New Beginnings
User Topic: I'm confused smh
Member # 40229
Default  Posted: 4:22 PM, December 12th (Thursday)

Not sure if this should go in General or here.
I went to lunch with a coworker.
She tells me she drove 5.5 hours to say goodbye to her ex who cheated on her and they broke up 2.5 years ago. And, they have no children or proprerty together. He is heading to the sandbox.
I would drive 5.5 hours to head away from my STBXH. I just don't get it. She is a gorgeous red head. She is sweet, funny, bubbly.
From everything I've read, most of us SIers would walk through fire to avoid avoid avoid. I'm not bitter anymore, but I just don't do betrayel very well, and I don't do victim very well either. What my cheatinass H did to me was so wrong on so many levels, and honestly he deserves an asswhoopin so bad. But I have too much to lose and I don't won't to be a cliche product of my upbringing. So he gets off. But I got it from the jump that he was the f@cked up one.
Did I mention she was a gorgeous redhead????

I don't need further confirmation of what a fuckwit he is. I already have plenty, thanks very much. -SBB
D: 7/2/2014

Posts: 2335 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: AZ
Member # 25341
Default  Posted: 4:55 PM, December 12th (Thursday)

Weak self-esteem? Bad memory??

I'm confused with ya...

Me (BS), Him (WH): early 50's
3 DS: teens!!! :)
M: 25 (19 1/2 at Dday), Together 30
Dday: Dec 2008
Limbo-ish, again (after multiple S) -- weighing my options

Posts: 2609 | Registered: Aug 2009 | From: EU
Member # 36697
Default  Posted: 8:50 PM, December 12th (Thursday)

Stockholm syndrome?

Posts: 1736 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Baja Arizona
Member # 25086
Default  Posted: 9:19 PM, December 12th (Thursday)

Not confusing to me. Yes I'm sure she was hurt by him but they probably had some good memories too. I don't hate my ex or feel like a victim. If I thought there was a chance he might die, I would go say goodbye to him. Not sure how much effort I would put in to do it but I would.

Posts: 507 | Registered: Aug 2009
Member # 35619
Default  Posted: 11:23 PM, December 12th (Thursday)

I noticed a strange pattern when I was in Army Basic training. This happened to me and quite a few other guys. Ex-girlfriends and girls who had simply been friends suddenly showed an interest. There is, I think, a romantic notion to the soldier shipping out for a mission for some women. I only have my observations to go by but I noticed that the context of deployment made a huge difference. If this guy had asked her to drive 5.5 hours just to see him then she''d likely tell him to f'' off. However, if it was "I''m getting ready to deploy (i.e. go somewhere risky and dangerous) and I want to be sure I saw you before I left"....well what would make someone feel more special?

D final 8/2012

Posts: 4000 | Registered: May 2012 | From: southeast
Member # 40229
Default  Posted: 1:04 PM, December 13th (Friday)

well what would make someone feel more special?

Ahhh, good point.
I guess I was smh that she was still in touch with him in the first place after the betrayel. As in if she weren't still in touch with him she wouldn't even know what was going on in his life.
And then to drive that far away.
I'm still M to my deploying cheatinass H.
He made his choice. She can see him off and back. The last two times I picked him up (first time didn't know about the A), he couldn't even bother to give me a hug.
Making him feel special is her problem now. I don't even want to know what his life is about unless it concerns my spousal maintenance. NC = No new hurts. You know.

I don't need further confirmation of what a fuckwit he is. I already have plenty, thanks very much. -SBB
D: 7/2/2014

Posts: 2335 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: AZ
Topic Posts: 6