SurvivingInfidelity.com Forums
Divorce/Separation
User Topic: Does anyone else
Lostandpregnant
Member
Member # 41433
Default  Posted: 9:01 AM, December 5th (Thursday)

find it SO hard to read the threads where people are still seeing their other person..or threads where the spouse is actually sorry..or threads where the spouse didn't just disappear?

It hurts so much.


He left me 18 weeks pregnant with twins for another.I am a Licensed Private Investigator..it even happens to us.

Posts: 354 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Canada
ruby44
Member
Member # 41135
Default  Posted: 9:04 AM, December 5th (Thursday)

YES!!!!
I stopped going to some threads because to see the WS put in any kind of effort tears my heart out! I focus on the S/D threads and a few others but stay clear of the Reconciliation posts for sure.
Stay strong...we can do this....I am sure!


Me BW 52, Him WH 48
Married 13 years,
2 DDs (12 and 10)
D-Day Confirmed 10/24/13 suspected before that but did not want to believe it.
WH filed for D 11/12/13
2/8/14 WH asked if he could come home. We are slowly working toward that but are still

Posts: 263 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Midwest
Lola7
Member
Member # 41195
Default  Posted: 9:14 AM, December 5th (Thursday)

It doesn't bother me too much. I just know how awful the BS has to feel going through all that shit. I guess I'd rather be where I'm at.

But I'm more of a rip the band-aid off kind of person.

I think it takes great strength for anyone to really try reconciliation.


caelitus mihi vires
"My strength is from heaven"
DIVORCED!

Posts: 211 | Registered: Nov 2013
Lostandpregnant
Member
Member # 41433
Default  Posted: 9:16 AM, December 5th (Thursday)

I don't resent anyone who has the chance to try and work through it or anything..it just stabs me because I didn't get that chance.


He left me 18 weeks pregnant with twins for another.I am a Licensed Private Investigator..it even happens to us.

Posts: 354 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Canada
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 9:19 AM, December 5th (Thursday)

((((lostandpregnant))))


You can call me NIK

Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something.
- Plato


Posts: 24436 | Registered: Aug 2011
No12turn2
Member
Member # 40996
Default  Posted: 9:37 AM, December 5th (Thursday)

I don't like to look, but I do. I feel obligated to help support some of the new members.


Me/BS 35
WW 32
M 12 yrs 2 Girls 10 & 7
Phone/Cyber Affairs (3 D-Days)
Status: DIVORCED 4/24/2014

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.


Posts: 503 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: United Staes
Nature_Girl
Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 10:17 AM, December 5th (Thursday)

Yes, it used to just eviscerate me to read threads in which the WS actually made an effort to R. Or at least said they were sorry. I never ever even got a "sorry". I never even got an admission or acknowledgement that he'd done anything, let alone done anything wrong. He never acknowledged that I was hurt in any way.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9302 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
sparkysable
Member
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 10:17 AM, December 5th (Thursday)

I cringe when I see the BS giving the WS a chance, when they clearly don't deserve it, and are most likely going to do it again. I want to scream at them to run.


D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010

Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.


Posts: 3179 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
HurtsButImOK
Member
Member # 38865
Default  Posted: 12:30 PM, December 5th (Thursday)

I guess I view it a little differently.

I read the R and Wayward forums frequently. My X was a weak, cowardly, unremorseful POS so reading others who royally fucked up but have the courage to face their issues and try to be a better person gives me hope. It shows me people can be better if they want to be.

JFO is still a little raw though.


Me: Awesome - 35

"I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel". –Maya Angelou

"When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be". –


Posts: 722 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Australia
Vulcanized
Member
Member # 33523
Default  Posted: 12:50 PM, December 5th (Thursday)

I read most. It hurts, it hurts, it hurts, but I think that's just I need more time to pass.

I read JFO, but that can be really hard to take at times. I can't post due to being a MH, so I try not to even read in there too much.

((Lost))


Me: MH 40s; Him: MH 40s (I had RA)
OW: 30s, moron; one of many
M: 8 yrs
3/13: D'd
-----------------------------------------------------------
Everything is as it should be.

Posts: 730 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Vulcania
Housefulloflove
Member
Member # 38458
Default  Posted: 3:20 PM, December 5th (Thursday)

I find it hard to read threads in JFO or Gen where the WS is unremorseful and the BS is spinning trying to figure out WTF is happening to them or trying to talk themselves into calling it "reconciling". It triggers so many memories and feelings and I find it hard not to feel absolute rage that someone is putting another person through that kind of hell.

The threads where the WS *IS* actually doing the right things doesn't bother me even though nothing like that happened in my situation. My ex turned into a giant POS (well..more like he finally let me in on the secret that he is a giant POS!) and has not done a single thing a remorseful WS would do.


Me-29 Starting over
ExWH-29 Probable NPD, PA, manchild
3 beautiful young children
DDay 1/20/13 Admits PA
No remorse so NO R. DIVORCED! 9/2013

Posts: 541 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: USA
gypsybird87
Member
Member # 39193
Default  Posted: 5:34 PM, December 5th (Thursday)

I stay completely out of the Reconciliation forum for that very reason. My XWH had no remorse and no regrets so R was never an option. While I know (in my head) that any "I'm sorry" or "I love you and don't want to lose you!" I got from him probably would have been fake, there is a big part of me (my heart!) that is still broken and trying to heal from never hearing those words. So seeing others get to hear them definitely stings.

I'm careful of the threads I choose in General for the same reason- it seems like a lot of the posters in there are in R. D/S is my safe haven and the forum I spend the most time in.

I do read in JFO. Sometimes it's hard, but mostly it reminds me how far I've come. Because I remember the way JFO felt... so lost and scared, like the whole world was ending. I still have down days, but I'm soooo much better off than I was then. Sometimes I need that reminder. Also, I find it really therapeutic to post support to the folks in JFO. On days I feel like I can't seem to help myself, it makes me feel a lot better when I help others.


Me: Looking forward to the future
Him: Left behind in the past

Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life. ~ JK Rowling


Posts: 664 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Oregon
Gemini71
Member
Member # 40115
Default  Posted: 8:00 PM, December 5th (Thursday)

Yep. I have to stay out of some of the forums. It's just too raw. There are times when I just can't put myself through it.


Edited to correct stupid typos.

Two steps forward and one step backwards, is still progress.


Posts: 1545 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Illinois, USA
shiloe
Member
Member # 1224
Default  Posted: 8:23 PM, December 5th (Thursday)

I don't resent anyone who has the chance to try and work through it or anything..it just stabs me because I didn't get that chance.

I did give the gift of R back in 2001 per his request. It is very hard. But we made it through. So I thought. He did it again 11 yrs. later.

I cringe when I see the BS giving the WS a chance, when they clearly don't deserve it, and are most likely going to do it again. I want to scream at them to run.

Exactly.


But remember, good love is hard to find . . -Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers
BS - 54
Cheater -54
Married 26 yrs
DD - 21 DD -19 DS-17
A#1 2000 with married ho-worker/neighbor ow#1
A#2 2007-? OW#2 LTA with married ho-worker. Kicked him out, he filed

Posts: 574 | Registered: Mar 2003
Topic Posts: 14