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Divorce/Separation
User Topic: how to find attorney/separation without having been married?
TheAgonyOfIt
Member
Member # 39114
Default  Posted: 11:53 PM, December 15th (Sunday)

hi,
first post here I think on D/S.
bastard WS. I did something stupid last night. Had a couple of drinks. tagged OW's face with whore word. am not proud. ashamed actually. and it was counterproductive. OW says she told OBS. I don't know. I feel terrible about it all!

And what did WS do? He changed all his passwords in retaliation. So much for transparency. So much for just the slightest understanding of feelings boiling over (NOT excusing what I did, but it's at least understandable). And its because he doesn't show empathy that my feelings sometimes boil over and have nowhere to go, except to excruciating pain, or in this case, to FB. Dumb.

Anyway, all this on General forum, and I've been terribly needy all day...

The POINT of this post:

I don't know an attorney or even anyone who has been divorced, who is a good friend, to ask for a referral. My only experience with an attorney was a really bad one, she did nothing and already i had a bill for $10K. We settled in Mediation.

I am feeling REALLY vulnerable and afraid to hire an attorney. I'm thinking of seeing if Domestic Violence folks can recommend an attorney who might have an actual interest in women's issues. I'm not involved in DV, unless you count what is actually a sort of emotional abuse, which i have admittedly grown to accept (but which I'm now working to get out of).

We own a house together. He's paid maybe 20%. I want to try to protect what's mine.

Or maybe I should just let him keep 50% and dump it, happy to be free of his toxicity forever.

Advice warmly appreciated!
Sorry for everyone's struggles. I realize my situation pales in comparison.

[This message edited by TheAgonyOfIt at 11:56 PM, December 15th (Sunday)]


Me BS 49, ExWS: narcissist! Jekyll Hyde. Left in secret early July, moved states. Now homeless but getting it together. Necessary but difficult(!) transition! Sad sad sad but hopeful.

Posts: 552 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: theagonyofit
persevere
Member
Member # 31468
Default  Posted: 12:30 AM, December 16th (Monday)

Your first step is appropriate legal advice from a family law attorney. You clearly need to understand what you have and how that would be interpreted from a legal perspective. Most normal family law attorneys will be able to provide what you are looking for, or will be able to refer you if there is a more specialized need. So start from there.


Me: BW-44
Him: XWH-44
Together 9 yrs
DDays: 1/10/2011
Status: Divorced 4/27/11

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling


Posts: 4471 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Texas
careerlady
Member
Member # 16958
Default  Posted: 2:12 AM, December 16th (Monday)

I wouldn''t feel too bad about calling a spade a spade in OW''s case. It doesn''t sound like you''re in real R if your WS responded that way
What''s OBS?
Sorry you found yourself here. Yelp has good reviews of lawyers, you might try there.
Unfortunately if you bought that house since your marriage started it is considered community property and he is entitled to half equity, at least in Cali anyway.
Best of luck


Me (BS, 35); The Snake (WS, 36) 13yrs together; 1 baby boy (DOB 7/12)
Serial cheater-Multiple OWs, Multiple D-Days
D by default 5/3/14!
In house 8 mos, moved out 7/1!!!
Summary: http://youtu.be/iaysTVcounI

Posts: 937 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: Northern California
HurtsButImOK
Member
Member # 38865
Default  Posted: 3:32 AM, December 16th (Monday)

Shop around for a lawyer that you feel comfortable with. A lot of places offer free consults. Try before you buy.

I made the mistake of settling for a substandard attorney, I still got what I wanted in the end because what I wanted was the law. It just cost me a lot of extra stress fighting with my attorney and xpos.

Your WS' behavior doesn't suggest R, he should be far more concerned with you and your pain than OW and her BS. I am sorry you find yourself here.


Me: Awesome - 35

"I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel". –Maya Angelou

"When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be". –


Posts: 722 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Australia
sparkysable
Member
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 8:26 AM, December 16th (Monday)

Meet with a few laywers, see what they say, see which one you like. Go with your gut, and go with the one that you are drawn to.

Your WS is clearly not being remorseful. Changing his passwords? What is he hiding?

So you tagged OW. So what? I tagged every singe one of OW's FB pictures with the word HOMEWRECKER. I don't even feel bad about it. You shouldn't either.


D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010

Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.


Posts: 3317 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
TheAgonyOfIt
Member
Member # 39114
Default  Posted: 9:26 PM, December 16th (Monday)

thanks everyone. I actually called a local Domestic Violence coordinator and got names of three attorneys that regularly attend their meetings. I'm assuming they are sincere in their interest. I will call and meet and move from there. Appreciate all your responses very very much!

Yep, he's a dick. I realize that it's just all about him. If i act normal, he's fine. But if I ask for anything, and forget about anything emotional, he's an ass.

Just an immature, self-absorbed guy. Low self esteem, blah blah blah. Probably not the devil as he appears to be sometimes when i'm in emotional hell, but just a selfish dickhead.


Me BS 49, ExWS: narcissist! Jekyll Hyde. Left in secret early July, moved states. Now homeless but getting it together. Necessary but difficult(!) transition! Sad sad sad but hopeful.

Posts: 552 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: theagonyofit
Topic Posts: 6