User Topic: 5 years...and the healing continues
Member # 20531
Default  Posted: 9:00 PM, December 8th (Sunday)

I have not been here in a while. I like to share the positive because when I first joined this site, I hung onto every positive post I could find. I hoped that someday, that would be me. I want to share this with all who are struggle to keep their balance on the path so individually chosen.
I have always been a lover of Christmas, so much so that we were married at this time of year. I found out that my husband had had an affair that lasted over 14 years, I do not need to tell you about that devastation, if you are here, you know. I have had a hard time with the Christmas season ever since. Even though our reconciliation has gone very well, each year I find myself more weepy and sad as Christmas gets closer. My MC told me we had to dissolve our marriage, it was a sham and if we wanted our relationship to work, to start anew. I told my husband I would never spend our anniversary with him again. That day was now a reflection day, one where we would think about how our marriage was....not good. Our new relationship, which started when we renewed our vows is strong, honest, loving and everything I always dreamed a marriage would be. We celebrate that anniversary. However, I dread this season. I can't look at the wedding cake topper, dried flowers & stemmed glasses that had become cherished Christmas ornaments. Today my Husband changed that.
We had decorated the house yesterday. This morning as I came down stairs he saw my eyes fill with tears, poured me a cup of coffee and sat me down. Here is what he said.
"I know this is a hard time of year for you and I understand completely but I want you to know how I feel. I want to celebrate our Christmas anniversary. That day took! That commitment took! Otherwise we would not have made it. I lived my life in a fog of delusion and denial for so many years. If it wasn't for that day, we would not be here today enjoying the riches that everyday life has for us now. So many couples don't make it, for whatever reason. It's a throw away society... we didn't throw it away... we fixed it! I didn't walk out because of that day. That means the world to me because now I understand the true meaning of commitment. I need to celebrate that understanding. I need to celebrate us."

I think my healing is complete. Merry Christmas everyone.... and peace on earth.

Married 25 Years  Together 31
LTA 12 years
DDay 4/11/08
R 2/14/09
"No matter if you think you can or you can't...either way you are right"
Scars do not form on the dying...
only on the survivors.

Posts: 317 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: North East
Member # 15902
Default  Posted: 9:04 PM, December 8th (Sunday)

Great post. So happy for both of you.

Me: BH, Her: FWW - Long Term EA/PA
d-day: June 25, 2007
Married 30 years, Reconciled

Inner peace begins the moment you choose not to allow another person or event to control your emotions.

Posts: 5695 | Registered: Aug 2007
Member # 39803
Default  Posted: 9:15 PM, December 8th (Sunday)

That brought tears to my eyes. Thank you!

me - BS (40s)
DDay - June 2013, A was 2+ months, EA then PA
In MC & Reconciling
An affair is a personal crisis, not a relationship.

I edit, therefore I am.

Posts: 2063 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: USA
Mrs Panda
Member # 27303
Default  Posted: 9:19 PM, December 8th (Sunday)

Wow, great post . Merry Christmas .

Me-41 FWW Him-45BH
M 13years. Reconciled.
DDay#1 Nov 2008 (OM2)
DDay#2 Aug 2009 (Confessed to OM 2001)
"Those who believe in telekinetics, raise my hand." -Kurt Vonnegut

Posts: 1992 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: The SouthEast
Member # 25144
Default  Posted: 9:36 PM, December 8th (Sunday)

I too have tears from what you shared. May this be the first of many happier Christmases.


Reconciliation means that we both are authentic and vulnerable. I still have my H, and he's a better man than ever!

Posts: 1716 | Registered: Aug 2009
Member # 41401
Default  Posted: 9:27 AM, December 9th (Monday)

Another sweet moment of recovery...thank you for sharing. Those moments give me hope.

Me 47
WS 41
M=16 years

Posts: 130 | Registered: Nov 2013
Member # 40613
Default  Posted: 10:45 AM, December 9th (Monday)

Thanks for posting this heartfelt story. It's nice to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I am not that far out yet, but I do know we are heading in the right direction. Have a wonderful Christmas.

3 A's
Blinded-sided DD 9/2011
Again 11/2011 and then more truth the next day. Separated 4 months. 2012, the year of truth and reconciliation.

Posts: 70 | Registered: Sep 2013
Member # 40512
Default  Posted: 6:42 PM, December 9th (Monday)

Hi Fadingmemories,
Your post made me cry, it is 6 Months since I found out that my H had been having a 18 yr affair, amongst other stuff too. We are working so hard at reconcilling but this will be our first Christmas since I found out and I am just feeling so sad. Thinking of all the happy times we have spent during this special time just seem so fake to me now. I am really struggling with it.

BS 57
WH 58
M 28 yrs together 32
D Day 10th April 2013
20 Yrs of Infidelity with long term affair 18 yrs but only seen a couple of times a year. 3 Prostitutes, sexual Massages.Ongoing Porn. lapdances.

Posts: 88 | Registered: Aug 2013
Member # 12802
Default  Posted: 6:53 PM, December 9th (Monday)

From time to time, I do consider that I might be mad. Like any self-respecting lunatic, however, I am always quick to dismiss any doubts about my sanity. DK

Posts: 14861 | Registered: Nov 2006 | From: mercury's underboob
Member # 38044
Default  Posted: 10:56 PM, December 9th (Monday)

Bless you for taking your time to encourage us that follow you.

It's a throw away society... we didn't throw it away... we fixed it!

Nicely put.

God be with us all.

ME: 42 BH, I don't PM female members
SHE: 38 EA
Married: 15 years
Together: 17 years
D/Day 9-10-12
NC: 10-25-12
NC: Broken early November 2012, OM not respond
2 girls; 7 and 10
Fear is payments on debts you have not

Posts: 3989 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Central Missouri
Topic Posts: 10