The Book Club
User Topic: Good book recommendations for healing?
Member # 41433
Default  Posted: 5:43 PM, November 28th (Thursday)

Especially in relationship to emotional abuse/abandonment and NPD.
Thank you.

He left me 18 weeks pregnant with twins for another.I am a Licensed Private even happens to us.

Posts: 354 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Canada
Member # 35912
Default  Posted: 8:58 PM, November 28th (Thursday)

For NPD (also explains the emotion abuse & sudden abandonment well):
Narcissistic Lovers
You can read the first couple chapters on Amazon

Posts: 500 | Registered: Jun 2012
Member # 41433
Default  Posted: 5:35 AM, November 29th (Friday)

Thank you <3

He left me 18 weeks pregnant with twins for another.I am a Licensed Private even happens to us.

Posts: 354 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Canada
Member # 41294
Default  Posted: 4:51 PM, December 12th (Thursday)

I'm reading something called "Living and Loving after betrayal: How to heal from Emotional Abuse, Deceit, Infidelity and Chronic Resentment". It's a good journey into your inner values, how to learn/relearn that behaving according to your values is worthwhile (and the awareness that WS hasn't). It's all about you and your healing.

Get a notebook and be prepared to do lots of Exercises. I've found them useful, though I'm not nearly as far as I should be..

In fact, now that S is upon me I'm switching gears. From "After the Affair" which focused on our relationship, to this one, which focuses on myself. And I recommend you do the same. Focus on what you can control.

In a very real sense, my journey has been one of focusing on less and less, more and more intensely. D-Day I was obsessed about OP for a bit. That came and went for a while, but then I decided to only worry about me and my WS. Then our relationship. Since S is coming, I'm choosing to focus on myself.

Master of my Fate, Captain of my Soul.
BS 42, WW 41. 18y married
DD: 11/5/13
DS10 Autism, DD8
OM: Reformed wife-beater ex-con
D filed 1/14/14 by WW (never warn them, they'll get ahead)
Married a powder keg

Posts: 755 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: California
Member # 39114
Default  Posted: 7:41 PM, December 16th (Monday)

Hi L&P.
I have found the writings and work of Pema Chodron to be very helpful. She writes and speaks of mindfulness, and she's got a lot of free videos on youtube. She writes about calming, and stabilizing the mind. She talks about accepting impermanence, learning to manage emotions (a big one for me lately!). I definitely aspire to her way of thinking; it would do all of use good.

Another book i picked up recently is Turning the Mind into an Ally by Sakyong Mipham. Same general themes.

I was listening to Splitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder today in the car. It's got some practical tips, very practical tips, for someone in this situation but it totally stressed me out. I would recommend it, but NOT if you're looking for relief yet. If you want to be strategic, you might want it for reference. Amazon has it on Audio now for $3.99, a bargain.

I spent a lot of time looking into, researching, trying to figure my WS out. Nothing, nothing worked really. I just stayed confused. But when I really focus on my own healing, what i like, how i can manage my emotions (NOT repress, but accept "what is" and "let it be" I do A LOT better.

I've got more months under my belt than you do. When i was where you are, well i was still in shock and in fury and I don't think Pema Chodron's stuff would've helped much. But you have kids, so you might have that extra motivation!!!!

Good luck L&P. See you around

Me BS 49, ExWS: narcissist! Jekyll Hyde. Left in secret early July, moved states. Now homeless but getting it together. Necessary but difficult(!) transition! Sad sad sad but hopeful.

Posts: 554 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: theagonyofit
Topic Posts: 5