I've been doing a lot of lurking and reading, mostly from my phone which is convenient but it limits my ability to really sit down and take the time to write something like an update.
Lots has been happening for me in the last couple of months so I'm overdue in sharing.
The D process has started. STBXWHPANPDFTG filed back in June. He's PA so of course he can't file all the forms he's supposed to file, just barely enough to start the process. I'm supposed to fix this for him of course.
It's highly irritating which is probably the whole point because if he fails to do things properly he can effectively "punish" me by forcing plenty of delays in getting the D done. And of course you all know once you want the D done you really want it just done. Blech.
I filed a response, he put the wrong date of separation, a ridonkulous date that was way way way too far back, I'm sure he's hoping to get our M ruled as less than 10 years in length so he's not vulnerable for long term spousal support. Idiot that he is, I have a LEASE, yes a lease, that he signed over a year later than the date he claimed, where we rented a house together. Remember that fucktard? You were trying to "work on the marriage" or so you told me. Anyway, the correct date is closer to 12 years than 9 and there's no way a judge will rule less than 10.
Then, I filed for temporary spousal support. Asshat STBXHWPANPDFTG had fired me from my job working at our mutual business, after my psychiatrist put me on disability because of his emotional abuse. I was able to sortof subsist on disability benefits, and then when they ran out, unemployment benefits. Then they ran out. So my income fell to zero. I started selling stuff on craigslist and borrowing from friends. Anyway, we had a hearing and I was awarded something close to half his income for SS starting when the unemployment ended.
Of course he is a turnip and my chances of getting that are pretty fucking low. But there is an order for it. Thankfully after over a year of really trying hard to find a job I was finally able to convert a volunteer position I had into a paid position. It will be temporary and sometimes low hours but it could last almost a year. I will be able to eat even if the turnip never pays what I'm due. I got my first paycheck last week (WOOT!)
Concurrent with the D/SS crawling along, I got in a fight with my landlord, who also suffers from PA head-up-ass syndrome. I got tired of being berated for doing awesome work around the place (I was a caretaker for an estate and traded labor for rent) and something he said triggered my PTSD in an ugly way and I started raising my voice, said something he was doing was stupid, he shouted at me "YOU'RE CALLING ME STUPID" which as you know once someone believes that's what they've heard that's their reality....
I threw up my hands and said fine, I'm moving out, I can't take this any more.
Mind you at the time I had no job, no SS, and then was setting myself up for no place to live either. Oh boy that PTSD fucks your life up good, doesn't it?
I called my Dad who is in his late 70's and has an RV he traveled in for a couple years parked next to his house. He lives in the next state so it's not like I can just pop on over and stay there a while. I asked him if I might borrow it for a while and drive it to somewhere near where I'm working and live in it. Turns out he banged it up towing his car behind it, backing it into rocks in a campground, etc. and the insurance company canceled his policy after he made a claim for repairs. He was basically forced into mothballing it because he couldn't get insurance, so he said yes to my request. We drew up an agreement that I get to use it for a year or two and then I will sell it for him and send him the money.
I worked out getting my household stuff out of the estate and put into storage, and packed up a few things and went and got the RV. Now I'm living in it, in a little out-of-the-way spot in the woods near my new job. Off the grid. Tiny house living! Rent free!
And then, and then.... this guy who works in the fire department next to where my new job is started flirting with me. Big time. Because of the volunteer work I've been doing there over the years I've known him quite a while and actually would call him a good friend. OMG I'm totally soaking it up. I was on the bus for a long time - and I completely let him have his way with me. My body had pretty much been asleep for the last two years and all the sudden I'm AWAKE! Yikes
Anyway, progress on D, new job, new place to live, and new romance! I am really blown away and wake up each morning so grateful. I've been through HELL getting here but I finally think my new beginning has arrived. Hell YEAH. BW then 46, STBXWHNPDPAFTG the destroyer of my entire life.
D-Day 1 1999, D-Day 2,3,4,5,6... 2009 thru 2011.
Separated, divorcing, moving on.
I edit because I always make typos.