SurvivingInfidelity.com Forums
Reconciliation
User Topic: Polygraph ... still refuses
livebythesea
Member
Member # 38900
Default  Posted: 8:30 AM, November 29th (Friday)

He still refuses to take the poly. Is it his ego? Or is he hiding more shit? You would think if a man loves his wife (like he does), he would take a f... polygraph to give me peace of mind. Don't you think, I would really appreciate getting feed back on this subject. All different point of views are welcome.

He would rather see our marriage end than take the polygraph. It doesn't make sense ...


HIM - 56(looks older by the day)
his time has come
ME - 56 (heart aged lately)
DD1 April 5 2013 (told me a lie)
DD2 April 23 2013
DD3 June 22 2013
3 children
1 grand child

Posts: 195 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Near the ocean ... Canada
LA44
Member
Member # 38384
Default  Posted: 8:36 AM, November 29th (Friday)

Well, if you refuses to ask you for forgiveness, then he will likely not take the poly either.

He does not seem remorseful or willing to do what it takes to help you heal. It could be bc he is hiding something. It could be that in his mind he has done enough (?!). It could be any number of things but the fact of the matter is that he won't do what you need him to do.

So, do what you can do help you heal.

I am sorry ((livebythesea)).


Me: 44
He: 47 WH
Married: 15 years
D Day: December 2012
Affair: Fall 2009 - Dec. 2011
R is not linear

Posts: 2311 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Canada, eh
Kierst13
Member
Member # 39197
Default  Posted: 9:20 AM, November 29th (Friday)

It doesn't really matter why he will not take the poly. What matters is he boldly telling you that your needs and peace of mind do not matter.

[This message edited by Kierst13 at 9:20 AM, November 29th (Friday)]


Story in my profile
He lied, I gave the gift of R
He became the model remorseful WS...all while lying and seeing her
Am I done? Yes I am!

Posts: 347 | Registered: May 2013
karmahappens
Member
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 3:29 PM, November 29th (Friday)

I agree

this...

What matters is he boldly telling you that your needs and peace of mind do not matter.

I would let him go find a new place to live. Let him know if he is so worried about the lousy $875.00 a poly would have cost, his new life will cost a whole lot more.

Draw your line in the sand.

He would rather see our marriage end than take the polygraph. It doesn't make sense ...

^^^ he doesn't believe you will end it

[This message edited by karmahappens at 3:30 PM, November 29th (Friday)]


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3822 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
FeelingSoMuch
Member
Member # 38814
Default  Posted: 3:43 PM, November 29th (Friday)

He's absolutely hiding something. No doubt in my mind.


Me: BH
Her: WW
Together since 2001, married since 2007.
D-day: Feb. 20, 2013.
Broke NC: 2 phone calls since
Today: In MC and IC, attempting R.
It got easier: They no longer work together.

Posts: 509 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Canada
Shattered-Heart
Member
Member # 32165
Default  Posted: 5:49 PM, November 29th (Friday)

If it were me, I'd sure think he was hiding.
Even if not, as already pointed out, he's basically telling you he doesn't give a damn about your sense of safety.
Either way, not good...


Me BW
Him WH
"The trick is to keep breathing." - Garbage

Posts: 180 | Registered: May 2011
JustWow
Member
Member # 19636
Default  Posted: 7:17 PM, November 29th (Friday)

Love is a verb. It is actions and choices and sacrifices and empathy. Is he even capable of love, with anyone?

He is selfish and unremorseful and wants no consequences for his actions for himself, and is unwilling to try to repair the consequences of his actions that have fallen on you.

You are worthy of so, so, so much more.

((((lbts))))


BW - Reconciling

edited for typos (I always have to!)


Posts: 3626 | Registered: May 2008 | From: Midwest
thecosmogirl
Member
Member # 39707
Default  Posted: 10:16 AM, November 30th (Saturday)

Mine refused a poly also. He got defensive, said it was a waste of money and I was never going to be happy no matter the outcome. He also said they are inconclusive.
Thing is, I didn't actually "want" him to take one, just wanted to see his reaction to me asking.
I got what I was looking for, I guess.


Me: BS
Him: doesn't matter anymore...or does it...

Being very, very careful

D-day 14 June 2013


I'm smart, good looking and gosh darn it, people like me!


Posts: 165 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: trying to figure it out
fourever
Member
Member # 30631
Default  Posted: 5:20 PM, November 30th (Saturday)

Lives, i thought you had made a final decision? Unless I've missed something important, I'm wondering why it matters? He has never changed his spots. At any cost. A very sad and broken man.
Don't let him keep you prisoner. Life is very short, he's taken so much of yours.


In R since shortly after DD.
Discovered what was right in front of him and nearly lost.

Always, tell the other BS! Always!

"It's hard to be in love when you can't tell lies"!


Posts: 874 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Northeast
Topic Posts: 9