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User Topic: I hit him and I am not sorry
FightingBack
Member
Member # 34770
Default  Posted: 8:10 PM, December 4th (Wednesday)

Two nights ago after almost two weeks of starting to feel good, I asked my H to tell me some instance between him and OW that would dispel any illusions I may have that their relationship was xpclose to perfect

Of course it was hidden and deceitful and false, but he has never told me anything that would have made him want to stop the affair.

he thought about it for a few minutes and then told me this horrible story. I really don't know how their relationship was not completely destroyed by this.......

he said that once, there was an issue at work. (An error on her part perhaps) and they were discussing it on the phone. She was trying to explain her POV and he became annoyed.

Then.......get this......he was very SHORT with her, and actually HUNG up on her!!!!!!!!!!!! Can you imagine??

You can imagine the relief I felt after that relevation!

I thanked him for his honesty, but was clearly upset. He asked if we could postpone the conversation until the next day.

Maybe I was tired, maybe I was upset, maybe I was fucking fed up of him " postponing the conversation", maybe I just was feeling bitchy, but I said "I'll bet you never told HER to Fuck Off.

(He said that to me shortly before dday-this was the first time EVER anyone has ever said that to me, and it still stings)

He replied "I'm sure I did". When I asked if this was something he regularly said to people, he replied "no". When I asked why he had said it to her, he couldn't remember. I asked what her reaction was, he couldn't remember.

I asked him if he really had said that to her and he said "yes I did". But it was the look on his face that did me in. He scowled. His face changed. He looked like Gollum . And I knew he was lying to my face.

And then I hit him. We have not spoken about it since. It happened three nights ago, and he is acting like nothing happened.

I don't feel bad. I don't feel anything.


Me 53
WH 58
Married 25 years
4 children S30,D24, S23,S21
D-Day Nov. 29, 2011
15 year affair with married employee.
Together trying to make sense of it all!

Posts: 663 | Registered: Feb 2012
Kelany
Member
Member # 34755
Default  Posted: 8:19 PM, December 4th (Wednesday)

I'm sorry he was lying to you, I know that's painful.

However, hitting him is over the line. If a male BS had this same scenario, he would be vilified. Physical violence should never be resorted to.


BS - Me
SA/FWH Him
DDay 1 - Jul 11
DDay 2 - Jul 12
R Dec 12

Former 80s Icon wishful thinking


Posts: 1993 | Registered: Feb 2012
FightingBack
Member
Member # 34770
Default  Posted: 8:46 PM, December 4th (Wednesday)

I know this Samantha. I would never have reacted this way before. when I say I feel nothing, I mean I feel nothing for him. But I feel like I don't like me very much at all.

Now I am really alone.


Me 53
WH 58
Married 25 years
4 children S30,D24, S23,S21
D-Day Nov. 29, 2011
15 year affair with married employee.
Together trying to make sense of it all!

Posts: 663 | Registered: Feb 2012
prowoman
Member
Member # 40761
Default  Posted: 8:48 PM, December 4th (Wednesday)

I also hit my WH in the aftermath of D-day. I still feel horrible about it. It regret it, and he has never expressed anything to me about it. But I still wish I hadn't done it. There's a lot of things I regret about that time, because it just wasn't worth it. I think I saw the tagline from someone's signature on here "If you are patient in one moment of anger, you will escape one hundred days of sorrow." Every time now he does something that makes me want to wring his neck, I think about that. One night can make a world of difference. He is never worth making me less than the woman I should and can be.

eta: I read 15 yr LTA and I hurt for you. I don't even feel justified in calling my WHs A and LTA after that. I know I can't compare my situation to yours. Just sending hugs and strength to you

[This message edited by prowoman at 8:50 PM, December 4th (Wednesday)]


me: BS 39 | stbxWH: 46
DD14, DS2
DDAY: Aug12... A continued "underground"
Separated Nov13- OC due June14

Posts: 114 | Registered: Sep 2013
Jrazz
Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 8:50 PM, December 4th (Wednesday)

Hitting's never ok. Imagine if the title read: "I hit her and I'm not sorry." Panic. Anarchy.

It shouldn't matter what the gender or transgressions of the players are.

This is coming from someone who slapped the hell out of her WH. I felt proper shame, but only much later.

I know you're in a world of hurt right now, and believe me when I tell you that I sympathize completely. I just want to help you separate out the hitting part, and get to a place where you realize that part of your journey should include learning how it happened and how to avoid ever doing it again.

(((FightingBack)))


For last year's words belong to last year's language
And next year's words await another voice.
And to make an end is to make a beginning. - T.S. Eliot

Posts: 14715 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
Tearsoflove
Member
Member # 8271
Default  Posted: 9:08 PM, December 4th (Wednesday)

After the first Dday, I flew to the country where my husband was stationed at the time. I don't drink but some serious drinking was done the first few nights I was there by both of us. During our first discussion and subsequent argument about the affair, my husband kept telling me to hit him. His exact words were: "Hit me. You'll feel better. Come on. Hit me." He repeated that over and over until I punched him in the face. I didn't feel better. I hit him again. I think I hit him four times total. It never did make me feel better.

Afterward, he screamed at me that he couldn't believe I hit him. I screamed back that if he had run over me with his truck it would hurt less than what he'd done to me.

The next morning, sober but hung over, I realized that I didn't recognize myself anymore and I wasn't going to let the pain change me like that. I also realized that I definitely should not be drinking to dull the pain. But I think the biggest realization was that I was capable of atrocities, too. I'll never hit him (or anyone else) again. It was a lesson for both of us. I'm not proud of it but I surely do understand the perspective.


Me: BS
Him: FWS
3 kids

DD#1: 3/18/2003
DD#2: 9/28/2010 with a follow up on 1/28/2011 where he decided to come clean about the EA actually being a PA.

The OW could have been anybody and both turned out to be nobody special.


Posts: 3785 | Registered: Sep 2005
myperfectlife
Member
Member # 39801
Default  Posted: 10:05 PM, December 4th (Wednesday)

I totally get not feeling sorry.
I also get when people say "if it was a man who hit a woman then you would realize how wrong it is".
I get all of that, but I still believe deep down that physical reactions are normal.
Not culturally or morally acceptable, but a normal visceral reaction to the stress and pain we are going through.
Of course the high road is to not do it. :)

I never did hit my XWS. I did however have very vivid dreams/nightmares where I was pummeling the shit out of him...one that was so violent that it actually woke me up in terror.
Also, during one conversation he got up in my face and I flinched so hard he freaked out. I started sobbing and said "I thought you were going to hit me."
He pulled me into his lap and rocked me for a long time, saying how he would never, ever do that.
Oh, but he said he would never, ever do so many things-and he has done almost all of them.

The extreme stress of what we are going through seems to bring out parts of us we never thought we had. The basic animalistic survival mode we never thought we would need in this world.
Yes, it is still there.


I cannot be responsible for another's personal growth.
DDay#1 of a "cheatillion" 4/1/13
Divorce final 11/04/13

Posts: 452 | Registered: Jul 2013
Chrysalis123
Member
Member # 27148
Default  Posted: 11:26 PM, December 4th (Wednesday)

I hit x-Npd too. Never ht anyone before or since. It showed me how injured I was to resort to hitting.


Don’t get to the end of your life and find that you lived only the length of it; live the width of it as well. 

Posts: 2373 | Registered: Jan 2010
heartache101
Member
Member # 26465
Default  Posted: 12:01 AM, December 5th (Thursday)

Oh my.. Well maybe he wont lie to your face again?

I sat on my spouse and choked him. Not one of my finest moments either. I truly had so much rage I dont know how I stopped. Sickens me to this day. I am not a violent person the thought of hurting someone over infidelity sickens me.

I am thankful I did not hurt him. I was 9 months pregnant too.

If you get that angry again walk away.



There are degrees to which you let people back into your life and degrees to which you let them back into your heart-which, of course, are not the same thing

Posts: 3140 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Indiana
Lostandpregnant
Member
Member # 41433
Default  Posted: 12:15 AM, December 5th (Thursday)

I''d like to gauge his eyeballs out. I don''t think I''d feel bad about it, either.
*shrug*


He left me 18 weeks pregnant with twins for another.I am a Licensed Private Investigator..it even happens to us.

Posts: 354 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Canada
BAB61
Member
Member # 41181
Default  Posted: 1:06 AM, December 5th (Thursday)

During my huge blow-up with my WH I told him "Women have killed for less than this! If I could have figured out a way to not get caught I might have done the same that first 24 hrs!!" My 2 dd's were watching (since I was in full-blown fight mode I didn't even notice!) and said his face looked like I had slapped him. Sometimes words do hurt! I meant what I said, and it is true.

I agree that physical violence is not the best way to resolve things, but you were pushed to the limit, be kind to you, forgive yourself and move on.


Boss A** B*tch
BS/52 Me, STBXpos/56, dd's 16&14
1st D-day 10/19/2013 EA/PA
2nd D-day 12/7/2013 LTA/Rendezvous
S 12/7/2013 No-fault state, 6 mo S, counting down the days.

Posts: 1271 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: DE
sinsof thefather
Member
Member # 29295
Default  Posted: 4:15 AM, December 5th (Thursday)

Now I am really alone.

FightingBack you are not alone. Your family loves you, and there are a lot of people here who care about you (I'm one of them - and if you ever want to PM me please feel free to do so)


You know it was wrong to hit him. Violence is never right and I know that you do know that. I believe that is why you are here telling us about it. You can see just how bad things have got by you doing something you thought you never would.


This needs to be spoken about between you FightingBack. It can't be rugswept. And neither, after disrespecing you for 15 years, can his continued lying to your face be ignored. That needs to be spoken about between you too. He can't just expect that to be rugswept either, because that is what has got you to this point in the first place.


In the end you've got to think about what all this rugsweeping is going to be doing to you longterm. (((FightingBack)))

[This message edited by sinsof thefather at 4:19 AM, December 5th (Thursday)]


...second star to the right and straight on till morning.

Posts: 1740 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: UK
steadfast1973
Member
Member # 24719
Sad  Posted: 4:27 AM, December 5th (Thursday)

I told WH i wanted to punch his face in. He told me that I should, then.


Me- 40- BS Him- 36- WH D-day#1 5/25/09 3 mo. EA (tt, uncovering much more) d-day#2 11/06/13 Prostitute 11/5/13 (full confession)"I've seen your flag on the marble arch, our love is not a victory march, it's a cold and broken hallelujah

Posts: 1988 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Midwest
nomistakeaboutit
Member
Member # 36857
Default  Posted: 4:43 AM, December 5th (Thursday)

Let me guess. It's not the first time you've hit him? And,,he's hit you before. Is that right?

It's the "...and I'm not sorry" part that's the most bothersome part.

Hitting is an impulse that you must resist, or you have failed.

Good luck controlling your future impulses.


Me: BH 56.........Her: WW 43
DD: 6..........DS: 4
Married for six years.
DDay: 12-25-11 Divorced: 7-15-12
...................................
"It's like a nightmare within a nightmare, which in and of itself is a nightmare!"

Posts: 803 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: U.S.A.
steadfast1973
Member
Member # 24719
Default  Posted: 4:55 AM, December 5th (Thursday)

It's not the first time I've thought about hitting him... I haven't yet. (Unlike him, my impulse control is impeccable. ) i have, however broken a lot of plates.

I get the "i'm not sorry" part. In a past relationship, my xbf kept accusing me of cheating (all the while he spent all of his free time with porn -seems to be a trait I attract ). He was verbally abusive and always called me "whore" and "slut". Note, that I never cheated on him. I did consider it, given that he accused me of it so much, but in the end, I stayed true. One day he called my child a "mistake", and I decked him. I wasn't sorry. I kicked him out the next day. The fact that i wasn't sorry, was bad. The fact that I felt so empowered after putting up with his verbal abuse for almost a year, was scary. I didn't want to hit him again... But I also wanted to fight back. So I did. By making him leave.


Me- 40- BS Him- 36- WH D-day#1 5/25/09 3 mo. EA (tt, uncovering much more) d-day#2 11/06/13 Prostitute 11/5/13 (full confession)"I've seen your flag on the marble arch, our love is not a victory march, it's a cold and broken hallelujah

Posts: 1988 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Midwest
Bobbi_sue
Member
Member # 10347
Default  Posted: 5:50 AM, December 5th (Thursday)

It's the "...and I'm not sorry" part that's the most bothersome part.

This. And I'm waiting for some men to come on here and speak out. Most men who hit women are either sorry, or ashamed or know better than to even admit it on an anonymous discussion board because men are so condemned for this type of act whether they were cheated on or anything else their female partner might have done. Apparently, many still think it is just a little bit "more okay" for a woman to be violent with a man than the other way around. I don't think it is any more acceptable or understandable for a woman to do this to a man than the other way around.


Posts: 5580 | Registered: Apr 2006
Merlin
Member
Member # 30221
What?  Posted: 7:50 AM, December 5th (Thursday)

Initiating violence is categorically wrong and indefensible.


"I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. A bird will fall frozen dead from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself." D. H. Lawrence

Her: WW/56 Me: BS/62, 24yrs M
3 great kids, now 22, 20, 17 b,b,g
D-Day 8/14/08, D 1/13/11


Posts: 1106 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: East Coast
Kierst13
Member
Member # 39197
Default  Posted: 10:08 AM, December 5th (Thursday)

And I knew he was lying to my face.

And then I hit him. We have not spoken about it since. It happened three nights ago, and he is acting like nothing happened.

I don't feel bad. I don't feel anything.

Is it the lying that makes the hitting acceptable or is it the infidelity?

Oh wait, if we as BS find justifications for our bad behavior because we are hurt, I will bring the argument that that is wayward thinking. Waywards justify their affairs due to many things. We know their is no justification for their affairs, just as there is no justification for hitting a WS, man or woman.


Story in my profile
He lied, I gave the gift of R
He became the model remorseful WS...all while lying and seeing her
Am I done? Yes I am!

Posts: 346 | Registered: May 2013
FightingBack
Member
Member # 34770
Default  Posted: 11:11 AM, December 5th (Thursday)

Thank you all for your replies. I welcome all the varying responses, because they are all caring and supportive.

We spoke about it briefly last night. WH brought it up by saying that his ear still hurt. I apologized for hitting him. I also said that I was sorry that I was reduced to that, and that I don't like the person I have become.

As for the lie, he still insists that he did not lie. But then again, he has also told me that he never acknowledged that he was lying to me during the affair. He claims that he has a foggy memory of swearing at OW, but cannot recall details, context or reaction.


Is it the lying that makes the hitting acceptable or is it the infidelity?

It was the lie. If it was the infidelity, I would have hit him long ago. I am not justifying it, just analyzing my reaction.

Let me guess. It's not the first time you've hit him? And,,he's hit you before. Is that right?

Wrong. I have never hit him before, nor has he ever hit me or anyone else in his life.


Apparently, many still think it is just a little bit "more okay" for a woman to be violent with a man than the other way around. I don't think it is any more acceptable or understandable for a woman to do this to a man than the other way around.

I for one, do not think it is "more okay" for a woman to be violent with a man or anyone else for that matter.

My H was sexually abused at 12 years of age, although he never looked at it as abuse. He was collecting for his paper route when he was invited in by a woman in her 20's, who brought him to her bedroom, and had sex with him. He felt guilty and ashamed afterward, but went back for more the next week. He never told his parents.

When he told me of this experience, I felt so sad for this child. I also felt enraged. I know that if I found out that someone had done this to MY child, there would be a VERY violent reaction from me. Maybe it would be wrong. No more or less wrong if I was a father than a mother.

In any case, I would hurt that abuser if I had the opportunity. And I would NOT feel badly about it. I am not a violent person normally. This kind of evil brings it out in me. Sometimes, there is a place for it.

I apologized, I regret my actions. Remorse and shame. No.


FightingBack you are not alone. Your family loves you, and there are a lot of people here who care about you (I'm one of them - and if you ever want to PM me please feel free to do so)

Thank you sins.

[This message edited by FightingBack at 11:13 AM, December 5th (Thursday)]


Me 53
WH 58
Married 25 years
4 children S30,D24, S23,S21
D-Day Nov. 29, 2011
15 year affair with married employee.
Together trying to make sense of it all!

Posts: 663 | Registered: Feb 2012
dontknowwhyme
Member
Member # 21587
Default  Posted: 11:46 AM, December 5th (Thursday)

Physical violence is never okay, Male or Female. But that is not to say that I understand how someone dealing with this situation could snap. As a man, If I was the WS I would not be surprised if I was smacked for telling lies. I would almost expect it.


BS 38
FWW 37 (fireandice)
Married 13 Years - Together 20
D-Day1:Jan 08 (EA OM#1)
D-Day2:8-15-08 (EA/PA OM#2)
DS12, DS9
D-Day3:11-3-10
Divorced 1-27-11
Remember, you don't drown from being thrown in the water. You drown from staying in it.

Posts: 937 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: Ohio
RyeBread
Member
Member # 37437
Default  Posted: 12:00 PM, December 5th (Thursday)

The reason your WH acted like nothing happened was because of shame, guilt, societal conditioning, and embarrassment. It's shameful that there is a mindset that thinks it's more OK to hit a man. I've been on the receiving end and I can tell you that its unacceptable PERIOD.

I can think of a ton of reasons to pummel my STBXWW. But I just don't do it. That's not who I am or want to be. And in the moments where I felt like it was a possibility I left the house and calmed myself down. She doesn't deserve that from me or anyone else. She however doesn't seem to mind throwing things or hitting me when she gets mad. Over the years I've lost a lot of respect for her and her A was just the icing on the shit cake I allowed myself to be fed.

Even though your WH had the A, be prepared for some deep seated resentment and anger towards you for hitting him. The A and the hitting are two separate things. If you want him to feel safe enough to talk to you about the details of what happened during the A, he needs to know that he can do that without risking his physical and emotional safety. I'm sure throwing things in the past set him up to think you aren't a safe person to talk to a while ago. Throwing things is also a form of abuse towards the other person involved. It only escalates from there. If you are trying to R then you'll have many other talks and moments where you'll be angry and feel justified in doing him harm. You really need to get a hold on it and take back some control of your emotions.

I suggest really looking into why you have to manifest your anger physically through IC.


Let him that would move the world first move himself. - Socrates

Posts: 957 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Midwest
mychild
Member
Member # 40186
Default  Posted: 12:01 PM, December 5th (Thursday)

U would not have hit him if he had not f'd around. As far as male female, tired of the but if a man hits a woman...

Men have gotten away with beating women forever and still get away with it and murder in other cultures. Men are larger and stronger and more violent, testosterone. So yes for them it should always be hands off. Deal with the physical differences. Men can and do kill with one punch. Women, not so much. Oh, u got a bruise? Sorry u ruined our relationship. You got a bruise and I got a broken heart. I think we'd all take the bruise instead. I told H, I wish he would have hit me instead, a broken heart, for me is forever.

If a woman uses a weapon then maybe I will listen. Otherwise I'm still in the he's lucky that's all she did.

But no more confessions on here about that , too many self righteous here who like the truth only how they can spin it.

Take care and work out. Best revenge is self care.


Posts: 53 | Registered: Aug 2013
RyeBread
Member
Member # 37437
Default  Posted: 12:16 PM, December 5th (Thursday)

Men are larger and stronger and more violent, testosterone. So yes for them it should always be hands off. Deal with the physical differences. Men can and do kill with one punch. Women, not so much.

Wow mychild, very uninformed and sexist comment there. I'm sorry you may have had some horrific experiences with some shitty men. FYI - a woman is just as capable of killing a man with one punch as a man is capable of killing a woman with one punch. Physics doesn't discriminate, you shouldn't either.

ETA: Its people with your type of mindset about men that perpetuate a lot of the misinformation out there about domestic violence. I hope you get the IC you need to work through those issues as well.

[This message edited by RyeBread at 12:21 PM, December 5th (Thursday)]


Let him that would move the world first move himself. - Socrates

Posts: 957 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Midwest
SuperDuperWonderboy
Member
Member # 34716
Default  Posted: 12:19 PM, December 5th (Thursday)

And here we go, it was only a matter of time before someone was called "self-righteous" for saying it's not o.k. for women to hit men.

Edited to remove Gif of dude eating popcorn. Don't want to add anymore fuel to the fire.

But for reference..there was a dude eating popcorn gif on here.--mildly obnoxious.

[This message edited by SuperDuperWonderboy at 12:28 PM, December 5th (Thursday)]


My Friends call me Wonderboy--That's Mr. SuperduperWonderboy to you Tred.


Posts: 1267 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Everett
mychild
Member
Member # 40186
Default  Posted: 12:23 PM, December 5th (Thursday)

Love to hear the proof of women killing a man with one punch. I believe in truth not making u or me or pop corn eater feel better with lies. U don't need school to better educate yourself. And I don't need to be hit to know the truth.

Posts: 53 | Registered: Aug 2013
Deeply Scared
Administrator
Member # 2
Red  Posted: 12:24 PM, December 5th (Thursday)

mychild...

You are certainly entitled to your opinion, but your generalizations and cut downs to others demonstrate a very disrespectful attitude.

Please be more polite when expressing your views and keep the generalizations out of it.

Thank you.


"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." My Mom:)

My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.


Posts: 192070 | Registered: May 2002
Rebreather
Member
Member # 30817
Default  Posted: 12:25 PM, December 5th (Thursday)

Well, not to partake of WB's popcorn, but I think if the person you are with brings uncontrollable rage to you, then you should reconsider who you are with. And keep your hands to yourself.


Me BS
Him WH
2 ddays in '07
Recovering.
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi

Posts: 5861 | Registered: Jan 2011
RyeBread
Member
Member # 37437
Default  Posted: 12:34 PM, December 5th (Thursday)

Not going to take the bait mychild.

Best of luck to you in life.


Let him that would move the world first move himself. - Socrates

Posts: 957 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Midwest
HurtsButImOK
Member
Member # 38865
Default  Posted: 12:47 PM, December 5th (Thursday)

I understand feeling nothing, being so numb that all feelings are shut down. Acting out in response to pain is also understandable but violence is never a solution (unless in self defence). Common mantra here is that we are responsible for our actions, the only person we can control is ourselves. Don't let your WH A define and control you, don't become one of those who resort to striking out - that shit will start to eat you alive as you lose respect for yourself.


Also -t/j in response to mychild- I am female with no martial arts training and I could do serious physical damage if I wanted to, no weapon needed. It is offensive to claim that females are 'soft and fluffy and incapable of inflicting more than a bruise' shit.


Me: Awesome - 35

"I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel". –Maya Angelou

"When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be". –


Posts: 716 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Australia
FightingBack
Member
Member # 34770
Default  Posted: 12:54 PM, December 5th (Thursday)

This discussion seems to be fuelling some anger and for that I am sorry. Anger is a very real and human emotion and my recent action is an example.

I believe that anger has it's place. There are many injustices, cruelties and evils in the world to be angry about. And so we should be angry because apathy permits those things to continue.

But the place for anger is not here. This is a place that is safe for us to come and be heard. I am not saying that we should all agree, but we must recognize that we all come with our own histories and situations, fears and pain.

Our reactions to each other must be tempered by that. I do understand though, that it can be difficult to contain our emotions, as this is a very emotional time for all of us.

I am very grateful for this forum, and for all of you.

I wish us all peace.


Me 53
WH 58
Married 25 years
4 children S30,D24, S23,S21
D-Day Nov. 29, 2011
15 year affair with married employee.
Together trying to make sense of it all!

Posts: 663 | Registered: Feb 2012
StillGoing
Member
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 1:41 PM, December 5th (Thursday)

FightingBack - I think it's okay. Not that what you did was okay, or it's okay for gals to hit guys, but okay to acknowledge that something you did was wrong, without justifications, but not feel anything about it.

Anger is a hard place to work through. I can be angry about something, still be rational enough to understand I am wrong, but that will just feed into the feeling. Holding onto the idea that it's wrong and not okay despite the feelings - or lack thereof - is the mark of reason. I'm sorry you're in a shitty place.

As for the whole Men vs Women argument, it's old and tired.

That stuff escalates. Women are not helpless. If someone is angry enough to physically attack another, it's a violation of their person. It's a short step to a weapon of some kind, whether it's a framed photograph or a steak knife. Accepting the visitation of violence on someone else for the sake of anger or retribution means allowing very dangerous emotions free reign.

As for the ability of women when it comes to inflicting violence, I'd rather not go down that road but if you're interested, look up Amanda "Powerhouse" Lucas. I am a Star Wars nerd but I used to be in MMA training, before I took a meme to the knee. Anyway, she is awesome in that "I will kill you in one punch" kind of way.


“Fate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony.”

Posts: 7116 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
Jesu
Member
Member # 36422
Default  Posted: 9:44 PM, December 9th (Monday)

I am a victim of domestic violence/abuse. My WSO has hit me, scratched me all over including my face-drawing blood, bit me. I've had bruises, scratches and bite marks all up and down my arms and torso. She's broken my things, thrown things and broken them on me. In our last big "episode" she bit my cheek, spat in my face (which is also considered assault), and thrown a lamp at me shattering the globe on my shoulder.

All because she had multiple As and I question her about it, want answers, and want her to show true remorse for what she has done. That last episode I described I was asking her to tell me she loved me and to give me a hug and a kiss because I was hurting as it was getting close to A season. What ticked her off was me saying "You could hug and kiss OM, but not me because I brought up the A???"

Violence is wrong. There is no justification for violence unless it is in self defence, or in the defence of others. I got into a few fights with guys when I was younger, usually in self defence...but I am not a violent man. IMO violence is the reaction of the insipidly stupid. Not only have I never hit a woman, I have never even thought of lifting a finger in anger towards my WSO...even after everything that she has put me through.

I am shocked and dismayed that there have been people in this thread supporting, glorifying and justifying the use of violence by a woman towards a man!


Me: BSO 39
Her: WSO 29
Together: 9 years
Married?: No
Children?: No
OM: A friend of a friend
DD#1: June 18th 2012
Many more DD after TT
PA#1: 1 week in Nov/Dec 2010, which led to a long distance EA
R: ?

Posts: 608 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Oz
iwillNOT
Member
Member # 40605
Default  Posted: 1:01 AM, December 10th (Tuesday)

Jesu-
Your post brought tears to my eyes. It's unacceptable and inexcusable for anyone, man or woman, to abuse their partner physically or otherwise.

I know that there have been passionately differing opinions on this thread, and it is not my intent to add to that. But, for FightingBack - me, too.

The night I caught my husband cheating, after trying to hold it together long enough to get the kids in bed, I got myself to the other end of the house and I lost it. I screamed, cried, sobbed. Never, never have I been in so much pain. My WH tried to calm me, tried to hug me, was so distressed. I was literally hitting myself, I think to make the inner hurt stop - now I know, maybe, why people cut themselves. He grabbed my arm and said .." No. I'm the one who did this, you hit me."

And I did. I whaled on him as hard as I could until my hand hurt. It was pure pain and rage. I had no control, no conscious decision to do it. It was horrible, horrible, I am crying thinking of it. I have never hit anyone. I have never spanked my children. It was not ok, what I did.

Talking to my IC about it, she pointed out that that level of pain can produce actions that we would never do in " normal" life. She pointed out all the murders committed by hurt partners due to infidelity, the assaults, thing we see and hear about in the news.

I feel terrible to have been violent that way. Yet there was a reason, an extremity I was pushed to by my pain, where I literally lost control. Such a frightening feeling. I have a new level of understanding of others who react violently in these kinds of situations. I think that just because I reacted that way, doesn't make me a horrible human being.


Me: BS, 43
Him: WH, 44
Together 21 years
Married 14 years
Kiddos 2,6,8,10
Dday#1 2004, 3 years after EA/PA co-worker MOW
Dday#2 8-6-13, 13 months EA/9months PA with co-worker MOW - caught not confessed
Rugsweep now, pay later. Ask me how I know.

Posts: 413 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Midwest
Scubachick
Member
Member # 39906
Default  Posted: 1:24 AM, December 10th (Tuesday)

I punched my husband in the shoulder tonight. I know it's wrong. I tried to apologize once I calmed down but he said I wasn't sorry. I asked why he didn't think I meant my apology. He said because I told him I wanted to punch him in the face earlier.. I said "well, I still want to punch you in the face but I'm not going to". I even offered to let him punch me back in shoulder but he declined.

Posts: 482 | Registered: Jul 2013
cl131716
Member
Member # 40699
Default  Posted: 6:15 AM, December 10th (Tuesday)

Funny thing is WH asked me to hit him over and over again after D-day. He said, "You can hit me if you want...I know you will feel better." Ugh no, I wouldn't have! As much as I wanted to....and believe me I did! I didn't want to give him the satisfaction of having a "poor me" story.


Me BS 31
Him WS 34 Trying4change
Together 3 years, married for one
D-day: 07/23/13 cybersex with COW
D-day: 12/27/13 found out he met and kissed a "friend" in 2011
"A clear and innocent conscience fears nothing."

Posts: 935 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Oklahoma
hobbeskat
Member
Member # 38805
Default  Posted: 7:22 AM, December 10th (Tuesday)

My WH said the same thing, and I did hit him. And yes, I hate myself for it, and yes, he did use it as a victim story- even told the OW what a bitch I was. It's not worth it.

Posts: 305 | Registered: Mar 2013
TrustGone
Member
Member # 36654
Default  Posted: 9:05 AM, December 10th (Tuesday)

I never hit my WH#2 after 2ddays, but I did throw a glass of coke at his head. Luckily I missed, but I wouldn't have cared at the moment and still don't if it had hit him between the eyes.

I have never condoned violence and never will, but when you are in that mindset you can lose control of yourself. I also kicked the flower he just bought me out the backdoor. When it didn't break, I went in the yard and stomped on it until it was smashed to bits (poor flower). I then got a baseball bat and told him if he didn't turn off that TV, I was going to smash it to bits and he knew at that point I would have.

He had never seen me act like that and I think it did give him a reality check on how hurt and pissed I was about his continued cheating.

Do not condemn yourself too bad for slapping him. Just tell yourself you had a momentary lapse of good judgement and tell yourself he isn't worth the effort. My WH#2 locked up all the guns in a safe when he found out I knew. I just laughed at him and told him he wasn't worth the cost of a bullet.


BW-50
WH#2-51
M-9 yrs T-11 yrs
4 children-none together
DD#1-9/5/11 LTA 2yrs
DD#2-7/3/12 False R
DD#3-4/29/13 (OW broke NC)
Status: Your guess is as good as mine.

Posts: 2420 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Texas
JanaGreen
Member
Member # 29341
Default  Posted: 9:47 AM, December 10th (Tuesday)

I wrote out a big long reply and then deleted it. I just wanted to say - I think you should get in IC, and go to an IC who will hold you accountable for hitting, not someone who excuses it. I was guilty of doing this multiple times until I talked to a counselor who would absolutely not let me off the hook for what I did (I didn't WANT to be off the hook). Everyone else that I talked to, other than a few people at SI, excused or were even amused by the fact that I hit him. Was he being a jerk? Oh hell yes. But that's on him. Hitting him was on me.

I'm sorry you're hurting. The lying is absolutely terrible on top of what you've already been through. But the hitting just can't happen again. Please seek help.


We're both in our 30s. One awesome 4-year-old daughter.

Posts: 6167 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South
Kalliopeia
Member
Member # 35053
Default  Posted: 9:55 AM, December 10th (Tuesday)

I'm not going to condemn you for hitting him.
He has dehumanized you and suckerpunched you into a state of upset that you are lashing out.

ftg

If anything, if this is not a typical response from you, then don't let him put you into that position. Apparantly he thinks he is calling the shots.

As for hanging up on OW, lololo that is minor league. How terrible is he.


Posts: 478 | Registered: Mar 2012
Kierst13
Member
Member # 39197
Default  Posted: 10:14 AM, December 10th (Tuesday)

I am shocked and dismayed that there have been people in this thread supporting, glorifying and justifying the use of violence by a woman towards a man!

Thank you for sharing Jesu, I'm sure it was not easy.

There is zero, nilch, nada excuse for physical violence, save self defense of yourself or somebody else. End of story. Anybody who can physically harm somebody else and not feel anything, let alone remorse or guilt, needs therapy for themselves.

There are far too many people excusing this behavior in this thread, and they are doing so by saying, "I will not condone violence" *BUT* _______ (fill in the blank).

Let me give you two examples and see how you feel about this. You have a daughter in a 7 year marriage and she is 5'8" 150lbs (she is muscular-athletic), her husband is 5'6" and 135lbs (he is thin-not athletic). The daughter cheats and her husband finds out, he reacts by punching her in the face, his rage simply over takes him and he has never hit anybody in the past, he is not a violent person. Does he get the same "I do not condone it *BUT*"?

Or this

Do not condemn yourself too bad for slapping him. Just tell yourself you had a momentary lapse of good judgement and tell yourself he isn't worth the effort.

changed to the cheating WS frame of mind

Do not condemn yourself too bad for FUCKING HER. Just tell yourself you had a momentary lapse of good judgement (when she came on to you in the men's bathroom at the club) and tell yourself SHE isn't worth the effort.

I think if anybody came in here and started saying things like the above to a WS we would be shouting at the roof tops how awful it is. I think if a female WS came in here and said they hit their male BS because of a uncontrollable reaction we would be shouting from the rooftops how wrong it is for a woman to hit a man. We are giving PASSES to violence because of our hurt as betrayed spouses and it is WRONG.



Story in my profile
He lied, I gave the gift of R
He became the model remorseful WS...all while lying and seeing her
Am I done? Yes I am!

Posts: 346 | Registered: May 2013
confused615
Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 10:36 AM, December 10th (Tuesday)

I slapped WH on dday. I *am* sorry.

I also don't necessarily think members are giving other members a free pass for this. Not all anyway. I think what is being offered here is understanding.

I come from an abusive childhood. My stepfather actually shot my mother in the head..she lived..and took us back to his home. This man raped me when I was 15. I have been in abusive relationships, of some form, all my life. I have never raised my hand to anyone..ever..and I don't spank my kids. But I did slap him on dday. This man who had hit me in the past..kicked me..etc..and I never hit him back. But I slapped him on dday. I have asked myself why did I do that..*then*..when I had never done anything like it before. my only explanation is that I lost my mind. I honestly believe I went insane that day..temporarily..somewhat..because I still suffer from PTSD and MDD(both diagnosed after dday). I know I lost hours that day..hours that I can't account for my time..I can't remember...I couldn't talk for a few days. I couldn't eat. I did very little, other than laying on the floor and howling like a wounded animal.


I truly believe I reacted, without thinking. To compare a slap on dday to cheating..well..is ridiculous,IMO. To cheat,as we all know, there is some forethought. Even if it's a sudden,unexpected ONS..no one slipped and fell in a vagina. Having sex is,well, somehow of a process...there is attraction,removal of clothing,finding a place to fuck,etc,etc. Lots of thought goes into it..even though it is such a thoughtless act. My one slap was not premeditated. It wasn't something I thought I would do,then did it. Finding out your husband..YOUR HUSBAND..has been offering..and giving free blow and goes on craigslist will fuck your mind up..I promise. I remember asking if he had come home and kissed me after the one BJ I found out about..and he said yes...I asked if he went in to kiss our kids good night(mind you, he had just come home from giving the BJ)..and he said yes..and I slapped him. In that moment I did not think. I reacted. Looking back, Im guessing it was because he kissed my babies with his mouth..that had just swallowed some random guy's cum. He exposed not only me..but my babies.

Was it ok? Of course not. I AM ashamed..and I have apologized. I am not making excuses..though some may see that in this post. I am explaining where I was in that moment..and why I may have reacted the way I did. Explaining..not excusing.

And I am sharing this because I do understand. Understanding and saying it is ok are two different things.

[This message edited by confused615 at 10:39 AM, December 10th (Tuesday)]


BS(me)41
FWH 45
4 kids..21,20,11,9
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: R? I don't know..ask me tomorrow..it changes rapidly.

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 6655 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
Bobbi_sue
Member
Member # 10347
Default  Posted: 10:48 AM, December 10th (Tuesday)

I truly believe I reacted, without thinking. To compare a slap on dday to cheating..well..is ridiculous,IMO

Why then, is there nobody here really saying it would be understandable if a man slaps/hits his wife on D-day when he discovers her cheating? The biggest reason I don't buy anybody's arguments on why this is somewhat excusable, is because I don't see them offering the same excusability to a man who hits a woman...under in any circumstance, including that he might be smaller than her, she hit him first, she said "go ahead and hit me" or any other excuse there could be out there. It is just not socially acceptable in our society for a man to hit a woman for any reason, including the shock and momentary "I lost my mind" that happens when we find out about cheating. But women are a little bit more allowed to momentarily lose their minds than men. (I'm saying that in jest because I absolutely don't think this double-standard is right).


Posts: 5580 | Registered: Apr 2006
confused615
Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 11:00 AM, December 10th (Tuesday)

Ok..I'll say it. if a man finds out his wife has been fucking his best friend,or whoever, and slaps her on dday..I get it. I find it understandable. Ok? No. Understandable..yes. I also have said an expected consequence for the OM is getting his ass handed to him by her husband.

I don't really care if you "buy" my story. I wasn't trying to "sell" it. You are not me. You have also commented before..to me..that you would never be with your WH if you found out he did what mine did(but you said you meant no offense,of course..just a little judgment passed,that's all).

Im not going to get into a debate about this. My post was to offer understanding. That's it. Not to justify or excuse. If I continue to post on this thread, I have a feeling I would need to defend myself,and honestly, I don't need to be judged by anyone for staying with my husband. BS's are judged by society for staying with their spouses after they are cheated on. I don't need to be judged here..in my safe place.

_sorry for the slight t/j.


BS(me)41
FWH 45
4 kids..21,20,11,9
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: R? I don't know..ask me tomorrow..it changes rapidly.

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 6655 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
Kierst13
Member
Member # 39197
Default  Posted: 11:01 AM, December 10th (Tuesday)

Thank you Bobbie Sue, I agree. I am also talking about the post-violence thoughts from the outsiders. Perhaps I have missed it, but I do not believe I have ever seen anybody tell a WS "I can totally understand how you got to a point that an affair was an option."

We do not say it because we do not believe an affair should ever be an option. It is wrong period. End of story. We do not make excuses and tell the WS to not be too hard on themselves, because we understand what *drove* then to it. We expect our partners and fellow man/woman to behave better and make better decisions. We are not thoughtless, impulse driven animals. We have intelligence and impulse control. We are able to control our actions. If a male BS is expected to keep his hands under control when finding our about betrayal and TT, then we have to hold a female BS to that same standard, or are we saying because we are women we are *emotional beings* and cannot be expected to control ourselves? I believe that would be the same thinking that we do not want a female president with their finger on the button as they could be emotional from PMS. It is bullshit.

I am not saying a BS should hate themselves forever, I am saying they should have remorse, guilt and the desire to dig into finding out why they allowed themselves to cross that boundary, especially if they hope to reconcile with their WS. If I were a WS I cannot imagine wanting or being able to reconcile with a person that hit me and was not remorseful, but they felt nothing. I would not feel safe with that person. And you cannot say they did it because of the stress and hurt of the information they received from the WS, because most BS do not hit under the same circumstances. We say all the time when people are in bad marriages that it does not give the WS an excuse because the BS was in the same marriage and did not cheat. The WS needs to go deeper to find the *why*.

Anybody that hits another person needs to get therapy to find the *why*.


Story in my profile
He lied, I gave the gift of R
He became the model remorseful WS...all while lying and seeing her
Am I done? Yes I am!

Posts: 346 | Registered: May 2013
Kierst13
Member
Member # 39197
Default  Posted: 11:03 AM, December 10th (Tuesday)

C615 you do not need to defend yourself to me. You have said you are ashamed and sorry for what you did.

ETA: You may believe it is understanable for a male BS to hit his wife, but I believe if a male BS came to general and posted a story about hitting his wife, the general consensus would be it is abuse and the wife should call the police and a shelter.

I also think is a female WS posted in the wayward section that her BH hit her, we would be crawling all over one another telling her he was wrong and to protect herself.

[This message edited by Kierst13 at 11:06 AM, December 10th (Tuesday)]


Story in my profile
He lied, I gave the gift of R
He became the model remorseful WS...all while lying and seeing her
Am I done? Yes I am!

Posts: 346 | Registered: May 2013
million tears
Member
Member # 24416
Default  Posted: 12:52 PM, December 10th (Tuesday)

I hit my WH when he finally confessed that the EA was a PA. In fact I hit him several times and cut him above the eye with my ring.

I'm not proud of it. I don't feel good about it. But it took me a long, long time to be sorry about it. He put me through so much hurt, so much TT, so much blame shifting, just so much..I was so hurt, I wasn't sorry at the time.

I know it wasn't right and I'm sorry now but I honestly wasn't for a long time.


2 year LTA-double betrayal, D-day 1-26-2009 and many months of TT. 2 more recent d-days-way overstepped boundaries.

Married 27 years. Together 29.

3 children 24, 21, 14

OW sex addict and romance addict according to MC.


Posts: 1566 | Registered: Jun 2009
Jesu
Member
Member # 36422
Default  Posted: 10:55 PM, December 10th (Tuesday)

Thank you for sharing Jesu, I'm sure it was not easy.

THANK YOU, Kierst13. What you posted makes perfect sense and is exactly how I feel about it.


Me: BSO 39
Her: WSO 29
Together: 9 years
Married?: No
Children?: No
OM: A friend of a friend
DD#1: June 18th 2012
Many more DD after TT
PA#1: 1 week in Nov/Dec 2010, which led to a long distance EA
R: ?

Posts: 608 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Oz
Jesu
Member
Member # 36422
Default  Posted: 10:56 PM, December 10th (Tuesday)

Why then, is there nobody here really saying it would be understandable if a man slaps/hits his wife on D-day when he discovers her cheating? The biggest reason I don't buy anybody's arguments on why this is somewhat excusable, is because I don't see them offering the same excusability to a man who hits a woman...under in any circumstance, including that he might be smaller than her, she hit him first, she said "go ahead and hit me" or any other excuse there could be out there. It is just not socially acceptable in our society for a man to hit a woman for any reason, including the shock and momentary "I lost my mind" that happens when we find out about cheating. But women are a little bit more allowed to momentarily lose their minds than men. (I'm saying that in jest because I absolutely don't think this double-standard is right).

EXACTLY. Well said, Bobbi_sue. It's a double standard, and it stinks!


Me: BSO 39
Her: WSO 29
Together: 9 years
Married?: No
Children?: No
OM: A friend of a friend
DD#1: June 18th 2012
Many more DD after TT
PA#1: 1 week in Nov/Dec 2010, which led to a long distance EA
R: ?

Posts: 608 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Oz
Akire
Member
Member # 32101
Default  Posted: 12:18 AM, December 11th (Wednesday)

I agree with Kierst13 and others. I know it mortifies people to compare infidelity with hitting-out, however this is how they connect in my mind (which is not the same as saying they are the same thing): it comes down to values.

It is a human value one would hope to not be violent toward another human being. An A is most definitely a form of violence. On the heart. Maybe even on the soul. Only it is often justified/rationalised by the perpetrator in any number of ways. 'I was in pain (lonely, unhappy etc.)' or 'IT (the A) was a special circumstance (soul-mate schmoopies)'. Thoughts like these are what made it possible for the WS to transgress their own values around violence; to cross the uncrossable line. It takes a fair bit of work for the WS to see the hideousness of those justifications and just accept their action as wrong, period.

A violent physical act (such as hitting, throwing, punching) can also be justified/rationalised 'I was in pain (devastated, betrayed etc) and 'it was a special circumstance (he/she had betrayed me!)'. This makes it possible for the BS to transgress their own values around violence. Neither are ok, and IMO work is needed to get to the place of seeing that it was wrong, PERIOD. In both instances it is important to be responsible for one's own actions, and justifying, excusing, understanding takes away from that process.

In no other way am I saying they are the same thing. The impact is not the same, the ramifications are not the same, the pain is not the same. But in terms of values and the concept of self-responsibility, they are definitely connected.


BS(me), FWH(gone), 2DS
M-16y, now S
A friend will calm you down when you're angry, but a best friend will skip beside you with a baseball bat singing: "Someone's gonna get it!"

Posts: 115 | Registered: May 2011 | From: Wisconsin
Thessalian
Member
Member # 40633
Default  Posted: 12:57 AM, December 11th (Wednesday)

I slapped my WH on Dday 3 - hard - and I am in no way sorry, nor will he ever hear an apology from me on that score. At that moment, my vision went white, I lost my mind, I completely stopped thinking, and words were not enough. You willfully, evilly and with malice aforethought bring someone's world crashing down around their ears, over and over, cheating, betraying, and plotting, you actually drive another human being, someone who LOVES YOU and has dedicated their entire life to you, insane and take away their mental capacity to think and feel, destroy their healing process at every turn with lies, creating an impact on them and their ability to function that they will feel for years, perhaps the rest of their life, and will reverberate throughout every interaction they have with another human being? You watch them collapse crying on the floor and drag themselves back up again and when they, shaking while they stand on the last strength their heart has left, agree to pick themselves up to work with you to fix it, you lie some more, pulling them apart? And boohoo, you got slapped and your cheek is red?

I am a woman and a former kickboxer. If the roles were reversed, and I did anything close to what WH did, and then said the things that WH said to me about it, I would absolutely consider one good slap his absolute right.

Is this totally wrong? Yup, it is, and there's absolutely no legal, academic or rational justification for slapping someone, so I won't even try. I could try to spin some crap about how at some point, cheating becomes abuse and a slap is an expression of emotional self-defense. But I won't, cuz that's nonsense. Violence is not the answer. I have zero ground to stand on. But I'd be lying if I pretended that I didn't think - in an illogical, emotionally-driven way - that you get one slap after discovering infidelity (but that's all you get), preferably while wearing elbow-length satin gloves and smoking a cigarette. It's Hollywood infidelity tradition.

[This message edited by Thessalian at 1:19 AM, December 11th (Wednesday)]


Me: BW, 30
Him: WH, 36

7 years of double-digit ONS, LTA, hookers - the works.

First found out: August 20, 2013
Whole truth: January 1, 2014


Posts: 161 | Registered: Sep 2013
summerain
Member
Member # 37439
Default  Posted: 1:51 AM, December 11th (Wednesday)

TBH, I don't think you have to be sorry. I hit my wh on the shoulder x3 when I had a really bad trigger, it didn't even hurt him. I was told when I posted that it was terrible etc etc. But at the end of the day, truly at the end of the day, there are consequences to actions and we are really 'trained animals' we are trained to know that violence is unacceptable because if we all sought retribution the world would be in turmoil.

Is it wrong, well yes ofcourse it is. If I cheated on my wh would I not want him to hit me... ofcourse. But would I really hold him against it... no.

I was more sorry the day after than I am now. Once off instant violence of slapping is not acceptable, premeditated cheating is a systemic plan of attack. Obviously there are different levels of violence and it's a black hole.

You don't really need to 'dig deep' and punish yourself over it. I don't really think you need to endlessly apologise. You just need to reflect on it and make sure you don't do it again by learning from it and move forward.

Just to be clear, I don't think violence is okay at all. thnx

[This message edited by summerain at 2:27 AM, December 11th (Wednesday)]


OW1 inadvertently let me know WH loves English breakfast tea. Never ever saw him drink it. And I never will.

Posts: 814 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Australia
curiouswiz
Member
Member # 34405
Default  Posted: 7:01 AM, December 11th (Wednesday)

Three months after seperating my husband came to see if we could work things out. He told me that "She's killing me." "I can't deal with it anymore." "But, if you expect me to come crawling back on my hands and knees, forget about it."

While sitting in the garden of our beautiful retirement cabin. Relaxing with a beer at the cute little bistro table we had shared for some many wonderful days and nights together.

I had such hope and fear in my heart. I wasn't sure what he was there for, to be honest, until those words came out of his mouth. He asked me what I was thinking. I'm sure the look on my face was unreadable, stoic, calm. A friend had told me a few days before that he had "regret" and that he wanted to come home but he hadn't contacted me until he just appeared that day.

I told him I wanted to punch him in the face. Not only am I destroyed (still am I guess) but you want me to just forget about the last 3 months of cheating and the last 2 years of hell. He told me to go ahead.

Without thinking, truly, just like a rock 'em sock 'em robot I punched him in the jaw. I was shocked. I have never punched anyone. I've had many abuses in my life and only ever raised a hand in defense to protect myself from blows. I wasn't sorry, I WAS embarrassed. I was ashamed at the loss of control and the fact that I just did it. He rubbed his jaw and asked if I felt better. I did not feel better but I also did not feel bad about it. I still don't but I do feel bad for me, that I could do that at the age I am without a thought, just bam and it's done.

I think that's why you wrote to us. To understand yourself. It's not okay but then again it is. KWIM? Forgive yourself. Think about this. Run it over again and again for the rest of your life but know this. You need care. You need to be careful of your heart. You need to be aware of what's really going on around you. Take a good long look and then decide if you want to live this way.


God bless us, everyone.

Posts: 600 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Boston
Topic Posts: 52