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Divorce/Separation
User Topic: Karma stories
Lost15
Member
Member # 40898
Default  Posted: 10:28 PM, December 14th (Saturday)

After reading flygirl123 karma story and others I have it seems to help. To realize karma will happen to stbxh and mow one day makes my day (it would be nice if it happened soon but it tends to take its sweet time). Since I don't have my own yet, I was just curious what was the greatest Karma to happen and how long did it take.


me(BS)-34 him(WS)-32 DS-15
Married 15 years
Blindsided with divorce 07-12-13
DD-08-1-13 OW-40ish,married 20 yrs, with 4 kids she abandoned
Divorcing and trying to move one tiny step forward at a time.

Posts: 114 | Registered: Oct 2013
IrishLass518
Member
Member # 34373
Default  Posted: 11:59 PM, December 14th (Saturday)

About 2 years after the D was final, I blocked them on FB and just stopped caring when they throw their fits. I have been NC for over 2 years but seeing their comments on other peoples posts that we both mutually knew was just masochistic after awhile.

After blocking them,I got much happier and things really started to take off in my life. So the best karma that has happened is that I survived and am healing.


Me: 46 BS Divorced
Him: 45 Married OW
DDay: 07/04/2008
Divorced: 06/15/2011
5 kids: IrishLass 27,IrishLad 25, IrishLass 23, IrishLad 21 and IrishLad 12
"You can't run from trouble..there ain't no place that far"

Posts: 1755 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: WA
BAB61
Member
Member # 41181
Default  Posted: 12:01 AM, December 15th (Sunday)

Well, we're not far out from D-Day but the Karmic vibe is biting his ass. He has always prided himself on being 'a good man, a well-respected guy'. We've been Youth Group leaders at my church for a couple of years and they are about to ask him to resign!

[This message edited by BAB61 at 12:03 AM, December 15th (Sunday)]


Boss A** B*tch
BS/52 Me, STBXpos/56, dd's 16&14
1st D-day 10/19/2013 EA/PA
2nd D-day 12/7/2013 LTA/Rendezvous
S 12/7/2013 No-fault state, 6 mo S, counting down the days.

Posts: 1271 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: DE
persevere
Member
Member # 31468
Default  Posted: 2:23 AM, December 15th (Sunday)

Many of the true "karma" stories we may never know. But they are most likely there.

We are almost 3 years out from DDay and recently crazy man has been keeping "in touch" I think he truly thinks we can be friends at somet point. AYFKM??? My logical interpretation is that he's fucked up in his current life and is looking to me for a soft place to land.


Me: BW-44
Him: XWH-44
Together 9 yrs
DDays: 1/10/2011
Status: Divorced 4/27/11

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling


Posts: 4516 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Texas
Abbondad
Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 6:16 AM, December 15th (Sunday)

Lost,

Like you (or maybe not like you) I find myself hungrily scanning SI looking for threads with the word "karma" in the subject. I am at the stage where I feel I MUST be assured that my STBX will end up regretting what she has done or most importantly--that her relationship with the AP will implode once the fantasy has worn off and reality has set in.

But I don't want to get stuck in this stage. Yes it does help when like you I read these karma stories. But I also know that karma, IF it ever happens, may very well happen unbeknownst to me. And I will sit and grind my teeth for years, thinking, Why, Why? Why is there no justice.

And of course there is the distinct possibility that my STBX has indeed found the true love of her life and they will live happily ever after.

My point is that I do not believe it is a good idea to place too much importance on karma; it slows our healing since it is just another manifestation of being stuck on HIM/HER. Like the other stages of this process, I want this to be a stage--the desire that "she gets hers." I want to move past it--without forcing it, for none of these stages can be forced--toward indifference. I want to be serenely indifferent. That is my holy grail.

But like you, I am far from indifference. I will be honest: I want her to suffer. I want payback. I want justice in its most painful form. I want her AP to kick her to the curb and for her to come literally crawling back to me so I can spurn her majestically.

But more than this, I want to move past this into my own life, where my concern 24/ is ME and my children.

We will get there.

BTW: I do not believe in karma. I just use it for shorthand. I believe in logic and statistics in this case. I believe a relationship borne from lies and deceit and with no shared history will likely implode; logic and statistics bear me out. And I believe that WS's are sick selfish people who have serious attachment disorders (at least mine does) and their AP's are either equally abnormal and selfish. A relationship between two such individuals is extremely likely to fall apart; it cannot be sustained forever.

But again, my happiness must eventually not be contingent upon their unhappiness.

I hope I haven't projected myself onto your thread too much. My original intent was simply to say "I am right there with you." Didn't mean to get preachy :-)

[This message edited by Abbondad at 6:17 AM, December 15th (Sunday)]


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1621 | Registered: Dec 2012
justjim
Member
Member # 41150
Default  Posted: 6:56 AM, December 15th (Sunday)

I believe a relationship borne from lies and deceit and with no shared history will likely implode; logic and statistics bear me out. And I believe that WS's are sick selfish people who have serious attachment disorders (at least mine does) and their AP's are either equally abnormal and selfish. A relationship between two such individuals is extremely likely to fall apart; it cannot be sustained forever.

You have no idea how much comfort that I derived from this.


Follow your BRAIN.
Your HEART is stupid as shit.

Posts: 294 | Registered: Oct 2013
Thefly559
Member
Member # 40268
Default  Posted: 7:10 AM, December 15th (Sunday)

Abbondad said a mouthful. Great advice , I too pray for karma to come around but I find myself going backwards when I do. I need to move on with or without karma and let this story play out. We all do.


"what does not kill you , makes you stronger"

Posts: 647 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: nyc
flygirl123
Member
Member # 32672
Default  Posted: 7:21 AM, December 15th (Sunday)

Amen, to what you said Abondad. Indifference is a wonderful place to be...and the ultimate place to strive for.

I am well within reach of indifference. He no longer consumed my every thought, and I am at the point where I could care less what they do to each other...however...I have no positive things to say about either one of them. Not really negative...just nothing. Because that is what they are...nothing.

But I must admit, that when I find out that his anger, bad choices and resentment are drowning them...I still do get a little giddy.

Only because I love knowing that "what goes around, comes around" and I need to believe in some universal justice.


Me...40 and fabulous
WXH...just plain stupid
DS's...9,7 and 6
DDays that are too numerous to mention...but no longer have relevance.

Posts: 230 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: Illinois Cornfields
SBB
Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 8:08 AM, December 15th (Sunday)

^^AD, so true - all of it friend. My happiness is no longer tied to his happiness or unhappiness.

I want her AP to kick her to the curb and for her to come literally crawling back to me so I can spurn her majestically.

My give-a-fuck is busted now but before I reached this point I used to have this fantasy of him asking me for another chance and I respond in song:

"Girl I refuse, you must have me confused with some other guy. Your bridges are burned, now its your turn... to cry. Cry me a riveeeeer, cry me a riiiiiveeeeer.... cry me, cry me".

Made all the more funny because I am tone deaf and can't sing for shit. But in my head I sound like Adele. I will admit I do still grin my face off whenever I hear any JT song.


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5558 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
IrishLass518
Member
Member # 34373
Default  Posted: 8:32 AM, December 15th (Sunday)

AD, is so right. I don't know if it is karma or just the logical events playing out, I do know that I went through all of the pain and grief and my life is rebuilding. xWH ran straight to OW, married her less than one year after divorce, she babysits him at work, he writes me letters every 6 months trying to hurt me and break me down. He has lost relationships with his friends, his mom, his brother and his children. He cannot have a phone conversation without it being on speakerphone and she responds for him.

I don't know if this is karma, I can tell you that I saw this writing on the wall.

[This message edited by IrishLass518 at 8:35 AM, December 15th (Sunday)]


Me: 46 BS Divorced
Him: 45 Married OW
DDay: 07/04/2008
Divorced: 06/15/2011
5 kids: IrishLass 27,IrishLad 25, IrishLass 23, IrishLad 21 and IrishLad 12
"You can't run from trouble..there ain't no place that far"

Posts: 1755 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: WA
Snapdragon
Member
Member # 4286
Default  Posted: 9:51 AM, December 15th (Sunday)

My ex lost his daughter. Oh, she is alive and well. But she will have absolutely NOTHING to do with him. At this time he doesn't know where she lives, if she is married or not, or even if he has grandchildren or not.

Sad. So very, very sad.


Divorced - recovered and hoping to help.

"We're not broken, just bent, and we can learn to love again" ~Pink


Posts: 3081 | Registered: May 2004 | From: Midwest
Lostandpregnant
Member
Member # 41433
Default  Posted: 9:54 AM, December 15th (Sunday)

I want him to suffer like I've suffered. I want her to as well.

But they never will. Know why? Because they aren't capable of feeling anything. If they were, they couldn't have done this.
They will never feel the pain I am feeling.

The best I can hope for is that he thinks of the twins someday and has to face the fact that he has children out there that don't know him and never will..that it hits him, right in his soul someday, and eats him alive.

But I know that will never happen.

So I guess my comfort comes from knowing that while he has a disgusting slag by his side..*I* have the children..and I win.


He left me 18 weeks pregnant with twins for another.I am a Licensed Private Investigator..it even happens to us.

Posts: 354 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Canada
anewday78
Member
Member # 39357
Default  Posted: 10:33 AM, December 15th (Sunday)

I actually have a HILARIOUS one I've been meaning to share for a while now. A couple of years ago I was seeing a guy - it wasn't all that serious but we really liked each other a lot. He had just got out of a relationship with somebody a lot younger and remained friends with his ex's friends who lived in a neighboring city. One morning we woke up and were discussing our respective plans for that evening. I had a birthday dinner/nightclub hopping thing that night with a group of friends and he told me that a group of his ex's friends were coming into town to go nightclub hopping. Through our discussion, we realized that we'd be at some of the same places that evening, so we agreed to meet up and hang out. Well, just for some background, weeks leading up to this, I started catching on that one of the friends that was visiting this particular night had a crush on this guy I was seeing. I knew just by seeing the Facebook interactions between the two of them and how this "friend" (an ugly little troll-looking thing) would react to me anytime I chimed in on Facebook. Anyway back to the night in question - I get to the first bar and as I'm entering, I see a group of friends I haven't seen in a while, so I stop to talk to them. Now, I'm standing with my side to the entrance so I'm the first person you'd see if you're exciting the bar... there's no way you WOULDN'T see me if you're coming out the door. As I'm standing there talking, I notice out of the corner of my eye the guy I'm seeing walking out with his little entourage following him. As soon as he saw me standing there, he put his head down and darted towards the parking lot with his entourage in tow! I was floored! He purposely avoided me. Red flags! So when I got in the bar, I told my friend about what happened and he told me I should send him a text telling him I'm here and act like I didn't see him just to see what he said. So I did and he simply responded thattheywere at the next bar - never mentioning that he saw me (and he totally saw me!) Get to the next bar and see him, and the same thing happened - he put his head down and acted like he didn't see me but this time, the little troll was hanging all over him! Well, I got good and drunk and ended up coming face to face with him. I acted cool as a cucumber and while we were talking, the little troll was standing there with a smug look on his face! Then, out of nowhere, the troll looked at me with his smug smile and walked over to the guy I was seeing, put his arms around him and started kissing him while staring at me the entire time! I couldn't believe what was happening! My friend ended up intervening by whisking me away. The next day, the guy I was seeing was texting me and I just didn't respond. I stopped talking to him completely for 9 months - no explanation... he knew why!
That was two years ago.
More background - I am a HUGE Judge Judy fan. I dvr her show everyday and she is my Idol! About two months ago, I was getting dinner ready in the kitchen and had that day's episode of Judge Judy playing in the next room. She was particularly relentless that day and I was getting a kick out of hearing her tear into the defendant. Screaming at him! Then, she said, "judgement for the plaintiff in the amount of $4, 000. Go back to [insert name of neighboring city]!" I HAD to go rewind it because the litigants were from so close to my home.When I entered the room, much to my delight, my idol judge judy was in fact tearing into THE TROLL that antagonized me two years earlier! She embarrassed THE FUCK OUT OF HIM! It was so ironic and it made me have faith that karma truly DOES exist - sometimes you just have to wait for it. I was so pleasantly surprised that I HAD to take a video of her reaming him out and send it to the guy I was seeing two years ago (who is now a friend once again). He got a kick out of it too!

Posts: 350 | Registered: May 2013
anewday78
Member
Member # 39357
Default  Posted: 10:35 AM, December 15th (Sunday)

P.S. I wish I could share the video I took off judge j tearing into him - I uploaded it to YouTube - but it would totally blow my anonymity here out of the water! It's freaking hilarious though!

Posts: 350 | Registered: May 2013
Lostandpregnant
Member
Member # 41433
Default  Posted: 10:38 AM, December 15th (Sunday)

Oh my god, that story is epic.
I love Judge Judy..that is just so awesome.


He left me 18 weeks pregnant with twins for another.I am a Licensed Private Investigator..it even happens to us.

Posts: 354 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Canada
dmari
Member
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 10:49 AM, December 15th (Sunday)

I was just curious what was the greatest Karma to happen and how long did it take.
The greatest Karma is what YOU make of your life after your life explodes. Every moment you think of YOU first instead of your WS. Every time you process all the painful emotions and not sweep them under the rug. When shit happens to your WS ~ AND IT MOST CERTAINLY WILL ~ you will giggle and then think "eh. whatevers" and continue with your badass life!

So my karma story is I worked my ass off to heal and rebuild my life so that I could support my kids as they grieved the family they once had and the "father" they once had. The kids and I have the BEST TIMES and we are happy and we live in a peaceful home. We laugh. We make a mess. We are healing. We are rebuilding. I am back in graduate school after being out of school for 18 years. With my degree, I will be able to provide for them long term (due to their needs). I rediscovered friendships and made many new friends. I am happy and I am blessed and I am at peace. I love my life!

So far, my stbx has lost his children ~ they don't have any contact with him. Therefore, he is missing out on being in the lives of THE greatest kids! He has burned every significant family relationship. Except one sister who he used to not like but is back in contact with her because she can loan him money. When he was with me, he had no debt. Just one year since he walked out, he is $25,000 in debt. Not including the $25,000 he owes me. He doesn't have his gun and badge so is working a desk job. He tried to screw me over with the IRS and now HE is the one who will have to refile and pay more plus fines (he already paid over $1000 to federal) And I KNOW this isn't the end of his karma. And I seriously don't give a fuck.

And for the girlfriend, her karma is SHE HAS HIM!!


Me (BS): 42 Children: DD 19, DS 15
Settled at mediation
Officially divorced ... SOON!

Posts: 2196 | Registered: Oct 2012
Softcentre
Member
Member # 39166
Default  Posted: 10:51 AM, December 15th (Sunday)

I'm not a believer in karma at all (but do enjoy the stories!). But I do believe our WS are broken people and will continue making poor choices with poor consequences for themselves.

(I also believe that the person they have harmed the most, is actually themselves, to become a person that can do it...how much must you hate yourself, deep down? How much have you changed yourself for the worse by becoming a WS?)

The only way for them to stop being broken and making rotten choices, is if they choose to face themselves and put the hard work into changing and making better choices.

I'm not waiting for karma to hit Happy Pants (or even Slappy Knickers). I know that when Happy Pants is heavy into his wayward thinking, he loses track of his finances, he resents people, he cheats. And I'm no longer around to blame. Unless he gets a sudden epiphany, he'll keep doing all that and eventually it will bite him on his spotty arse. And it will all be on him.

Meanwhile, I may be living with very little, moneywise, I may have to try and find a career after being out of regular work for over a decade. But I have our children, I have self respect, I have integrity and I have worked hard on my own brokenness and will continue to do so, so that I make better choices and become the best that I can be.

It doesn't matter whether he is always wealthy and I am always poor. My life is rich.


Me: BW
Him: STBXWH 'The Arse' likes strong but broken OW
OW - EA - 'Holy Chick'
COW - Suspected EA/PA 'The Ambassador'
COW - Susp EA 'The Baker'
COW - EA/PA 'Fat Bottomed Girl'
COW - Susp EA 'MiniMe'

Posts: 994 | Registered: May 2013 | From: UK
honesttoafault
Member
Member # 27105
Default  Posted: 11:32 AM, December 15th (Sunday)

I agree that we have to work on our own Karma. But sometimes when we are going through our own pain and we look at the xWS it SEEMS that they they are happy and not suffering. The WS has handed us so much BS and gaslighting, we almost start to believe that they are soooooo happy. When we discover that life continues with its ups and downs with everyone, it is freeing.

When xWH#1 left, I was devastated. I put up with all his drinking for so many years and he left me. I was left holding the bag and it seemed he was happy and carefree. I started idealizing him and our M missing what I had.

Years later, he married a nice lady (that had nothing to do with us) again I thought he was lucky. Then I started to hear from older DS that he was still drinking, was having fights with her, she was thinking of leaving, etc. It made me finally realize that he never changed, and I was the lucky one to escaped his alcoholism.

That was the karma.


Posts: 1939 | Registered: Jan 2010
anewday78
Member
Member # 39357
Default  Posted: 11:47 AM, December 15th (Sunday)

Oh my god, that story is epic. I love Judge Judy..that is just so awesome.
I think so too! The irony of it all was what truly made me feel vindicated and renewed my faith in karma - here one of my idols is exacting revenge for me in front of 10 million viewers! It was surreal! Honestly, the point is, sometimes we may never see karma happening. What if I want a judge j fan? What if I missed that episode - both completely plausible scenarios. I would have missed him getting humiliated on national tv. The stars just happened to align and I was given the gift of witnessing justice literally being served.

Posts: 350 | Registered: May 2013
Lostandpregnant
Member
Member # 41433
Default  Posted: 12:09 PM, December 15th (Sunday)

Totally. The universe has a sense of humour.


He left me 18 weeks pregnant with twins for another.I am a Licensed Private Investigator..it even happens to us.

Posts: 354 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Canada
Rainbows
Member
Member # 39362
Default  Posted: 12:10 PM, December 15th (Sunday)

I've been pretty NC with the Ex since S, but heard OW went bunny boiler on him. She beat him up one night and is "dating" someone who lives exactly next door to the house. Apparently she sits in her car outside of the house waiting for hours. Seriously creepy stuff.

In his smear campaigns against me he tells people I'm crazy, so I find the irony entertaining. A friend commented that by calling me crazy so much he attracted a real crazy.

I get emails from him saying I look like a saint compared to her and I was never crazy. I responded once to tell him he made his bed.


There is always a rainbow after every storm.

Posts: 401 | Registered: May 2013 | From: California
ruinedandbroken
Member
Member # 29250
Default  Posted: 12:53 PM, December 15th (Sunday)

I'm not sure I believe in karma per se, but I do believe that when you make poor choices the odds are that you will eventually feel the consequences of them in some form.

My ex left me for OW and she left her H. About 3 months after I outed them to everyone I could, she broke up with him and went back to her H.

A little over a year later ex was held up and shot at an ATM machine at 11:30 at night. (He walked out of hospital next day)

About a year ago, ex was (again) screwing around with someone married or otherwise involved with someone. Their SO found out and told ex's boss and ex was asked to resign when they found incriminating evidence on his work laptop. He has been struggling financially ever since and works as a bartender at night to make ends meet. It took him almost a year to find another job and it pays almost half of what he was getting paid before he was asked to resign. We had little debt between us when we were married. I suspect that is not the case for him anymore though.

Even with all that though, I doubt he has suffered more than I have. But I will admit, that it makes me happy that life is not sunshine and roses for him either.


“People who cheat feel that life is for the taking, and that everyone deserves happiness no matter what the cost. I must remember these tricks if I ever have my soul surgically removed."
Me: BS 42. Him: WH 41 2 Kids 6&9
Married 14 yrs Together 21

Posts: 1575 | Registered: Aug 2010
Holly-Isis
Member
Member # 13447
Default  Posted: 1:40 PM, December 15th (Sunday)

For some reason this morning my mother's cheating has been on my mind. So I can give you all a long term view of "karma". I don't believe in karma...just choices. What you cast out will return to you tenfold, good or bad depending on your choices.

Apparently mom cheated through much of her 10yr M to my dad. On we it hone of his best friends, once with one of her best friends. Yes, a female. Until my sister let this info slip shortly after my d-day for 2A, I only knew about the final OM. Apparently so did my dad. In talking to him I found out he didn't know about the others either. The info helped him make sense of the M.

So mom left dad for the final OM (a BH in a previous M). For the OM, he reaped ah the sowed. He was first a BH, then an OM and when he M my mom he became a BH again. Just like in his first M, my mom cheated on him. Just like he wasn't sure he was the father of his first two kids, paternity of his kids with my mom was questioned. He became a cheater who M a cheater and I have no sympathy for his BH status.

As for my mom, she continued making poor choices. She D the OM after 10+ yrs of M. I wasn't living with her then, having chosen my dad, but apparently she thought she found better. What she found was a lifetime alone. She's been known to go online and pretend to be in her 20s so she has company. Online relationships. She never bothered supporting herself and so was evicted from any place she rented. This meant of course that all our childhood mementoes have been lost as the landlords apparently padlock her out and won't let her get anything but the bare minimum if she doesn't pay.

She did move to the state my dad and siblings live in, but dad refused to have anything to do with her. She wanted to R...keep in mind this is 20urs after the D. After all, he had become the man she always wanted unfortunately for her, the man she always wanted was too sober to give her the time of day.

So she moved across the country to live with her now widowed BFF and mooch off of her. The BFF died and once everyone in that state that she knew cottoned to her mooching MO, she decided to move back to the state my family is in. Most of them have the bare minimum contact. My niece hated that mom came to her graduation, my brother only allows her to visit the youngest grand baby on holidays. My dad still refuses to have anything to do with her even though he's single.

He just bought a nice house, perfect for him and his hobbies...lots of workroom space and a jacuzzi for those cold winter mornings/evenings. He's active in his retirement, has lots of friends and even his step kids are in contact with him.

Mom is renting a place. She shares it with my sister and her BF and her BF's 3-4 grown kids. Oh, the BF is also mom's nephew. Yeah, my sister is a WW who left her BH for her own cousin. This picky sister of mine, who at one point couldn't stand my mom, has to live with her and stinky, messy young adults (I think one is still a teen). My sister, who made people take off their shoes at the door is living with a woman who would leave every dish dirty in the sink while cockroaches wandered the countertop. Sis had a BH that would clean the litter box daily and now she's living with mom, a woman who had 4 cats and as far as we could tell, no litter boxes.

Continuing poor choices all around. I can't think of a worse thing than to have to live with my sister OR my mom. Forget both. This woman that cheated so she'd never be alone while her military husbands were gone has now been devoid of male company for decades.


"Being in love" first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. *CS Lewis*

Posts: 11186 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: Just a fool in limbo
SBB
Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 2:07 PM, December 15th (Sunday)

^^Holly-Isis, Wow.


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5558 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
Gemini71
Member
Member # 40115
Default  Posted: 2:45 PM, December 15th (Sunday)

Karma kicked my STBXH in the but on D-Day. He had started hooking up with people on Craig's List. He also had an on-again/off-again affair with my BFF. When XBFF broke it off with him, he trolled CL for a new AP. This one was 15 years old, and told him so in an email. The first time he goes to meet her in RL, he's greeted by the police. THAT's how I found out he was cheating.

STBXH was released 'pending further investigation', but the cops have THREE YEARS to bring charges. Even his criminal lawyer thinks they will eventually arrest him, they're just waiting for STBXH to screw up again so they can press for multiple counts.

Within two weeks of D-Day, I threw STBXH out of the house. One month later he was served with divorce papers. I hope they arrest him 2 years and 11 months after D-Day so I can collect as much CS/SS from him as possible, because he WILL lose his job. When that day comes, I will also file for sole legal custody of DKs, and no judge will deny me.

Call it Karma, or the results of his own stupid decisions. But Revenge is a dish best served cold!


Edited to correct stupid typos.

Two steps forward and one step backwards, is still progress.


Posts: 1764 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Illinois, USA
wontdefineme
Member
Member # 31421
Default  Posted: 2:49 PM, December 15th (Sunday)

Here is the latest on xh. Graduation for our daughter from college yesterday. The speech given at the graduation was about failure and the way you deal with it after and how you grow from failure. He had to sit through that speech knowing I heard it, our daughter heard it and his ho of a mother heard it. I didn't once acknowledged him and he is no longer good looking anymore. He is beyond grey, looks puffy, and just looks like any middle aged man. He is also in the middle of the country and any competition for women are a bunch of younger men.

Being the NPD he is, he probably was thinking he failed and I refused to take what scraps he threw at me. I know he doesn't have anyone as he text me a few weeks back saying we should have worked things out and always. Always? The only always I know if with him is that he will always make me pay for divorcing and rejecting him.


Posts: 2172 | Registered: Mar 2011
tesla
Member
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 4:55 PM, December 15th (Sunday)

I don't really believe in karma either but what the hell...here's what ex-shat's choices have gotten him:

A now 22 year old barely literate stripper whore. Who can't be a stripper whore on the premium shift anymore because their OC had to be born by C-section. OC was named by stripper whore after her favorite hill-billy TV character. Ex-shat had no clue of the significance of the name until someone amusedly explained his daughter's namesake.

He inherited all her crazy menagerie of animals plus brought in the dog he stole from me (the wrong dog, mind you...he ended up with the one that is higher maintenance, chews when bored, and runs over anyone he senses is less than alpha).

She's playing stay at home wifey for him and he's supporting her spending. Except when they have epic, dramatic break-ups where he kicks her and the OC out and changes the locks on her ass!

The menagerie was evicted from their apt this fall.

They both have some form of prescription and illegal drug habits. He's a shade from being an alchoholic.

I have strong suspicions though no official confirmation, that he has been either suspended or fired from his job for drugs/alchohol use most likely on the job. If that's true and I can use it to reduce/suspend his visitation, his world is about to get a whole lot worse.

His life is pathetic. It's not happy. It's wrong choice after wrong choice.

My life, after going through a lot of pain, suffering, and healing, is wonderful. I'm having so much fun and loving my time with my child. I'm loving being in control of what I do. And although I sometimes still find myself having trouble detaching and getting that idiot out of my head...I feel like I'm getting closer to indifference.

And when it finally sinks into his thick skull that I don't give a shit about him anymore...that will be the sweetest 'fuck you' I can give that moron. And the irony is that I won't even care enough to enjoy it.


"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

Posts: 4630 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
cdagal
Member
Member # 38154
Default  Posted: 10:57 AM, December 17th (Tuesday)

since XH married the OW, he's blasted through all the money he received from the settlement (in a record two years), hasn't been able to hold a job (just got fired from his last one for being drunk on the job), in debt up to his eyeballs (what did I always say about never spending expected money until it's in your bank account?)and is now scrambling to make ends meet.

Hmmmm, maybe I wasn't the problem......


M - 25 yrs
DDay - August 5, 2010
Divorced - December 12, 2011
He married the OW 35 days later
"Fall seven times, stand up eight" - Japanese proverb

Posts: 73 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Canada
StillLivin
Member
Member # 40229
Default  Posted: 3:13 PM, December 17th (Tuesday)

Hmmmm, maybe I wasn't the problem......

you think???

Though you were so controlling when you were trying to keep him from going into debt. You meanie you!


I don't need further confirmation of what a fuckwit he is. I already have plenty, thanks very much. -SBB
D: 7/2/2014

Posts: 2237 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: AZ
Newlease
Member
Member # 7767
Default  Posted: 4:28 PM, December 17th (Tuesday)

The Karma that has been visited on my XWH does not make me happy. It makes me sad. He had EVERYTHING and threw it all away for an 8 month A with a much younger co-worker.

He lost the respect of friends, family, and most important, our sons. He has wandered from relationship to relationship (even another marriage that lasted less than a year).

He has tried to get back with me at least 4 times and come to me with his problems more than that. I just pat him on the head (figuratively) and tell him to figure it out.

I have suggested IC more than once, but he doesn't think it will help because he lied his way through MC after the first Dday when I thought we were in R (which turned out to be false). DUH - you have to be honest in IC if you really want it to work.

As he ages I see him becoming more and more like his recluse mother (who is hateful, has no friends, and is so difficult to be around). His sons have very little to do with him and they used to put him on a pedestal. The whole thing is sad.

NL


Even if you can't control the world around you, you are still the master of your own soul.

Posts: 7690 | Registered: Aug 2005
Jules1111
Member
Member # 41463
Default  Posted: 6:24 PM, December 17th (Tuesday)

I love karma stories. I am hoping someday to not even care if it hits them. But right now, at this moment, I want the karma bus to run them over, back up and do it again just to make sure it hit all the right parts. Sometimes when I am hysterically crying I invent funny karma stories on my head for them and then I eventually start laughing. One thing that did happen before the A that I relive over and over is OW (ex friend) walking into the bar/restaurant we were celebrating my birthday at and slipping and falling right on her ass in front of everyone. I had to look away so she wouldn't see I was crying Bc I was laughing so hard. Sadly the scenarios I make up in my head are a lot less mild. Someone tell me the secret of getting to indifference if you know it.

Posts: 132 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: United States
PhantomLimb
Member
Member # 39668
Default  Posted: 8:15 PM, December 17th (Tuesday)

I'm just starting to find out what happened after I left.

I've heard that his office hated him so much that he had to transfer from his coveted job in a division that would have allowed him a lot of upward mobility ($-wise and professionally) into a different part of the business that is pretty limited (in terms of the ladder he can climb) and something I know he didn't want.

Evidently he has been completely and surgically erased from the office archives and online presence now. And his arch-enemy has been promoted to the position he wanted.

He also moved out of our nice, new apartment into a pretty crappy one in another town. That probably doesn't bother him, though, to be honest. However, it symbolizes that he's lost that extra help from me and my family on the rent and his student loans (which are massive).

I've also heard that he's been posting photos of himself with OW's child-- but never her-- while keeping up all of the photos of me and our dog. Strange.

Anyway, as I've said before, I'm not sure it's karma when they don't see it. Revenge or karmic satisfaction only seem useful to me if they recognize loss and they suffer from it. Save some overtures about not being able to look at himself in the mirror and/or packing up my things being the "saddest" day of his life-- I didn't really see a whole hell of a lot of suffering from him after I left.

That said, I do think I believe in karma. But I think it can take a long time, and I think it can take many forms. I think you put energy into the world around you and into the people in your life and that can cause a certain chain reaction in your life. I can't imagine that having devastated me and our friends and our family to this extent doesn't cause some ripple effects that will come back to him in some form. And if whatever happens to him is even half as painful as what I've gone through because of this, it will floor him.

But, for now, he's lost a lot of good people in his life and a lot of friends. He lost in me and my family people who loved him unconditionally and would have done anything for him. He lost his good guy persona. He lost some measure of professional status. And, at the very least, because we're in the same field, he'll think twice before talking to some people and attending some events.

And I continue to work on the best revenge: doing well and surviving. It's not easy, though!

((hugs))


BS / D

Posts: 863 | Registered: Jun 2013
tryingagain74
Member
Member # 33698
Default  Posted: 9:09 PM, December 17th (Tuesday)

The "karma" that I see so far is a double-edged sword. My kids are becoming more and more resistant to visiting their dad. I can't tell you how long ago it was when they actually seemed excited to see him. Now, all they talk about is how boring it is, how the stepsiblings are annoying, and how much they miss me. Frankly, I don't provide some kind of Disney Candy Land Unicorn Fantasy World at my house; it's mostly routine homework/chores/dinner/shower/bedtime peppered with a little fun here and there. That tells me that whatever "quality" time they spend over there sucks, and he is losing them bit by bit, every day.

What isn't so satisfying about that, though, is how it also hurts my kids. I grew up with a great dad who was (and is) the rock of my family. He never let me down, and I knew he'd always be there for me. My kids will never have that, which is really disappointing, so I just keep encouraging them about the visits, telling them how their dad loves them and how they'd miss him if they never saw him, etc. Honestly, I don't know how much of that is true, but at the end of the day, at least I'll know that I did my best to keep my kids connected to their dad.

I honestly don't care what happens to him anymore. He's a huge disappointment to probably everyone but mostly himself. He lives with his daily dose of karma-- he'll never truly be happy. I don't see how you can ever have a good life if that's your perspective.


BS (Me) 39
Happily liberated!
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley

Posts: 3604 | Registered: Oct 2011
Topic Posts: 33