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New Beginnings
User Topic: How do you get down deep
imwideawake
Member
Member # 23386
Default  Posted: 1:46 PM, December 15th (Sunday)

And convince yourself you deserve to be treated better?


Together 17 years.
Married 15
Me: BW, now 44
Him WH
dday 9/08
3 daughters, now 19, 17, & 15
Divorced 12/04/12

Posts: 886 | Registered: Mar 2009
fireproof
Member
Member # 36126
Default  Posted: 2:45 PM, December 15th (Sunday)

Start to treat yourself better.

Be around those who respect you and don't accept less.

Treat yourself with kind words and constructive thoughts.

Overtime you will find a new circle around you.


Posts: 932 | Registered: Jul 2012
Pippy
Member
Member # 16482
Default  Posted: 3:43 PM, December 15th (Sunday)

Do the exercise where you list all your good traits.
I am a good egg boiler.
I am a good snow shoveler.
I have nice earlobes.
I have regular bowel movements.

Get the idea? Write down anything you want. You'll be surprised how long the list will get if you do it over several days.


I divorced him because I didn't like his girlfriend.
M 30 yrs.


Posts: 9587 | Registered: Oct 2007 | From: East of the Rockies
Williesmom
Member
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 3:44 PM, December 15th (Sunday)

If you would advise your daughter that she deserves more from this relationship, then you know that you deserve more.

Don't sell yourself short.


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7568 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
Bluebird26
Member
Member # 36445
Default  Posted: 3:47 PM, December 15th (Sunday)

Start reading lots of positive quotes until you believe them!

There are lots of great ones on facebook & pinterest as well.


"Loving someone should not mean losing you. Love empowers you. It shouldn't erase you. - Thelma Davis.

Posts: 1324 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Australia
imwideawake
Member
Member # 23386
Default  Posted: 8:08 PM, December 15th (Sunday)

Thanks folks, all good suggestions. It's just that I have been doing lots of work on a regular basis, since dday. Some times it just seems like I've gotten no where. I know that's not true, but somedays feel that way. It just seems so deep in there and I want it healed, like now.


Together 17 years.
Married 15
Me: BW, now 44
Him WH
dday 9/08
3 daughters, now 19, 17, & 15
Divorced 12/04/12

Posts: 886 | Registered: Mar 2009
Williesmom
Member
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 8:12 PM, December 15th (Sunday)

For me, it comes and goes. I don't know what triggers those feelings, but they aren't coming as frequently as they once did. The holidays certainly don't help.


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7568 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
NaiveAgain
Member
Member # 20849
Default  Posted: 7:30 AM, December 16th (Monday)

Do you know where the issues come from? Did you grow up with someone telling you that you weren't good enough? It helps to figure out where it comes from and then reason out why that person was wrong in telling you that you aren't good enough.

Then, like the others have said, you have to start building on the positive qualities, and it is like exercise....you have to do it every day. If you don't do it often enough, it won't stick.

So every day, write down your positive qualities, and read them. Out loud. Look in the mirror every morning and tell yourself that you are beautiful, lovable, and deserve happiness.

It may feel awkward for a while, and it will take time (no quick fixes for the deep stuff), but after a while, you WILL start to truly believe it.

ETA: Oh, and for me, living my life with integrity makes a HUGE difference in how I feel about myself. I try to be honest always. I try to be up front about things. I try to be a good person. I stand up for myself when someone wrongs me because I am worth it. Every action I take towards those values helps reinforce that I AM a good person, and helps me like myself. I don't let myself dwell on my imperfections. I just look at those as challenges that I need to work on.

[This message edited by NaiveAgain at 7:32 AM, December 16th (Monday)]


Original WS D-Day July 10, 2008. Kept lying, he is gone.
New WS (2 EA's, no PA) 12-3-13
If you don't like where you are, then change it. You are not a tree.

Posts: 15194 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Ohio
Topic Posts: 8