SurvivingInfidelity.com Forums
Divorce/Separation
User Topic: 2014: My comeback year
Pass
Member
Member # 38122
Cool  Posted: 7:10 PM, December 8th (Sunday)

2011 was the year that my depression worsened and worsened, until I wanted to die.

2012 was the year that I followed through on that: I tried to kill myself, and spent a week (including my 42nd birthday), in the psych ward. Ten months later, was when I found out The Princess was a lying, cheating whore. I spent the next three months after that trying to be a one-person reconciling team. We all know how those work out.

2013 was the year when I decided I would put up with no more. I moved out, and spent the next three months in tears. I ended up having to go to the food bank once.

That's quite enough of that horseshit.

Five days into 2014, I have a solo gig - just me and my instruments on stage for an hour. That's a good fucking start to my comeback year. Here's what else I want to make happen in my comeback year:

- I want a job. Self-employment is cool when you're married to someone with a steady income, but too nerve-wracking for this solo life. I am going to upgrade my programming skills and get a job.

- I will learn to relax. Once I have the relative security of being an employee, I will learn to keep my off-hours as time that I don't think about work constantly.

- I will get MORE gigs. My musical skills are improving, and I am getting to be known on the local folk scene. Now that I have the better mousetrap, I just need to let people know about it, so they will beat a path to my door.

- I will continue writing. My blovel is going strong, and slowly building a following. I need to keep the momentum by continuing to produce quality content. This is fun shit, so I just need to keep doing a little research at a time; once I've done the research, the writing is practically effortless.

- I will pay off all my debts, and not buy more things on credit. This will free me up to start contributing to a pension fund in 2015.

- I will have money to take my kids on a nice three-day shopping trip in the summer. All the army surplus and music stores we can find in the city of our choice (I have the coolest kids ever).

- I will continue to detach from the Princess (and should be divorced about halfway through the year). While pushing for a new relationship isn't a priority, I will start keeping my eyes open for real live dating opportunities (NOT online!). If I meet someone who looks like she might be nice, I will ask her out, and proceed cautiously.

That will make 2014 a fantastic year. Gotta make this happen so that you're not listening to me complain about the same shit next year at this time!

Anyone else up for a comeback year?

[This message edited by pass at 7:13 PM, December 8th (Sunday)]


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after married 17 years, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 1706 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
tesla
Member
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 7:23 PM, December 8th (Sunday)

Pass, I love it when you post a thread with sunglasses

I remember seeing your first posts in D/S...you've already made so much progress! Congrats to you on getting through 2013...2014 is looking like a breakout year for you!


"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

Posts: 4559 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
Williesmom
Member
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 7:32 PM, December 8th (Sunday)

Good plan!


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7435 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
IrishLass518
Member
Member # 34373
Default  Posted: 7:40 PM, December 8th (Sunday)

2011 sucked
2012 got a bit better
2013 really started feeling better, free, stronger and loving it.

I am so ready to see what 2014 has in store for me. I plan to continue to rebuild my credit on my journey towards buying a home. I plan to continue at my job that I love and prepare myself for advancement over the next year. I plan to continue having fun I feel like I am allowed to enjoy my life now. I gave myself permission to be happy


Me: 45 BS Divorced
Him: 45 Married OW
DDay: 07/04/2008
Divorced: 06/15/2011
5 kids: IrishLass 27,IrishLad 25, IrishLass 22, IrishLad 21 and IrishLad 12
"You can't run from trouble..there ain't no place that far"

Posts: 1677 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: WA
Gemini71
Member
Member # 40115
Default  Posted: 8:18 PM, December 8th (Sunday)

Gotta love those psych ward stays. My hosp was paranoid about the plastic utensils we used to eat, then handed us sharp little pencils to take notes with.

2014 Sounds like it'll be a kick-ass year for you. It's gonna be so much better for me too. It's the year I hope to be divorced, and the year I go back to school to sharpen my skills for work.

Best of luck to you!


Edited to correct stupid typos.

Two steps forward and one step backwards, is still progress.


Posts: 1556 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Illinois, USA
h0peless
Member
Member # 36697
Default  Posted: 9:24 PM, December 8th (Sunday)

2014 should be a big year!

Posts: 1580 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Arizona
SBB
Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 11:50 PM, December 8th (Sunday)

I've bookmarked a thread I posted this last NYE about how far I had come from the NYE before - I've reread it several times throughout the year and it never fails to lift my spirits.

You kind of forget the heavy battles won in the midst of the battles currently fought.

Absolutely celebrate and reach for the future - never forget to rejoice where you are right now. Pat yourself in the back, friend. We've waded through shark infested waters, sometimes held down by a ball and chain, sometimes even bleeding heavily.

You're still swimming - towards the shore. Always towards the shore. I am too.


Buzz- The word you are searching for is 'Space-Ranger.'
Woody- The word I'm searching for, I can't say, because there are Pre-school toys here.

Posts: 5447 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
cdagal
Member
Member # 38154
Default  Posted: 7:18 AM, December 9th (Monday)

2010 he cheated
2011 sold the house, moved to our nation's capital
2012 began life as a divorced woman
2013 started to enjoy life as a single woman in a fantastic neighbourhood
2014 plan on travelling solo for the first time ever! Europe, here I come.


M - 25 yrs
DDay - August 5, 2010
Divorced - December 12, 2011
He married the OW 35 days later
"Fall seven times, stand up eight" - Japanese proverb

Posts: 67 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Canada
Pass
Member
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 10:08 AM, December 9th (Monday)

Thanks for the feedback, y'all.

I've bookmarked a thread I posted this last NYE about how far I had come from the NYE before - I've reread it several times throughout the year and it never fails to lift my spirits.

That's a great idea, SBB. Last year at this time, it was just three weeks since DDay: The Princess was blame-shifting, gaslighting, and probably cake-eating. In other words, she was using "the best defence is a strong offence" as her policy, and it was working okay for her.

The worst part is that I hadn't discovered SI yet (I was still about a month away from discovering it), so I didn't even know any of these terms; I had no idea how to take care of myself. As a result, I was drinking a lot, blaming myself, and just generally feeling bad.

A combination of SI, therapy, anti-depressants, music, my kids, and new friends have helped me to get to the point that I'm able to even consider a comeback year in my future. It's still a bit of a climb, but I'm SO much closer to getting out of that hole The Princess put me in.


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after married 17 years, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 1706 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
FaithFool
Member
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 10:57 AM, December 9th (Monday)

Wow, you're doing great for a year. Next year will be even better.


DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17174 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
careerlady
Member
Member # 16958
Default  Posted: 12:35 PM, December 9th (Monday)

This time last year I was pretty happy (used to the verbal abuse and not having help around the house) but I didn''t know the Snake was engaged in a court battle for child support for an OC and contemplating his next A (if he hadn''t started one already)

This year has sucked with the first DDay in 5 years, DS getting injured and the subsequent CPS nightmare, and filing for divorce and telling my family and friends it was over twice. At least right now there is no wool pulled over my eyes. Knowing is half the battle as they say!

I have a LOT of hope invested in 2014. I''m going to:
-get divorced
-find out if I''m staying here or moving to SoCal and making the best out of either situation. I have a great job and house up here but all my family is in SoCal
- become partner at my job if I don''t move
- get back on a regular exercise schedule (stopped after DS was hospitalized and started spending all free time with him
-develop my friendships. I''ve met some potentially really good friends up here but don''t hang out with them enough cause I''m too introverted and I''ve been spending all my free time on the Snake and DS.
- dip my toe into the dating pool. I''ve only ever been with the Snake sexually and only had eyes for him but now I notice sexy men everywhere and I''m excited about dating one that isn''t a POS


Me (BS, 35); The Snake (WS, 36) 13yrs together; 1 baby boy (DOB 7/12)
Serial cheater-Multiple OWs, Multiple D-Days
D by default 5/3/14!
In house 8 mos, moved out 7/1!!!
Summary: http://youtu.be/iaysTVcounI

Posts: 936 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: Northern California
Pass
Member
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 1:04 PM, December 9th (Monday)

only had eyes for him but now I notice sexy men everywhere and I''m excited about dating one that isn''t a POS

I'm in the same boat, CareerLady. A friend told me the other day, "You'll find there have been remarkable advances in breasts in the past 20 years. You've been missing out!"


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after married 17 years, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 1706 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
debbysbaby
Member
Member # 32962
Default  Posted: 5:54 PM, December 9th (Monday)

Where is the like button? Great plan!


-betrayed almost my whole almost 15 yr marriage
-divorced since 2004

Posts: 844 | Registered: Aug 2011
k94ever
Member
Member # 11176
Default  Posted: 8:09 PM, December 9th (Monday)

2014?

Formally shutting down the business I ran for 16 years and going full bore on my new one.

I want to spend more time riding my horse.

I really want to move out of this "Lethal Plan of Flatness" I've been in for the past 2.5 years.


k9


BS: 56
WS: 53
Betrayed: 23 years
Affairs: 14 (2 lasted 3 months. Rest were ONS)
WS died: 16 May 2011
Do not stay in your hurt forever. Choose to move out of it.

Posts: 6456 | Registered: Jul 2006 | From: Wisconsin
PhoenixRising88
Member
Member # 35214
Default  Posted: 9:51 PM, December 9th (Monday)

You GOOOO, Pass! Onward and upward!! :)


Me: BS (43)Him: EX, aka "The Dink"(50)
D-Day#1 12/22/11. D-Day#2 5/23/2013.

Divorce final 2/10/14.

Throw me to the wolves and I'll return leading the pack.


Posts: 426 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: North Texas
Topic Posts: 15