New Beginnings
User Topic: Having really rough time right now
Member # 20849
Default  Posted: 10:04 AM, November 29th (Friday)

I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder a few weeks ago. Seems all kinds of stuff is hitting me at once and I don't know how to handle it anymore.

Besides the black cloud of depression hovering over my head, I'm dealing with empty nest syndrome, hitting 50 (still having trouble with that one), terrible financial situation....collection agencies calling (anyone deal with that one? She was so invasive I felt raped after talking to her)...what are they allowed to ask?

I can't stop crying. I miss my kids. My parents are getting older and talking about nursing homes and wills. My health sucks. I gained 20 pounds. I feel isolated here in rural nowhere that WS abandoned me in. House is falling apart. Can't get front door shut half the time. No outside lights and I trip when I come home in the dark. Oldest is having problems in military and she is going thru depression. Youngest is depressed she has to spend holiday with psychodad. She wanted to be with us yesterday and was craving her uncle's cheesy potatoes and she was stuck with her dad isolated in his tiny rental eating cheese sticks.

I'm really getting tired of fighting. When does it get better? I'm running out of time....

Original WS D-Day July 10, 2008. Kept lying, he is gone.
New WS (2 EA's, no PA) 12-3-13
If you don't like where you are, then change it. You are not a tree.

Posts: 15289 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Ohio
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 10:16 AM, November 29th (Friday)

((Na)). I'm sorry. No advice, just a hug.

You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7768 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
Member # 19258
Default  Posted: 10:18 AM, November 29th (Friday)


I can't help so much with the family situation or the home repairs but do yourself a favor and look at the Fair Debt Collection Practices Act. Its a federal law meant to protect you. It will tell you what the collection agency is legally allowed to do

But that's just a lot of water
Underneath a bridge I burned
And there's no use in backtracking
Around corners I have turned

“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” -foulton oursler

Posts: 8459 | Registered: Apr 2008
Member # 23890
Default  Posted: 10:35 AM, November 29th (Friday)

Naive, look into fuel assistance. If you qualify, it can reduce your heating cost. Also, the electric co. here also offers energy audits - often they do things like replace doors/ windows, sometimes for free. Regardless the audit is free.

Don't know about the debt collectors, sorry. Hang in there hon. There is life after 50, you'll find it. ((NaiveAgain))

"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." Joseph Campbell...So, If fear was not a factor - what would you do?

Posts: 4129 | Registered: May 2009 | From: New England
Member # 31468
Default  Posted: 11:09 AM, November 29th (Friday)

(((NaiveAgain))) Sometimes life does seem to overwhelm us all at once. I know I've felt that way, and you have a lot to handle right now.

Please remember to be kind to yourself and try to take things just one step at a time.

When I think I've all of the supportive people I've "met" on SI, you are at the top of the list, so please remember that you have a lot of people here who care about you.

Me: BW-44
Him: XWH-44
Together 9 yrs
DDays: 1/10/2011
Status: Divorced 4/27/11

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling

Posts: 4607 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Texas
Member # 10552
Default  Posted: 11:21 AM, November 29th (Friday)


Travel light, live light, spread the light, be the light. ~ Yogi Bhajan

Posts: 15414 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Now an AZ girl
Member # 17460
Default  Posted: 11:31 AM, November 29th (Friday)


Are you taking anything for the depression? From how things sound, at the very least you should probably be on AD's. Remember also, this time of year particularly with the holiday yesterday and more on the way, stress levels are at all time highs.

Small bites here, NA, small bites.

Sending you strength.


Fidelity isn't a's a choice.

"Truth has no special time of its own. Its hour is now - always." - Albert Schweitzer
Me: BW - Him: 200+ # tumor removed 7/09
DS - 31 - Yikes!

Posts: 21071 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: Been Through Hell...On My Way Back
Member # 20849
Default  Posted: 12:56 PM, November 29th (Friday)

Thank you for the kind words and support and hugs....they mean a lot.
When I think I've all of the supportive people I've "met" on SI, you are at the top of the list, so please remember that you have a lot of people here who care about you.
And thank you for this too.

Still crying off and on but the nice words from here are good tears....

Fair Debt Collection Practices Act
I will look into that a bit later. I felt so violated...that lady asked so many personal questions...I am now afraid to answer my phone. I am so angry at WS. I never, ever bought anything I couldn't pay for, on credit or otherwise, and now here I am dealing with the bills he ran up in my name.....

Are you taking anything for the depression?
My counselor made an appointment with the psychiatrist for me next Thursday and I am sure he will want to try me on something. My regular doctor prescribed Selexa but I took one pill and had bad heart palpitations all night so I quit taking that one.....

[This message edited by NaiveAgain at 12:57 PM, November 29th (Friday)]

Original WS D-Day July 10, 2008. Kept lying, he is gone.
New WS (2 EA's, no PA) 12-3-13
If you don't like where you are, then change it. You are not a tree.

Posts: 15289 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Ohio
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 1:12 PM, November 29th (Friday)

((((NaiveAgain)))) Sending you strength and comfort, honey.

You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana

Posts: 25736 | Registered: Aug 2011
Member # 21964
Default  Posted: 1:36 PM, November 29th (Friday)

I''m so sorry NA. These NB detours sure do suck. Hang in there.


"The difference between involvement and commitment is like ham and eggs. The chicken is involved, the pig is committed." -Martina Navratilova
"The question isn't who is going to let me; it's who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 3122 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Mexico
Member # 14866
Default  Posted: 2:10 PM, November 29th (Friday)



Think of the haters in your life as sandpaper; they’ll scratch you up time and time again but in the end you’re polished, smooth, and spotless..while they end up useless

We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.

Posts: 52609 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Big Blue Nation
Member # 34146
Default  Posted: 3:57 PM, November 29th (Friday)


Tons of hugs. Wish I could do more.

Me: BW, divorced, now fabulous and happy!

Married: 11 years, no kids

Character is destiny

Posts: 3406 | Registered: Dec 2011
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 5:37 PM, November 29th (Friday)

(((NA))) I hope you can come out of the tunnel and see some joy in the season soon.

50 can be an amazing milestone. So much more to do and experience.

DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17498 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
Member # 33857
Default  Posted: 5:47 PM, November 29th (Friday)

Not quite 50?

Heck, you are just a young hottie in my book!

Hang in there. You are a great gal and have had some wonderful posts since I have joined.

Thank you!

Divorced by Interlocutory decree in May 2012. WW had an affair with a 66 yo doctor she worked for.
D-Day Sept 16. 2011.
BH- 52 (Me) / XWW 50 - ages back in 2011
Two great kids that don't deserve this!

Posts: 727 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: USA
Member # 20849
Default  Posted: 9:30 PM, November 29th (Friday)

Thank you. I want out of this tunnel. I usually enjoy the holidays. But seems this year they are just reinforcing the empty house stuff.

Bebba, thanks! I turned 50 last year but I still haven't recovered from it! I was fine at 49. I didn't feel any different at 49 than I did at 35 or so. But for some reason, 50 just hit like a sledge hammer. I'm not really ready to be middle age just yet.....

Original WS D-Day July 10, 2008. Kept lying, he is gone.
New WS (2 EA's, no PA) 12-3-13
If you don't like where you are, then change it. You are not a tree.

Posts: 15289 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Ohio
Member # 19946
Default  Posted: 5:06 PM, December 1st (Sunday)


So sorry to hear you are down. This sucks!
My SO was so traumatized by bill collectors when he was a kid and his parents were hounded by the IRS that he still has trouble answering the phone, so I know how bad this can be. They do have more laws about this now though.

I hope you find something that can help with the depression.

Hate to say this, but 50 isn't the beginning of middle age!

I think yoga is the most helpful anti-aging exercise that's also good for depression.

I hope you feel better soon.

BS, age 53, d-day 6-2-08, divorced after 17 years and 20 together. Now I am living alone in the beautiful rural property that was once the dream retreat with X. It's taking a long time to create new dreams but despite some struggles I am mostly happy.

Posts: 5857 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Rural California
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 6:59 PM, December 1st (Sunday)


Posts: 35875 | Registered: Mar 2011
little turtle
Member # 15584
Default  Posted: 10:16 AM, December 2nd (Monday)

(((NA))) Hope you're feeling better soon.

Failure is success if we learn from it.

Posts: 4202 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: michigan
Member # 20849
Default  Posted: 10:58 AM, December 2nd (Monday)

Thank you for the hugs.

Hate to say this, but 50 isn't the beginning of middle age!
I hadn't even felt middle aged though until I hit 50. Then, instead of hitting middle age, now I just feel old. I went straight from feeling quite youthful to feeling over the hill. Bad mindset. Trying to fix it!

Original WS D-Day July 10, 2008. Kept lying, he is gone.
New WS (2 EA's, no PA) 12-3-13
If you don't like where you are, then change it. You are not a tree.

Posts: 15289 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Ohio
Helen of Troy
Member # 26419
Default  Posted: 12:56 PM, December 2nd (Monday)

It's always darkest right before the dawn.
Something good is coming your way soon.
I'm sorry you're feeling down.

Posts: 4715 | Registered: Dec 2009
Member # 5929
Default  Posted: 6:30 PM, December 2nd (Monday)

My mom had to deal with becoming an empty nester at 50 as well. Her whole identity was based on being a mom, since age 17. She had to really work with figuring out who she was. And then my brother died. Ugh... yeah. I can completely sympathize with you.

Do what I did with the collectors. Save all their phone numbers in your contacts and set their ringtones to silent. Can't answer a phone you don't hear ringing. And they are not supposed to get abusive with you, either. You can report them for that.

Keep calm and carry on.

Posts: 49482 | Registered: Nov 2004 | From: Minneapolis
Member # 29250
Default  Posted: 8:50 PM, December 2nd (Monday)

(((Naive Again)))

I wish I could give you a hug in person. And 50 is the new 40, right?

Hang in there.

“People who cheat feel that life is for the taking, and that everyone deserves happiness no matter what the cost. I must remember these tricks if I ever have my soul surgically removed."
Me: BS 42. Him: WH 41 2 Kids 6&9
Married 14 yrs Together 21

Posts: 1575 | Registered: Aug 2010
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 8:56 PM, December 2nd (Monday)


I have struggled with responding for several days. I want to have the "magic words" or some uplifting encouragement that doesn't sound trite...

What I have is heartfelt sympathy and sincere wishes that things turn around for you soon. This time of year is soooooo difficult.

Bring on 2014!!

Me: 44, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 13 DS 10
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5859 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
Member # 30341
Default  Posted: 12:12 PM, December 3rd (Tuesday)

I'm so sorry that you are going through this. Life can be so very dang complicated and difficult sometimes. I've struggled with a dark mood lately too and I understand how painful and scary that place can be.

Please take care of yourself. Really good care. Exercise every day or at least every other day for 20 minutes, it is good for the brain and the body and for mood disorders. Eat well, get plenty of vegies and fruits and lean proteins. Sleep research is showing that poor sleep affects moods, so make your best effort to get 8 hours of sleep each night.

I went to a workshop last week on improving moods and increasing happiness and there are some interesting activities you can do to improve your mood. has some ideas, research and suggestions by Sonja Lyubomirsky is available too, google her name. These things don't replace AD therapy, but can be a good thing to do in addition to your IC and any medication you might be prescribed.

Hang in there, sweet will get always does...eventually

DDay 11/17/2010 BW:52

Posts: 3209 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Iowa
Topic Posts: 24