As divorce looms closer and things in life get harder, there is a feeling that I have been returned to my parents by X.
The house I live in that was once home takes many, many resources and is rather...manual in upkeep. So as X pulls further away and now refuses to help in ways previously done, I have to call on other people for things I physically cannot do.
I hate this. It's a feeling of lost pride that is so hard to get back nowadays. Each phone call for help is a set back and another way that I am still trying to stand tall and on my own.
Still I remember the day that X asked for my hand and I'm trying to delete it from memory. I don't think of it often but when I do, it's with an ironic slant in that he gave me back to my father, who I call on a lot lately.
This is also hard because of the personality my father has...just as controlling, so I have to pick and choose to exhaustion the phone calls and explanations that I make.
I cannot wait 'til this feeling of being returned goes away.Ashland 13
The only thing that stays the same, is change. -M. Etheridge