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User Topic: to be fair~ a good post
philly172
Member
Member # 19024
Default  Posted: 2:08 PM, December 10th (Tuesday)

I'm usually coming on here & complaining about my WH.. his anger issues, his inability to remember things that happened in the A.. & I'm sure I will be back again bitching about him

BUT.. I also believe in giving credit when credit is due & WH has seriously stepped up ..

I got really sick last Thursday... out of the blue I was achey, sore throat, chest congestion.. I have had colds, pneumonia, pleurisy before but NOTHING compared to the way I felt.. I took to bed & stayed there most of the weekend..

In that time WH was awesome.. cooking special requests for me, since his stroke the stove intimidates him & to make it we got a new stove in October & I think he's only used it for heating thing.. but he would ask me all the time what I wanted to eat & gamely went in the kitchen to make it.. Even things he's never attempted.. (the scrambled eggs & bacon was kinda funny.. I asked for it & he asked for instructions (he hates eggs so he doesn't ever make them) then made it, when he brought it to me there was a pile of scrambled eggs on one side of the plate & a pile of diced bacon on the other.. I guess I forgot to tell him I wanted the diced bacon scrambled into the eggs.. )

In addition, the house has been spotless & dishes done..

Now, I know this is how husbands & wives are supposed to take care of each other but I haven't seen this caring from WH since before the A)

I'm still not feeling well & he's still taking care of me.. He is always reminding me to take my meds

like I said, give it a few days I'll be bitching about him but I wanted to post times when he does step up to the plate


"Sorry" works when a mistake is made, but not when trust is broken. So in life, make mistakes, but never break trust. Because forgiving is easy, but forgetting & trusting again is sometimes impossible

Posts: 4779 | Registered: Apr 2008 | From: Not in Philly.. it's just a screen name :-)
whiteflower99
Member
Member # 13937
Default  Posted: 2:31 PM, December 10th (Tuesday)

((((Philly))))

It is always refreshing when they what they are supposed to do.
My IC keeps telling me to look at it from WH's perspective. In that WH is sure to think he is making huge inroads towards winning me back.
I have to remind myself that compared to where he was three months ago this new person is pretty awesome. I just wish I could trust it to last.


What are you pretending not to know?

me FBS
him idiotic sex addicted, hormone addled, porn watching, post pubescent male with a walking hard on for anything without a penis
4 kids 15 13 12 8
Earned my *F* the hard way; no longer defining mysel


Posts: 1711 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Greensboro, NC
TrustGone
Member
Member # 36654
Default  Posted: 2:38 PM, December 10th (Tuesday)

I am glad he stepped up to the plate when you weren't feeling well. My WH#2 does try to take care of me when I am sick now, which is often because of my chronic illness. During his A he left me in the hospital alone and could have cared less if I lived or not. He was in the middle of his affair and I wasn't his priority then, she was. It still hurts to know that he cared so little when I needed him the most. I am glad to know now that he does care and I am sure I will also be back on here bitching about something before long, but he has actually been OK lately. He will never be the man I thought he was again, but I guess we are pretty much stuck with what we have now.


BW-50
WH#2-51
M-9 yrs T-11 yrs
4 children-none together
DD#1-9/5/11 LTA 2yrs
DD#2-7/3/12 False R
DD#3-4/29/13 (OW broke NC)
Status: Your guess is as good as mine.

Posts: 2420 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Texas
whiteflower99
Member
Member # 13937
Default  Posted: 2:40 PM, December 10th (Tuesday)

I guess we are pretty much stuck with what we have now.

Nope. And he KNOWS it too.


What are you pretending not to know?

me FBS
him idiotic sex addicted, hormone addled, porn watching, post pubescent male with a walking hard on for anything without a penis
4 kids 15 13 12 8
Earned my *F* the hard way; no longer defining mysel


Posts: 1711 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Greensboro, NC
iwillNOT
Member
Member # 40605
Default  Posted: 3:35 PM, December 10th (Tuesday)

I am so glad your husband stepped up and took care of you. It's important to let ourselves accept these kinds of caring actions and acknowledge to ourselves and WP that they are happening. I know it feels like a drop on the bucket after the A, but one drop at a time, over time, will fill that bucket up, right? Or at least that is what I tell myself.


Me: BS, 43
Him: WH, 44
Together 21 years
Married 14 years
Kiddos 2,6,8,10
Dday#1 2004, 3 years after EA/PA co-worker MOW
Dday#2 8-6-13, 13 months EA/9months PA with co-worker MOW - caught not confessed
Rugsweep now, pay later. Ask me how I know.

Posts: 499 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Midwest
philly172
Member
Member # 19024
Default  Posted: 11:14 AM, December 11th (Wednesday)

It's important to let ourselves accept these kinds of caring actions and acknowledge to ourselves and WP that they are happening. I know it feels like a drop on the bucket after the A, but one drop at a time, over time, will fill that bucket up, right? Or at least that is what I tell myself.

that's exactly how I feel.. taking care of me is miniscule compared to the A & compared to all of the times in the past 2+ years I've been there taking care of him, health-wise with his accident, brain injury, stroke.. but I admit my caring has been basic needs caring.. when his shoulder was in the sling, I helped button his pants.. those types of things.. but this week, he has really really stepped up to the plate..

to make matters worse HE is now catching what I have.. but he is still doing for me.. he doesn't seem to get as sick with stuff like colds, flu, stomach virus..


"Sorry" works when a mistake is made, but not when trust is broken. So in life, make mistakes, but never break trust. Because forgiving is easy, but forgetting & trusting again is sometimes impossible

Posts: 4779 | Registered: Apr 2008 | From: Not in Philly.. it's just a screen name :-)
million tears
Member
Member # 24416
Default  Posted: 11:30 AM, December 11th (Wednesday)

The diced bacon and scrambled eggs made me spew coffee.

I'm glad he is stepping up. I have been horribly sick but so has WH. We can't even take care of ourselves let alone each other so I don't know if he would step up to the plate or not.


2 year LTA-double betrayal, D-day 1-26-2009 and many months of TT. 2 more recent d-days-way overstepped boundaries.

Married 27 years. Together 29.

3 children 24, 21, 14

OW sex addict and romance addict according to MC.


Posts: 1664 | Registered: Jun 2009
Topic Posts: 7