Topic: stay at home moms, need advice!
Member # 26942
| Posted: 10:21 PM, December 3rd (Tuesday)|
Are there any once stay at home moms who left with the kids? I would have left months (or years) ago, nut I have no job, no money, no clue as to how I will make it. My son is only 2, not in full time school, so I don't know how I could work to earn enough to support us and not rely on in laws or pay for child care! Can I hear some of your stories about how you did it?
me: BS, 41
OW - fugly old b**ch
currently in shock, but functioning better than I thought.
Posts: 11 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: NYc
Member # 29183
| Posted: 11:49 PM, December 3rd (Tuesday)|
I have 3 kids, so my child support could be higher than yours, depending on what your ex does for a job, and whether he pays child support. I live on CS, SS, and my government child tax benefit. We live simply. I have landlords who give me a break on rent. Our extras are minimal. I get a lot of hand-me-downs for the kids' clothes, from friends, or I buy them second-hand.
It's tough sometimes, but do-able. If WXH didn't pay CS or SS, I certainly couldn't have stayed home.
3 amazing kidlets
To WXH "Now you're just somebody that I used to know." http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d9NF2edxy-M
D-day and separation - June, 2009
Divorced - December, 2011
Posts: 2524 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: A better place
Member # 33129
| Posted: 11:52 PM, December 3rd (Tuesday)|
I was a part time worker when this nightmare started. I am now employed full time...
But when my kids were little I taught preschool so they could come with me. In that an option for you?
divorced the Dooosh
even if you find your voice,
sometimes it does not matter anymore,
when you speak to a man who is deaf by choice.
Posts: 3612 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: Happyville
Member # 30346
| Posted: 7:36 AM, December 4th (Wednesday)|
I ended up negotiating a good settlement in the D that allows me to go back to school and stay home with the kids for a few years.
I did leave with the kids, I moved them 1.5 hours away from ex. I live on SS and CS. I downsized my house by 3/4 and sold my car and bought a piece of crap cheap car.
I wanted to make sure I could live well within my means, and I have been very successful. I buy second hand, on sale, or friends and I trade clothing. My Mom does buy me "big" things. I am using my savings to pay for grad school…which is scary…but in the long run I know it will come back to me in spades.
First thing I would do is find a lawyer…look for free legal advise…and see what you can expect in a settlement. It was cheaper for me to stay home with my kids than for us to split full-time child care. Use Food Banks, churches, friends.
I had a friend who walked away with 2 small kids. Her parents bought her a trailer and put it on their property. She didn't even have a TV for a few years. She took out school loans and went back to school and lived on practically nothing until her kids were in school. Then, she got a job based on her degree and bought a cute little house for her and her two boys. She actually had her ex's parental rights terminated. She received NOTHING from him. Ever. 6 years out she has a great job, a boyfriend, a cute house and a good life.
Just takes tenacity and perseverance. You can do it.
me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings
Posts: 4185 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: South
Member # 36134
| Posted: 1:10 PM, December 4th (Wednesday)|
You can do it!
I didn't leave and my kids were older. But I got the house and the mortgage.
When the kids were small I did in home daycare, I had my 3(under 3) and 4 others 1-4yo. I also offered saturday day care... the staff at a local hospital LOVED me and didn't mind paying extra money for competent weekend coverage.
When my kids were in school (and he left) I got a job at the local school as a teacher assistant. I also worked transcribing for a local Urgent care...I did have to invest in equipment. But it did pay as I was able to work evenings, nights when I couldn't sleep, mornings before I went to work, and weekends. The only hours I couldn't work was 8am-5pm when urgent care was NOT open.
Other than working at their school, my kids never knew I was working as a transcriptionist I did it off hours.
I know so many women who live frugally, and do this... it isn't easy, but filled with lots of blessings.
one of the biggest blessings was not being able to afford cable TV in 2004, I had it turned off. I used the $80 month to pay for something else. And my kids 13,13,11,and 9 at the time did not like it. Eventually their grades went up....way up and stayed there. 10 years after divorce.. I have 1 college graduate, 3 in college with lots of scholarship money and on track to graduate with out any money from XH or I.
Teaching kids how to tighten a belt and make do has given my kids a creative edge on their school mates. They can make something from almost nothing. Some of my kids favorite holidays/birthdays were when we had no money and had to get creative with our celebrations.
there are many places to go for help-food banks, community action agencies, churches, even your local utility company. people are willing to help if they know about you. Its humbling, and restores your view of humanity in so many ways.
I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.
Posts: 5264 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
Member # 26071
| Posted: 6:23 PM, December 4th (Wednesday)|
I went back to school when I could see that the M was shaky -- I no longer felt comfortable being solely dependent on my H at that time. I am getting my doctorate now, still have a few years to go, and am living on CS SS and loans, with a little bit of help from my parents. Ex sees that it makes sense to pay me enough SS to let me live, since he would pay a hell of a lot more in childcare than we pay now, because I am mostly able to do my schoolwork/clinical training around their schedule, plus once I have my PhD his CS will drop as my income will go way up from what I could earn now. I kept the house, and gave up a lot of the liquid assets to do so, but even with cashing him out of his share of the equity I pay less for the mortgage than I would have on an apartment, so that worked out for me (plus stability for the kids).
I definitely dont live like I used to, and I worry about money, but its still better than being M!
D-Day: 6/5/09, drunken ONS on business trip, confessed immediately, transparent, remorseful but emotionally clueless
M 11 years, 3 kids
4/12 Tried to R for 3 years, have decided to D
12/31/12 D final
Posts: 542 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: PacNW
|Topic Posts: 6|| |