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User Topic: It's the lack of enjoyment that gets ya
GotPlayed
Member
Member # 41294
Default  Posted: 1:35 AM, December 15th (Sunday)

Sitting here in the guestroom, waiting for the holidays to end so we can do a mediated separation, I just came back from watching the new Hobbit movie.

Watched it in IMAX 3D. It's a fantastically written, beautifully shot, wonderfully acted and directed masterpiece.

And I enjoyed none of it.

15 minutes in, I couldn't wait to get out of the theater. I forced myself to watch the whole thing like I forced myself to eat my favorite food earlier, but with a feeling of numbness. The more beautiful the images the more depressed I got. It was all I could do not to cry. And not the good cry, "what a wonderful, moving movie". The bad, "why can't I enjoy this?" cry.

What really gets you about this situation is the lack of enjoyment of what should be a wonderful, uplifting experience.

I hope this heartache ends soon.


Master of my Fate, Captain of my Soul.
BS 42, WW 41. 18y married
DD: 11/5/13
DS10 Autism, DD8
OM: Reformed wife-beater ex-con
D filed 1/14/14 by WW (never warn them, they'll get ahead)
Married a powder keg

Posts: 688 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: California
crazynot
Member
Member # 24572
Default  Posted: 2:08 AM, December 15th (Sunday)

Keep going, keep doing these things. It sends your subconscious a powerful message, that you are still you, you love what you love and you have an inner drive towards and right to joy. Just get through the holidays. You have much to get through but on the other side life is still life,and you have a right to get there.


Me - 50
Him - 51
DDay 21 March 2009
Divorcing and delighted!

Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it.


Posts: 860 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: UK
ThoughtIKnewYa
Member
Member # 18449
Default  Posted: 3:11 AM, December 15th (Sunday)

It DOES get better. I'm sorry you're having a rough time right now.

Posts: 11605 | Registered: Mar 2008
justjim
Member
Member # 41150
Default  Posted: 6:39 AM, December 15th (Sunday)

I understand, GP.

My friends have been trying to get me to visit or go out with them since she walked out. Friday night I went to visit some friends after they insisted that I needed to get out of the house.

I couldn't stay. I kept picturing our visits there together, and then would see her and OM visiting with OM's friends in my mind.

Even though every inch of this house is a painful memory, it is the only place I feel even a little bit secure.

This grief just sucks the joy out of everything. According to everything I have read here, it is a long, long road back to something that resembles "normal".

Meanwhile, the roller coaster keeps rolling.

[This message edited by justjim at 6:39 AM, December 15th (Sunday)]


Follow your BRAIN.
Your HEART is stupid as shit.

Posts: 294 | Registered: Oct 2013
IrishLass518
Member
Member # 34373
Default  Posted: 8:52 AM, December 15th (Sunday)

GP and JJ, this is totally normal. It took me a very long time before I could even go anywhere and not have those feelings. Time does help and every time you do something and make it through, give yourself a pat on the back. GP you made it through the whole movie, that is pretty awesome. How you made it does not matter as much as the fact that you did.
JJ, you got through that visit, the memories will fade as you begin to make new memories.

I went to my grandmother's house recently she has a picture on the wall of a few Christmas' ago and there we were, xWH, myself and our sweet baby IrishLad. I didn't cry, I didn't feel the need to rip it off the wall ore even to leave early. I felt that it was a good memory and I am grateful for having that moment in my life.

You will all get there


Me: 46 BS Divorced
Him: 45 Married OW
DDay: 07/04/2008
Divorced: 06/15/2011
5 kids: IrishLass 27,IrishLad 25, IrishLass 23, IrishLad 21 and IrishLad 12
"You can't run from trouble..there ain't no place that far"

Posts: 1726 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: WA
rachelc
Member
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 9:44 AM, December 15th (Sunday)

I know...

Yesterday was my staff Christmas party, with people I love! I felt nothing but grateful that there was something I could go to to pass the time. Not really enjoyable at all.

bugger.


his Ddays: 2/10, 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me (WW/BS): 48
him: (BS/WH)52
4 kiddos in mid 20's

Me: I didn't sign up for this.
Him: you're already in this. All you can do is resign...


Posts: 4776 | Registered: Dec 2010
Topic Posts: 6