SurvivingInfidelity.com Forums
Wayward Side
User Topic: when does a wayward post in reconciliation
grains
Member
Member # 32590
Default  Posted: 11:47 PM, December 13th (Friday)

Hello SI,

When do you think a wayward should post in Reconciliation? Please let me know your thoughts. Thank you.


WH 60
BS 50
No Children
Together 17 years
Married 7/21/2001
D-day 03/01/2011

Posts: 313 | Registered: Jun 2011
silverhopes
Member
Member # 32753
Default  Posted: 4:19 AM, December 14th (Saturday)

How does R look to you, and do you feel you two are in R? Do you and your wife both consider your M in R? If you do, then it's probably a good time, if you want to.


Find peace. Or sleep on it.
Sometimes my monkeys, sometimes my circus.
Infidelities are like icebergs - they may take many different shapes and sizes, but they all damage your ship.

Posts: 3905 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: California
Aubrie
Member
Member # 33886
Default  Posted: 9:03 AM, December 14th (Saturday)

What silverhopes said.

I posted in R in the early days. It didn't go well.

I came back to WS with my tail tucked. Stayed here every since.

Even though we are rock solid in R, Wayward Side is just my home.


Me - FWW * Him - QuietStand

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - J. Wayne

"What if I fall?" Oh but my darling, what if you fly?


Posts: 6253 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: South, Y'all!
20WrongsVs1
Member
Member # 39000
Default  Posted: 9:57 AM, December 14th (Saturday)

I''ve posted in R and had better luck than Aubrie

In fact some BWs have PM''d me for insight. Maybe they didn''t want to thread-jack, maybe they didn''t want to be seen with me in public But in any case I''ve been accepted, so far. AFAIK we have as much right to post in R as anyone.


fWW: 42
BH: 52
DDay: April 21, 2013
Sweet DS & fierce DD, under 10
"Between stimulus and response there’s a space, in that space lies our power to choose our response, in our response lies our growth and our freedom." V. Frankl

Posts: 1196 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Redneck land
authenticnow
Moderator
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 10:00 AM, December 14th (Saturday)

I think that if you're in R you can post there if you feel that it is the most appropriate forum for that particular post.

I appreciate the views from the R side, and have found them very helpful.

Now, General...that's a different story. It can be scary in there!


Take up your space (and do it well).

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."


Posts: 37745 | Registered: Sep 2007
grains
Member
Member # 32590
Default  Posted: 12:42 PM, December 14th (Saturday)

Thank you all for your comments. My BS and I talked about my posting in Reconciliation and she feels that I have not really engaged the Wayward forum enough. This is true. I'll be more consistently active in this forum for now. My BS has told me that her needs are not being met. She feels that she is doing most of the work in keeping the relationship and that I still need to be prompted. She would like to see me take the lead. One way I could show this is through a more active participation in SI. I will post my insights on this forum and get the benefit of the sharing that happens here.


WH 60
BS 50
No Children
Together 17 years
Married 7/21/2001
D-day 03/01/2011

Posts: 313 | Registered: Jun 2011
She-Ra
Member
Member # 36033
Default  Posted: 7:55 PM, December 14th (Saturday)

Hi Grains

Good to "see" you in here again. Are you still doing your calendar of special days and thoughtful gifts etc for your BW? I remember reading them and thinking how awesome that was. Or maybe it''s time to get back to that if she thinks she''s doing most of the work?


WW/BW 33 BH/WH 34
1 year old beautiful daughter

Posts: 848 | Registered: Jul 2012
Alyssamd24
Member
Member # 39005
Default  Posted: 8:05 PM, December 14th (Saturday)

I have only posted in R a few times, but I read the posts regularly and sometimes will post when input from WS is requested....same with general, although its more likely that I will PM someone if I have something to say.

This is definitely the forum I feel safest in though.


"I need to be redeemed to the one I've sinned against because he's all I ever knew of love"

Posts: 852 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Massachusetts
grains
Member
Member # 32590
Default  Posted: 8:11 PM, December 14th (Saturday)

Hello She-Ra,

Thank you for remembering the calendar post. I did enjoy doing that and will consider going back to it. Thank you for your support.

Alyssamd24,

I feel the same way about this forum but I should read more on what people are saying in Reconciliation. Thank you for sharing.


WH 60
BS 50
No Children
Together 17 years
Married 7/21/2001
D-day 03/01/2011

Posts: 313 | Registered: Jun 2011
AFrayedKnot
Member
Member # 36622
Default  Posted: 8:17 PM, December 14th (Saturday)

OMG, the calendar post. That was going when I first joined SI. That made me so jealous.

It was very inspiring. You had the initiative back then. Find it again. You can do it.

And yea, come hang out it Rec. You are welcome there.


BS 39
fWS 36 (SurprisinglyOkay)
DD DS
A whole bunch of shit that got a lot worse before it got better.
"Knowing is half the battle"

Posts: 2597 | Registered: Aug 2012
grains
Member
Member # 32590
Default  Posted: 8:29 PM, December 14th (Saturday)

Chicho,

Thank you!

[This message edited by grains at 12:43 PM, December 15th (Sunday)]


WH 60
BS 50
No Children
Together 17 years
Married 7/21/2001
D-day 03/01/2011

Posts: 313 | Registered: Jun 2011
Notdaniel
New Member
Member # 41302
Default  Posted: 1:13 PM, December 16th (Monday)

I like to read the comments here as well. I read the general to get an idea of how my Betrayed Wife feels and what not.

I think that with WS forum, it takes into account that we can be hurting and remorseful as well. There is sometimes the belief that because we hurt others we are some sadistic group of people and that isn't the case.

Many here hurt very much. NOT as much as those we betrayed. Never comparing that but at times it can be really hard as the WS and the irony is that can also lead to MORE problem behaviors!!


WH-that's me (37)
Super amazing wife (39)

1 child


Posts: 32 | Registered: Nov 2013
astudentoflife
Member
Member # 25821
Default  Posted: 10:05 PM, December 16th (Monday)

I have started to post in reconciliation. I do it because my wife and I are in real R. I do it because I have things to contribute to certain posts on there.

I used to be the guy that had an opinion on everything and let anyone else know it. I got kicked of SI for a time. I have just recently gotten back and think long and hard before I post, especially to the reconciliation board.

I had just went to post to a topic in general and I stopped myself. It was the topic of empathy. Many people on there have been severely hurt. It is easier for them to think WS don't have empathy, or it comes from their hard experience. I thought better of it. Not so much for me, for them. I didn't want to start a big thing, simply because I disagreed. I think that is the attitude WS must cultivate, to know when our words may not be welcome and accept it as part of our process of growing and becoming honest men and women.

I read constantly, the just found out, general and reconciliation posts. I learn more every time I do.


WS:52 Male
BS:47 Female
Working towards R and forgiveness.
Also working on domestic abuse issues (9 months abuse free, working hard for more)
My wife is my greatest teacher and best friend.


Posts: 320 | Registered: Oct 2009 | From: Florida
Topic Posts: 13