SurvivingInfidelity.com Forums
New Beginnings
User Topic: Do you ever think of getting back?
libertyrocks
Member
Member # 38924
Default  Posted: 1:29 PM, December 6th (Friday)

Does anyone ever fantasize about getting back with ex? I do, then I think how disgusting he is and all the horrible, horrible things he did to me for so long. Then, poof, that fantasy is over. I guess we will always miss the good times, the warm thought, the good memories of why we were with them in the first place...Feeling nostalgic today because of the holidays, I guess. Too bad, he messed up so bad or else he'd have his loyal little wifie and great kids, still. Too bad for him. I actually pity the fool!! lol.


Me-BW 36. STBXH-35,Recovering Alcoholic, M6yrs T13. Boys 2 & 4 1/2.
DDay #1 Nov,2012. 1 1/2 year false R & TT. 10 OW PA's 1LTA (W lied to) 3 years.
S Nov, 2013 again Jan,2014
Filed for D Feb,2014.

Posts: 962 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: So Cal, baby. :)
lieshurt
Member
Member # 14003
Default  Posted: 1:35 PM, December 6th (Friday)

No, it's not ever anything I've ever given thought too. Once I was done, I was done. And to be honest, I don't remember the good times. I know we had some, but the bad times completely overshadowed them so that's all I remember from my time with him.


Walk away from anything or anyone who takes away your joy. Life is too short to put up with fools.

Posts: 13806 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Houston
HurtsButImOK
Member
Member # 38865
Default  Posted: 1:38 PM, December 6th (Friday)

I did at one point, even wrote out a list of R requirements. It was helpful as I knew he was incapable of meeting them. Re-affirmed to me that there is no going back.


Me: Awesome - 35.... ummm, not anymore

"I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel". –Maya Angelou


Posts: 751 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Australia
Nature_Girl
Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 1:43 PM, December 6th (Friday)


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9821 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
BrokenDaisy
Member
Member # 37063
Default  Posted: 1:50 PM, December 6th (Friday)

What nature_girl said!!


Me BxW, him SA NPD WxH
1 wonderful toddler - sole legal custody to me and supervised visitation to xwh.
DDay 01/2012
10/2013 Finally Divorced!!

Posts: 266 | Registered: Oct 2012
traicionada
Member
Member # 10310
Default  Posted: 2:11 PM, December 6th (Friday)

The nostalgic naive girl who married her HS boyfriend will always wonder what if. The grown up who had her hearth broken into a million piece won't ever allowed her mind to wonder nonsense


Real love is a CHOICE, NOT a feeling...

Posts: 3325 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Dallas, Texas
thyme2go
Member
Member # 12908
Default  Posted: 2:21 PM, December 6th (Friday)

Does anyone ever fantasize about getting back with ex?

What?


-t2g


BH - no longer 48
3 DD's - (27, 24 and 17)
Divorced on 8/6/09

Posts: 9188 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: Eastern Washington
better4me
Member
Member # 30341
Default  Posted: 2:23 PM, December 6th (Friday)

nope.


DDay 11/17/2010 BW:52
Divorced

Posts: 3207 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Iowa
Hope24
Member
Member # 9344
Default  Posted: 2:25 PM, December 6th (Friday)

I had the opportunity to reconcile post D and decided against it. He is in my (romantic) past now. No regrets.


She packed up her potential and all she had learned and headed out to change a few things.

Posts: 7605 | Registered: Jan 2006 | From: Poolside
wildbananas
Member
Member # 10552
Default  Posted: 3:27 PM, December 6th (Friday)

Once we separated for the last time, nope, not even once.


Travel light, live light, spread the light, be the light. ~ Yogi Bhajan

Posts: 15413 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Now an AZ girl
nutmegkitty
Member
Member # 33882
Default  Posted: 3:28 PM, December 6th (Friday)

NO WAY IN HELL.


me (BS)
him (NPD Ex)
2 dds
DDay 10/7/11
OW
OC

Divorced 1/17/2013

"Diamonds aren't a girl's best friend, freedom is."


Posts: 2601 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: MA
miadianna
Member
Member # 10516
Default  Posted: 3:42 PM, December 6th (Friday)

Never, never, ever. I gave him too many chances to become a better person and do the right thing and he never did. Won't even acknowledge he has done anything wrong.

Once I was done, I was done. And to be honest, I don't remember the good times. I know we had some, but the bad times completely overshadowed them so that's all I remember from my time with him.
The bad went on so long, I really can't remember much else anymore.


Me: BS 53
Son: 27 years old
Daughter: 25 years old
D-day(s) 9/23/94 - 1/31/05
Divorced 4/10/08

Posts: 7482 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Illinois
soverybetrayed
Member
Member # 32948
Default  Posted: 4:05 PM, December 6th (Friday)

Yes I did. I gave him the offer to reconcile if he got anger management, stopped the drinking and some other stuff. He led me on for months thinking he really wanted to work it out but at the same time telling everyone he was divorcing me cause "I didn't like his music or his friends". Once I heard that shit from people I got royally pissed and made a lovely fb post stating "stop lying about your wife and admit to the 5 women you cheated with". I left it up for roughly 9 hours. I had no idea that all of his friends could see it (I am so fb illiterate), I just thought he would see it. Man was he pissed off cause I told the world he wasn't "Mr. Wonderful".

Now when I get nostalgic and think of the marriage I remind myself of the emotional, verbal and darn near physical abuse that I put up with and I slap myself back to reality. I don't even know the man he is now but I don't like him and would rather spend life alone than tolerating all his npd crap.

Make a list of all the reasons why you left him/her and put it up on your fridge. When you get lonely or sad.. go and read it and you will see why you are so much better off without the cheater. You deserve better, you deserve love, you deserve happiness and you deserve peace.


Me-53
DDay 10/16/2010 DDay2 5/22/2011
Divorced 8/23/2012
I will get stronger and better but no matter where he goes, there he is....

Posts: 1208 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: Texas
little turtle
Member
Member # 15584
Default  Posted: 6:08 PM, December 6th (Friday)

I gave XH a final chance several months after we divorced. We lasted a year before I found out he had recently gotten back together with OW...I knew he had kept in touch with her throughout the year, but I had high hopes that he was done seeing her. After that, that was the end of it for me.


Failure is success if we learn from it.

Posts: 4202 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: michigan
clralb
Member
Member # 17185
Default  Posted: 6:08 PM, December 6th (Friday)

Hah! No freakin' way.

I fantasize now and then of kicking him to the curb the first year of marriage. I astound myself with how naive I was.


"To keep the body in good health is a duty... otherwise we shall not be able to keep our mind strong and clear."
Buddha

Posts: 681 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: southeast
Got2GO
Member
Member # 26576
Default  Posted: 6:33 PM, December 6th (Friday)

Omg! I actually opened up this forum because I thought it was more on the lines of "do you ever think of getting back... at him", lol!
I have thought of getting a couple of crack heads or someone to just rob and maybe just beat the shit out if him. Not kill him that's probably what he wants! Just kind of brake a few bones ya know. I know this sounds sick but it's just what I thought this was about.


BS (me) 47
WS (him) 70
Together 7 1/2 years
married 6 years
no children together
Happily divorced 1/29/13!

Posts: 111 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: got2go
phmh
Member
Member # 34146
Default  Posted: 7:09 PM, December 6th (Friday)

Nope -- any fantasies revolve around listening to my gut way early on and dating one of the other guys interested in me at the same time I chose XWH (college, so more options then.) I loved being married, and think about how much better it would have been had I chosen to marry a good man.


Me: BW, divorced, now fabulous and happy!

Married: 11 years, no kids

Character is destiny


Posts: 3404 | Registered: Dec 2011
gahurts
Member
Member # 33699
Default  Posted: 7:17 PM, December 6th (Friday)

Oh NO! That ship sailed a long time ago. Nothing could make me go there again.


"Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indominable will" - Mahatma Gandi

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - Aubrie


Posts: 3432 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Georgia
mandan66
Member
Member # 40075
Default  Posted: 7:40 PM, December 6th (Friday)

Got2Go---I checked this post thinking the same thing you were---hilarious! Although I don't think I would go so far as paying some crack heads to settle things. Maybe just put her in one of those stock things like they did in medieval times, in the middle of the town square. For like a week or so.
On a side note, I'd swallow 10 gallons of melted glass before I'd hook up with my loser X again.


Me: 47; WW: 48
2 DS: 9, 14
M:18--T:19
DDay: Jan/13
Divorced and Done!--7/13

Posts: 121 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: KS
Lost15
Member
Member # 40898
Default  Posted: 10:08 PM, December 6th (Friday)

I am still going through the divorce process but yes at times. I think part of my feelings come from the fact that I didn't have a even a chance at R, he was already gone before I even knew what was happening. Some days I wonder if in a few years we could get back together. Then reality hits and I realize I don't want someone like that, a lier and cheater who will hurt the one person who loved him unconditionally. I know I am still healing. One day I will be like many of you and my answer will be Hell NO everyday instead of every few days.


me(BS)-34 him(WS)-32 DS-15
Married 15 years
Blindsided with divorce 07-12-13
DD-08-1-13 OW-40ish,married 20 yrs, with 4 kids she abandoned
Divorcing and trying to move one tiny step forward at a time.

Posts: 114 | Registered: Oct 2013
solus sto
Member
Member # 30989
Default  Posted: 10:29 PM, December 6th (Friday)

I would rather eat ground glass.


BS-me, 52
WH (Trac-fone), 53, PD
2 kids-DD25, DS18
multiple d-days
DIVORCING
Alone, most strangely, I live on~Rupert Brooke

Posts: 8838 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: midwest
Lost15
Member
Member # 40898
Default  Posted: 10:31 PM, December 6th (Friday)

I would rather eat ground glass.

This is where I want to be! One day I hope.


me(BS)-34 him(WS)-32 DS-15
Married 15 years
Blindsided with divorce 07-12-13
DD-08-1-13 OW-40ish,married 20 yrs, with 4 kids she abandoned
Divorcing and trying to move one tiny step forward at a time.

Posts: 114 | Registered: Oct 2013
Helen of Troy
Member
Member # 26419
Default  Posted: 9:22 AM, December 7th (Saturday)


Posts: 4715 | Registered: Dec 2009
Artemisia
Member
Member # 40564
Default  Posted: 10:21 AM, December 7th (Saturday)

Oh yeah, all the damn time. However, I know this is not where my life is headed. He is not interested in R, and probably could not do it even if he was. I'm just sick about it in every sense. I want to get to the ground-glass analogy.

So I like this thread. What I did was page through it and look at the registered-date of every Hell No on here. Seems like they start in 2011. Two years. I can do that. I can ride this crazy shit out for two more years if that means I can get to hell no.

Were you 2011's at hell no right away, or did it take some time to get there?


Posts: 117 | Registered: Sep 2013
phmh
Member
Member # 34146
Default  Posted: 10:36 AM, December 7th (Saturday)

Were you 2011's at hell no right away, or did it take some time to get there?

It took me awhile to get there. I still loved XWH the day of our divorce. For months after, I kept hoping that he would make some sort of grand romantic gesture that would be proof he had changed and that we could be together.

I had to work on things, process, spend time with good, caring, moral people, and finally I was there.

You'll get there, too. If you could turn your feelings off like a spigot like these cheaters do, you'd not be the wonderful, caring person that you are.


Me: BW, divorced, now fabulous and happy!

Married: 11 years, no kids

Character is destiny


Posts: 3404 | Registered: Dec 2011
HurtsButImOK
Member
Member # 38865
Default  Posted: 10:37 AM, December 7th (Saturday)

Artemisia, I had a similar thought but more centred around if the 'HELL NO' came from those who either were in false R or had the opportunity to R and chose not to.

Could the 'think of taking him back' process stem from a place of having an unremorseful wayward, no choice in the A and no choice to R left us feeling powerless. Hence the thoughts. I believe we will all end up in the HELL NO category in time, regardless of the path we take.


Me: Awesome - 35.... ummm, not anymore

"I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel". –Maya Angelou


Posts: 751 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Australia
Mom4ever
Member
Member # 40516
Default  Posted: 10:53 AM, December 7th (Saturday)

I think I may always have feelings for him because he's my high school sweetheart, first and only love, and father of my three children. BUT I will just have to have those feelings from a distance. I read something recently that I marked so I could remind myself when needed - "God didn't give you the strength to get back on your feet so that you can run back to the same thing that knocked you down."


BW - me 43
WH - 46
M - 23 yrs
D-Day - 6/13/2013
2 DS and 1 DD
Divorcing
There are some things that "sorry" just doesn't fix... But I never even got a "sorry."

Posts: 108 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Southeast
better4me
Member
Member # 30341
Default  Posted: 11:02 AM, December 7th (Saturday)

Great observation Artemisia.

Were you 2011's at hell no right away, or did it take some time to get there?

I was one of those who knew right away that it wasn't "worth" getting back together, that he was just too broken for me, so I never really considered reconciliation. I sure missed what I "thought" we had for a very, very long time though, and I still miss that some days. But the reality and the dream weren't the same...


DDay 11/17/2010 BW:52
Divorced

Posts: 3207 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Iowa
peacelovetea
Member
Member # 26071
Default  Posted: 12:49 PM, December 7th (Saturday)

I am in the Hell No camp. I tried to R for nearly three years after D-day, and I think that by the time I got to "we need to S & D" (which was my choice, because I was tired of broken promises of "doing better" etc) I was already at Hell No. I had to get there to reconcile myself to D. So for me there has been no looking back, because the R process killed whatever respect and love I had left for him -- and I was genuinely and passionately in love with him for 15 years, and happily M until his ONS and the complete failure to repair the damage.


BW, SAHM
D-Day: 6/5/09, drunken ONS on business trip, confessed immediately, transparent, remorseful but emotionally clueless
M 11 years, 3 kids
4/12 Tried to R for 3 years, have decided to D
12/31/12 D final

Posts: 542 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: PacNW
ruinedandbroken
Member
Member # 29250
Default  Posted: 12:58 PM, December 7th (Saturday)

I did for a long time. And I still do miss being married. Just not to him. I don't fantasize about it anymore. It would be a cold day in hell before I ever got back together with him.


“People who cheat feel that life is for the taking, and that everyone deserves happiness no matter what the cost. I must remember these tricks if I ever have my soul surgically removed."
Me: BS 42. Him: WH 41 2 Kids 6&9
Married 14 yrs Together 21

Posts: 1575 | Registered: Aug 2010
nutmegkitty
Member
Member # 33882
Default  Posted: 4:29 PM, December 7th (Saturday)

Were you 2011's at hell no right away, or did it take some time to get there?

I was there right away, mostly because the very wise people here on SI opened up my eyes to his NPD ways and the fact that there was, somewhere, someday, a better life for me.


me (BS)
him (NPD Ex)
2 dds
DDay 10/7/11
OW
OC

Divorced 1/17/2013

"Diamonds aren't a girl's best friend, freedom is."


Posts: 2601 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: MA
WarehouseGuy
Member
Member # 6037
Default  Posted: 4:39 PM, December 7th (Saturday)

NO!! Never! I deserve better than that.


whg

[This message edited by WarehouseGuy at 4:52 PM, December 7th (Saturday)]


If you see your ex with someone else--don't be jealous. Our parents taught us to give our old,used toys to the less fortunate.

Posts: 5367 | Registered: Dec 2004 | From: Michigan
SBB
Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 5:06 PM, December 7th (Saturday)

Were you 2011's at hell no right away, or did it take some time to get there?

I'm a 2012 and I laughed out loud when I read the topic - that's how impossible it is.

It took me several months to get here. Helped along by extreme fuckery on his part (thanks, douchebag!).

Even when I was in that place it wasn't this new guy I wanted, it was the man I thought I married.

Deep down I knew this was a deal breaker on DD. Even if he was truly remorseful I knew myself - I'm not up for the ravages of R.

I don't know why the emotional abuse wasn't a deal breaker, or the loose boundaries or even the suspected infidelity. Something snapped in me once I knew without a shadow of doubt. I suspect it was the point at which I could no longer lie to myself.

Yet I'm still mourning the guy I thought I married - even though he was a PITA, had booze issues and was not all that interesting. Boring really. Plus he scratched a FOO itch. No thanks. TBH it was the love bombing I yearned for most.


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5609 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
Nature_Girl
Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 5:36 PM, December 7th (Saturday)

I knew right away that I was a HELL NO. However, my marriage was abusive right from the start, so I was HELL NO long, long ago.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9821 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Lost15
Member
Member # 40898
Default  Posted: 7:06 PM, December 7th (Saturday)

Mom4ever I love this!

"God didn't give you the strength to get back on your feet so that you can run back to the same thing that knocked you down."

HurtsButImOK this is how I feel about it.

Could the 'think of taking him back' process stem from a place of having an unremorseful wayward, no choice in the A and no choice to R left us feeling powerless. Hence the thoughts. I believe we will all end up in the HELL NO category in time, regardless of the path we take.

Having no choice and being blindsided this way.


me(BS)-34 him(WS)-32 DS-15
Married 15 years
Blindsided with divorce 07-12-13
DD-08-1-13 OW-40ish,married 20 yrs, with 4 kids she abandoned
Divorcing and trying to move one tiny step forward at a time.

Posts: 114 | Registered: Oct 2013
IrishLass518
Member
Member # 34373
Default  Posted: 7:32 PM, December 7th (Saturday)

I tried R for over 3 years, gave him more chances than a Monopoly game. No, now I can't ever be with him again. I have learned too much about him and myself. I always deserved better treatment than he is capable of giving. I just didn't know that until I was away from him. Do I think about it, yes and every way I can see it, it would never work out. Do I think he will come back? When everything falls apart, yes. Then he will try. This I have known since we started dating, I just felt it, I could actually see it in my mind. Some things you just know.


Me: 46 BS Divorced
Him: 45 Married OW
DDay: 07/04/2008
Divorced: 06/15/2011
5 kids: IrishLass 27,IrishLad 25, IrishLass 23, IrishLad 21 and IrishLad 12
"You can't run from trouble..there ain't no place that far"

Posts: 1777 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: WA
gahurts
Member
Member # 33699
Default  Posted: 8:07 PM, December 7th (Saturday)

Were you 2011's at hell no right away, or did it take some time to get there?

It took me a while to get to Hell No. I think I held out hope for the first year. I walked away long before I totally let go but she worked real hard to make sure to destroy that bridge and once I saw who she really was and recognized 1. this really is the real her and 2. It was there all along, I just refused to see it, then I was done.

I had my last full blown trigger attack last Christmas when I replied to a question in General and it suddenlyy hit me hard. Since then I have been hell no all the way.


"Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indominable will" - Mahatma Gandi

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - Aubrie


Posts: 3432 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Georgia
Gajit
Member
Member # 40665
Default  Posted: 9:04 AM, December 8th (Sunday)

I thought about it.....

I'm with the HELL NO people!

Just thinking about it makes me have diarhea-like bowel cramps!

HELL NO!!


Lord, with Your help I will focus on each small step of the climb, instead of the mountain that stands before me.

Posts: 224 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: USA
LeopoldB
Member
Member # 40606
Default  Posted: 12:23 PM, December 8th (Sunday)

I would never marry her again. But if a miracle occurred and she had that cranium transplant, I still have very warm feelings for the woman I once knew. It's like the Chicago Cubs winning the World Series... you know in your heart it's never going to happen, but wouldn't it be a hoot?


Posts: 212 | Registered: Sep 2013
libertyrocks
Member
Member # 38924
Default  Posted: 3:34 PM, December 9th (Monday)

hahah, what a post. I love all your responses!! I was feeling low that day. FUCK. THAT. GUY. That's what I tell myself everyday. I LOVE my freedom. I pay the bills, I'm the boss now!! :)

Yes, after researching NPD, I'm running for the hills!!!! He totally lost his mealticket and loyal little wifie. I will see him in court for full custody of the kids, alimony, child support, along with a restraining order. Thank you very much. Again, FTG. :) Because I'm not the broken one, I'm awesome.

[This message edited by libertyrocks at 3:34 PM, December 9th (Monday)]


Me-BW 36. STBXH-35,Recovering Alcoholic, M6yrs T13. Boys 2 & 4 1/2.
DDay #1 Nov,2012. 1 1/2 year false R & TT. 10 OW PA's 1LTA (W lied to) 3 years.
S Nov, 2013 again Jan,2014
Filed for D Feb,2014.

Posts: 962 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: So Cal, baby. :)
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 4:31 PM, December 9th (Monday)

Another 2011-er chiming in with a HELL NO. Couldn't pay me enough to do it for a minute. Nope. No way.

Were you 2011's at hell no right away, or did it take some time to get there?
I was at "hell no" on dday, before I even confronted wasband. I never wavered from it, in part due to his amazing ability to be a horse's ass on the regular.


You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana


Posts: 25716 | Registered: Aug 2011
h0peless
Member
Member # 36697
Default  Posted: 8:39 PM, December 9th (Monday)

I'm not much of a masochist. Once I got to the point where I couldn't see the back of my teeth anymore, I moved straight into the "oh hell no!" category.

Posts: 1731 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Baja Arizona
Must Survive
Member
Member # 34533
Default  Posted: 9:27 PM, December 9th (Monday)

I am a late 2011. Unfortunately I still think about what it would be like he if got his head out of his a**. Highly unlikely. And every day I do get more clarity about why he is not a good spouse for me.

I don't want these feelings. But as my therapist's says, its ok to have these feelings.


Me BS
WS: Just a squished bug on the window of my life!
Divorcing, STBXH is engaged/living with OW#3

They have a choice: they can live in my new world, or they can die in their old one." — Daenerys Targaryen


Posts: 781 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Must Survive
kernel
Member
Member # 27035
Default  Posted: 8:11 PM, December 10th (Tuesday)

I'm a HELL NO person now, but it took me a long time to get there - 3 1/2 years or so.

I think part of my feelings come from the fact that I didn't have a even a chance at R, he was already gone before I even knew what was happening.

^^This was a big part of why it took me so long. I think the abandonment on top of the infidelity (and just after empty nest) completely flattened me. It was a lot to cope with and it took a long time to crawl out of that mess. This crap ain't for sissies, that's for sure.


"On particularly rough days when I'm sure I can't possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% and that's pretty good."

Posts: 5243 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Midwest
AussieMum
Member
Member # 36579
Default  Posted: 9:07 PM, December 10th (Tuesday)

NEVER! Not in a million years, even if he came up my street on his knees. Not if I was offered a world of riches.

And I've been HELL NO from DDay. He disgusts me.


Me 46
ExH 51
EA Jun-Aug 12 (OW1)FB flirting and then EA/PA with OW2 (Aug-Dec 12). New OW Jan 13, introduced her to the kids immediately.
Married 10 years, together 14yrs
2 kids (DS11 & DD7)
Separated Jan 13. Divorced Jun 14

Posts: 180 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Australia
heartbroken0903
Member
Member # 27879
Default  Posted: 9:50 PM, December 10th (Tuesday)

Yes...have been in process of R for a year and a half now.


Me: XWS, 30s, 5-month EA/PA in '09-'10
Husband: XBS, 40s
No kids

Married 2.5 years
D-day 3/6/10
Divorced 5/14/10

Remarried.


Posts: 2226 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: the cat's meow
Harriet
Member
Member # 34543
Default  Posted: 10:01 PM, December 10th (Tuesday)

I sometimes do, but I recently had what felt like an epiphany. For the first time, I felt I could handle checking out the "Just Found Out" forum. I came to this site much later and have not strayed much from NB. As I read all of the wisdom and advice in JFO, it came to me, for the first time, that MY ex had done all of those things to me (gaslighting, et al) and I just didn't recognize it in him - I thought...I can't even explain what I thought. And also for the first time, I have kept my boundaries very strict and now he won't speak to me in the very few times we have crossed paths. And I find that it doesn't bother me in the least. For him not to speak to me, he must be upset about something. Compartmentalize that, asshole.


D-Day Spring 2008
3 years false R
Divorce Final 6/7/12

Posts: 491 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: California
Topic Posts: 47