SurvivingInfidelity.com Forums
Divorce/Separation
User Topic: Why did I even try...
ruby44
Member
Member # 41135
Suspicious  Posted: 5:16 PM, December 8th (Sunday)

I get it, he does not want to R...I thought that we were trying to do what was best for the kids. We usually spent Christmas home in our pjs all day a true just our family day. So the DDs (12 & 10) wanted to know if Dad was coming for Christmas, in all honesty, I thought it would be good to show the girls that for big days, we could put it all aside for them. So I sent him a note inviting him to the house to watch the girls open presents... no begging nothing just hey if you want to come by Christmas day you are welcome.
Here is his response:
As for the holiday, I have no interest at all to spend it with you. Also, telling them I could be there Christmas Day was inappropriate and I am sure disappointing for them.
I am just so sad for everything right now...I am really looking forward to January...sigh.


Me BW 52, Him WH 48
Married 13 years,
2 DDs (12 and 10)
D-Day Confirmed 10/24/13 suspected before that but did not want to believe it.
WH filed for D 11/12/13
2/8/14 WH asked if he could come home.
Lies!

Posts: 277 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Midwest
Williesmom
Member
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 5:18 PM, December 8th (Sunday)

((Ruby and girls))

In the future, don't even include him in your plans.


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7773 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
betrayedfriend
Member
Member # 19785
Default  Posted: 5:32 PM, December 8th (Sunday)

You tried to put it aside and make your kids happy, that's commendable. If you must reply, I would simply say *noted.

Then any time your kids ask to do family things and include him, just say, aww honey, I'm sure dad would rather celebrate that with you on his time. I'm sorry, he's a jerk.


I originally joined SI as a way to help my best friends find ways of coping with infidelity, but now infidelity has touched my family much closer to home.

Posts: 868 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Midwest USA
suckstobeme
Member
Member # 30853
Default  Posted: 6:03 PM, December 8th (Sunday)

I'm sorry he's such an asshole.

But, I'm glad he reminded you of who he is so you will never fall into this trap again. This is a hard time for the kids and the transition to separate lives with mom and dad is not easy. But, they need to know that those family days have changed. He is not part of your home anymore and you're not part of his.

I know that some people can put feelings aside to have joint holidays and birthdays with the kids. I've never even considered that. We share most of the days and try to be reasonable so that the kids get to spend time with both parents on those days, but never together. I never felt the need to make myself feel bad or uncomfortable in exchange for the kids being confused about reality.

Make new traditions with the kids so that Christmas doesn't remind them of when he was there. This one will be tough, but you will get through.

He's a selfish prick who doesn't deserve to celebrate with you.


BW - me
ExWH - "that one"
D - 2011
You get what you put in, and people get what they deserve.
Hard as it may be, try to never give the OP any of your power or head space.

Posts: 2842 | Registered: Jan 2011
soveryweary
Member
Member # 32265
Default  Posted: 6:20 PM, December 8th (Sunday)

((Ruby)) (( your DD's))
It will soon be January and the holidays over.


Divorced 1/3/14

Posts: 627 | Registered: May 2011
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 6:27 PM, December 8th (Sunday)

((((ruby & kiddos))))


You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana


Posts: 25777 | Registered: Aug 2011
Lostandpregnant
Member
Member # 41433
Default  Posted: 6:44 PM, December 8th (Sunday)

What a jerk, wow.


He left me 18 weeks pregnant with twins for another.I am a Licensed Private Investigator..it even happens to us.

Posts: 354 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Canada
lisaloo
Member
Member # 20082
Default  Posted: 7:08 PM, December 8th (Sunday)

Hugs!!!

What an asshat thing for him to say.


Me: 33 STBXH: 34 DD: 8
D Day (EA): 6-19-08
D Day #2 (SA): 7-5-10
D Day #3 (EA): 11-8-13
WH moved out: 11-18-13
Moved BACK IN (because the lawyer told him to): 11/29/13.
Filed for Divorce: 12-9-13
In house separation...fun, fun, fun.

Posts: 474 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: AL
jemimapd
Member
Member # 37895
Default  Posted: 7:57 PM, December 8th (Sunday)

Jeez, that is all about him, not you. How rude and nasty.

I assume he is with OW? Seems he is deep in the fog.

My ex behaved appallingly during our marriage but he is coming over to watch the present opening. We are on a shared parenting plan so we negotiate everything. I think it was perfectly reasonable for you to ask him.

Keep that note.


Jemima Puddleduck is a trusting soul....
DD 1 Dec 2012; Divorced 11/13; 2 children
Me: BS (47) Him: WH (52) Her: 3 PA's
Ex bought a house, The Money Pit With Mold That Will Never Be Finished. He's living in the basement.

Posts: 726 | Registered: Dec 2012
careerlady
Member
Member # 16958
Default  Posted: 9:29 PM, December 8th (Sunday)

Omg soooo mean! I''m so sorry! You did the right thing though.


Me (BS, 35); The Snake (WS, 36) 13yrs together; 1 baby boy (DOB 7/12)
Serial cheater-Multiple OWs, Multiple D-Days
D by default 5/3/14!
In house 8 mos, moved out 7/1!!!
Summary: http://youtu.be/iaysTVcounI

Posts: 942 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: Northern California
Shattered-Heart
Member
Member # 32165
Default  Posted: 10:40 PM, December 8th (Sunday)

Sorry he's immature and selfish, if that's the way he is you are probably going to be a happier parent celebrating with your wonderful DDs alone, anyway.
I'd reply something like "I was more interested in your DDs enjoying your company than me, but point noted, I won't offer again."

((Ruby & lil ones))


Me BW
Him WH
"The trick is to keep breathing." - Garbage

Posts: 181 | Registered: May 2011
ruby44
Member
Member # 41135
Default  Posted: 9:34 AM, December 9th (Monday)

well I found out why...
He and the OW are taking a 4000.00 trip to Mexico for Christmas, I hope Montezuma gets a little revenge for me! Just do not know who he is anymore.


Me BW 52, Him WH 48
Married 13 years,
2 DDs (12 and 10)
D-Day Confirmed 10/24/13 suspected before that but did not want to believe it.
WH filed for D 11/12/13
2/8/14 WH asked if he could come home.
Lies!

Posts: 277 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Midwest
tushnurse
Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 10:01 AM, December 9th (Monday)

Ruby please please please maintain NC status with this clown as much as possible.

Doing a family Chrismas with him, even if he were willing would be painful and difficult, and no fun for anyone. As painful as it is, you will be much better off if you can accept that he does not care, and you are better off focusing on your and the kiddos happiness.

Yah, I hope he gets drunk and forgets where he is and drinks from the shower, or the faucet, and ends up in the hospital!!!


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8722 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
Thefly559
Member
Member # 40268
Default  Posted: 10:37 AM, December 9th (Monday)

No contact means no contact. Took me a long time to figure that one out. Pretending for the kids in my opinion is worse . But I do understand the intent and I am sorry


"what does not kill you , makes you stronger"

Posts: 684 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: nyc
Topic Posts: 14