SurvivingInfidelity.com Forums
General
User Topic: The Infidelity Diet Mach 2
Nest2007
Member
Member # 39532
Default  Posted: 5:29 AM, December 1st (Sunday)

When I JFO, I didn't eat during the day at all. At first I was so consumed with grief that I simply forgot to. Then it became a control thing - eating was the one thing in my newly upside down world that I could control. I'd eat dinner with my H, so he didn't think anything was overly wrong after his confession (wtf??). I didn't want to let go of the control I had.

Now, almost six months later, as we prepare to move to a new city and as I leave behind everything I hold dear, I find myself back in the same cycle. After a MC session last week, we went to get dinner and I realized I hadn't eaten all day. This has been happening for a few weeks now. Perhaps coming to terms with the magnitude of the implications of his infidelity?


BS 35
WS 31
DD, only child
DDay: 06/09/13
End of TT/Full Disclosure 07/08/13

Reconciling. A stronger marriage now.

Psalm 37. It rocks my world. So does 140. Big guy upstairs has got it all figured out.


Posts: 230 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Here and there...
Kiddingmyself
Member
Member # 33013
Default  Posted: 6:02 AM, December 1st (Sunday)

I understand this progression, but I caution you to be very aware of what is happening. All eating disorders start out as a way to control stressors and you can quickly become controlled by the disorder. It's an addiction as powerful as alcoholism or drugs. Do you have an ic? You should discuss this with a professional.


WH on DDay 2: "I should just work and shut up. My happiness doesn't matter."

Posts: 182 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: Ohio
SummerStorm21
Member
Member # 41320
Default  Posted: 6:02 AM, December 1st (Sunday)

I'm pregnant so can't relate the same way but if I wasn't I know there would be times that I would cycle back through the numbness and forget about my health.

Hugs to you and I hope for a good transition.


BW

Posts: 112 | Registered: Nov 2013
Lostandpregnant
Member
Member # 41433
Default  Posted: 6:33 AM, December 1st (Sunday)

I''m battling this as well. I''m 20 weeks into a high risk pregnant with twins and have lost 17lbs since he left me 2 weeks ago.
I cant eat. It makes my throat close up..I know it is 100% psychological.
I''ve been put on special drinks by my midwife to make sure the babies get nourishment..maybe you could try adding a couple protien shakes to your day?
I''m by no means fading away and have a lot of extra weight on me..but I do have a history of eating disorders and I know this is exactly how they can start..I''m trying to fight it..but it''s exactly like you said..it''s pretty much the only thing that we can actually control when life is chaos.


He left me 18 weeks pregnant with twins for another.I am a Licensed Private Investigator..it even happens to us.

Posts: 354 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Canada
steadfast1973
Member
Member # 24719
Default  Posted: 6:37 AM, December 1st (Sunday)

Yeah... That was the one brightspot after dday. "I'll finally lose that extra 10 pounds!" Nope. Last time I lost 40 pounds. I lost 5. But gained it all back after thanksgiving. can't win for losing...

I actually think it's because almost 5 years ago, I was smoking. I gained all the weight back as soon as I quit smoking.


Me- 40- BS Him- 36- WH D-day#1 5/25/09 3 mo. EA d-day#2 11/06/13 Prostitute 11/5/13 in R
"I've seen your flag on the marble arch, our love is not a victory march, it's a cold and broken hallelujah."- Leonard Cohen

Posts: 2226 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Midwest
Lola7
Member
Member # 41195
Default  Posted: 6:40 AM, December 1st (Sunday)

Me too - down 20 lbs three weeks into this nightmare. I try to eat fruit, Ensure, water, lunchmeat, a hard-boiled egg when I can stomach it. I told my doctor and she said as long as I stick with protein I should be ok.

I could kick myself for starting smoking again after 4 years. And I know I probably drink too much. I'm just so fucking sad. I'm trying to pull myself out of this. I just know I have a long road ahead of me.


caelitus mihi vires
"My strength is from heaven"
DIVORCED!

Posts: 211 | Registered: Nov 2013
LetMeRollIt
Member
Member # 41189
Default  Posted: 8:52 AM, December 1st (Sunday)

I lost 20 lbs after a week of only consuming orange juice, and a second week of only ensure. I started working out to make myself eat, and 4 months later I am in the best (physical) shape of my life. Mental health is a whole other story...

[This message edited by LetMeRollIt at 8:24 PM, December 1st (Sunday)]


D day- June 30, 2013
Me - BS
Married 15 years
5 year old child
Attempting R as of Oct. 1 2013

"Cry, and let your soul be cleansed of a love that turned to carnage." - Christy Brown


Posts: 99 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Canada
cantaccept
Member
Member # 37451
Default  Posted: 9:10 AM, December 1st (Sunday)

I could eat no solid food for about 3 months after dday. Only broth and water. I lost 40 pounds.

I still struggle with food sometimes. It seems to occur when wh is being defensive and we go through a difficult patch.

To date I have lost 70 pounds. I exercise and that is good for my self esteem but it doesn't help with the appetite.

The only adverse effect for me from not eating was my fingernails turned to paper, peeling and splitting. I have focused on protein when I eat so that has finally improved.

I get the control aspect of it. I too began to feel like it was the one thing I had control over but came to the realization that I was only hurting myself.

The healthier option was to eat healthy foods. That is my goal but not always my reality.

It does feel good to be back to my high school weight though. A bit of vanity but what the hell, take it when it comes. Anything that makes me feel a bit more confident at this point in time.


Life is change. Growth is optional. Choose wisely.

I would now like to be known as Can!

dday October 21,2012
dday December 20, 2013
wh boots5050
attempted R, it was all a lie

divorcing


Posts: 1253 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Connecticut
EvacuationRoute
New Member
Member # 41460
Default  Posted: 1:15 PM, December 1st (Sunday)

Nest,

You've posted before about your health. Are you looking after yourself if you don't eat?

I'm sorry that moving is causing you further stress. I really hope that it brings you the fresh start you deserve.

Are there other things on the horizon causing you the stress? Not just moving? Outing the A? Future hospital trips? General parenting stress? Christmas holiday stress?

You don't need any of that. Just focus on looking after yourself. Only when you are feeling forgiveness, calm & peace inside can you start to look after others like your fWH and DD.

Control your need to control. Hugs.

ER


Posts: 17 | Registered: Nov 2013
mychild
Member
Member # 40186
Default  Posted: 1:58 PM, December 1st (Sunday)

I couldn't eat and I'd forget to drink. I lost all the fat I had been wanting to lose for the last 5 years. I looked amazing. I was so happy with my body! Then I gained it back

I hope you can find a medium balance. It's hard when we are so devastated. Maybe start with a favorite food from the past just to keep your brain and emotions level. If you are starving I'm sure you can't balance your emotions as much as if you were eating at least 3 times a day. Good luck.


Posts: 80 | Registered: Aug 2013
Nest2007
Member
Member # 39532
Default  Posted: 4:46 PM, December 1st (Sunday)


ER

There's a bunch of other stressors: we will be outing the A before we leave, OW has begun targeting my friends and trying to befriend them, my parenting worries are more that I'm doing a bad job due to my continual anxiety about OW and her cruelty, my health in some regards is stablizing yet my health is the excuse we're using for our departure, and moving to a place that I hate with a passion. H is finally coming out of compartmentalization and it's hitting him afresh - he did this to us. Hard to hold myself together when the person who has been my strength in all of this is starting to crumble too.

[This message edited by Nest2007 at 4:50 PM, December 1st (Sunday)]


BS 35
WS 31
DD, only child
DDay: 06/09/13
End of TT/Full Disclosure 07/08/13

Reconciling. A stronger marriage now.

Psalm 37. It rocks my world. So does 140. Big guy upstairs has got it all figured out.


Posts: 230 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Here and there...
2Virtuous
New Member
Member # 41504
Default  Posted: 7:01 PM, December 1st (Sunday)

I'm in the same pattern, but will admit to struggling with an eating disorder at age 19/20. It's a struggle every single day, but right now, it IS the one thing you/we feel in control of. It's a destructive pattern that can be far-reaching though :( I've admitted this behavior to my therapist and plan to work through this again. If you feel you're in a place where it's no longer grief suppressing your appetite 24/7 and instead, you're choosing not to eat, then I might suggest talking to someone.


Married 11yrs, together 15
Me (BS) 35
WS 36
2 Daughters, 5 & 7

Posts: 15 | Registered: Dec 2013
EvacuationRoute
New Member
Member # 41460
Default  Posted: 8:11 PM, December 1st (Sunday)

Nest,

I'm so sorry for your pain. We outed the A and it didn't go so well. I'm still feeling the hurt/guilt from that.

I hope your packing goes smoothly and you find many joys in your new town.

ER


Posts: 17 | Registered: Nov 2013
Cabot
Member
Member # 41485
Default  Posted: 8:21 PM, December 1st (Sunday)

I finally got down to the pant size I thought I never would be finally started eating some again gonig to get back to the gym if I put weight back on I refuse for it to be fat im down 28 lb since D-Day if we do D im going out in the best shape of my life. At least I have control over that.




Posts: 68 | Registered: Nov 2013
strad
New Member
Member # 41509
Default  Posted: 10:23 AM, December 2nd (Monday)

Yup, I'm down nearly 20 lbs. since my d day about 2 months ago. I'm normally a good eater with a hearty appetite. Now I have to force myself. Hopefully this will pass, along with the rest of the bull@@@@.


Me: BW, 49
WH, 51
son, 18
d-day 10/1/13
married 26 years
Divorced 3/21/14

Posts: 26 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: United States
Sammy2013
Member
Member # 41040
Default  Posted: 10:34 AM, December 2nd (Monday)

Yep, I'm down 18 lbs since Dday. Lost 14 of it the first week after physical affair confirmation. I am eating a bit more now, but my tummy still rejects things and I'm in the bathroom. And there are many days I will sit down at dinner and be starved only to realize I hadn't eaten anything all day and all I had to drink was many cups of coffee.

I try to remind myself to eat. But a lot of the time my stomach turns over at the thought so I just make myself another cup of coffee. I did eat a lot at my Dad's for Thanksgiving. And if we are with other people I can eat. But at home, with just us, is hard. Hoping to get over that.


WH -37; BS (me) 38
Married 12 years, 3 kiddos
First DDay 9/13. 3 more since then (trickle truth sucks). 6 years of Prostitutes, 2 affairs in 2013, SA diagnosis now with 1 relapse so far (massage parlor with happy ending 2/14).
Waiting, observing,

Posts: 207 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Southeast United States
TheThreeYearFool
Member
Member # 41218
Default  Posted: 10:56 AM, December 2nd (Monday)

I'm down 11 pounds from my peak this year. The problem is that my peak was 121. At just under 110 lbs. and just under 5'4" my BMI is at the cusp of underweight.

I feel bony. My pants hang off me. I feel weak when I try to work out and I haven't bothered to resume running.

I hate it, but I can't finish a meal. So much of my appetite is gone. At least now I'm forcing down protein shakes at work even if I'm not hungry.

The weird part is that I used to be such a sweet tooth and crave dessert every single night. I'd get so annoyed if I didn't get dessert!

Now I just don't care. I think the depression has drained away the pleasure I used to take in food.


Me - BW 36
Him - WH 41
Together 12 years, married 7
3 year LTA with former coworker
DDay 10/29/13
He says he wants to R... can I live with what he's done?

Posts: 150 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: United States
Nest2007
Member
Member # 39532
Default  Posted: 3:14 PM, December 2nd (Monday)

Yesterday I ate a slice of toast, then nothing til a late dinner. It was a graduation function for the youngest students I taught in my last year of teaching. Took what I thought was a small amount of food and struggled to eat even half of it. Have found myself feeling sick to the point of vomiting in the mornings )am certain I'm not pregnant!) so have to find out the cause. Outing the A is causing us both a huge amount of anxiety and my meds aren't cutting it!!


BS 35
WS 31
DD, only child
DDay: 06/09/13
End of TT/Full Disclosure 07/08/13

Reconciling. A stronger marriage now.

Psalm 37. It rocks my world. So does 140. Big guy upstairs has got it all figured out.


Posts: 230 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Here and there...
EvacuationRoute
New Member
Member # 41460
Default  Posted: 5:18 PM, December 2nd (Monday)

If outing the A is causing so much stress, why do it? Our outing caused stress and anxiety in the lead up and guilt and remorse after. It was a really bad decision for us. I wish we were wise enough to take the moral high ground and just walk away. Surely moving and changing jobs is enough to think of right now?

I'm really worried you aren't looking after yourself. There's no need to pile on extra layers of worry. Just focus on you and fWH.

ER


Posts: 17 | Registered: Nov 2013
Nest2007
Member
Member # 39532
Default  Posted: 6:11 PM, December 2nd (Monday)

ER, the problem is (and I'll post in more detail on a new thread later) that the Principal needs to be warned about OW. There are three new young male staff with families joining the school next year, and OW has, it turns out, been boasting about the A and proud of her ongoing attempts to prevent/disrupt my H and I from R. Our school has a code of conduct and the A, of course, breaks it. But her ongoing behaviour is abhorrent, and shows her complete lack of remorse. He needs to be forewarned of what he is dealing with and put steps in place to get rid of her.


BS 35
WS 31
DD, only child
DDay: 06/09/13
End of TT/Full Disclosure 07/08/13

Reconciling. A stronger marriage now.

Psalm 37. It rocks my world. So does 140. Big guy upstairs has got it all figured out.


Posts: 230 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Here and there...
ladies_first
Member
Member # 24643
Default  Posted: 6:42 PM, December 2nd (Monday)

Gently, you post often about OW.

What about your WH role in his affair?


"We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us." ~J. Campbell
"In the final analysis, it is your own attitude that will make or break you, not what has happened to you." ~D. Galloway

Posts: 2143 | Registered: Jun 2009
Nest2007
Member
Member # 39532
Default  Posted: 7:58 PM, December 2nd (Monday)

Because I've come to terms with my H's role in the A.

He has done everything right for R: complete transparency, access to all emails with passwords, IC, MC, timeline, full disclosure, willingness to talk when ever I need or want to - I can deal with his side of the A, because he shows me daily that is not who he is.

I don't know if I'll ever come to terms with the sociopath whore who pursued, and continued to pursue even after being rejected several times, until she wore him down and he caved.

I don't know if I can ever come to terms with the double betrayal of my H and an OW who faked a friendship with me in order to feed her pursuit of my H.

I don't know if I'll ever come to terms with the fact that I encouraged him to take this job. If I hadn't, this never would have happened.

I don't know if I'll ever come to terms with the fact that her BH didn't have the balls to confront the EA when he saw it and recognised it, and didn't even have the balls to confront the PA.

I know that I can never come to terms with her boasting to a friend of a friend about her pursuit, her A with my H, and her ongoing efforts to derail our R by tormenting me.

Bitch seems too mild a description.


BS 35
WS 31
DD, only child
DDay: 06/09/13
End of TT/Full Disclosure 07/08/13

Reconciling. A stronger marriage now.

Psalm 37. It rocks my world. So does 140. Big guy upstairs has got it all figured out.


Posts: 230 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Here and there...
EvacuationRoute
New Member
Member # 41460
Default  Posted: 9:11 PM, December 2nd (Monday)

Oh my goodness Nest! Who has she been boasting to? How did you find out? That's awful!

Do you need to 'come to terms' with any of it though? The idea of coming to terms seems to imply a lot of dwelling and revisiting of old wounds.

Maybe draw a line in the sand and start from now with the most positive perspective you can muster?

ER


Posts: 17 | Registered: Nov 2013
Nest2007
Member
Member # 39532
Default  Posted: 9:50 PM, December 2nd (Monday)

OW misjudged who she boasted to. Instead of a willing ear, she utterly repulsed her friend, who vented to her SIL who eventually told two of my best friends. OW is down one friend, I'm up with more people who know and support me... Karma's starting to kick her ass! Pass me the popcorn thanks ;-)


BS 35
WS 31
DD, only child
DDay: 06/09/13
End of TT/Full Disclosure 07/08/13

Reconciling. A stronger marriage now.

Psalm 37. It rocks my world. So does 140. Big guy upstairs has got it all figured out.


Posts: 230 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Here and there...
Nest2007
Member
Member # 39532
Default  Posted: 2:27 AM, December 11th (Wednesday)

Well, when I posted this topic a couple of weeks ago, I hadn't stepped on the scales. Turns out I've lost 7kg - 15lbs - in three weeks. Happy to lose the weight, terrified at the cost to my health. My kidney failure is being held at bay, just, but my blood pressure is through the roof which is in turn causing further damage to my kidneys. I'm scared. The infidelity diet sucks.


BS 35
WS 31
DD, only child
DDay: 06/09/13
End of TT/Full Disclosure 07/08/13

Reconciling. A stronger marriage now.

Psalm 37. It rocks my world. So does 140. Big guy upstairs has got it all figured out.


Posts: 230 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Here and there...
Jrazz
Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 2:37 AM, December 11th (Wednesday)

It does indeed. Water and rest, and walks can help with the BP. I've been thinking a lot about you today. Sending you kindness and peace. Sending OW all the karma in the world for her continued, obvious deceitfulness. She will get what is coming to her.

JRazz


We are what we repeatedly do, excellence, then is not an act but a habit. - Aristotle

Posts: 16426 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
Topic Posts: 26