Topic: DDay till Divorce - How long did it take for you?
Member # 39847
| Posted: 9:20 PM, November 27th (Wednesday)|
For those who have already divorced, how long was it from DDay till your divorce was final?
BS: Me (30s)
WW: Her (30s)
10 year marriage with 2 small children.
OM: Married coworker
DDay: May 2013
Posts: 50 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: RavenWood
Member # 33226
| Posted: 9:35 PM, November 27th (Wednesday)|
Roughly five months. Took 2 months to file, 90 day mandated waiting period, divorced on the 91st day.
You can call me NIK
There's always failure. And there's always disappointment. And there's always loss.
But the secret is learning from the loss, and realizing that none of those holes are vacuums.
- Michael J. Fox
Posts: 22649 | Registered: Aug 2011
Member # 37895
| Posted: 9:35 PM, November 27th (Wednesday)|
Almost one year to the day.
I confronted December 1st 2012.
Ten months trying to reconcile, then OW3 found under a rock, and then a quick divorce by mutually agreed legal separation and dissolution. Basically I paid him off and used a lot of leverage to get him to agree eg. agreeing not to tell anyone about his activities.
Contested divorced takes a lot longer unfortunately.
Jemima Puddleduck is a trusting soul....
DD 1 Dec 2012; Divorced 11/13; 2 children
Me: BS (47) Him: WH (52) Her: 3 PA's
Ex bought a house, The Money Pit With Mold That Will Never Be Finished. He's living in the basement.
Posts: 726 | Registered: Dec 2012
Member # 26071
| Posted: 9:46 PM, November 27th (Wednesday)|
We tried R first - so DD was nearly 3 years before S, D was final 8 months later.
D-Day: 6/5/09, drunken ONS on business trip, confessed immediately, transparent, remorseful but emotionally clueless
M 11 years, 3 kids
4/12 Tried to R for 3 years, have decided to D
12/31/12 D final
Posts: 526 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: PacNW
Member # 27071
| Posted: 9:48 PM, November 27th (Wednesday)|
19 months. D-Day, then 7 months of TT, lies, further cheating, financial destruction... all on him. D-Day, then 7 months of listening to his BS, promises, sob fests as to how sorry he was & how much he loved me and me believing so much of his crap....that's all on me. Then a year of separation prior to the actual D hearing. Had I found SI 6 months earlier, had I realized what I was up against, it wouldn't have taken that long.
Actions ALWAYS have consequences. Too bad cheaters don't consider the consequences BEFORE they create so much damage.
Posts: 362 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Massachusetts
Member # 39193
| Posted: 10:05 PM, November 27th (Wednesday)|
April 10 was Dday. I confronted him on April 12. On April 20 he moved out and directly in with her. Never an ounce of remorse, guilt, regret or anything else resembling a true human emotion. We filed jointly, though of course I had to do all the work.... Six days later it was over.
Here on SI they say this type of ending is really a gift, vs months or years of more lies and pain. I hope someday to get to the point where I feel that way. For now, it's still a deep sharp cut that hasn't healed yet.
Me: BS, 45 Him: XWH, 45
Together 8 yrs, married for 5
DDay 04.10.13 Divorced 05.14.13
Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life. ~ JK Rowling
Posts: 567 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Oregon
Member # 33698
| Posted: 10:20 PM, November 27th (Wednesday)|
Technically, about 18 months, but that's only because I needed XWH's insurance until this past fall. If we had been able to D right away, it would likely have been more like four months-- I found out Oct. 2011, and the legal separation agreement was complete by Feb. 2012. Because of the health insurance, though, the D wasn't final until June 2013.
BS (Me) 39
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley
Posts: 3398 | Registered: Oct 2011
Member # 32554
| Posted: 10:31 PM, November 27th (Wednesday)|
30 months post DDay
21 months post filing, tossing him & his shit to the curb, and having him served.
Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 elementary school-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
Posts: 8778 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Member # 33129
| Posted: 10:47 PM, November 27th (Wednesday)|
Dday was August 13, 2011
Divorce was final August 9, 2013. (My 15th wedding anniversary. )
divorced the Dooosh
even if you find your voice,
sometimes it does not matter anymore,
when you speak to a man who is deaf by choice.
Posts: 3238 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: ATX
Member # 34697
| Posted: 10:56 PM, November 27th (Wednesday)|
And it would have been sooner if he hadn't dragged it out.
Posts: 4198 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
Member # 40115
| Posted: 11:32 PM, November 27th (Wednesday)|
DDay 1 7/26/13
DDay 2 8/7/13 Deal Breaker
First Court Date 12/5/13, I was hoping to have everything in line by then, but it isn't going to happen.
Two steps forward and one step backwards, is still progress.
Posts: 995 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Illinois, USA
Member # 28555
| Posted: 6:46 AM, November 28th (Thursday)|
Tried to R for 3 years (way too long)
Filed and in-house separation 6/29/13
D final 9/25/13
Moved out into new house 10/7/13
"If your ideal image of yourself is in the future, it's going to stay there".
Posts: 1187 | Registered: May 2010 | From: Texas
Member # 25624
| Posted: 7:14 AM, November 28th (Thursday)|
D Day #1- Thanksgiving 2008
Separated April 2011
Still waiting for divorce
Your ex wanting to be friends is like asking a kidnapper to stay in touch when they let you go.
The type of fierce loyalty that I possess made me incapable of comprehending the level of disloyalty that he possessed
Posts: 1664 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: Charlotte, NC
Member # 41143
| Posted: 7:54 AM, November 28th (Thursday)|
Divorce granted 4 months after DDay round 2, 31 days post filing. My goal was to not to endure another wedding anniversary (especially since XWH admitted to what I refer to as sexcations while on business trips, one of which was 10 days before our 20th anniversary ). Goal met!
Me: 40's; XBS Him: 40's; XWS/NPD/SA
D-day 1: 5/2007- A #1; 7/2007 A #1 continued-R
D-day 2: 3/2013 A #2/multi-ONSs; 4/2013 A #2 continues to present
D: 7/2013 (25 yrs together; days shy of 22nd anniversary-GOAL MET!)
Our kids: teen & tween
Posts: 168 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Southern US
Member # 32847
| Posted: 9:17 AM, November 28th (Thursday)|
I confronted in early May of 2010, endured about 15 months of false R, filed in October of 2011, divorce final in March or May (one of those "M" months, lol) of 2012. So, two years?
Tune out the noise of what others tell you about who you are and work it out for yourself...
Posts: 1650 | Registered: Jul 2011
Member # 29250
| Posted: 9:35 AM, November 28th (Thursday)|
1 1/2 years. It was a mess. :(
“People who cheat feel that life is for the taking, and that everyone deserves happiness no matter what the cost. I must remember these tricks if I ever have my soul surgically removed."
Me: BS 42. Him: WH 41 2 Kids 6&9
Married 14 yrs Together 21
Posts: 1514 | Registered: Aug 2010
Member # 22870
| Posted: 10:48 AM, November 28th (Thursday)|
I tried to R for 2 years after the first DDay. I filed in mid June, D was final in early November, so about 5.5 months.
With a second DDay between filing and final D.
You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright
Posts: 7031 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
Member # 36697
| Posted: 10:51 AM, November 28th (Thursday)|
8 months for me. I spent the first four hoping she would come back. After I finally filed, a combination of paperwork errors and her dragging her feet made it last longer than it should have.
Posts: 1323 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Arizona
Member # 40996
| Posted: 10:52 AM, November 28th (Thursday)|
She was on a trip to"clear her head". 8 found out about the OM the day after she left. Filed a few days later. It's been 3 months and our pre divorce hearing is 21 January
M 12 yrs 2 Girls 10 & 7
Phone/Cyber Affairs (3 D-Days)
Status: D train.
Knowing the details doesn't always make you feel satisfied. In my case, it just made me want to burn a perfectly good couch!
Posts: 341 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: United Staes
Member # 5929
| Posted: 11:04 AM, November 28th (Thursday)|
About 13 months.
Keep calm and carry on.
Posts: 49406 | Registered: Nov 2004 | From: Minneapolis
Member # 32810
| Posted: 12:17 PM, November 28th (Thursday)|
Just shy of seven months, including the six month mandatory separation before filing, and three weeks between filing and our hearing. We waived appeal and it was final immediately or it would have been another month.
"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ
Posts: 13193 | Registered: Jul 2011
Member # 33523
| Posted: 1:38 PM, November 28th (Thursday)|
Almost 4 years.
Fucknuts wanted to keep the A going, but not give up M. It took 18 months of me riding his ass to push the D thru.
Me: MH 40s; Him: MH 40s (I had RA)
OW: 30s, moron; one of many
M: 8 yrs
3/13: D'd; free of the overgrown baby
Everything is as it should be.
Posts: 634 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Vulcania
Member # 27879
| Posted: 6:47 PM, November 28th (Thursday)|
Just over 2 months.
Me: WS, 30s
XH: BS, 40s
Married 2.5 years
Reconciling after divorce
Posts: 1916 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: the cat's meow
Member # 31468
| Posted: 7:35 PM, November 28th (Thursday)|
Dday blindsided me on 1/10/11 - D was final on 4/27/2011 and I'm so glad we did it quickly even though he was an ass throughout the entire process.
Together 9 yrs
Status: Divorced 4/27/11
Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron
It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling
Posts: 4160 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Texas
Member # 27539
| Posted: 8:46 PM, November 28th (Thursday)|
17 months to trial date and 22 months until verdict. Evidently we had a slow judge without a clerk, but really.
Me - 42
2 kids, 9 and 11
D-Day 2/5/10, separated 3 wks later
Posts: 1149 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: MD
Member # 24518
| Posted: 10:00 PM, November 28th (Thursday)|
D-day #1 was in Sept 2008. I did the false R dance for 9 months until June 2009, when I found the secret cell phone and confirmed that the affair had been taken underground. Now-ex walked out on me and the kids in August 2009, to be with OW, and I filed for divorce a few weeks later. The divorce wasn't final until April 2010, though.
So from d-day to divorce being final it was 19 1/2 months.
Say what you wanna say and let the words fall out...honestly
I wanna see you be brave
Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than, less than perfect
Posts: 11988 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: TX
Member # 37063
| Posted: 11:14 PM, November 28th (Thursday)|
21 months. 11months from filing. Had false R before that and actually continued to try and R after filing (complicated story. We were in in-house seperation from dday but still going to MC & IC etc). Finally gave up completely 5 months before divorce was final. In-house seperation ended 6 weeks before divorce was final. (A glorious glorious day.)
Me BxW, him SA NPD WxH
1 wonderful toddler - sole legal custody to me and supervised visitation to xwh.
Posts: 216 | Registered: Oct 2012
Member # 3703
| Posted: 8:15 AM, November 29th (Friday)|
D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010
Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.
Posts: 2793 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
Member # 23328
| Posted: 12:22 PM, November 29th (Friday)|
Why do you ask?
If you're trying to get an idea what the average is, you can see it goes from very speedy to exceptionally long.
If you're looking for the worst case scenario, continue on...
Mine was not the longest on SI, but I suppose it's in the top 10. 3 months from D-day#1 to filing, 52 months (yes, over 4 years) from filing to final judgment, and I'm taking the property settlement to the court of appeals, so add another year or so for that.
Take care of yourself. There's a great future out there. It won't come to you; you have to go to it.
Posts: 4944 | Registered: Mar 2009 | From: Crazyville ( A little East of St. Louis)
Member # 38928
| Posted: 12:54 PM, November 29th (Friday)|
5 months and 21 days from confrontation for latest whore. Would have been faster but the fucktwit was stalling to sign separation agreement for dissolution until I threatened to file for divorce with adultery listed as the reason...
BS - Me
XPOS - too many OW/OCs, started 1994? - never stopped
Kids - 22, 20, 17
M Dissolved 2013!!!
This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man, ~ Shakespeare
Posts: 827 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Rising out of Hell's ashes!
Member # 35965
| Posted: 3:06 PM, November 29th (Friday)|
13 Months total.
2 months (give or take) to decide that A was a deal breaker, another 4 months to file (I was waiting for him to be employed), and 7 months to final divorce. He was motivated to agree to things because he wanted to be done before year end for tax purposes.
Me - BW - 42
Him - XWH - 42
Married 10 years, together 18
D Day 11/1/11
3 kids - DS7, DS5, DD5
DIVORCED! December 2012
"For what do we live, but to make sport for our neighbours, and laugh at them in our turn?"
Posts: 62 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Chicago
Member # 29368
| Posted: 3:41 PM, November 29th (Friday)|
I hired an attorney in may and just now got the "draft" of my legal separation. It will depend on whether or not WH signs it or if we have to battle it out. I think he'll sign it because he is remorseful.
My lawyer says, if he signs right away, it should move quickly through the courts but, if he balks, no telling.
Posts: 1922 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Midwest
|Topic Posts: 32|| |