My WH IC said that fear/pain is the biggest issue he is going to have to face in order to recover or show any remorse.
IC said that WH is 'More afraid of committing to recovery and failing than he is afraid of not committing and failing.'
WH wanted me to tell him what I thought this meant. To me it seems like a no brainer. If WH commits to the recovery of our marriage and fails, he once again hurts me and our children. On the other hand, if he doesn't commit and fails, he hurts no one. It's almost as he gets a free pass to continue in his destructive selfish affairing behavior by not committing to me and our marriage recovery.
My WH has always avoided pain of any kind, whether at home, work, church, social, etc... and has always put the blame on whatever goes wrong in his life on someone else, usually me.
He has moved out and I believe he will take the path of least resistance and pain and go to his affair partner because they are in lurve. And he has never had any pain with her because they don't share a 'real' life filled with finances, death, chores, broken vehicles, wayward children, etc.....
Good luck with that. I prefer to live in the real world, pain and joy and love and everything in between. As someone else here on SI said, "Don't let the door hit you where the good Lord split ya!!! Bye Bye I took your words and I believed
In everything you said to me
Cause you said forever
And ever, who knew?......Pink
Married 37 yrs/4 grown children, 5 grandchildren
DD's-10/75; 10/80; 09/92; 12/09; 12/10; 03/11...more?