User Topic: tough day - not sure if I have the strength
Member # 40332
Default  Posted: 11:24 AM, December 11th (Wednesday)

I'm having a super tough day. I'm not even sure if I want to go into the gory details. I just want to reach out to someone who understands what I mean when I say I'm having a tough day. R is so hard and I feel like I'm failing. And he's doing all the right things (mostly - we're all human after all). I just don't know if I'm going to make it through this.

Me: BS
Him: WH
Dday: Jan 4, 2013

Posts: 52 | Registered: Aug 2013
Member # 41189
Default  Posted: 11:27 AM, December 11th (Wednesday)

I understand EXACTLY what you mean.

D day- June 30, 2013
Me - BS
Married 15 years
5 year old child
Attempting R as of Oct. 1 2013

"Cry, and let your soul be cleansed of a love that turned to carnage." - Christy Brown

Posts: 99 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Canada
Member # 39114
Default  Posted: 11:36 AM, December 11th (Wednesday)

hi ihhell,
the rollercoaster keeps going, doesn't it. I've been there! Not today, thankfully, but I know that the bad days are not gone. its temporary. it'll be a bad day and then tomorrow likely better. sorry you're suffering today!! is there a way to distract yourself in a healthy way from all your bad feelings? are you at work or at home?


Me BS 49, ExWS: narcissist! Jekyll Hyde. Left in secret early July, moved states. Now homeless but getting it together. Necessary but difficult(!) transition! Sad sad sad but hopeful.

Posts: 554 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: theagonyofit
Member # 40332
Default  Posted: 11:42 AM, December 11th (Wednesday)

Thanks folks.

I'm at work. I'm trying to keep myself from crying uncontrollably. Today just feels bad.

Me: BS
Him: WH
Dday: Jan 4, 2013

Posts: 52 | Registered: Aug 2013
Member # 34671
Default  Posted: 12:12 PM, December 11th (Wednesday)

Hi Ihhell,
It's my turn to try to make you feel better. You are still so early on. When people say 2-5 years to totally heal from this, they mean it. I thought it couldn't possibly take that long with a very remorseful H who was helping me in every way....wrong. I have had days that start out badly and never get better. Also have had days that are buzzing along just fine them wham...something happens that puts me right back there and can wipe out my previously good day.

I can only tell you what I have learned. It gets better with time. How much time depends on you as a person and what is happening with your R as well as the effort put in by your WS...IMO.

I have tried all of the mental things to get over thoughts (stop sign...etc.) sometimes it works...other times not so much. I get the frustration. I am a very impatient person and want this is my past as quickly as possible without rugsweeping. Truly, your brain and your heart need to heal. Let them protect you, it is how we are wired for a reason.

Try to enjoy the good days as much as possible and keep them in your mind when you have a bad day. I try to stay in the present as much as I can and it has taken me quite a bit of time to master that.

Wishing you well today...I hope the day gets better for you. Also..let your H know how you are feeling today. I know sometimes that is hard but it ultimately always made us both feel better.

Me - BS 55
H - WS 57/very remorseful and supportive
Kids 29, 26, 22
D-Day 8-5-11
discovered 4 month long EA
R - slow and steady but very optimistic

Posts: 320 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: New Jersey
Member # 41166
Default  Posted: 12:20 PM, December 11th (Wednesday)


So sorry you are feeling this way today. I keep telling myself, it won't last forever. After my mother died I thought I would never feel joy the 3 year mark I was fine. I use that info to help me now....except this is worse.

Me: BW 41
FWH 41
Together 21 yrs, M 18, 2 kids
DDay: 12/11/12 ONS with CW
Used condom, got chlamydia anyway.

His betrayal of me was not because I didn't shine brightly enough, but because he chose to put on blinders.

Posts: 276 | Registered: Oct 2013
New Member
Member # 41620
Default  Posted: 1:50 PM, December 11th (Wednesday)

tough day here too. think its the holiday times coming, hang in there

Posts: 7 | Registered: Dec 2013
Member # 18449
Default  Posted: 1:58 PM, December 11th (Wednesday)


Posts: 11776 | Registered: Mar 2008
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 8:46 PM, December 11th (Wednesday)

I hope that the rest of your day went better. I remember those days when I just fought to keep the tears from streaming down my face. Damn that roller-coaster to hell and back! (((hugs)))

Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012

Posts: 4962 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
Member # 34353
Default  Posted: 8:50 PM, December 11th (Wednesday)

If you are early out feeling this way is so normal. It really does take 2-5 years. I am at 2+ years and its better. Hang in there. Cry if you need to, yell if you need to. Take care of yourself

Me: BS
Him: WS
Married since 1985
Parents to 2 adult sons and 3 of the cutest cats you have ever seen
D-day 8/6/11 Truth about ONS and 9/21/11 Truth about EA
Trying to reconcile

Posts: 1649 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: midwest now.
Member # 40332
Default  Posted: 1:05 PM, December 12th (Thursday)

Thanks everyone. Today feels like a better day. It's good to know that I have this forum where I can say 'today sucks' and people understand.

Me: BS
Him: WH
Dday: Jan 4, 2013

Posts: 52 | Registered: Aug 2013
Topic Posts: 11