SurvivingInfidelity.com Forums
Wayward Side
User Topic: what happened to suspended?
Alyssamd24
Member
Member # 39005
Default  Posted: 4:50 PM, December 14th (Saturday)

I had to ask....I am assuming others are wondering also.


"I need to be redeemed to the one I've sinned against because he's all I ever knew of love"

Posts: 739 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Massachusetts
Want To Wake Up
Member
Member # 31583
Default  Posted: 4:53 PM, December 14th (Saturday)

I'm gonna go out on a limb here and go ahead and presume he lived up to his name...

[This message edited by Want To Wake Up at 8:14 PM, December 14th (Saturday)]


Me 50+
WH 50+ (SlowUptake)
DDay '09
Latest TT... Nov '13 (not a typo!)


One man’s “fruitless conflict” is another man’s “meaningful discussion”


Posts: 468 | Registered: Mar 2011
jo2love
Moderator
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 5:15 PM, December 14th (Saturday)

Suspended is no longer a member.

Posts: 33889 | Registered: Mar 2011
confetticheck
New Member
Member # 38676
Default  Posted: 10:04 PM, December 15th (Sunday)

Sorry, but I never really believed that person existed.
Or am I an idiot?


Me - WH
Her - BW
Married 20 yrs, 3 kids
DDay - 17 Nov '12 (5 month PA)

Life's tough, it's tougher when your stupid.


Posts: 35 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: FL
TimeToManUp
Member
Member # 37538
Default  Posted: 6:40 PM, December 16th (Monday)

I understand that in this setting, all different types of people are going to come seeking help and support, and as such, the members here cannot assume anyone's true intent and there are always kind members willing to give the benefit of the doubt and try to offer it. That being said, TCD asked me if I had seen the thread in question, and I said "No." I read half of the first page, and it screamed "Internet Troll," and I stopped reading. Doesn't mean I was right, but I would be surprised if I wasn't.


I know we're worth it.
WH (Me-33)
BW (tattoodchinadoll-31)
D-Day: 12/22/11
Together 15 years, married for 10.
Three daughters, 8, 4 and 2.

Posts: 227 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: New Jersey
Aubrie
Member
Member # 33886
Default  Posted: 6:56 PM, December 16th (Monday)

Here's the thing that's hard to remember sometimes.

Whether the dude was real or not, the person behind it (legit super rich dude banging high class whores or some slug living in their mother's basement binge eating Cheetos and Diet Coke while trolling infidelity support forums) desperately needs help.

And here's another thing. I think there's probably more lurkers than actual posters on SI on any given day. That being said, even though the comments and advice given to the original poster may not have been received how we would like to see, that doesn't mean that other lives were not affected and/or touched.

I've seen trolls cause a scene here and days later, a lurker would post and say, "Ya know, the advice that so-and-so gave was exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you for being here SI."

If one life is affected in a positive way by the support and advice here, it's kinda worth having to deal with the occasional troll. It is to me anyway.


Me - FWW * Him - QuietStand

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - J. Wayne

"What if I fall?" Oh but my darling, what if you fly?


Posts: 6052 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: South, Y'all!
Tred
Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 7:28 PM, December 16th (Monday)

Aubrie sorta nailed it. It's not like they are hard to spot most of the time. And the mods are always on them. But I understand giving everyone the benefit of the doubt - there's some amazing turnarounds on this site. But when I think a troll shows up, I go straight to ignore. That's why we don't talk about them...don't want to give the next fucker any ideas on how to troll the site. Let them wither and die. Not worth our time watering them.

I think the mods here do a fantastic job, so I let them do it


Married: 17 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 3746 | Registered: Dec 2011
EvolvingSoul
Member
Member # 29972
Default  Posted: 7:28 PM, December 16th (Monday)

I tended to think Suspended was a real person with delusions of grandeur. The comment that made me think so was that "no one else knows but SI.com". If he was accurate in his description of things, not even the APs knew the truth of him. His big rush was control and feeling superior. It's possible he really decided to quit while he was "ahead" and never confess, thereby "getting away with it". The missing piece to his "triumph"? He wanted anonymous no-consequence witnesses to his vast "superiority".

I actually hope he was a troll, because it's depressing to think of an unknowing BS out there suffering with him as a partner.

In any case, whether he was for real or not, I hope he gets the help he needs.


Me: WS (52)
Him: Shards (47)
D-day: June 6, 2010
Last voluntary AP contact: June 23, 2010
NC Letter sent: 3/9/11

Digging our way through.


Posts: 253 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: Turning the corner.
Trying33
Member
Member # 38815
Default  Posted: 5:30 AM, December 17th (Tuesday)

I have actually heard of people like him so didn't think it was fake at all.. maybe I'm just naïve but there are a lot of women out there of an older wealthy generation that I personally know, who have said to me things like "he may have a mistress but as long as he sleeps in your bed at night that's all that matters".

I am horrified each and every time a friend of my mother n'laws says this to me. I usually never respond as that is obviously the world they live in..

I imagined suspended's wife to be someone like that.


Posts: 361 | Registered: Mar 2013
Secrets Kept
Member
Member # 40630
Default  Posted: 1:47 PM, December 17th (Tuesday)

I will step in here & admit that I was questioned about my intent on this site as well, very recently. (like just last week or the one before)

I really did read all the rules when I signed up but there was so much running through my head, that apparently some things didn't sink in & since I am/was both a WW & a BW, I was posting in JFO, which I was informed was a no-no.

But I just answered the mod's questions & explained my sitch & all was good. So due to that, I now trust more when someone is banned from this site.

BUT....it really upset me that day & I almost didn't reply & just said screw it. But then after calming down somewhat, I figured the mods are here for a reason & since I was legit, I typed my reply & was cleared.

I was also very recently following a thread on the JFO & then this person was suspended from the site & it was a surprise, as I was "hooked" on hearing the outcome for her.

But really, if you have time to just "lurk" & be on the site for the wrong reasons, then you need to get a life & find something worthwhile to occupy your time. I hate that I am addicted to this site as much as I am & feel I have a legit reason for it. God forbid, if I just wanted to read about everyone elses hurt & pain, I would truly wonder what was wrong with myself.

So I wanted to second the kudos to the mods on this site for keeping an eye out for the "fakers". It can't be an easy "job", so thank you for having our backs!!!


Marriage #1=BW-46 (now)
XWH-Deceased on his 36 bday
2 sons together-28 & 23
Divorced in 1996
Marriage #2= Married in 2003
WW with H#2 =BH-44
2 kids together-DS14 & DD12
"All this time I was finding myself & I didn't know I was lost"

Posts: 199 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Midwest USA
cmego
Member
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 2:23 PM, December 17th (Tuesday)

Although my H is not older, the rest of it is eerily similar to my situation.

exH makes lots of money, had hidden bank accounts and a hidden lifestyle that was fueled by his ability to travel. He had men at every port, or took them traveling with him, lavish gifts and trips (where I was at home raising the young children…alone…). He felt he deserved to cheat on me. He also felt that I had a perfectly acceptable life because I didn't have to work, could be a SAHM, had any monetary thing I needed. We were having sex and everything on the exterior looked perfectly fine. He would have never told me because he wanted both…the cute wife/kids and nice home to come home to, and the fun, grandiose, carefree sex fueled gay life.

Ex also said his head felt like a tornado…but he had it all under control. It was all under control until one of the boy toys blew up his little fantasy world.

So, I do believe that there were parts of suspended that were probably true. I was the wife in that scenario. It is too bad that people like him are too prideful to really get help. The truth he won't tell her because it is the easiest thing for him. I felt very sorry for his wife.

I thought about sending him a PM, but decided he probably wouldn't listen, he was still trying to justify everything in his head.

I admire the WS that come to SI to really get and ask for help.

[This message edited by cmego at 2:24 PM, December 17th (Tuesday)]


me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings


Posts: 4028 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Virginia
Deeply Scared
Administrator
Member # 2
Default  Posted: 2:29 PM, December 17th (Tuesday)

I don't believe he was a troll in any sense of the word. I feel he was a man that put his ego above all other things and also would not and could not be told what was acceptable behavior.

I wish he would have followed the site rules because I do believe inside is a very broken (if you're reading Suspended, I know you hate that term) soul and needs help in reaching a life where he can actually look at himself with love instead of masking it.


"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." My Mom:)

My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.


Posts: 196472 | Registered: May 2002
gonnabe2016
Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 2:34 PM, December 17th (Tuesday)

I also didn't have a problem believing the rendition of his lifestyle or his attitude.

I'm dealing with my stbx, 'member? My stbx is every bit as arrogant and prideful as suspended was......and holds a LOT of the same beliefs as suspended espoused.


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 7696 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
SandAway
Member
Member # 37775
Default  Posted: 2:54 PM, December 17th (Tuesday)

I don't think he was a troll either, just an arrogant wealthy asshole.

Betcha $100 he doesn't give up his cheating ways. He had zero remorse for what he did and has done nothing to fix himself; according to him he has nothing to fix.


fWW
BH Tred
M 16yrs
DDay Nov. 2011

Guns don't kill people; Affairs kill people


Posts: 431 | Registered: Dec 2012
authenticnow
Moderator
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 3:03 PM, December 17th (Tuesday)

Not necessarily, Sandaway. Many of us come here with our heads up our asses (myself included), and it takes a few bricks and some time to set us straight!

He might have gotten it eventually.

It's a shame he couldn't swallow his pride and follow some simple posting rules. He could have gotten some good help here if he wanted it!


Take up your space (and do it well).

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."


Posts: 36624 | Registered: Sep 2007
Aubrie
Member
Member # 33886
Default  Posted: 3:03 PM, December 17th (Tuesday)

I don''t want to take that bet Sand.

Sad. Broken people all over the place and they just blindly waltz thru life like they''re some special unicorn.

Whoever, whatever he is, he needs help. And most likely, probably won''t get it. Because he refuses to see he needs it. That''s the truly sad thing. Maybe he'll wake up one day. Who knows.

[This message edited by Aubrie at 3:05 PM, December 17th (Tuesday)]


Me - FWW * Him - QuietStand

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - J. Wayne

"What if I fall?" Oh but my darling, what if you fly?


Posts: 6052 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: South, Y'all!
erzulie
Member
Member # 3293
Default  Posted: 1:39 PM, December 19th (Thursday)

Reading his posts reminded me so much of my own WH. I actually sent him a benign private message, weeks back, to share some insights about what went on with my own WH and things I thought might help him achieve true introspection.

I found his posts to be very interesting, for that reason. It was a true window into the mind of someone who is wired in that way.

Sending everyone love for the holiday ...


A saying for my SI Family: "We may not have it all together, but together we have it all".

Fooled twice - almost exactly 10 years apart.


Posts: 3377 | Registered: Jan 2004 | From: California
Topic Posts: 17