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Divorce/Separation
User Topic: He has no conscience-- but I knew that
PhantomLimb
Member
Member # 39668
Default  Posted: 6:37 PM, December 5th (Thursday)

Got a notice in the mail about delivery of something for XWS. Unfortunately for me, it had his new address on it.

He kept a lot of my things, and I didn't notice what was missing until several months after our S. I didn't want to break NC and ask for them back, but I guess I made the stupid assumption he would have a heart and send them to me if he ever moved.

I'm just going to assume they are either in the trash now, sold or OW has them. It's nothing worth going after him for. More sentimental items. :/ It still stinks to be reminded how heartless he's been.

And a couple of days ago a friend told me that she was creeped out that he still has photos of the two of us and our dog on his Facebook page. The dog is still his main photo. He has seen her twice in a year. Hasn't been responsible for her in two years. Today I took her to the vet and she is going blind and will probably have to have a risky surgery. He doesn't have to experience any of that hardship or loss. But he keeps the photos up like that's still his life, anyway.

Today my IC reminded me to what extent personality disordered people often require having "props" in their lives to help them feel stable and normal. I feel like this is another manifestation if that. Keep my personal items, all of the household stuff that I bought and picked out for us, our wedding things, keep our photos up on Facebook so people who don't know that we've split still think we're together and you can save face.... But then, apparently, post photos of you with her toddler (but never her) so you also look like this great guy taking care of some random kid.

It's depressing to realize you were an ego prop for over a decade.... And I still am. He never said he was sorry, left me essentially jobless and homeless because of his actions. Never made sure I was alright. Never even tried to pay back the money he owed me. He doesn't deserve to be able to use those photos. Sometimes I'm just appalled.


BS / D

Posts: 863 | Registered: Jun 2013
Gemini71
Member
Member # 40115
Default  Posted: 7:48 PM, December 5th (Thursday)

The biggest thing I've learned in IC is to let go of my expectations of STBXH to behave like a human being. Do not expect him to have a shred of decency and you won't be disappointed.


Edited to correct stupid typos.

Two steps forward and one step backwards, is still progress.


Posts: 1657 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Illinois, USA
SBB
Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 8:10 PM, December 5th (Thursday)

The biggest thing I've learned in IC is to let go of my expectations of STBXH to behave like a human being. Do not expect him to have a shred of decency and you won't be disappointed.

THIS. No matter how low my expectations were he always seemed to find a way beneath them.

It's a shock when you see it but the biggest shock and the hardest part to deal with is how wrong I was


Buzz- The word you are searching for is 'Space-Ranger.'
Woody- The word I'm searching for, I can't say, because there are Pre-school toys here.

Posts: 5535 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
StillLivin
Member
Member # 40229
Default  Posted: 10:09 AM, December 6th (Friday)

I'm laughing as I'm reading your post.
Not you, my STBXH. He won't give me back the wedding pictures. And he took the dishes. So Shrek is eating off of our family dishes, our favorite holiday ones, and she is looking at our wedding photos.
Not sure what else he took. Meh, couldn't care less. What he left behind is going to his parents or mine because they still cherish those memories!
BTW, he doesn't want Shrek to come out of their residence because he is afraid the kids will see what she looks like. He was furious that I sent the PI video footage to his sisters!
Guess she will never see photos of them together!


I don't need further confirmation of what a fuckwit he is. I already have plenty, thanks very much. -SBB
D: 7/2/2014

Posts: 2213 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: AZ
sparkysable
Member
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 10:23 AM, December 6th (Friday)

stillivin the OW in my case also looks like Shrek, and their coworkers call her that behind her back.


D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010

Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.


Posts: 3314 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
sparkysable
Member
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 10:24 AM, December 6th (Friday)

I realize now that myself and DD were definitely ego props. and the rare times he takes my DD for visits, she is absolutely an ego prop, because he always takes her when there will be an audience.


D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010

Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.


Posts: 3314 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
MakingLemonade
Member
Member # 41143
Default  Posted: 10:49 AM, December 6th (Friday)

GAG! I hear you, PL. Just like you, I hate being used to prop up WXH's "good guy" mirage. I've been used to project his "loving husband and family man" image most, if not all, of our twenty+ years together. And it continues.

It's been 6 months since my divorce, X is still "dating" OW#2 with marriage plans for this summer, but last I heard (yesterday) he still hasn't deleted any of his FB pics of us. (I deleted my FB acct during the drama of OW#2 being projected there.) He has a habit of keeping FB up on his computer all the time so it's not like he is inactive.

I've not said anything because I am also sticking to NC. It disgusts me though. My teen wishes he'd delete pics of her too but she's also gone NC because she doesn't want to play his projected image game or deal with his lack of conscience either.


Me: 40's; XBS Him: 40's; XWS/NPD/SA
D-day 1: 5/2007- A #1; 7/2007 A #1 continued-R
D-day 2: 3/2013 A #2/multi-ONSs; 4/2013 A #2 continues to present
D: 7/2013 (25 yrs together; days shy of 22nd anniversary-GOAL MET!)
Our kids: teen & tween

Posts: 168 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Southern US
StillLivin
Member
Member # 40229
Default  Posted: 12:05 PM, December 6th (Friday)

stillivin the OW in my case also looks like Shrek, and their coworkers call her that behind her back.

OMG I knew Shrek was cheating on my STBX! I knew it!
Bwahahahahahaha. Ahgggg, my ribs hurt!


I don't need further confirmation of what a fuckwit he is. I already have plenty, thanks very much. -SBB
D: 7/2/2014

Posts: 2213 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: AZ
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 12:11 PM, December 6th (Friday)

((((Phantom)))) It's absolutely beyond our comprehension, isn't it? Be thankful that you aren't capable of thinking in such a twisted and broken way, honey.


You can call me NIK

"Sometimes it takes a good fall to know where you really stand."
-Hayley Williams


Posts: 25049 | Registered: Aug 2011
PhantomLimb
Member
Member # 39668
Default  Posted: 2:52 PM, December 6th (Friday)

A friend of mine commented on his FB page (on which I hear he is more active than ever) re: the photos of me and the dog and said "I don't think the poor guy is over you. I don't think he's accepted it's over."

I told her 100% no way and, if he wasn't over it, refusing R, lashing out at me, not talking to me, stealing from me, etc is a funny way to show it.

It's all about ego and projecting the image he wants. It's sick.


BS / D

Posts: 863 | Registered: Jun 2013
PhantomLimb
Member
Member # 39668
Default  Posted: 3:02 PM, December 6th (Friday)

Double post!

[This message edited by PhantomLimb at 3:15 PM, December 6th (Friday)]


BS / D

Posts: 863 | Registered: Jun 2013
Lost15
Member
Member # 40898
Default  Posted: 11:24 PM, December 6th (Friday)

stbxh asked for our bed and the sheets, blankets and pillows in the divorce papers. How messed up is that? I took all the photos for fear he would throw them away. But he is now asking for 3 pictures of DS that he took of him when DS was 3, none of the others. Weird?! I left many things behind thinking I would be back to pack them up but he moved in before I had a chance and had inlaws bring my stuff to me (posted about that). I know my stbxh has NO Conscience.


me(BS)-34 him(WS)-32 DS-15
Married 15 years
Blindsided with divorce 07-12-13
DD-08-1-13 OW-40ish,married 20 yrs, with 4 kids she abandoned
Divorcing and trying to move one tiny step forward at a time.

Posts: 114 | Registered: Oct 2013
stronger08
Member
Member # 16953
Default  Posted: 1:11 AM, December 7th (Saturday)

Its all window dressing. I've long been an advocate that exposing the real them is the only way to fight back with an unremorseful WS. If you were to listen to my XWW she would have you believing that everything was great in our M. And I walked out on her and my children. Oh and lets not forget that I was a deadbeat as well. Image is everything to these bastards/bitches. Fuck with their image, and they freak the fuck out. When I finally exposed her and the OM for the sick fucks they really were, the smugness disappeared real quick.


You cant eat soup with chopsticks.

Posts: 5612 | Registered: Nov 2007
PhantomLimb
Member
Member # 39668
Default  Posted: 1:28 AM, December 7th (Saturday)

He told people it was a mutual and amicable split based on my realization that we were incompatible.

When I resigned from the job, my letter made it clear to his boss it was all him and he was lying.


BS / D

Posts: 863 | Registered: Jun 2013
BAB61
Member
Member # 41181
Default  Posted: 3:44 AM, December 7th (Saturday)

Tonight I just discovered the same thing about my WH. Reading through this thread I realize that I too have been window dressing ... just a prop to make him look like a normal guy. He's in IC and I hope to hell it helps him, but after realizing he's lied about most everything I don't see that happening.

My girls detest him at this point ... buahahahaha ... that is the best revenge! Wait til they find out what I discovered tonight. They will despise him even more. I plan to out him on his own fb soon ... I'm just that honest. I am not sure how I will word his post .. but it will be fun!


Boss A** B*tch
BS/52 Me, STBXpos/56, dd's 16&14
1st D-day 10/19/2013 EA/PA
2nd D-day 12/7/2013 LTA/Rendezvous
S 12/7/2013 No-fault state, 6 mo S, counting down the days.

Posts: 1271 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: DE
Topic Posts: 15