Welcome to SI!
Check out the healing library. Good reads there!
Sounds like you really put her through the ringer. Not judging, we all put ours spouses through hell.
Does she know that you were having an affair?
Was it the same person every time, or did you have multiple AP's?
I want to wipe the slate clean and let the past be the past and move forward into our future
Not a good idea. If she does take you back, you have to deal with your betrayal together.
Trying to force it behind you will cause a lot of damage, gotta go through it, not around it.
My best advice to you is to heal yourself. Keeping going to IC. Do the hard work, the soul searching. It can be hard, but it is worth it.
I have no advice on how to get your wife back. She really may be done, She may not.
Whatever her choice, eventually you're going to have to accept it.
It sounds as if she's given you a lot of chances, What are you going to do differently if she gives you another?
What are you going to do if she doesn't?FWS me 36 (recovering addict)
BS him 39 AFrayedKnot
Together 7 years
"Your secrets keep you sick"