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User Topic: Condom Question-A little Tmi Warning
jzkc1502
Member
Member # 40496
Shocked  Posted: 2:31 PM, December 9th (Monday)

In the string of my WH's cheating he's always maintained that he only called/texted the escorts and never actually met up with one. Based on phone records it seems nearly impossible that an escort would call/text that much without having him as a customer, it's alarming. Anyway, one weekend during this period I was out of town, this is about 2 months after we were married. He picked me up at the airport and on our way home I jokingly asked him how many times he had to jerk off from missing me. He said none he was waiting for me. So we have sex and (sorry TMI warning) I didn't want him to finish in me so he finished on a towel. I knew he hadn't just gone 4 days without doing anything because there wasn't a lot. I asked again being like "oh haha, you definitely j-off" he said no again. (Again we were always open about this as I'd send him dirty pics quite often for him to use). He goes to take a shower and I'm picking up some things and I find a used condom on the floor. In the pit of my stomach I knew. We weren't using condoms but we did keep them around for times I would forget to take my pill. I bang on the bathroom door and scream why did I find a used condom on the floor. Muffled response "What?". I repeat. He then opens door to see it and he says "Oh, yea I jerked off in it". So I'm like "You just said you didn't the whole time I was gone." His story has never changed from that. I feel like people reading this now want to reach through their monitor and smack me into seeing the light. Why do I want to hold onto that that is the truth? Is there any guy here who has used a condom for that?! I've never heard of that before!!


Me: BS 29
Him: WH 28
Together: 9 years, married 3
DDay: August 2010
OW: Escorts/Craigslist (escorts and strip club on our honeymoon!)
Status: Divorcing

Posts: 139 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: NJ
cl131716
Member
Member # 40699
Default  Posted: 2:34 PM, December 9th (Monday)

Very hard to believe! I've heard of that before but I am very doubtful that is the case especially if he LIED about jacking off in the first place.

(((jkc1502)))


Me BS 31
Him WS 34 Trying4change
Together 3 years, married for one
D-day: 07/23/13 cybersex with COW
D-day: 12/27/13 found out he met and kissed a "friend" in 2011
"A clear and innocent conscience fears nothing."

Posts: 935 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Oklahoma
DeadMumWalking
Member
Member # 25341
Default  Posted: 2:35 PM, December 9th (Monday)

Ummmm......kleenex, yes......underwear, yes......towel, yes.......

Using a condom for masturbation?? Give me a break

I'm so sorry, he's lying.

((((jzkc))))


Me (BS), Him (WH): early 50's
3 DS: teens!!! :)
M: 24 (19 1/2 at Dday), Together 29
Dday: Dec 2008
re-separated (in-house), for good (??) <-- should really remove these, shouldn't I...

Posts: 2538 | Registered: Aug 2009 | From: EU
Uhtred
Member
Member # 40392
Default  Posted: 2:48 PM, December 9th (Monday)

How old is he? Sounds like something a 13 year old kid would do.


Me: BH 32years old DDay 4-29-13
Her: WW 33 years old
“Yet each man kills the thing he loves
By each let this be heard
Some do it with a bitter look
Some with a flattering word
The coward does it with a kiss
The brave man with a sword”

Posts: 554 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Houston, Texas
burntandtorn
New Member
Member # 41502
Default  Posted: 2:52 PM, December 9th (Monday)

I have to admit, I've used a condom a couple times just for a different sensation. I just wanted to put this out there so you'd know that at least it is a possibility.


Married 12 years, together 14
BH 34
WW 35 (multiple ONS)
2 children, 8 and 10.
In MC. Trying to reconcile.

Posts: 49 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: missouri
jzkc1502
Member
Member # 40496
Default  Posted: 2:53 PM, December 9th (Monday)

How old is he? Sounds like something a 13 year old kid would do.

He was 25 at the time. I agree as I was thinking it out, maybe I could see a young teen using it, but a grown-ass married adult guy? And like cl131716 pointed out, he lied twice that he didn't j-off so it makes it even more fishy to me.


Me: BS 29
Him: WH 28
Together: 9 years, married 3
DDay: August 2010
OW: Escorts/Craigslist (escorts and strip club on our honeymoon!)
Status: Divorcing

Posts: 139 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: NJ
jzkc1502
Member
Member # 40496
Default  Posted: 2:54 PM, December 9th (Monday)

I have to admit, I've used a condom a couple times just for a different sensation. I just wanted to put this out there so you'd know that at least it is a possibility.

Good to know. I wish though he didn't lie making me doubt his story.


Me: BS 29
Him: WH 28
Together: 9 years, married 3
DDay: August 2010
OW: Escorts/Craigslist (escorts and strip club on our honeymoon!)
Status: Divorcing

Posts: 139 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: NJ
JanaGreen
Member
Member # 29341
Default  Posted: 2:57 PM, December 9th (Monday)

I know of a guy who uses condoms in this way. I still am not sure why he shared this information with me, but there you go. I'm sure it would be less messy. I also don't know if I believe your husband's story.


We're both in our 30s. One awesome 4-year-old daughter.

Posts: 6565 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South
jzkc1502
Member
Member # 40496
Default  Posted: 3:02 PM, December 9th (Monday)

Huh. I guess I struggle with the answer so bad because during the time this happened he was calling/texting escorts 200+ times. A particular "favorite" was called and texted that exact weekend I was gone. So now I'm really supposed to buy his jerk off story coupled with the fact he lied about j-off??! Gah I wish this wasn't happening!!!


Me: BS 29
Him: WH 28
Together: 9 years, married 3
DDay: August 2010
OW: Escorts/Craigslist (escorts and strip club on our honeymoon!)
Status: Divorcing

Posts: 139 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: NJ
numb&dumb
Member
Member # 28542
Default  Posted: 3:06 PM, December 9th (Monday)

I have to admit, I've used a condom a couple times

(Raises hand)

Possible, maybe even plausible. Alone it would not be a cause for concern, but in light of other events, it definitely seems suspicious.


Me-35 her-35

DS 1, DD 6
Dday 8/31/11. ONS that occurred 3 years earlier. Lied to for 3 years.

Every truth comes to light in a long enough timeline.


Posts: 2545 | Registered: May 2010
markyall
New Member
Member # 37808
Default  Posted: 3:34 PM, December 9th (Monday)

I call bs
hate to do it but.... smack


Me:BH 42
Her:WS 36
two kids-still in school
Dday 052512

Posts: 9 | Registered: Dec 2012
confused615
Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 3:51 PM, December 9th (Monday)

Plausible? Sure.

But considering he was calling escorts at the time..and the amount of calls/texts while you were out of town AND the fact that he said he didn't jack it while you were gone(and,as you said, the two of you were very honest about masturbation at the time)...yeah..the condom was used for sex. You want to believe otherwise,of course. But common sense says he used it for sex.

What did you do with the condom? Does he think you threw it away? If it were me, I'd get sneaky. I'd tell him I had taken it out of the trash and sent it out to a lab to get tested. That,obviously they will find his DNA on it..but shouldn't find a woman's DNA, since he claims he used it to masturbate...then I'd tell him I'd gotten a call from the lab..the results are in..and that I am giving him one last chance to be honest because if the lab confirms a woman's DNA on that condom, then he can GTFO.

But,then, that's just me. I've had to resort to lying to get the truth from WH in the past...and in this case,where my health and my marriage where at risk..I'd lie again.


BS(me)41
FWH 45
4 kids..21,20,11,9
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Happily Reconciled.

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7155 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
jzkc1502
Member
Member # 40496
Default  Posted: 4:01 PM, December 9th (Monday)

What did you do with the condom? Does he think you threw it away? If it were me, I'd get sneaky. I'd tell him I had taken it out of the trash and sent it out to a lab to get tested. That,obviously they will find his DNA on it..but shouldn't find a woman's DNA, since he claims he used it to masturbate...then I'd tell him I'd gotten a call from the lab..the results are in..and that I am giving him one last chance to be honest because if the lab confirms a woman's DNA on that condom, then he can GTFO.

Ahhh why weren't you in my life earlier?! This is from back around DDay and I threw the condom out. WHYYYYY!!!!! At least I could have had a little sanity maybe if I could have proven 100% there was no female DNA on there. UGH.


Me: BS 29
Him: WH 28
Together: 9 years, married 3
DDay: August 2010
OW: Escorts/Craigslist (escorts and strip club on our honeymoon!)
Status: Divorcing

Posts: 139 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: NJ
somanyyears
Member
Member # 26970
Default  Posted: 4:09 PM, December 9th (Monday)


..your story and his lies both point to him bull-shitting you.

..he will, of course, deny, deny, deny..

..trust your gut.. he's been screwing around while you were gone..

..sorry you have a lying, cheating H.

smy


trust no other human- love only your pets
She isn't and never was who I thought..I can't believe who I married and what she did to us.
Me 67
Her 63
Married 42 yrs (together 47)
18 yr LTA with bf


Posts: 4103 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: the sad state of affairs
confused615
Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 4:12 PM, December 9th (Monday)

Ah, I didn't check your dday. Yours was 3 years ago,same as mine. So a little late for that story. Hmm.

What about asking him..or telling him..to take a polygraph? Tell him you can not move forward without the truth.


BS(me)41
FWH 45
4 kids..21,20,11,9
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Happily Reconciled.

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7155 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
HurtButHopeful?
Member
Member # 25144
Default  Posted: 4:35 PM, December 9th (Monday)

If you really need to know, I second confused615's idea

What about asking him..or telling him..to take a polygraph? Tell him you can not move forward without the truth.


Reconciliation means that we both are authentic and vulnerable. I still have my H, and he's a better man than ever!

Posts: 1716 | Registered: Aug 2009
steadfast1973
Member
Member # 24719
Default  Posted: 5:09 PM, December 9th (Monday)

Ok, so my WH used the services of an escort last month... He had started talking to her in may, he made an appointment and cancelled it. I dunno, after a certain point she had an attitude of now or never... It took him a few months to go through with it... But he did it...


Me- 40- BS Him- 36- WH D-day#1 5/25/09 3 mo. EA d-day#2 11/06/13 Prostitute 11/5/13 in R
"I've seen your flag on the marble arch, our love is not a victory march, it's a cold and broken hallelujah."- Leonard Cohen

Posts: 2241 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Midwest
jzkc1502
Member
Member # 40496
Default  Posted: 8:32 AM, December 10th (Tuesday)

Thanks for the replies all. I guess using a condom for that IS possible. I just still don't think I believe it given the ongoing circumstances at the time:
1. Calling/texting escorts
2. I was out of state for 3 days
3. He was calling/texting escorts during those 3 days.
4. He said he did not j-off in those 3 days

And now he has the nerve to actually get mad at me when I say I think he actually used it to have sex with someone.

[This message edited by jzkc1502 at 8:33 AM, December 10th (Tuesday)]


Me: BS 29
Him: WH 28
Together: 9 years, married 3
DDay: August 2010
OW: Escorts/Craigslist (escorts and strip club on our honeymoon!)
Status: Divorcing

Posts: 139 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: NJ
LeopoldB
Member
Member # 40606
Default  Posted: 11:39 AM, December 10th (Tuesday)

Sounds suspicious, however...

I have used condoms for jerking off many times over the years when I find them in my luggage or toilet kit. Once they go past the expiration date, I figure I should take them out of action and why just throw them away. It's a judgement call as to how far past the expiration date I am willing to trust them. It's longer than a carton of milk or eggs... but not much.

On the other hand, leaving a spent condom on the floor does not ring true. Who does that? That is post sex behavior, not post masturbation.


Posts: 184 | Registered: Sep 2013
StillGoing
Member
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 11:42 AM, December 10th (Tuesday)

On the other hand, leaving a spent condom on the floor does not ring true. Who does that? That is post sex behavior, not post masturbation.

Yeah, this. It kind of defeats the purpose of tidiness anyway.


“Fate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony.”

Posts: 7370 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
stillprettyupset
Member
Member # 41286
Default  Posted: 12:03 PM, December 10th (Tuesday)

To help put your mind at ease (??). Did he continue texting that day? Or were they together and the texts would have stopped. Look for the trend if you have the records. Hateful and ugly I know, but it is a good indication.


Me: 42
WW: 36
Latest D-day: Sept 2013
Reconciling? Limbo?

Posts: 96 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: NE Ohio
jzkc1502
Member
Member # 40496
Default  Posted: 12:07 PM, December 10th (Tuesday)

On the other hand, leaving a spent condom on the floor does not ring true. Who does that? That is post sex behavior, not post masturbation.

Yeah, this. It kind of defeats the purpose of tidiness anyway.

Right I forgot I had kind of thought that before. Its like, ok so you use it to masturbate then rip it off and toss it on the floor? Could he have been that dumb to rip it off post-sex and not think to cover his tracks?

To help put your mind at ease (??). Did he continue texting that day? Or were they together and the texts would have stopped. Look for the trend if you have the records. Hateful and ugly I know, but it is a good indication.

The sucky part is this was 2010 my DDay, so while I have one specific phone number record that I had saved in an old email thats all I have. But it doesn't have time stamps...so this is the activity I have to one particular escort this weekend. I was gone for 3 days so I wouldn't really know what day it could have happened.


Friday- June 4- called twice
Saturday- June 5- phone call
Saturday- June 5- one text
Sunday- June 6 - phone call

Again being that during the whole 6-7 month period there were 281 calls and 200+ texts this is just a teeny tiny snipet.

[This message edited by jzkc1502 at 12:16 PM, December 10th (Tuesday)]


Me: BS 29
Him: WH 28
Together: 9 years, married 3
DDay: August 2010
OW: Escorts/Craigslist (escorts and strip club on our honeymoon!)
Status: Divorcing

Posts: 139 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: NJ
LeopoldB
Member
Member # 40606
Default  Posted: 12:34 PM, December 10th (Tuesday)

Alas... like reading tea leaves, interpreting used
condoms is still more of an art than science.


Posts: 184 | Registered: Sep 2013
OK now
Member
Member # 14459
Default  Posted: 12:53 PM, December 10th (Tuesday)

I would guess that he arranged an outcall escort and forgot to dispose of the used condom. Given his regular contact with escorts I would be amazed if he wasn't using their services while you were out of town. These girls don't waste their time talking to clients. keep it short; no inappropriate language and do you want to see me or not? Also so they abhor texting; it simply wastes their time. they are running a business not engaging in wasteful conversation.

Your WH is having sex with prostitutes and you should get yourself tested for STD's and think seriously about further sexual relations with him.


Posts: 1695 | Registered: May 2007 | From: NC
JanaGreen
Member
Member # 29341
Default  Posted: 3:05 PM, December 10th (Tuesday)

Could he have been that dumb to rip it off post-sex and not think to cover his tracks?

Yup. Although it's incredibly stupid, yup.


We're both in our 30s. One awesome 4-year-old daughter.

Posts: 6565 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South
jzkc1502
Member
Member # 40496
Default  Posted: 3:22 PM, December 10th (Tuesday)

I would guess that he arranged an outcall escort and forgot to dispose of the used condom. Given his regular contact with escorts I would be amazed if he wasn't using their services while you were out of town. These girls don't waste their time talking to clients. keep it short; no inappropriate language and do you want to see me or not? Also so they abhor texting; it simply wastes their time. they are running a business not engaging in wasteful conversation.

I agree. This is the only log I have saved this is one particular escort...

April 23-3 calls
April 23-Text
April 25- –one call 2 minutes
April 26- 6 calls (one was for 3 min)
May 3 -Text
May 3–one call (4 minutes)
May 7 –one call
May 9 (4 texts)
May 10 (7 texts)
May 10 –one call (4 minutes)
May 11 –one call (2 minutes)
May 13 –one call
May 13 (5 texts)
May 14 –one call
May 25- 6 texts
June 4- two calls
June 5–one call
June 5 -Text
June 6 –one call
June 9 –one call
June 10-Text
June 10- 3 calls, one was 2minutes
June 14 –one call
June 17-Text
June 27 –one call
August 3- one call 2 minutes
Aug 3- (1 being a multimedia message) 8 texts
Aug 10- 27 texts
Aug 11-two calls


Me: BS 29
Him: WH 28
Together: 9 years, married 3
DDay: August 2010
OW: Escorts/Craigslist (escorts and strip club on our honeymoon!)
Status: Divorcing

Posts: 139 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: NJ
OK now
Member
Member # 14459
Default  Posted: 6:37 PM, December 10th (Tuesday)

In marriage sex the used condom often ends up forgotten on the floor, to be disposed of the next day. Too lazy to get out of a warm comfortable bed and flush the item I suppose. I reckon thats what your WH did; just plain forgot he had dropped it off the bed.

Leaves you with a problem; I read somewhere how difficult it is for men who are addicted to escorts to give up that 'hobby'. Do you live with his adultery; threaten you will leave, [he'll just do a better job of covering his tracks]; or separate. If you don't separate watch out for STD's. He's putting your health at risk.


Posts: 1695 | Registered: May 2007 | From: NC
h0peless
Member
Member # 36697
Default  Posted: 6:47 PM, December 10th (Tuesday)

I did that once when I was a virginal teenager. It sort of defeated he purpose. He's a liar.

Posts: 1580 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Arizona
LeopoldB
Member
Member # 40606
Default  Posted: 8:41 PM, December 10th (Tuesday)

Was the condom full? If so, that narrows down the possibilities. "Full" supports his story; empty, not so much.


Posts: 184 | Registered: Sep 2013
jzkc1502
Member
Member # 40496
Default  Posted: 9:27 PM, December 10th (Tuesday)

The condom was full. I mean I can't recall how full if that's what you're asking but yes he definitely finished in it


Me: BS 29
Him: WH 28
Together: 9 years, married 3
DDay: August 2010
OW: Escorts/Craigslist (escorts and strip club on our honeymoon!)
Status: Divorcing

Posts: 139 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: NJ
LeopoldB
Member
Member # 40606
Default  Posted: 10:08 PM, December 10th (Tuesday)

Ok. A full condom is a good sign in this case.

Based upon my own experience as well as many other men out there... if the condom was empty then he might have been with an escort, withdrawn at the last moment, whipped the condom off and twirled it over his head while pretending to ride a bronco and shouting "Yee ha!", before giving her a pearl necklace.

With all those moving parts, a lost condom under the bed would be understandable in those circumstances, and yet sadly inappropriate just the same. So a full condom means you can cross that particular scenario off the list. His story still holds water and bit by bit I'm starting to believe the young man.

Let's see if other folks here are ready to give him the benefit of the doubt.



Posts: 184 | Registered: Sep 2013
OK now
Member
Member # 14459
Default  Posted: 6:49 AM, December 11th (Wednesday)

Some folks have vivid imaginations.

Circumstantial evidence strongly indicates he had sex with a prostitute. Few men have running dialogues with escorts then don't avail them of their services. He even left the evidence behind, what more do you require? He is not going to admit to cheating; you would have to catch him in the act to obtain a confession.

Stop grasping at straws; he's a liar and adulterer. Its important for your healths sake to arrive at a judgement and this needs to be based on circumstantial evidence, which points strongly to his guilt. I would separate from my WH even if he was only guilty of contacting escorts. That alone is unacceptable behavior.


Posts: 1695 | Registered: May 2007 | From: NC
StillGoing
Member
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 6:57 AM, December 11th (Wednesday)

Based upon my own experience as well as many other men out there... if the condom was empty then he might have been with an escort, withdrawn at the last moment, whipped the condom off and twirled it over his head while pretending to ride a bronco and shouting "Yee ha!", before giving her a pearl necklace.

Speaking as someone who utters some truly ridiculous shit on a regular and daily basis, that is some truly ridiculous speculation.

There's nothing to suggest he's telling the truth when his consistent behavior and commentary at the time contradicts that.


“Fate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony.”

Posts: 7370 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
jzkc1502
Member
Member # 40496
Default  Posted: 7:57 AM, December 11th (Wednesday)

Some folks have vivid imaginations.

Circumstantial evidence strongly indicates he had sex with a prostitute. Few men have running dialogues with escorts then don't avail them of their services. He even left the evidence behind, what more do you require? He is not going to admit to cheating; you would have to catch him in the act to obtain a confession.

Stop grasping at straws; he's a liar and adulterer. Its important for your healths sake to arrive at a judgement and this needs to be based on circumstantial evidence, which points strongly to his guilt. I would separate from my WH even if he was only guilty of contacting escorts. That alone is unacceptable behavior.

Yes, you're right. I know what I'm doing is grasping at straws and trying to hold onto a hope that isn't there.

I guess that yes a faithful man could potentially use a condom to masturbate into and it shouldn't raise any red flags, but when I lay out all the details the fact that I could still even believe that is absurd.

Based upon my own experience as well as many other men out there... if the condom was empty then he might have been with an escort, withdrawn at the last moment, whipped the condom off and twirled it over his head while pretending to ride a bronco and shouting "Yee ha!", before giving her a pearl necklace.

Uhhhh, hmmm. I don't know this doesn't really make any sense to me.


Me: BS 29
Him: WH 28
Together: 9 years, married 3
DDay: August 2010
OW: Escorts/Craigslist (escorts and strip club on our honeymoon!)
Status: Divorcing

Posts: 139 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: NJ
happenedtome
Member
Member # 6042
Concerned  Posted: 8:09 AM, December 11th (Wednesday)

Whether other men use condoms in that manner seems irrelevant to me. Have you ever known YOUR WH to masturbate with condoms? It doesn't sound like it. I am really sorry he is making you suffer so much with his lies. (Edited to correct my spelling error)

[This message edited by happenedtome at 1:07 PM, December 11th (Wednesday)]


Posts: 216 | Registered: Dec 2004
jzkc1502
Member
Member # 40496
Default  Posted: 8:41 AM, December 11th (Wednesday)

Whether other men use condoms in that manner seems irrelevant to me. Have you ever known YOUR WH to masterbate with condoms? It doesn't sound like it. I am really sorry he is making you suffer so much with his lies.

Gahhhhh you're exactly right! In the 9 years I've been w/ him I've never once known him to use a condom for this. Almost always sock if needed.


Me: BS 29
Him: WH 28
Together: 9 years, married 3
DDay: August 2010
OW: Escorts/Craigslist (escorts and strip club on our honeymoon!)
Status: Divorcing

Posts: 139 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: NJ
itainteasy
Member
Member # 31094
Default  Posted: 8:47 AM, December 11th (Wednesday)

My fiance uses them to masturbate into. So, yes, some men do that.

But in your case, knowing how much contact he's had with hookers..I'm 99% sure he had sex with a hooker and forgot about the rubber.

I'm sorry.


Posts: 3308 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: NWPA
Compartmented
Member
Member # 29410
Default  Posted: 10:20 AM, December 11th (Wednesday)

Sit for a moment and listen to your gut. You might just get the answer there.

One of my therapists told me that it is critical to listen to our guts. We will know the truth if we do. Another told me that the things spouses of addicts "know in their gut" are more accurate than polygraph results. (Of course, this is a subjective statement.) I know in my case, I was ignoring my instincts, and I should have listened.


Posts: 1208 | Registered: Aug 2010
jzkc1502
Member
Member # 40496
Default  Posted: 10:48 AM, December 11th (Wednesday)

I know I need to stop silencing my gut. Imagining my WH in the act w/ a hooker is just so painful to picture.


Me: BS 29
Him: WH 28
Together: 9 years, married 3
DDay: August 2010
OW: Escorts/Craigslist (escorts and strip club on our honeymoon!)
Status: Divorcing

Posts: 139 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: NJ
Pass
Member
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 11:21 AM, December 11th (Wednesday)

No matter what the condom manufacturers say, it just doesn't feel as good when you use one - kills some of the sensation. I beat off into a condom once as a teenager, then thought, "That sucked" and never did it again.

I'm truly shocked to see so many guys saying they've done it. I would've automatically assumed this were a lie.


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after married 17 years, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 1709 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
steadfast1973
Member
Member # 24719
Default  Posted: 11:33 AM, December 11th (Wednesday)

I don't get what Leopold is saying at all. Sounds like blowing smoke up someone's ass to me. I've never known a dude to whirl a full condom over his head like a lasso... ever.


Me- 40- BS Him- 36- WH D-day#1 5/25/09 3 mo. EA d-day#2 11/06/13 Prostitute 11/5/13 in R
"I've seen your flag on the marble arch, our love is not a victory march, it's a cold and broken hallelujah."- Leonard Cohen

Posts: 2241 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Midwest
jzkc1502
Member
Member # 40496
Default  Posted: 12:19 PM, December 11th (Wednesday)

I don't get what Leopold is saying at all. Sounds like blowing smoke up someone's ass to me. I've never known a dude to whirl a full condom over his head like a lasso... ever.

This scenario made me go I can't tell if Leopold was trying to make a joke or really propose that as what could have happened. Not to mention the condom was found on my side of the bedroom floor which was closer to the door and bathroom. I feel like if he was j-off he'd be on his side of the bed, or in the den w/ the computer for porn.


Me: BS 29
Him: WH 28
Together: 9 years, married 3
DDay: August 2010
OW: Escorts/Craigslist (escorts and strip club on our honeymoon!)
Status: Divorcing

Posts: 139 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: NJ
OK now
Member
Member # 14459
Default  Posted: 12:46 PM, December 11th (Wednesday)

I think Leopold was making a joke; not intended to be serious.

According to my FWH you would only use a condom if there was some reason why you couldn't tolerate a messy situation. Like being at friends house etc. It wouldn't make sense if you were at home in bed.

Lets face it, your WH had sex with a escort then slung the condom out of bed onto the floor for later disposal. Meanwhile he could then continue sexual antics with the woman. If he had taken the condom into the bathroom to flush, the escort would have left the bed and started to get dressed. She would use the act of WH going into the bathroom as an excuse to quickly dress and leave. Prostitutes minimize contact with clients. Get in, get on, get out in the shortest time possible. Thats why WH stayed in bed and didn't dispose of the condom immediately. Unfortunately for him, he then forgot what he had left on the floor.


Posts: 1695 | Registered: May 2007 | From: NC
k9lover1
Member
Member # 8531
Default  Posted: 12:56 PM, December 11th (Wednesday)

What I find interesting is that every step of the way, every new discovery, you are looking for alternatives to what is staring you right in the face.

What would it take for you to quit questioning things. Is he that good at convincing you these things you keep discovering are nothing? I sure hope he is a lawyer - he'd be good in court. He could convince a dead man that it was his own fault he murdered himself.


D-Day was 10/9/05
He promised NC. He lied. After 4 chances, I kicked him out 1/05/06.
Since then I have survived cancer surgery and a heart attack.
Now he's sorry, but it's too late.

Posts: 8091 | Registered: Oct 2005 | From: Wisconsin
lordhasaplan?
Member
Member # 30079
Default  Posted: 1:15 PM, December 11th (Wednesday)

if it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck its probably a duck....


D-day: 5/18/10, lies and TT till (11/26/10)

Posts: 1864 | Registered: Nov 2010
Nature_Girl
Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 1:19 PM, December 11th (Wednesday)

What I find interesting is that every step of the way, every new discovery, you are looking for alternatives to what is staring you right in the face.

This is my thought as well.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9317 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
jzkc1502
Member
Member # 40496
Default  Posted: 2:38 PM, December 11th (Wednesday)

What I find interesting is that every step of the way, every new discovery, you are looking for alternatives to what is staring you right in the face.

You're right. I'm trying to break out of this shell of not being able to believe the truth even though its blinding. I work myself into such a tizzy its almost like I can't separate fact from fiction anymore, almost as if I was questioning if anything ever happened in the first place. Them I'm like, WTF am I doing? I have all the cold hard facts why do I let what he says make me doubt that all this happened?! So when I confront him about the condom even in therapy and I say I think you screwed someone else and I get this look of disgust from him and anger that I could think that I'm thinking riiiighhhtt I'm that bad one for thinking that. I just want this to be over.


Me: BS 29
Him: WH 28
Together: 9 years, married 3
DDay: August 2010
OW: Escorts/Craigslist (escorts and strip club on our honeymoon!)
Status: Divorcing

Posts: 139 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: NJ
EasyDoesIt
Member
Member # 29514
Default  Posted: 3:37 PM, December 11th (Wednesday)

Lying.


Anything less than full disclosure and total transparency is pure bullshit. WARNING! No emotional pollution allowed.

Posts: 3688 | Registered: Sep 2010 | From: Georgia
OK now
Member
Member # 14459
Default  Posted: 6:52 AM, December 12th (Thursday)

The mere fact that he is contacting escorts should be enough. Also escorts generally text regular clients; newbies are asked to phone. Your WH is deep into this sh*t; probably uses Backpage to find prostitutes.

The point everyone is trying to get across is that you don't have to prove he had sex with these ladies; his contacting them in the first place is a valid reason for ending this relationship. He actually thinks its OK to communicate by text and phone with escorts while in a committed marriage. This guy should not be in any type of relationship with this warped attitude.

I think you know he's guilty. However it takes so much courage to take the next step and separate. The alternative sucks even worse.


Posts: 1695 | Registered: May 2007 | From: NC
painpaingoaway
Member
Member # 27196
Default  Posted: 7:28 AM, December 12th (Thursday)

Hi sweetie, I hate to 'jack' your thread, but Leopold, you are hilarious!

Anyway, back to the situation at 'hand', damn, I did it again, lol! Sorry JZ.

Sweetie, I absolutely understand your denial, and your desperate need to make sense of all this, and to find a way to give your H an 'out'. I did the same thing. It is perfectly natural. It is simply so unbelievable to us that our life partners could possiblely deceive and betray us, that our minds will believe any bullshit that lay on us.

But I read some of your previous posts, and I am 100% convinced that your H cheated, and probably still is. For a man to do what he did ON YOUR HONEYMOON is, without a doubt, proof that he is a consummate and manipulative liar, and most probably a sex addict.

I am so so sorry. Please protect yourself, see a lawyer, and apply your time working on a way to extricate yourself from this marriage. You are way to young to spend your life doubting your life partner.

JMO.

Peace,
PPGA


me BS female 56/him WS 59
Married 33 years
D-day July 09/he gave me his slut's STD
Watch my movie: "My wayward husband's adventures in STD land":
Episode 1: youtu.be/9Jv0-d_CdYc
Episode 2: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8Tz822H82Gk

Posts: 7021 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Coastal South
jzkc1502
Member
Member # 40496
Default  Posted: 9:23 AM, December 12th (Thursday)

The point everyone is trying to get across is that you don't have to prove he had sex with these ladies; his contacting them in the first place is a valid reason for ending this relationship. He actually thinks its OK to communicate by text and phone with escorts while in a committed marriage. This guy should not be in any type of relationship with this warped attitude.

You are right. What I've been journaling is why do I keep moving the line of whats acceptable behavior to put up with? So I've moved the line to accept the calling/texting because up until this point I've never heard the words that he screwed one or witnessed it? How did I become that??? Why am I accepting that? I keep thinking, no even if it was just calling/texting that is enough of a betrayal where I think I'm validated of wanting this divorce.


But I read some of your previous posts, and I am 100% convinced that your H cheated, and probably still is. For a man to do what he did ON YOUR HONEYMOON is, without a doubt, proof that he is a consummate and manipulative liar, and most probably a sex addict.

Yupp this is the thing I go back to over and over again. If he was able to call escorts on HM as well as leave me on the beach to go to a strip club for an hour on the HONEYMOON what else is he capable of??? I would think on the HM is supposed to be the most romantic you are w/ your spouse, and it kills me because I thought we were having such a good time it makes me wonder what was real?


Me: BS 29
Him: WH 28
Together: 9 years, married 3
DDay: August 2010
OW: Escorts/Craigslist (escorts and strip club on our honeymoon!)
Status: Divorcing

Posts: 139 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: NJ
SeanFLA
Member
Member # 32380
Default  Posted: 10:41 AM, December 12th (Thursday)

I've been reading your posts here and I really have to come clean and say that I'm very much in disbelief here. Your newly married husband was calling escorts on your honeymoon and had been since then? And you're still married to him? Really? I would have been right back down the courthouse after the honeymoon for an annulment.

Gently here, but honestly I don't think your WH is the problem here so much. You obviously know what kind of person he is. I think the problem is more with you and possibly your own self esteem and/or self respect. I might suggest getting yourself to a therapist to see why it is you have put up with this within yourself. And why you keep moving that line in the sand of acceptance.

Believe me when I say that marriage is not that sacred an institution that you should have to deal with escorts, STDs, HIV and possibly your life. More than anything else you should be protecting yourself. If he wants to call and have sex with prostitutes (and lets call a duck a duck here) then that's his choice and he can play Russian Roulette with his own life, but don't allow it with yours. There is no way in hell I would ever entertain having sex with him ever again, nevertheless giving him my heart. Jzkel I think you really need to do some soul searching here and work on yourself.


BS(me) 48
WW 46
1 son 14 yrs old
Married 18 yrs, together 21 yrs

"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have." ~ Bob Marley


Posts: 1456 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: Zombie Land
jzkc1502
Member
Member # 40496
Default  Posted: 3:09 PM, December 13th (Friday)

Gently here, but honestly I don't think your WH is the problem here so much. You obviously know what kind of person he is. I think the problem is more with you and possibly your own self esteem and/or self respect. I might suggest getting yourself to a therapist to see why it is you have put up with this within yourself. And why you keep moving that line in the sand of acceptance.

I appreciate the honesty, and this is so true. I really owe it to myself to have enough self respect to say I am deserving of someone who will NEVER do this to me. The remorse he's showing now is too late, it has no meaning and I want someone I can trust.


Me: BS 29
Him: WH 28
Together: 9 years, married 3
DDay: August 2010
OW: Escorts/Craigslist (escorts and strip club on our honeymoon!)
Status: Divorcing

Posts: 139 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: NJ
silverhopes
Member
Member # 32753
Default  Posted: 3:18 PM, December 13th (Friday)

So when I confront him about the condom even in therapy and I say I think you screwed someone else and I get this look of disgust from him and anger that I could think that I'm thinking riiiighhhtt I'm that bad one for thinking that. I just want this to be over.

This is hard, isn't it? He makes you feel like it's your problem or fault and then makes you doubt yourself. He uses his anger to make you feel badly. Detach from him. Detach from his words. Look at his actions. Construct a picture of him based on his actions. He's a cheater who has slept with prostitutes.

The remorse he's showing now is too late, it has no meaning and I want someone I can trust.

I'm sorry, he isn't remorseful. If he were, he would admit what the hell he was doing that night that left behind a full condom on the floor near your side of the bed. And it wasn't masturbating.


Find peace. Or sleep on it.
"Not my monkeys. Not my circus." ~Polish proverb (<~~~ as a codependent person, this comes in handy sometimes!)

Posts: 3882 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: California
PhoenixRisen
Member
Member # 35912
Default  Posted: 9:29 AM, December 15th (Sunday)

My ex was the same. Cheating since day 1 (even before M most likely) and would glibly lie about obvious evidence I'd found after he cheated (texts, craigslist posts, secrete email accounts, even the STD he got).
I was just like you. Each time i bought his excuses or I ignored, rationalized, or made excuses myself because I did not want to face the truth.

How could this be my life?

Then he became more blatant.
If I pushed he'd have such contempt & hatred for me that I dare question him.
I was afraid I be exposed to more STDs.

As D began he then spun all evidence to blame me (even telling people I cheated on him!!!)

Now that I'm D I look back and I'm more upset with ME! Yes he was a liar and cheater and abuser but I can't control that. I can control my own behavior.
He lied to me all along but I knew he was! and instead of accepting the truth and deciding what I needed to do (MC, IC, D, R) instead I lied to myself as I hung on to hope that this was not really happening. That everything would get better. That was far far worse.
I should have never allowed myself to be belittled, ignored, abused, cheated on and I should never have lied to myself. I am worth more than that. So are you


Posts: 474 | Registered: Jun 2012
Topic Posts: 55