SurvivingInfidelity.com Forums
New Beginnings
User Topic: Feelings of abandonment.
ProbableIceCream
Member
Member # 37468
Default  Posted: 10:27 PM, December 1st (Sunday)

I have a couple years of really shiny, warm, fuzzy memories from the first couple years of my marriage. And then I have several years of memories of bad things happening and my XW treating me worse over time, and finally checking out and abandoning me.

It sucks. I don't usually feel like this. But today I feel kind of like a lost child whose parents have disappeared. (And I also have some of the 'I don't believe this is real' feelings I had right after d-day.)

Oh well. :(

Hey, at least I'm able to feel stuff more again. Earlier this year I was mostly restless/frustrated/numb.


Me, 32. DD, 8. DS, 6 (deceased).

Posts: 819 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Pacific Northwest
ProbableIceCream
Member
Member # 37468
Default  Posted: 10:28 PM, December 1st (Sunday)

(i should mention that i feel like the person who abandoned me no longer even exists! so while i have this strong urge to ask her why she went away, there is, in the context of this urge, no one to ask. i feel like she died.)


Me, 32. DD, 8. DS, 6 (deceased).

Posts: 819 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Pacific Northwest
Sad in AZ
Member
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 11:01 PM, December 1st (Sunday)

i should mention that i feel like the person who abandoned me no longer even exists! so while i have this strong urge to ask her why she went away, there is, in the context of this urge, no one to ask.

Don't even consider this. Believe me, it would go nowhere. Been there, done that--got the scars.

I've been D almost 3 years and separated 6 months more than that. I have very minimal contact with the X--maybe once every 6 months, if that often. While I've moved on--and away--I still have moments of self-doubt and feelings of abandonment, but they go away and I go on with what I enjoy.

While you don't have to wallow in the feelings, IMO, it's good to check in and see how the feelings affect you every once in a while. It's a good yardstick for how well you're doing--and I bet you're doing well.


I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 20035 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
ProbableIceCream
Member
Member # 37468
Default  Posted: 11:15 PM, December 1st (Sunday)

Oh no.. I wouldn't talk to the living breathing person who exists now. She couldn't answer my questions anyway.

It's the person who used to exist, or maybe only existed in my head, who I'd like to talk to, but she's gone.


Me, 32. DD, 8. DS, 6 (deceased).

Posts: 819 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Pacific Northwest
NaiveAgain
Member
Member # 20849
Default  Posted: 8:02 AM, December 2nd (Monday)

It's the person who used to exist, or maybe only existed in my head, who I'd like to talk to, but she's gone.
((((ProbableIceCream))))
I'm so sorry. I hate when we can't get closure, it does make moving forward more difficult. Honestly, I know this is why I went into the career field that I did. I am in Social Work/Counseling, and it is heavy on Psychology, which helps me understand personality and mood disorders.

But honestly, even though I now understand why WS acted the way he did, it still sucks. I know there is something different in his brain that makes him do the things he does. But it STILL hurt, it still left me messed up, and I am still dealing with the repercussions from time to time.

I think the most important thing to remember when someone abandons us, the people they are supposed to love, is that the problem resides with them, not us. People that are mentally healthy will stick around and work things out, take care of their responsibilities, and deal with problems. People that are emotionally immature, have personality disorders, or have other mental problems will run.

I'm so sorry for the pain you have experienced.


Original WS D-Day July 10, 2008. Kept lying, he is gone.
New WS (2 EA's, no PA) 12-3-13
If you don't like where you are, then change it. You are not a tree.

Posts: 15195 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Ohio
jo2love
Moderator
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 8:12 AM, December 2nd (Monday)

(((ProbableIceCream)))


Posts: 34777 | Registered: Mar 2011
Topic Posts: 6