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Reconciliation
User Topic: How to survive the holidays
lhhell
Member
Member # 40332
Default  Posted: 1:23 PM, December 12th (Thursday)

I'm hoping to get some discussion from both BS and WS (particularly ones who've made it through to the other side of this mess) on how to deal with the holiday season.

There seems to be a common thread running through many of the discussions lately and it's that the holidays are hard.

I'm anxious about the upcoming holidays - the feeling that we should act happy, the obligations to others. Dday for me was a year ago right after New Years so this time of year seems particularly stressful.

Thoughts?


Me: BS
Him: WH
Dday: Jan 4, 2013

Posts: 52 | Registered: Aug 2013
AFrayedKnot
Member
Member # 36622
Default  Posted: 1:29 PM, December 12th (Thursday)

Work together, work together, work together!!!

Be completely honest with each other as to what is comfortable and what is not. Dont force anything. Dont worry about anyone else or old traditions.


BS 40
fWS 36 (SurprisinglyOkay)
DD DS
A whole bunch of shit that got a lot worse before it got better.
"Knowing is half the battle"

Posts: 2636 | Registered: Aug 2012
karmahappens
Member
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 1:38 PM, December 12th (Thursday)

Don't take on too much.

Scale down what you can.

Leave room and time for yourself.

Leave room and time for your marriage.

Don't expect grand gestures from your WS. Actually leave all expectations at the door.

Accept invitations only where you feel safe and comfortable.

Stay away from the booze!!!

Know they won't always be difficult and be easy on yourself.


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3846 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
SoVerySadNow
Member
Member # 36711
Default  Posted: 4:00 PM, December 12th (Thursday)

Last year I was closer to dd and still in some dilusional denial phase. So I muddled through.
This year, I'm into the second year. Haven't decorated, and can't manage to want to. I've bought some gifts and have plans for completing that task.
I really wish it was over. Today I told Finally10 that despite nonstop Hallmark movies running, attending a fabulous cookie decorating seminar, and listening to holiday music, that I just couldn't find any holiday spirit at all. His answer was that we would figure it out. We are running out of time.

I like Karma's suggestions.
It doesn't help that hat would have been a significant wedding anniversary is coming next week and I can't even consider celebrating that.


Me:BW
Him:WH
D-day(s),after years of TT and Gaslighting was Labor Day Weekend 2012, continuing for a week after. *Dammit! More TT 3/9/13
Really trending toward D- planning about it is my "happy place" now.

Posts: 1292 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Sunny Florida
letitout
Member
Member # 38288
Default  Posted: 4:31 PM, December 12th (Thursday)

My dday was in Jan also. I just threw away the cheap Sears sweater H got for me last year while he was spending $$$$on prostitutes.

This year is new, we are going on a family vacation. The first in a long while.

Family and our marriage is going to come first. I was going to expect great things from H, but after reading karmahappens post I won't do that.

After a year of hurt TT and rugsweep I am going to put my feelings aside and do something nice for my H. because just this month he "got it" and I am glad and he is trying and he deserves it.


BW 55, WH 64
2 years of prostitutes.

Posts: 281 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: California
Topic Posts: 5