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Divorce/Separation
User Topic: WH was crying
SusanR
Member
Member # 29368
Default  Posted: 3:59 PM, November 29th (Friday)

I went to my brother's house for Thanksgiving yesterday. First time in 20 years, not my MILs. my daughter and granddaughter went with WH for a visit but asked to be dropped off at my brother's house for the meal.

My daughter says WH was crying in the car. He didn't say why but I'm pretty sure that the reality that his A cost him more than just our marriage and affected far more people than just him and me was a little rough.

I started to feel sorry for him but then brought up all my "mind movies" to stir up my anger again.

It's actually so sad because I know he was remorseful after DDAY1 and DDAY2, when our family was still intact, he just couldn't keep his dick in his pants.

Now he has to live with the consequences that are over and above losing his wife.


Posts: 1952 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Midwest
sleepless34
Member
Member # 40274
Default  Posted: 4:26 PM, November 29th (Friday)

They just don't get it, do they?

Somehow they think this is just about their relationship with you, and that the kids, the extended family, the friends, that it doesn't make a difference. They can't accept it, it would make them feel too guilty. Denial usually works better for them.

Consequences are rough, and I am glad he was crying! FTG!


Me BW- 40ish, awesome
Cheating scusband 40ish
2 kids, elementary school age
Bomb dropped Aug 4 out of nowhere...

Posts: 443 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Hell
Skan
Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 4:26 PM, November 29th (Friday)

Karma''s a bitch, isn''t it, when all of the carrion birds come home to roost. Actions, meet consequences.

Do not feel sorry for him for one instant. He made his decision, he chose to walk this path, and he could choose to do better. He hasn''t. His lesson to learn, nothing to do with you. (((hugs)))


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 4949 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
Williesmom
Member
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 4:26 PM, November 29th (Friday)

Yeah. They can be sorry all day long, but it can never bring back that former life.

See my tag line for additional confirmation.


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7773 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
jemimapd
Member
Member # 37895
Default  Posted: 6:49 PM, November 29th (Friday)

I love Williesmom's tag line and in the last few days it has been in my mind a lot.

Mine is now in a cheap hotel, the news is filtering out about our divorce which was finalized last Wednesday, I have been mega classy (even if I say so myself) because I am so happy and relieved to be rid of him.

He has lost his home, family, reputation - and me, his wife, friend, cheerleader, business partner and the person who loved and trusted him 100%.

He had many, many chances to do the right thing, in my case there was an 18-month long affair, on-going when I caught him. Then I gave him nearly a year to reconcile. All I got were lies. And more information about the others. He said the affair was a "mistake".

No, this was the mistake: He didn't believe I was strong enough to divorce him.

And there is still more to lose. The respect of everyone who knows him who has any morals; the chance to be part of a healthy family; his financial security when he blows the money he has left.


Jemima Puddleduck is a trusting soul....
DD 1 Dec 2012; Divorced 11/13; 2 children
Me: BS (47) Him: WH (52) Her: 3 PA's
Ex bought a house, The Money Pit With Mold That Will Never Be Finished. He's living in the basement.

Posts: 726 | Registered: Dec 2012
Gemini71
Member
Member # 40115
Default  Posted: 6:53 PM, November 29th (Friday)

Aw, poor baby cried once. How many times have you cried over WH's behavior? I bet it's a hell of a lot more than just once. He's just reaping what he has sown.


Edited to correct stupid typos.

Two steps forward and one step backwards, is still progress.


Posts: 1866 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Illinois, USA
inconnu
Member
Member # 24518
Default  Posted: 7:07 PM, November 29th (Friday)

He didn't say why but I'm pretty sure that the reality that his A cost him more than just our marriage and affected far more people than just him and me was a little rough.

in other words, he was feeling sorry for himself. aw, poor muffin.


Say what you wanna say and let the words fall out...honestly
I wanna see you be brave

Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than, less than perfect


Posts: 12167 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: DeepInTheHeartOf, TX
Vulcanized
Member
Member # 33523
Default  Posted: 12:19 AM, November 30th (Saturday)

Fuck him!

Big deal, how many thousands of times did/do you cry? Fucking ass-goblin.


Me: MH 40s; Him: MH 40s (I had RA)
OW: 30s, moron; one of many
M: 8 yrs
3/13: D'd
-----------------------------------------------------------
Everything is as it should be.

Posts: 767 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Vulcania
Nature_Girl
Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 12:45 AM, November 30th (Saturday)

Crying in front of your daughter must stop. It must not happen again. It's emotional abuse. If you cannot tell him yourself, then have your lawyer send a letter.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9830 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
SBB
Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 4:22 AM, November 30th (Saturday)

Crying in front of your daughter must stop. It must not happen again. It's emotional abuse. If you cannot tell him yourself, then have your lawyer send a letter.

^^THIS.

Make no mistake - there's no reality here. He's feeling sorry for himself and is desperate for ego kibbles, from you, from your daughter. From anyone. Crocodile tears are the worst.

Remember his eyes as he lied to your face. Looked right into your eyes and lied to you.

It's actually so sad because I know he was remorseful after DDAY1 and DDAY2, when our family was still intact, he just couldn't keep his dick in his pants.

Gently, if he had true remorse you would not have had a DD2. Please read Regret vs Remorse in the healing library.

I had the tears, the suicide talk, the howling at the moon, the chest thumping - the full show. I fell for it hook, line and sinker. Read my profile. Nothing had changed but his tactics.

They are sad because they have lost control of us, things have changed and they don't want things to change.

They want a wife/family AND their whores.

That's what you're seeing and feeling empathy for right now.

Redirect your empathy to your daughter. She shouldn't have to be subjected to this emotional abuse.


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5609 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
Snapdragon
Member
Member # 4286
Default  Posted: 12:16 PM, November 30th (Saturday)

As a 12 year old, I remember my dad crying and being all pitiful. The thing is, I knew that he was the reason my parents were divorcing! He was a cheater for years. My mom got her ducks in a row, went back to school so she was employable, and filed for divorce.

I was disgusted and so incredibly uncomfortable! It is freaky to a kid when their parents cry. This was just untenable as a 12 yr old. What did he want from me? Hugs? Comfort? An "it's ok, Dad"? Ugh...

Don't fall into the trap of feeling any pity for him. Use that energy on others that deserve your efforts and care.


Divorced - recovered and hoping to help.

"We're not broken, just bent, and we can learn to love again" ~Pink


Posts: 3086 | Registered: May 2004 | From: Midwest
SusanR
Member
Member # 29368
Default  Posted: 10:22 PM, November 30th (Saturday)

Just so you know....our daughter is 27 years old.

She tells me that she knows WH is trying to make people feel sorry for him and it has worked on some of our friends. Hasn't worked on her though.

If anything, she is more pissed at him than I am. She stays in contact because he is a good Grandpa to our granddaughter.
And he seems to be - most the time.

She told me a story about an outing she had with him recently, however, where he obviously didn't have a plan and expected them to follow him around aimlessly. He was oblivious to their discomfort and didn't communicate with her at all. That is so typically him. I don't miss that part of him at all. He was always self-centered and uncommunicative. Even before he started cheating.

I think he started cheating when I balked at his narcissistic behavior. He wanted someone that thought he was perfect, I think. He wanted a relationship he didn't have to work for.

My fog is lifting. I appreciate the insight I get here.


Posts: 1952 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Midwest
Nature_Girl
Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 11:18 PM, November 30th (Saturday)

Okay, that changes things! Thanks for clearing that up.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9830 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Topic Posts: 13