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Divorce/Separation
User Topic: Where did the time go?
PhantomLimb
Member
Member # 39668
Default  Posted: 1:03 PM, December 17th (Tuesday)

The last time I saw XWS before he had started his A (although I'm assuming the EA had already started) and before DDay was in January. We met at the place where we got married for a weekend get away for his birthday. From what I could tell we were happy, in love, excited that I was about to move out there permanently in a few months. I still really can't look at the photos from that weekend. We are cuddling and looking at each other lovingly, etc etc etc in all of them.

I still can't believe that was almost a year ago. It feels like a couple of months at most. DDay was in April/May. I don't even know what happened that summer. The details of the S, losing my job, having to find a new one, and generally having to completely rearrange my life just dominated those initial weeks. Not to mention just trying to function, stop crying, force myself to eat, etc. And I still wasn't 100% sure we weren't going to R... although everyone around me seemed to recognize right away that he was gone. Sometimes I still can't believe it.

Anyway, I feel like 2013 is a complete loss in some ways. I don't think I'm going to remember much of it. I was way too traumatized by this whole experience. But it's strange to me how fast the time seems to go when your mind has been so altered by realizing that the life you were living wasn't what you thought it was.

I'm also continually surprised by how quickly I've healed (relatively)-- although, as NC continues and I get more distance, sometimes I'm still completely shocked by how horrible his actions were, how hurtful and how crazy.

Anyway... just some random thoughts...


BS / D

Posts: 863 | Registered: Jun 2013
Nature_Girl
Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 1:29 PM, December 17th (Tuesday)

Totally normal. I am experiencing something similar. My DDay was mid-2011. I cannot believe how much time has passed since then. It seems like a blink of an eye. It almost has that "missing time" sensation alien abductees talk about. Yet at the same time I can fill in that blank with an overwhelming list of all that's happened. When I think about what's happened, the huge changes in our lives, the complete course change for all of us, it doesn't seem possible that it can fit into the time frame.

It's discomfiting. And normal.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9529 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
PhantomLimb
Member
Member # 39668
Default  Posted: 2:22 PM, December 17th (Tuesday)

Yet at the same time I can fill in that blank with an overwhelming list of all that's happened.

I totally get this.

And sometimes I'm struck by how much time has passed because I know that, while I'm doing everything "right" in terms of having left my life with him behind and moving on, NC, etc., I still feel his loss all of the time. I still miss the him he was before and our M. And while I'm trying to date and know that it will take awhile, etc... I keep getting this nervous feeling that it's going to be a long time, if ever, before I meet someone I loved that much again or who felt as right as our relationship did in the early years.

Contrast that with the fact that he dropped me and, by all accounts, just moved on with MOW. Sometimes I feel lousy that I'm still mentally attached to our M and the idea of him sometimes... yet so much time has passed and I'm the distant past for him. Strange.


BS / D

Posts: 863 | Registered: Jun 2013
Nature_Girl
Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 2:40 PM, December 17th (Tuesday)

Your DDays are so very recent. You're still processing the shock of those days, let alone trying to process divorce. It's a lot. You're still on the wicked up/down portion of the emotional roller coaster. It takes a lot of time to get your bearings back. (((HUGS)))


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9529 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Thefly559
Member
Member # 40268
Default  Posted: 2:48 PM, December 17th (Tuesday)

I totally understand , often I feel like holy crap it is almost a year since D day? but time cannot go fast enough for me now , I feel like every second in this pain is time of my life taken from me. So 2-5 years to recover and another 2-5 years to rebuild. that's like ten years of my life gone plus the 19 I wasted with her that's 29 years , I am 41 so I lived 12 years? or this is my life now and I need to make the best of it.i think the latter. all the best phan limb, stay strong


"what does not kill you , makes you stronger"

Posts: 630 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: nyc
SBB
Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 2:48 PM, December 17th (Tuesday)

^^THIS.

As I'm nearing 40 I've realised I keep getting my maths mixed up and saying 8 years ago when I mean 18. I'm not yet used to that extra digit in my memory bank.

This experience is kind of similar but my feelings are kind of opposite to yours. It feels like a lifetime ago - not just 2 years ago. Everything is different, I am so very different, my life is so different, my views are so different... just, everything.

But a year ago I was where you are now. Could it possibly have just been 12m? I was reaching this 'lifetime ago' place and I felt odd, out of sorts. My head was still spinning and in the calm after the storm I was left looking at the aftermath thinking... WTF just happened?

Like everything, it does pass.


Buzz- The word you are searching for is 'Space-Ranger.'
Woody- The word I'm searching for, I can't say, because there are Pre-school toys here.

Posts: 5535 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
FieldsOfLavender
Member
Member # 39154
Default  Posted: 3:44 PM, December 17th (Tuesday)

The details of the S, losing my job, having to find a new one, and generally having to completely rearrange my life just dominated those initial weeks. Not to mention just trying to function, stop crying, force myself to eat, etc. And I still wasn't 100% sure we weren't going to R... Sometimes I still can't believe it.

Anyway, I feel like 2013 is a complete loss in some ways. I don't think I'm going to remember much of it. I was way too traumatized by this whole experience. But it's strange to me how fast the time seems to go when your mind has been so altered by realizing that the life you were living wasn't what you thought it was.

I feel the same about much of what you wrote about my own situation.

I found out about his EA turned PA and lost my job 7 months later. I'm not necessarily correlating one because of the other. 2013 sprinted by in a blur. My dh has also moved on without a moment of looking back or remorse. I found out 1 1/2 years ago, but it seems like 6 months ago.

Two months after separating, he told me via email, 4 months ago that our child would have a half-sibling. At that point, everyone and the garbage man knew about the baby, including our school-aged child, before he clued me in. I'm still pissed off and especially vulnerable now that the whore just birthed. Since it has already been a few months since he revealed the news to me, he thinks I should have a handle on it by now. Because I'm not traumatized enough by the infidelity, he needs to make it exponentially traumatic by intentionally knocking up his cheap whore. Incidentally, he said, "You have to pay a whore." I replied, "So she's giving it all up for free?" Mind you, all along he has been telling me that they were friends.



Posts: 190 | Registered: May 2013 | From: East Coast, USA
Topic Posts: 7