SurvivingInfidelity.com Forums
Reconciliation
User Topic: 11 months today
UKlady
Member
Member # 39058
What?  Posted: 12:12 PM, December 3rd (Tuesday)

Yep - just one more month til the anniversary of DDay... sigh....

I''m trying really hard, we both are, I don''t know where I''d be without SI - truly I don''t. If anyone here has regularly followed my posts you''ll know that my WH is a model fWH to be!

I don''t know why I''m posting really, just feeling an immense sadness again, like I could cry at anything and at any time. We have a lot to be thankful for, we have hope for the future and exciting times around the corner so why am I so sad again? Can''t put my finger on it, it''s nothing specific, no triggers (well none more than usual) he''s done nothing wrong I''m just sad.... sigh.... Sorry to be a tad sorry for myself... just need a few virtual hugs from the only people in the world who understand...


Me: BW 45
Him: WH 48
Married: 6 years, together 9 years
D-day: 3 January 2013 - he confessed.
A: June-Dec 2012
No children.

Posts: 153 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: UK
2married2quit
Member
Member # 36555
Default  Posted: 12:16 PM, December 3rd (Tuesday)

It hasn't been so long since your DDAY so it's understandable. I was panicking at the 11th month just thinking about DDAY anniversary. All those dates triggered stuff, but I was glad to get threw it all.

I don't know about you, but I'm affected by the weather and it is cloudy and rainy and cold here. Sad to say the least. Depressed even.

You're not alone.

(((((hugs)))))


BS - Me 43 WS - Her 41
DDAY - June 2012 (found the texts)
DDAY2 - Next Day (found out who) EA
TT- till 9/2012 (some PA)
Married 20yrs. 2kids
Status: in careful R. Sometimes spinning our wheels

Posts: 1397 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: USA
ItsaClimb
Member
Member # 37107
Default  Posted: 1:11 PM, December 3rd (Tuesday)

{hugs} I know just how you feel. Hoping things look up for you really soon.

For some reason, month 11 was a terrible month for me... I felt so sad, defeated... just generally unhappy. For me I think it was because with the antiversary looming, I kept on thinking "it's been a YEAR, I should be feeling better!" and "I've wasted a YEAR of my life being miserable because of the A!" That milestone somehow brought things into focus and had me measuring my "progress".


BS 46
Together 29 yrs, M 25 years
2 daughters 24yo(married with a brand new little daughter) & 19yo
D-Day 18 Aug 2012
6mth EA lead to 4mth PA with CO-W. I found out 8 1/2 yrs later

Posts: 1022 | Registered: Oct 2012
meplusfour
Member
Member # 38958
Default  Posted: 1:34 PM, December 3rd (Tuesday)

((UKlady))

I remember you joining around the same time that I did. In our posts, you were so strong and insightful about what had happened. It was a comfort to me to read your posts and realize that someone else was feeling the same way I was and that I was not alone.

I hope that this phase passes quickly for you.

[This message edited by meplusfour at 1:34 PM, December 3rd (Tuesday)]


BW (me)42
WH 44
3 daughters, 1 son
Married 10 years, together 13
DDay 3/14/2013, four year PA
In R
"Sometimes you have to accept the fact that certain things will never go back to the way they used to be."

Posts: 385 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Canada
TrustGone
Member
Member # 36654
Default  Posted: 2:02 PM, December 3rd (Tuesday)

(((UKLady)))


BW-50
WH#2-51
M-9 yrs T-11 yrs
4 children-none together
DD#1-9/5/11 LTA 2yrs
DD#2-7/3/12 False R
DD#3-4/29/13 (OW broke NC)
Status: Your guess is as good as mine.

Posts: 2420 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Texas
LA44
Member
Member # 38384
Default  Posted: 7:53 PM, December 3rd (Tuesday)

Hello ((UKLady)), I remember when you joined and I sent you a post - your first response! This is our connection.

It's okay. I felt this way too at 11 months. Like I was prepping myself. It was easy to think, "last year at this time..." once my boys' bdays started mid-November. I posted a lot and then I settled down a couple weeks in. It will be 12 months on Friday. Also, H's bday.


Me: 44
He: 47 WH
Married: 15 years
D Day: December 2012
Affair: Fall 2009 - Dec. 2011
R is not linear

Posts: 2444 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Canada, eh
sailorgirl
Member
Member # 38162
Default  Posted: 9:33 PM, December 3rd (Tuesday)

I hear you, UKlady!

Our d-days are fast approaching.

I don't know if this will help you at all, but I did used to have "blue" days or very down times occasionally before the A. So now when I have them I think about how some of this emotion may not even be A related. It could just be normal ups and downs of mood, and I want to try not to make it last longer by letting my heart get weighed down by the A sadness.

So, I try to remember other times in my life when I was in a depression. (Often in winter because I'm affected by the lack of light.) I focus on those memories and how I got through it (girlfriends, running, watching Buffy, or crying it out), and I think about how I'm going to come out the other side of this feeling, too.

Wait it out. Distract from A thoughts. Do something fun or silly. Try to get sunlight on your face before 10:00 am (read that somewhere and it helps me).

I'm two days behind you on the antiversary. ((UKlady))


Married 14 years, three amazing kids
H had 17 month EA/PA
D-day 1/5/13
Reconcilling

Posts: 787 | Registered: Jan 2013
UKlady
Member
Member # 39058
Default  Posted: 4:31 AM, December 4th (Wednesday)

2m2q - thank you for your words - I think yesterday we were both around at the same time and feeling blue - nice to see that we both posted on each other''s threads! I''m glad that you were helped out with not contacting the OM.

itsaclimb - yeah - maybe that ''nearly at the one year mark'' thing is having an effect. As always, it''s good to know I''m not alone in my thinking.

meplusfour - so good of you to remember I am generally still positive it''s just those times you know? I wish sometimes I could erase the knowledge of the A completely.

TrustGone - thanks for the hug - it does mean a lot.

LA - I will always remember you for being the first to respond to my first post here - thank you for that x. I hope that Friday is not too bad for you.

Sailorgirl - sigh.... I feel so aligned with your story and know how you can totally empathise. We are both ''lucky'' that our Hs ''get it''. Part of my sadness is that I actually NEVER felt blue for no reason pre DDay. I was always a ''live life to the fullest'' and certainly ''live EVERY day'' - I had nothing to feel blue about. I ''knew'' back then that my H would always be there for me - I know NOW he will be but in between times I didn''t know him and that makes me sad


Me: BW 45
Him: WH 48
Married: 6 years, together 9 years
D-day: 3 January 2013 - he confessed.
A: June-Dec 2012
No children.

Posts: 153 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: UK
sailorgirl
Member
Member # 38162
Default  Posted: 8:29 AM, December 4th (Wednesday)

We are both ''lucky'' that our Hs ''get it''.

So true, but I also understand the use of quotes on "lucky" .

Part of my sadness is that I actually NEVER felt blue for no reason pre DDay.

Wow, I can see how this would be doubly hard then.

I ''knew'' back then that my H would always be there for me - I know NOW he will be but in between times I didn''t know him and that makes me sad

Last night, my H was telling me what he talked about in IC. I was thinking how he never would have been this open with me about his inner life before he hit rock bottom and faced his issues. I was realizing how much better I'm getting to know him, especially as I heal so I can really listen. I was too hurt/angry to listen at first.

I think the saddest thing would have been if he suppressed the effects of his toxic FOO forever and I never knew really knew him.

It is good to know that SI will be here when the non-specific but immense sadness comes.


Married 14 years, three amazing kids
H had 17 month EA/PA
D-day 1/5/13
Reconcilling

Posts: 787 | Registered: Jan 2013
Topic Posts: 9