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Divorce/Separation
User Topic: I am Telling My Lawyer on You
movingforward13
Member
Member # 38405
Default  Posted: 3:37 PM, December 1st (Sunday)

So... STBXH video chats with his son today per the agreement of the court order. DS3 doesn't want to stay on camera and I am practically begging my son to talk to his father.

Due to strict NC, I have not said one word to STBXH in 3 weeks as his questions can be answered if he reads the temporary order and I don't respond to his statements. The silence is really pissing him off. So after the video chat today, he texts me "I would appreciate if my son would sit still so I can see him during the video chat session. I will be bringing this up to my lawyer."

My automatic response was to be upset but then I realized he was baiting me for a fight because clearly, during the sessions, he can hear me just about bribing our son to chat with him. I always pick up the call and he and his son always speak. It is not my fault if our son has a short attention span to his redundant questions nor if his son doesn't want to video chat at all.
I wrote a professional letter to his attorney stating such and let his attorney know that I am open to suggestions just short of me holding the camera and strapping our son to a chair to keep him still.

Am I right here or not? The camera is on my cell phone and DS3 knows how to hold the phone up, he just chooses not to because he hates the video chats.

[This message edited by movingforward13 at 3:48 PM, December 1st (Sunday)]


Once a cheater, always a cheater happens when your cheater doesn't have remorse.
Regret is not remorse- know the difference!

Posts: 640 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: DC
PurpleRose
Member
Member # 33129
Default  Posted: 4:03 PM, December 1st (Sunday)

You should not be communicating with his attorney.

Let him do that, and look like the controlling ass that he is.

Why do you care what he tells his lawyer? He can tell his lawyer anything he wants. Don't give him the power of knowing you are already freaked out by his ludicrous accusations.


divorced the Dooosh
*****************************
even if you find your voice,
sometimes it does not matter anymore,
when you speak to a man who is deaf by choice.
~dodinsky

Posts: 3612 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: Happyville
devistatedmom
Member
Member # 24961
Default  Posted: 4:05 PM, December 1st (Sunday)

I agree with not communicating with his lawyer. I'd be afraid his lawyer can now take your letter(s) and twist the words around to make you look bad.

Ignore the ass, but only communicate with your lawyer. Your lawyer can send a letter to his lawyer with all the proper jargon that can't be turned around to look like you are refusing to make the chats happen.


BS(me) 46, Two wonderful teens.
He is no longer my best friend. Repeat until it sticks.

WH says marriage is over: May 15, 2009.
EA#2 July 20, 2009. Legally sep: Aug 16, 2009. DIVORCED!!!! Signed Nov 23, final Dec 24, 2010, adultery listed.


Posts: 5521 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Canada
Take2
Member
Member # 23890
Default  Posted: 4:07 PM, December 1st (Sunday)

Well, I wouldn't be responding to this bs at all, and certainly not to HIS lawyer. A 3 year old on the phone, skype or in person doesn't stay focused for long. Let him whine to his atty, and let him pay for it. Never interrupt the enemy when he is making a mistake!


"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." Joseph Campbell...So, If fear was not a factor - what would you do?

Posts: 4129 | Registered: May 2009 | From: New England
movingforward13
Member
Member # 38405
Default  Posted: 4:14 PM, December 1st (Sunday)

I don't have a lawyer, I am pro se.

Here is what I wrote his attorney:
I hope your Thanksgiving holiday went well.
It has come to my attention that your client, Mr. Dumbass will be contacting you with a compliant as to how the Face Time has been going.
Specifically, he is upset about his son not sitting still during the Face Time chats which impedes his ability to see his son on camera for stretches of time.

Please remind your client that his son just turned 3 years old and has a very short attention span. It is unreasonable for your client to expect his son to stay focused on the camera and hold a long conversation full of repetitive questions that he asked during the previous sessions. Many times son just wants to play rather than be on the camera and it is frustrating on my behalf to continue to beg son to speak to his father on camera while son is pushing the camera away. Son would rather have his dad in person versus on a screen, as I am sure you understand.

As I have advised your client, when he initiates his Face Time calls, I will answer and pass the phone to his son and leave the room to not interfere with their conversation, such as how it would be done if it was a telephone call. I try propping the phone up many times, however our son always moves the phone and eventually ends the calls when son opens a game application. Per Mr. Dumbass' request, I turn off the television to prevent his son being distracted.
I am open to suggestions of how to improve the Face Time experience provided that it does not require me to be in the room.
My suggestion to Mr. Dumbass is to put son first and travel to my state during his days off (as he only works 3 days a week) and spend physical time with son rather than a 5 minute video chat session, 3 days a week.

We have court on Wednesday to wrap up this unfortunate marriage. I hope this minuscule issue will not hinder us moving forward.


Once a cheater, always a cheater happens when your cheater doesn't have remorse.
Regret is not remorse- know the difference!

Posts: 640 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: DC
Nature_Girl
Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 4:19 PM, December 1st (Sunday)

Unless you are pro se, I think it's actually not legally okay for you to communicate with your STBX's lawyer. Don't do it again. I know I was strictly forbidden to contact EX's lawyer.

You are being overly-reactive and overly-defensive. You need to step back & calm down before you react to anything that idiot says to you. Only the biggest of fools who knows nothing about children would expect a three-year old child to sit still for anything. ANYTHING. The fact that he's made a big deal out of this demonstrates his utter ignorance about being a good parent.

So what if he tells his lawyer on you? You're not a child. His lawyer isn't going to spank you or put you in time out. You've fulfilled your responsibility, you made your child available for communication with his father. You are NOT responsible for how that communication happens. You are not expected to tie your child to a chair & put him in a head restraint so he only faces the camera. You are not expected to bodily hold him down & manhandle him so he faces the camera. That's nonsense.

You're letting your STBX get under your skin & manipulate you. ((((HUGS)))


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9821 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
movingforward13
Member
Member # 38405
Default  Posted: 4:19 PM, December 1st (Sunday)

Purple Rose, I care because we have court in 3 days for our divorce and I am hoping STBXH doesn't use this as a way to hinder things. We have come to an agreement on the decree (which is heavily in my favor) so I just want to get that paper signed before he realizes that.
His attorney understands my position and even told me "Your ex is detached from reality, even though I really shouldn't be saying that to you." I have no concern in that regard, if anything, his attorney doesn't not want to continue on the comtempt hearing we have in two weeks which is separate from the divorce.

[This message edited by movingforward13 at 4:23 PM, December 1st (Sunday)]


Once a cheater, always a cheater happens when your cheater doesn't have remorse.
Regret is not remorse- know the difference!

Posts: 640 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: DC
debbysbaby
Member
Member # 32962
Default  Posted: 4:45 PM, December 1st (Sunday)

I can promise that even with court in three days, you do not need to respond in any way to this. You absolutely most definitely do not need to contact his attorney! In fact you should not contact his attorney. You are way way too worried about this when it is not in any way going to be a factor. Everyone who has said that is correct. This little tantrum by your ex is insignificant. It will not harm you.

Judges would totally understand that it's difficult to make a three-year-old sit still for something like a video chat.

Delete that message to his attorney and give him crickets to that complaint and rock on. You have bigger fish to fry.


-betrayed almost my whole almost 15 yr marriage
-divorced since 2004

Posts: 880 | Registered: Aug 2011
movingforward13
Member
Member # 38405
Default  Posted: 4:58 PM, December 1st (Sunday)

Well, the message is already sent so I can't take that back. I think his lawyer will get a chuckle out of it though, he isn't too happy with his client's behavior so far.

I will move forward and hope his complaint does not stall anything. If ex had the money, he would prolong this as much as possible. I just want to be divorced from the idiot.


Once a cheater, always a cheater happens when your cheater doesn't have remorse.
Regret is not remorse- know the difference!

Posts: 640 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: DC
PurpleRose
Member
Member # 33129
Default  Posted: 7:56 PM, December 1st (Sunday)

movingforward. Please understand we are not trying to swing 2x4s at you. Many of us have been in your shoes and really do know how you feel.

You must get control of your emotions of you want this to go your way. Especially since you don't have a lawyer (yikes!!!). You need to keep emotion out of this.

If you had a lawyer, she would tell you NOT to react to this nonsense. She would not have contacted his attorney about this unless he contacted her first. Also, think about the fact that he may not have even told his lawyer about this issue once he thought about it. You are bringing more things forward than you need to deal with.

Stop reacting with your anger and your heart. An attorney would deal with all of this like the business transaction a divorce is. The court will look at it this way too. This is why you really need legal representation.


divorced the Dooosh
*****************************
even if you find your voice,
sometimes it does not matter anymore,
when you speak to a man who is deaf by choice.
~dodinsky

Posts: 3612 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: Happyville
PurpleRose
Member
Member # 33129
Default  Posted: 7:59 PM, December 1st (Sunday)

And one more thing, stop,thinking that his attorney is secretly in your side. I can assure you he is not. He is not going to "get a chuckle" out of this, he is going to see more $$$$.

He is NOT on your side, not your friend, and is going to do everything he can to help his client- your soon to be ex-- WIN.

Don't forget that. Your WS is paying this guy to nail your ass to the wall. Not the other way around. Your false sense of "kinship" with his attorney really really worries me.


divorced the Dooosh
*****************************
even if you find your voice,
sometimes it does not matter anymore,
when you speak to a man who is deaf by choice.
~dodinsky

Posts: 3612 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: Happyville
movingforward13
Member
Member # 38405
Default  Posted: 8:32 AM, December 2nd (Monday)

I understand you all aren't trying to swing 2x4 but I feel the message was rather harsh.
I am probably at fault for that because you can only respond to what I write and don't know the back story.

I am fully aware that his attorney isn't my friend. However, he attorney has been helping me tremendously, even to the point of encouraging him to reconcile with me. STBXH did not show to the temporary hearing and his attorney was very upset about it as it just put his client in a negative light. Furthermore, STBXH owes his attorney on this divorce, not paying his bills.
His attorney and I worked on the decree that gives me full custody, I claim our son every year, I take precedence over visitation and etc., and I am allowed to move within a 250 mile radius, plus the child support. STBXH isn't making out at all in is divorce and I believe his attorney didn't push because of how his client is. The attorney just wants to be done with it as much as me.

Like I said, a lot of back story and you all are just responding to what I wrote so I understand. I will keep your comments in mind.


Once a cheater, always a cheater happens when your cheater doesn't have remorse.
Regret is not remorse- know the difference!

Posts: 640 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: DC
Lostandpregnant
Member
Member # 41433
Default  Posted: 8:39 AM, December 2nd (Monday)

I think your response was good..better to be on the offense than the defense.
And your ex is an idiot if he thinks a toddler is going to sit patiently and discuss his day with him.


He left me 18 weeks pregnant with twins for another.I am a Licensed Private Investigator..it even happens to us.

Posts: 354 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Canada
lifestoshort
Member
Member # 18442
Default  Posted: 9:17 AM, December 2nd (Monday)

this situation is NOT going to hold you back in court. in fact him asking you to keep child still is rediculous and any judge will laugh. you cannot nor do you have to make a child stay on the phone, let alone a 3 yr old. let it go. go on. be pissed in your head. dont say another word about it or bring it up to anyone like the atty or in court. its not an issue. if you had a lawyer, they would tell you this easily. its nothing. and it wont hinder you ;)

[This message edited by lifestoshort at 9:18 AM, December 2nd (Monday)]


6/07 EX had several Emotional/sexual A
FALSE Reconciles. cheats again. D 5/09
2013- 10 month marriage &D to friend. he was a lyin, freeloadn biploar mess.
NOW? Living my life and loving it.


Posts: 691 | Registered: Mar 2008
Helen of Troy
Member
Member # 26419
Flame  Posted: 12:54 PM, December 2nd (Monday)

This is not something you need to defend yourself to his lawyer about. You're making an honest effort to facilitate the chats. That's all you can do. Document each chat, how long and son's behavior including how long he sat still.
Xwh likes to pull the bully powerplay card on me too. Or as if I can "make" teens behave in a certain way; meaning a way that gratifies him and owife. And if they don't it will be my fault, just like everything else. F that crap.

Posts: 4715 | Registered: Dec 2009
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 3:25 PM, December 2nd (Monday)

Sending you tons of strength and mojo for court, honey. ((((movingforward))))


You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana


Posts: 25717 | Registered: Aug 2011
damncutekitty
Member
Member # 5929
Default  Posted: 5:32 PM, December 2nd (Monday)

"I would appreciate if my son would sit still so I can see him during the video chat session. I will be bringing this up to my lawyer."

I would love to see the lawyer's suggestions on how to force a 3 year old to sit still.


Keep calm and carry on.

Posts: 49482 | Registered: Nov 2004 | From: Minneapolis
movingforward13
Member
Member # 38405
Default  Posted: 6:15 PM, December 2nd (Monday)

His lawyer contacted me.

Said STBXH wanted to write language in the decree that states I will hold the phone camera for video chats. After a 10 minute conversation, his attorney and I agreed that this was ridiculous. He is now consulting with his client to remind him as his son grows older this won't be an issue.
Attorney hopes there won't be any other last minute changes his client is requesting. I am hoping to be a divorced woman in less than 48 hours...


Once a cheater, always a cheater happens when your cheater doesn't have remorse.
Regret is not remorse- know the difference!

Posts: 640 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: DC
damncutekitty
Member
Member # 5929
Default  Posted: 6:21 PM, December 2nd (Monday)

My SO just got a Galaxy S4, it has a little thing in the back so you can prop it up while you are watching videos instead of holding onto it. Maybe your STBX can spring for a new phone for you. LOL

His L sounds like a winner. Good luck!!!


Keep calm and carry on.

Posts: 49482 | Registered: Nov 2004 | From: Minneapolis
ChoosingHope
Member
Member # 33606
Default  Posted: 8:03 PM, December 2nd (Monday)

48 hours. Wow. GOOD LUCK.

Posts: 1702 | Registered: Oct 2011
Lyonesse
Member
Member # 32943
Default  Posted: 8:05 PM, December 2nd (Monday)

48 hrs! Fingers crossed for you...


Me: BS, 40's.

Posts: 1797 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: West Coast
ruinedandbroken
Member
Member # 29250
Default  Posted: 8:44 PM, December 2nd (Monday)

"Said STBXH wanted to write language in the decree that states I will hold the phone camera for video chats."

What a complete idiot! He's 3!!!! I can't even get my 6 year old to face time for more than a few minutes.


“People who cheat feel that life is for the taking, and that everyone deserves happiness no matter what the cost. I must remember these tricks if I ever have my soul surgically removed."
Me: BS 42. Him: WH 41 2 Kids 6&9
Married 14 yrs Together 21

Posts: 1575 | Registered: Aug 2010
lifestoshort
Member
Member # 18442
Default  Posted: 8:34 AM, December 5th (Thursday)

how did it go??
and I know 13 yrs olds that barely want to chat on the phone. I dont think anyone can force you to hold a phone or make someone chat with another. especially a 3 yr old. im lucky if my 4yr old talks to me for 1 minute straight on a phone


6/07 EX had several Emotional/sexual A
FALSE Reconciles. cheats again. D 5/09
2013- 10 month marriage &D to friend. he was a lyin, freeloadn biploar mess.
NOW? Living my life and loving it.


Posts: 691 | Registered: Mar 2008
ruby44
Member
Member # 41135
Default  Posted: 9:01 AM, December 5th (Thursday)

Wondering how everything went yesterday? Also, I am a vindictive person, so I would make sure that my child had a big bowl of ice cream right before the video chat and make sure he still had a chocolate moustache to boot. I just love watching 3 year old hopped up on sugar. I am JK but still would like to be a fly on the wall.

p.s. He probably also wants you to wear headphones so you can't eavesdrop on their conversation just stand there and hold the phone.


Me BW 52, Him WH 48
Married 13 years,
2 DDs (12 and 10)
D-Day Confirmed 10/24/13 suspected before that but did not want to believe it.
WH filed for D 11/12/13
2/8/14 WH asked if he could come home.
Lies!

Posts: 277 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Midwest
movingforward13
Member
Member # 38405
Default  Posted: 1:39 PM, December 7th (Saturday)

I make another thread, I am sorry.

It went well. His attorney talked some sense into him and we did not need to amend the divorce agreement. I am free.

Sad... But free... I hope 2014 is a better year for me.

[This message edited by movingforward13 at 1:39 PM, December 7th (Saturday)]


Once a cheater, always a cheater happens when your cheater doesn't have remorse.
Regret is not remorse- know the difference!

Posts: 640 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: DC
Take2
Member
Member # 23890
Default  Posted: 1:58 PM, December 7th (Saturday)

Court MoJo Moving!


"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." Joseph Campbell...So, If fear was not a factor - what would you do?

Posts: 4129 | Registered: May 2009 | From: New England
Topic Posts: 26