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User Topic: I miss intimacy
nekorb
Member
Member # 40306
Default  Posted: 7:43 AM, December 14th (Saturday)

Before DDay, my WH gave me the ILYBINILWY speech and said he didn't want to have sex with me anymore. Period. Just like that. (In hindsight this was because he was taking his EA to PA)

It's been six months since we've had sex. Not that I would right now because he would need STD testing and all that....but I miss it. I miss the feel of us together and I miss the emotional connection.

:(

Anyone else have this happen to them? How did you deal with your feelings about it?


Me: BS 44; Him: WH 47 aka CAT- colossal asshat; Married 22 years
D-day: July 17, 2013, with TT to follow
D filed July 16, 2014, 363 days later than I should have
Psalms 27:14
Wait for The Lord; be strong and take heart. Wait for the Lord.

Posts: 1838 | Registered: Aug 2013
steadfast1973
Member
Member # 24719
Default  Posted: 7:55 AM, December 14th (Saturday)

Why has he not been tested?

And yes, I did crave intimacy. And i went for it. And, part of me kicks myself, because i did contract both Herpes and gonorrea... but... Also... I knew I wanted R, so at some point, i'd have gotten the HSV2, even with condom use and repressive therapy. I mean sure if R doesn't work, my choices are limited for any real future relationships... But I really think I am over that. This man is the LAST man I will ever be vulnerable to... So my options for a lasting future relationship are already limited... He's my third strike, so to speak.

[This message edited by steadfast1973 at 8:01 AM, December 14th (Saturday)]


Me- 40- BS Him- 36- WH D-day#1 5/25/09 3 mo. EA d-day#2 11/06/13 Prostitute 11/5/13 in R
"I've seen your flag on the marble arch, our love is not a victory march, it's a cold and broken hallelujah."- Leonard Cohen

Posts: 2256 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Midwest
vistainc
Member
Member # 37688
Default  Posted: 8:00 AM, December 14th (Saturday)

(((((nekorb)))))

I can relate to what you are saying. I am over a year out from DDay and our "intimate times" are pretty non-existent now. It was ok but lacking for the first 9 months after but now it is just not there.

My fWH is still wanting to, but I no longer feel special. I am unable to feel the connection that I need to feel in order to give myself to him completely. I guess I just don't see the point any more.

I have an appt with a new IC on Thursday so maybe she can help me work through this, but it is an awful way to live. I literally wish I could find even some of the feelings and/or the excitement he and his AP had just to be able to experience the butterflies again.

He never gave me the ILYBINILWY speech, but mine was the older people don't have sex as often, we just had sex last weeketc etc speeches. Makes it hard to think that he really DOES want to be with me now.

I wish you much luck on your journey, just know that you are not alone here.


Me BS 48
WH 52
4 Sons 25, 25, 23,18
D-Day 11/20/12

Posts: 150 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Western MA
nomistakeaboutit
Member
Member # 36857
Default  Posted: 8:02 AM, December 14th (Saturday)

I, too, miss intimacy. But, I'm thankful I'm no longer intimate with someone who could hurt me so bad.


Me: BH 56.........Her: WW 43
DD: 6..........DS: 4
Married for six years.
DDay: 12-25-11 Divorced: 7-15-12
...................................
"It's like a nightmare within a nightmare, which in and of itself is a nightmare!"

Posts: 944 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: U.S.A.
nekorb
Member
Member # 40306
Default  Posted: 8:06 AM, December 14th (Saturday)

Steadfast - he got tested once, but the A was underground and he was faking R. :( His A is currently ongoing.


Me: BS 44; Him: WH 47 aka CAT- colossal asshat; Married 22 years
D-day: July 17, 2013, with TT to follow
D filed July 16, 2014, 363 days later than I should have
Psalms 27:14
Wait for The Lord; be strong and take heart. Wait for the Lord.

Posts: 1838 | Registered: Aug 2013
steadfast1973
Member
Member # 24719
Default  Posted: 8:17 AM, December 14th (Saturday)

Oh. That stinks. I am sorry.

(((Nekorb)))


Me- 40- BS Him- 36- WH D-day#1 5/25/09 3 mo. EA d-day#2 11/06/13 Prostitute 11/5/13 in R
"I've seen your flag on the marble arch, our love is not a victory march, it's a cold and broken hallelujah."- Leonard Cohen

Posts: 2256 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Midwest
Harriet
Member
Member # 34543
Default  Posted: 9:42 AM, December 14th (Saturday)

Right after my ex told me he was going to divore me we went on a long planned and promised trip to Hawaii with the kids. In the hotel, he asked me if I wanted to have sex. I said, "Have your feelings for me changed?" Nope. I decided I really didn't want to get screwed any more than he was already screwing me over.

I missed it for a while. I'm okay with it now. My concern is that I will turn 50 soon and I'm not sure how long I can keep looking good naked!


D-Day Spring 2008
3 years false R
Divorce Final 6/7/12

Posts: 456 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: California
katmandude54
New Member
Member # 35992
Default  Posted: 10:10 AM, December 14th (Saturday)

Harriet, unless you are targeting Clooney or another "STAR" the guys over 50 are worried JUST as much about how they look naked. Don't sweat it. Visuals are important, but so is the mind, and it's our biggest erogenous zone.


If at first you don't succeed, you're probably screwed.

Posts: 39 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: FLORIDA
IrishLass518
Member
Member # 34373
Default  Posted: 11:15 AM, December 14th (Saturday)

I miss it too. I miss the sound of someone sleeping next to me, I miss the every day routine of a long relationship and marriage, people forget that there is extraordinary beauty in the ordinary. I miss touching skin, the warmth, the familiarity, I miss feeling and believing that I was so lucky to be the one who got to see him and touch him in ways and places that no one else could. I miss how special and honored that made me feel.

I do like being alone and how confident I have become, still there is so much I miss.


Me: 46 BS Divorced
Him: 45 Married OW
DDay: 07/04/2008
Divorced: 06/15/2011
5 kids: IrishLass 27,IrishLad 25, IrishLass 23, IrishLad 21 and IrishLad 12
"You can't run from trouble..there ain't no place that far"

Posts: 1748 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: WA
steadfast1973
Member
Member # 24719
Default  Posted: 11:24 AM, December 14th (Saturday)

I wish I had found SI during my D. I let my ex come over for "sleep overs" for months. It was horrible. Kept getting my hopes up...


Me- 40- BS Him- 36- WH D-day#1 5/25/09 3 mo. EA d-day#2 11/06/13 Prostitute 11/5/13 in R
"I've seen your flag on the marble arch, our love is not a victory march, it's a cold and broken hallelujah."- Leonard Cohen

Posts: 2256 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Midwest
Topic Posts: 10