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User Topic: Birthday present etiquette question
Member # 33698
Default  Posted: 5:37 PM, December 4th (Wednesday)

Okay, let's see if I can keep this short.

I recently went through a rough patch with someone who is both a colleague as well as a good friend. There was a misunderstanding, and I was very upset. I avoided her for a while because I was angry and wanted to cool down, but she finally cornered me and could tell that I wasn't happy. We talked about the situation (a work thing), and although I'm still going to be affected by a choice she's made (not getting fired or anything truly terrible... it's just stressful), we talked it out and seemed to end things on good terms. We've been friendly with each other, and life seems to have gone back to normal.

Every year, we give each other birthday presents. This year, she didn't give me one, and it can't be because she forgot. Another colleague celebrated it in a very public way that she most certainly saw, and she even asked me how my birthday weekend was on Monday.

I don't expect my friends to get me anything. But... do I still give her one in a couple of months on her birthday, or is this her way of saying that we're not doing that anymore? I'm thinking that I'll probably give her one this time around, but if she stops giving me birthday presents in the future, maybe I need to accept that we're not gift exchanging anymore. Whether that has anything to do with our recent difficulties, I don't know. Obviously, I can't ask her because that makes me sound like a gift piggie-- "Hey, are you mad at me? Why didn't you get me a present?" No thanks. Any thoughts?

BS (Me) 39
Happily liberated!
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley

Posts: 3620 | Registered: Oct 2011
Member # 1330
Default  Posted: 5:42 PM, December 4th (Wednesday)

I think you can safely move to a nice card. That would be what I would do. Acknowledges the day, but keeps a professional distance.


FBS: Married 20 years, 2 daughters 25 and 22. Divorced by the grace of GOD.
D-Days: 2/23/93; 10/11/97; 3/5/03
Ex & OW Broke up 12-10
"An erection does not count as personal growth."

Posts: 29657 | Registered: Apr 2003 | From: Massachusetts
Member # 26928
Default  Posted: 7:26 PM, December 4th (Wednesday)

Ditto Cat.

Me - 42
SorryInSac (WH#2) - 47. DDay 7/12/14
Married 4, together 7yrs total
Status - Stick a fork in me...

DD(21), DS(18, PDD-NOS)
6 Furkids - 4 dogs, 2 cats

WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW) - Legally married 18yrs

I edit often for clarity.

Posts: 6520 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: California
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 11:33 PM, December 4th (Wednesday)

I agree. A card is sufficient.

Posts: 35801 | Registered: Mar 2011
Topic Posts: 4