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Divorce/Separation
User Topic: Knock at the door in the early hours...
Softcentre
Member
Member # 39166
Default  Posted: 7:58 AM, December 16th (Monday)

1.37am and I'm woken up mid dream by a knock at the door.

I lay slightly freaked out in my bed wondering who was knocking at that time? Did I dream it? And then I heard footsteps walking away. TBH I'm still a bit freaked out by it and felt very vulnerable at the time. Wondering if someone was going to break in or something. Nothing happened, all was fine, but...it's another security taken away by the A. I know you peeps on D/S will understand.


Me: BW
Him: STBXWH 'The Arse' - likes strong but broken OW
OW - EA - my friend 'Holy Chick'
COW - Suspected EA/PA 'The Ambassador'
COW - EA/PA - 'Fat Bottomed Girl'


Posts: 758 | Registered: May 2013 | From: UK
IrishLass518
Member
Member # 34373
Default  Posted: 8:11 AM, December 16th (Monday)

I do get it. For a very long time any little noise made me very jumpy and the phone was a huge trigger for me. I hope that it was just someone knocking on the wrong door. (((Softcentre)))


Me: 45 BS Divorced
Him: 45 Married OW
DDay: 07/04/2008
Divorced: 06/15/2011
5 kids: IrishLass 27,IrishLad 25, IrishLass 22, IrishLad 21 and IrishLad 12
"You can't run from trouble..there ain't no place that far"

Posts: 1676 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: WA
sparkysable
Member
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 8:16 AM, December 16th (Monday)

Did you get up and look out the window? Do you live in a house, or an apartment? I think it's very odd to get a knock at the door at that time of night.


D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010

Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.


Posts: 3179 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
Softcentre
Member
Member # 39166
Default  Posted: 8:22 AM, December 16th (Monday)

No I didn't get up - I didn't want to engage with whoever it was, and I was kind of scared just huddling in bed.

We live in a very quiet road and it's actually hard to find our house and the path to it is badly lit. It's not likely it was someone stumbling across it by accident. As I felt calmer, I did wonder if WH or his parents were trying to get hold of me (they live nearby)...but they'd be more likely to phone if it was an emergency


Me: BW
Him: STBXWH 'The Arse' - likes strong but broken OW
OW - EA - my friend 'Holy Chick'
COW - Suspected EA/PA 'The Ambassador'
COW - EA/PA - 'Fat Bottomed Girl'


Posts: 758 | Registered: May 2013 | From: UK
Williesmom
Member
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 10:19 AM, December 16th (Monday)

Yep. I get it. I have a security system and 4 dogs.

In my bedroom, I have. Baseball bat and a handgun.

Where I live, the state police could take 1/2 hour to get to my house. Too late if anything really bad happens.

That would scare the shit out of me.


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7430 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
StillLivin
Member
Member # 40229
Default  Posted: 10:29 AM, December 16th (Monday)

I had one of those nights.
I heard a bang, sounded like a door slamming. I woke up instantly and rapid loaded the gun with the buck shot ammo(.45). The only reason I didn't load it with the hollow points is because there was some remote chance WH might have gotten his head out of his ass and came to his senses and moved back home BEFORE moving Shrek to AZ. I didn't want to kill him with the first shot. I hadn't been able to change the locks yet.
We live pretty close to the border, and I've had some not too reputable looking types try and break in while I was home before, I've seen cigarettes on the land (nobody smokes), etc.
Now, the locks are changed, he is never coming back, and I keep only the hollow points loaded in the emergency gun.
Oh, a few months later, we found out it was the cat tower banging against the wall when chub chubs tried to jump to the top rung. He has gained a lot of weight these last few months and isn't as graceful as he used to be!


I don't need further confirmation of what a fuckwit he is. I already have plenty, thanks very much. -SBB
D: 7/2/2014

Posts: 2180 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: AZ
Undefinabl3
Member
Member # 36883
Default  Posted: 10:30 AM, December 16th (Monday)

No I didn't get up - I didn't want to engage with whoever it was, and I was kind of scared just huddling in bed.

BT:DT - even with 2 great danes and a husband who is in the law enforcement field, i still feel the need to be able to protect myself.

I would HIGHLY suggest locating a personal protection training program, and if you think it will help, get trained in how to use a handgun as well.

You could start with a .22 to just get a feel of a weapon in your hand, and then move up from there. I like my .9mm but to be honest, I would rather have a .40 or a .38.


Me: 31 MH
Him: 37 MH
New online find 6/19/14 - shit

Posts: 1693 | Registered: Sep 2012
Softcentre
Member
Member # 39166
Default  Posted: 1:10 PM, December 16th (Monday)

I'm in the UK, so no firearms allowed. In fact we're not allowed the self defence plea, not really, and can be charged with having an offensive weapon, or intent to go equipped for a crime, by having something like a baseball bat etc.

So it's scary, but at least most burglars etc don't carry weapons...wish I wasn't scared of dogs.


Me: BW
Him: STBXWH 'The Arse' - likes strong but broken OW
OW - EA - my friend 'Holy Chick'
COW - Suspected EA/PA 'The Ambassador'
COW - EA/PA - 'Fat Bottomed Girl'


Posts: 758 | Registered: May 2013 | From: UK
WeepingBuddhist
Member
Member # 39139
Default  Posted: 1:25 PM, December 16th (Monday)

My neighborhood is pretty sketchy, so I have a security system and a baseball bat. If you can afford it, check into an alarm system, I feel pretty secure.


Me: BS 46
Him: LCB--lying, cheating bastard 50
D-Day 4-27-13
DIVORCED!!! 2-20-14

Posts: 532 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Columbus
Cally60
Member
Member # 23437
Default  Posted: 3:30 PM, December 16th (Monday)

I feel for you, too, Softcentre. A knock at the door in the middle of the night would have left me scared out of my wits. :-( I think you were very wise to ignore it. At 1:37 am, maybe it was just some idiotic drunk who thought a quick game of Knock Down Ginger would be fun. Grrr....

In the UK you can legally use "reasonable force" to defend yourself. So there's a difference between setting off for an away soccer match armed with a knife and a baseball bat (ie equipped for a crime) and having a bat at the ready to fend off home invaders.

If you heard a strange noise in the night and went to investigate armed with your baseball bat you would be preparing to use reasonable force to defend yourself. You could even hit an intruder with enough force to knock him out. That would still be considered "reasonable force". But - tempting though it might be to do so - you might be in trouble if you rendered him unconscious and then carried on hitting him, beating him to a pulp before calling the police.

So if I were you, Softcentre, I'd definitely go ahead and buy that baseball bat. Or maybe a cricket bat. :-)

I'm from the UK but in the USA now. Before my children left home, I used to be really scared at night because I assumed that every US burglar would be armed with a gun and thus I'd be totally unable to save their lives. I know that burglars don't all carry guns, but when you're scared, logic doesn't usually help much.

I think outdoor security lights can be very reassuring. Burglar alarms make sense, too. But I'm really forgetful and I'm sure I'd keep inadvertently setting one off, so that when the real emergency came, no one would take any notice.

The thought of someone coming into my home to attack me, or my loved ones, at night is actually one of my greatest fears. That and a major earthquake in the night. (Despite my advanced age, I'm still scared of the dark, really.) I can watch movies about the paranormal without batting an eyelid. And I love crime series. But give me a hokey film about someone in a house hearing an intruder and in an instant I'm behind that metaphorical sofa with my hands over my ears!


[This message edited by Cally60 at 3:44 PM, December 16th (Monday)]


Posts: 2088 | Registered: Mar 2009
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 3:54 PM, December 16th (Monday)

Did they only knock once? How... odd. If it were a burglar, you would assume the lack of response from the knocking would give them the green light to break in. If it were someone in distress (with a disabled vehicle or some such thing), I'd expect more than one knock, KWIM?

Earlier this year, I had a couple of security scares at my house - the garage was broken into and burglarized, and a short time later, we had a peeping tom. I bought a portable alarm system (since I'm renting - can't install a regular alarms system).

My house is out in the country and fairly isolated, too, so I completely understand how unnerving that must have been. ((((softcentre))))


You can call me NIK

Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something.
- Plato


Posts: 24436 | Registered: Aug 2011
Nature_Girl
Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 4:17 PM, December 16th (Monday)

A couple of months after we separated someone started unlocking my front door. Never came in that I could tell, but unlocked it over & over again. I had bells on the handle so I could tell every time someone was there because the bells would ring. At first I'd tell myself I was mistaken, I'd simply forgotten to lock it. I'd tell myself that I'd imagined hearing the bells ring. You know, I gaslit myself. I thought I was going mad.

Then one day it happened in broad daylight with my daughter in the room. She said she saw the handle turning, heard a sound like a key in the lock, and she saw the bells swaying. I came running as soon as I heard the bells. Poor DD was sitting there a few feet away terrified.

Finally I knew it wasn't me, there truly was something funny going on. I called the sheriff & reported an attempted break-in. I also installed ear-piercing magnetic locks on all the doors & most of the windows.

A few days later ex showed up to take the kids for visitation. I "accidentally" set off the alarm to the front door when I opened it to let the kids out. And you know what? My front door never again was mysteriously unlocked. Interesting....

Lesson learned: never discount how psychotic an ex/STBX can get in their desire to punish you.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9307 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Rainbows
Member
Member # 39362
Default  Posted: 4:31 PM, December 16th (Monday)

Lesson learned: never discount how psychotic an ex/STBX can get in their desire to punish you.

I totally agree with this.


There is always a rainbow after every storm.

Posts: 390 | Registered: May 2013 | From: California
Pippy
Member
Member # 16482
Default  Posted: 4:52 PM, December 16th (Monday)

I moved from the country into a secure highrise Apt. I still put a pop can full of marbles on the door handle. At least if someone breaks in, I'll be awake.

But seriously, sleep with your cell on the night table and have 9-1-1 on speed dial. If in doubt, dial.


I divorced him because I didn't like his girlfriend.
M 30 yrs.


Posts: 9587 | Registered: Oct 2007 | From: East of the Rockies
FieldsOfLavender
Member
Member # 39154
Default  Posted: 7:48 PM, December 16th (Monday)

Lesson learned: never discount how psychotic an ex/STBX can get in their desire to punish you.

I'm not there yet. Why would the STBX be psychotic? Why wouldn't it be the bs?


Posts: 187 | Registered: May 2013 | From: East Coast, USA
JerseyCowgirl
Member
Member # 41441
Default  Posted: 9:20 PM, December 16th (Monday)

Great topic reminding us all to be ever so careful. I won't even attempt to list the things I am positive my ex did and I too lived in a remote area that 2+ hours and still no police. I got a device for $20 called a driveway monitor so I was alerted to someone coming down the drive before they ever got near my house
It worked great becauseI of being able to throw the lights on and chase them away...even when it would be the occasional deer or such. Do whatever it takes...ex's do get mad and we have heard the stories on the news..Take everything seriously.


Me: Divorced 2012
I know that when I truly love & honor myself I am at my best & most complete; and I will never settle for anything less from myself or from anyone else ever again!

Posts: 286 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Have not decided where to land yet!
Softcentre
Member
Member # 39166
Default  Posted: 1:10 AM, December 17th (Tuesday)

Thanks everyone

So I'm pretty broke, but can afford a cricket bat or similar.

Yes, it was just one 'rap,tap,tap' on the door knocker and then a minute or two later, footsteps walking away. I'd had the same thought - that surely a burglar wouldn't knock,or if they did, would then have broken in. It's all very strange, but at least it's a wake-up call to tighten up my home security.


Me: BW
Him: STBXWH 'The Arse' - likes strong but broken OW
OW - EA - my friend 'Holy Chick'
COW - Suspected EA/PA 'The Ambassador'
COW - EA/PA - 'Fat Bottomed Girl'


Posts: 758 | Registered: May 2013 | From: UK
curiouswiz
Member
Member # 34405
Default  Posted: 6:58 AM, December 17th (Tuesday)

YES. Get a bat of some sort, but remember to stay far enough away that it's not taken out of your hands and used ON YOU. If someone does get close and it's of the male persuasion you can grab their man parts and hold on very tight, pull on those babies until he's on the floor, then run like hell.

I have always had bells on my door! I hung them one Christmas many years ago and loved the chimes and the notification! Our boys were teenagers at the time so I could sleep and know when they came in. At the time I had my husband in bed with me but the kids soon learned to reach around the door and hold those bells!! lol

Okay, more strategy. Install motion detector lights in areas that are close to your home. I've also kept a .22 under the pillow, in the bedside table and other places nearby when I've had a gut feeling out here in the woods. It makes me feel so safe. Know what makes me feel safer? I've told EVERYONE I know that I do this. One of my neighbors said just keep your cellphone nearby and I honestly hadn't thought of that as a safety measure until he said it. Now, before I lay down I put the phone on the dial 911 setting so that I merely need to pick it up and won't be fumbling with it if I need it.

The first thing I did when shit ran (yes ran) out of the house was to sell his automatic weapon. That thing scared me the day he brought it home. The bullets without the gun could be used as a weapon! Scary.

Another way to stay safe is to hold your keys in your hand whenever approaching your car or home. Hold them in a way so that they can be used as a weapon. Firmly in your grip with the keys protruding out at the end of the side of you hand by the pinky finger. If you have a half dozen keys on there or even less, you can rake those babies right down a face and put an eye out if need be. Always carry them that way so you'll become accustomed to it.

Can you tell I've been abused? Can you tell I've used most of these and come out safe?

Sad. Be careful peoples..


God bless us, everyone.

Posts: 633 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Boston
jo2love
Moderator
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 8:17 AM, December 17th (Tuesday)

(((Soft)))

That is scary. Please consider letting the police know. Maybe they can have a patrol car drive by your home the next few nights.


Posts: 33914 | Registered: Mar 2011
WeepingBuddhist
Member
Member # 39139
Default  Posted: 9:41 AM, December 17th (Tuesday)

I'd see if you can get a softball bat, rather than a cricket bat. They are longer and unlike a cricket bat, unlikely to crack.


Me: BS 46
Him: LCB--lying, cheating bastard 50
D-Day 4-27-13
DIVORCED!!! 2-20-14

Posts: 532 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Columbus
EvenKeel
Member
Member # 24210
Default  Posted: 9:46 AM, December 17th (Tuesday)

Wal-Mart usually has great clearance prices on their off-season bats.

If you don't find anything there - check our your local online yard sales, GoodWill, etc.

You can usually snag them really cheap if they have dings in them....since we just use them for robber patrol, we don't mind a few dings. LOL!

I have one by my bed as well.

If you live close to me - I will gladly give ya one!


Eyes are useless if the mind is blind.


Posts: 2010 | Registered: May 2009 | From: Pa
cantaccept
Member
Member # 37451
Default  Posted: 7:31 PM, December 17th (Tuesday)

I had an alarm system put in when wh left last year. Mostly because I was afraid of him! He felt like my biggest threat!

It did help me to feel safer. I have a dog but everytime he barked, even at a squirrel it set my heart racing.

I only kept the monitoring for a year because it was too expensive but just setting the alarm allows me to sleep because I can ignore other noises, including my dog.

Anything for decent sleep and feeling a bit safer.


Life is change. Growth is optional. Choose wisely.

I would now like to be known as Can!

dday October 21,2012
dday December 20, 2013
wh boots5050
attempted R, it was all a lie

divorcing


Posts: 1253 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Connecticut
Topic Posts: 22