. This is his DS' first thanksgiving. My MIL has texted me for 3 days straight and I'm crickets with the inlaws too so I haven't responded. I want to send a pic of DS with the words Happy Thanksgiving to them but I know I can't because of hurtful things that have been said and done in the past.

So this is my pity party. A stomach ache and a lament. I hope this is the extent of it for me. I'm still wishing for a case of IBS on him..but hopefully when people start getting here I won't have time to think if him anymore.

Me: BS 36
Him: WS 37
14 month old DS
Married 5 years, together 8, DIVORCING!!! (taking forever)
DDay: 3/1/13 (4 Month PA while I was pregnant)
Sometimes all you have to do is forget what you feel and remember what you deserve.

Posts: 374 | Registered: Apr 2013
Member # 11176
Default  Posted: 5:42 PM, November 28th (Thursday)

I'm spending the day cleaning my house and NOT watching TV. I just can't handle all the "happy, happy, happy" holiday commercials. Not even listening to the radio because I just don't want to hear holiday music being played.

This is my third round of holidays on my own. It sucks. Intellectually I understand everything and am OK with being on my own; but my heart still gets heavy every couple of hours.

I'll be glad when January gets here.



BS: 56
WS: 53
Betrayed: 23 years
Affairs: 14 (2 lasted 3 months. Rest were ONS)
WS died: 16 May 2011
Do not stay in your hurt forever. Choose to move out of it.

Posts: 6580 | Registered: Jul 2006 | From: Wisconsin
Member # 14917
Default  Posted: 8:56 PM, November 28th (Thursday)

This is my fifth year. I want to love the holidays because I always used to but they always hurt me now. I still try but I keep getting hurt no matter what I do.

Now, faith is being sure of what you hope for and certain of what you cannot see. Heb 11:1
I done been through the pain and the sorrow the struggle is nothing but love. Maino
Me: Divorced BS 49
DS22, DD19, DS17

Posts: 1298 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Massachusetts
Member # 40274
Default  Posted: 10:50 AM, November 29th (Friday)

I just love the name of this post- had to respond!

I am sorry for everyone that is feeling crappy, I know, the holidays are so hard. Especially if this is the first one, as it is for me. I got through my birthday, my kids birthdays, halloween and now Thanksgiving. I used the Dorie from Nemo philosophy of "just keep swimming, just keep swimming."

My SIL's from his side of the family sent us a box of brownies and said, "I hope you enjoy Thanksgiving, sending lots of love." No one called though, because that would be AKWARD for them and they would have to be UNCOMFORTABLE so why call to see how we are doing? Well, F**K you, we don't need you either!!

I actually got it through it just fine! We went to a friends house. It was fine, it was fun, it was different than how we usually do it, but I acted like it was no big deal and so did the kids. I tried to be in the moment and refused to let that F**Ker ruin yet another one of my days.

Now, the kids have to spend the weekend with their Dad, from this am to Sunday pm, longest stretch yet. They DO NOT WANT TO GO. They are complaining about it. I am going shopping today, HH tonight, and then to a luxury dude ranch for the weekend. Actually kind of excited to have the break!

Don't let these selfish mo-fo's ruin your/our holidays. It is just another way they are winning if you let them. It sucks but we need to redefine, redirect and just have hope they are having a shitty, guilt riden, sad sad time themselves.

Me BW- 40ish, awesome
Cheating scusband 40ish
2 kids, elementary school age
Bomb dropped Aug 4 out of nowhere...

Posts: 443 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Hell
Member # 32165
Default  Posted: 3:39 PM, November 29th (Friday)

I'm Thankful for my wonderful friend, though, and that DS and I got to go over and spend time with her family and have a nice, low key, no BS time.
The entire time from now to Valentine's Day sucks and should be erased.
Stupid funk identified. Holidays.

Him WH
"The trick is to keep breathing." - Garbage

Posts: 180 | Registered: May 2011
Member # 40115
Default  Posted: 6:27 PM, November 29th (Friday)

Okay. I guess I had a delayed reaction to T-Giving. Woke up and just cried all morning. Totally sucks.

I thought the hard part would be missing my kids, who are with STBXH. But no, it was seeing my sister and her family being happy and enjoying the holiday. I don't begrudge them their happiness, it just reminds me too much of what I've lost.

However, I don't blame Thanksgiving. I blame STBXH. F-U STBXH!!!!!

Edited to correct stupid typos.

Two steps forward and one step backwards, is still progress.

Posts: 1860 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Illinois, USA
Member # 37656
Default  Posted: 6:35 PM, November 29th (Friday)

Double F-U Thanksgiving. It was Thanksgiving weekend last year that I found out that my husband was having an affair. He kicked me out of the house when I confronted him.

Great memories!!

This year was better - no more lying, cheating coward in my life. Very grateful for that!!

I got into the marriage, because I loved him. I got out of the marriage, because I love me.

Posts: 479 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Southern California
Topic Posts: 28