SurvivingInfidelity.com Forums
Reconciliation
User Topic: The man I married was not this dumb.
TheAmazingWondertwin
Member
Member # 40769
Default  Posted: 6:35 AM, December 11th (Wednesday)

I have decided.
I am not in the rage stage.
He is in the stupid phase.


Everyday is a new day, some good, some bad.
Me- BS 39
Him- FWS
14 years- 2 middle school children
DDay- 07-24-2013
NC broken from August 6- 24, 2013
Avalanche of Truth on November 14, 2013
Length of A: June 10th to Dday- with broken NC

Posts: 470 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: East Coast
sodamnlost
Member
Member # 37190
Default  Posted: 6:47 AM, December 11th (Wednesday)

I have decided.
I am not in the rage stage.
He is in the stupid phase.

I feel bad because I know there is pain behind this but I must admit it made me laugh. I've thought this soooo many times since Dday.


If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck - it's not a fluffy pink unicorn squirting liquid rainbows, complete with pots of gold out of it's ass.

Posts: 748 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: Nowhere pretty
heforgotme
Member
Member # 38391
Default  Posted: 8:06 AM, December 11th (Wednesday)

Let's just hope it really is a PHASE.....


D-Day 11/15/12
5 month PA
Married 20 years, 3 kids
All good is hard. All evil is easy. Dying, losing, cheating, and mediocrity is easy. Stay away from easy.
- Scott Alexander
It was the day I thought I'd never get through - Daughtry

Posts: 1064 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: FL
tushnurse
Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 8:11 AM, December 11th (Wednesday)

No he isnt and it made me chuckle because I think a lot of us with WS's have thought this at some point.

I remember asking him how dumb he actually thought I was? Then getting the slack jawed, blank, sorry I was eating lead paint stare back.

The problem is they get so self absorbed and lost in the land of rainbow farting unicorns, they think we are all there. It's when the real world comes crashing down around them that they finally start to see what they have done.

I can tell you at 5 years out, my H still cant fathom what he did, how he treated me, or that he honestly believed me making hamburger helper for dinner made me a bad wife mom and person. LOL.

(((and strength)))To all in early and mid R.

Stay strong, and focus on what you need, demand the respect you deserve.


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 7786 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
struggling16
Member
Member # 33202
Default  Posted: 8:44 AM, December 11th (Wednesday)

I'm so sorry you're going through this.

Your post resonated with me. I have thought this sporadically for the past three years of R. As the healing progressed the thought that he was truly stupid during the A occurred more often.

I agree with tushnurse; during the A they think they are so clever and their BS is stupid because they're putting the A over on them. Unfortunately, it often manifests itself with gaslighting and the BS starts to think they're the stupid one. It took me a while to realize he was simply a manipulative fool during the A.

Now I have to watch myself and check the feelings of contempt I occasionally have for him and his choices.


Posts: 701 | Registered: Aug 2011
TheAmazingWondertwin
Member
Member # 40769
Default  Posted: 8:53 AM, December 11th (Wednesday)

It took me a while to realize he was simply a manipulative fool during the A.

Now I have to watch myself and check the feelings of contempt I occasionally have for him and his choices.


^^^^^^^^^^^^ Oh yes, this.

He doesn't seem to understand why I think so poorly of him sometimes. He almost seems shocked when I say I expected him to do something bad.
Like, "What? Im not in the A now, why would you think Im a bad person?"

AAAARGH... I love him so much. I know he is not a completely bad person.

But, he really does not think before he opens his mouth. The stupidity of his statements is just really infuriating.


Everyday is a new day, some good, some bad.
Me- BS 39
Him- FWS
14 years- 2 middle school children
DDay- 07-24-2013
NC broken from August 6- 24, 2013
Avalanche of Truth on November 14, 2013
Length of A: June 10th to Dday- with broken NC

Posts: 470 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: East Coast
Athene
New Member
Member # 41550
Default  Posted: 4:53 PM, December 11th (Wednesday)

"the slack jawed, blank, sorry I was eating lead paint stare back."

LMAO!!! - Is that the quintessential look of the stupid phase???

Sadly, I know that look all too well and my WH also spends his share of time in the stupid phase (also hoping it's just a phase).

Amazing Wondertwin - Hang in there. You are not alone in how you feel.


me - BS 41
him - WS 45
2DDs - ages 6,9
dday 4/2012, TT thru 10/2012
GO DUCKS!!

Posts: 35 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Pacific NW
TheAmazingWondertwin
Member
Member # 40769
Default  Posted: 7:30 PM, December 11th (Wednesday)

Thanks everybody.

And yes- I spit out my coffee reading that description.

Spot on.
Lead paint-

[This message edited by TheAmazingWondertwin at 7:30 PM, December 11th (Wednesday)]


Everyday is a new day, some good, some bad.
Me- BS 39
Him- FWS
14 years- 2 middle school children
DDay- 07-24-2013
NC broken from August 6- 24, 2013
Avalanche of Truth on November 14, 2013
Length of A: June 10th to Dday- with broken NC

Posts: 470 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: East Coast
Skan
Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 10:16 PM, December 11th (Wednesday)

Terminal hoof-in-mouth disease.


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 4551 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
Topic Posts: 9