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Reconciliation
User Topic: Apology email gone
rachelc
Member
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 9:12 AM, December 18th (Wednesday)

My apology email from OW#1 is gone from my "travel" folder inside my email account. Her husband's email is still there. I know I wouldn't have removed it? Or perhaps I did, not thinking I want to see that again, and don't remember deleting it. BUT, this is not like me....
I would have hung onto it for evidence that SHE contacted ME, and I never contacted her... considering she called the police on me.

I also had her phone number on a piece of paper in a drawer and that disappeared about a month after Dday... I looked all over, he saw me drive myself crazy looking for it, and said he didn't take it.

Yes, he has my passwords. Every other email is there.. including about a hundered conversations with my Mom and sister about my ambivalence about staying, and he's never eluded to seeing those.

Sure, I'll ask him. He either didn't do it or he'll lie about doing it.



his Dday: 2/10
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me (WW/BS): 48
him: (BS/WH)52
4 kiddos in mid 20's

Me: I didn't sign up for this.
Him: you're already in this. All you can do is resign...


Posts: 4930 | Registered: Dec 2010
pointofnoreturn
Member
Member # 41034
Default  Posted: 9:17 AM, December 18th (Wednesday)

How recently did you discover this? If you have a "trash" folder, it still may be there.


Me- WGF 22
Him- BBF 21
Ddays:
August 2011
September 26th, 2013

"A lesson is learned. Life is. Simply. There is no Death. There is no Before. There is no After. All is in Flux. Simply."


Posts: 187 | Registered: Oct 2013
rachelc
Member
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 9:18 AM, December 18th (Wednesday)

I probably last looked at it 6 months ago. Not in trash.


his Dday: 2/10
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me (WW/BS): 48
him: (BS/WH)52
4 kiddos in mid 20's

Me: I didn't sign up for this.
Him: you're already in this. All you can do is resign...


Posts: 4930 | Registered: Dec 2010
tushnurse
Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 9:19 AM, December 18th (Wednesday)

Try searching the trash folder?
Try searching the deleted folder?

That would make me very uneasy.... I still have my "proof" file,and a broken throw away burner phone in my dresser drawers, he knows it's there, and he leaves it be, because he knows I need it for security or whatever. I almost threw that phone away a couple weeks ago....not sure why I didn't.....I will never get rid of that file folder full of all my proof though.


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8509 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
PinkJeepLady
Member
Member # 37575
Default  Posted: 9:19 AM, December 18th (Wednesday)

Hmmmm, strange. But, what if this is something that will help you "let go" of it? Just a thought. I have finally started to not be obsessed with saving the evidence and I am thinking that's actually a good thing?

Were you saving the phone number for a reason? You could probably find it if you needed it.

I am hoping to get to a day where I will forget I even have all the paper copies of evidence, I printed out all the emails. Then I hope that if I came across it, (it's in a hiding spot), I will say I don't need this anymore and throw it out.

How about you?


Me: BW-54. Him-FWH 54. DDay June 1st 2012 cheating with prostitutes overseas
R-ing
"Not everything that counts is counted. Not everything that is counted counts." Albert Einstein

Posts: 484 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Out West
rachelc
Member
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 9:30 AM, December 18th (Wednesday)

well the phone number incident was only a month after Dday, and it's been nearly two years. I think it's good to have that stuff in case a phone call shows up on the bill, which it did a year ago from OW#2.

I'm going to be keeping this stuff for a long long time, they threatened a harrassment charge.


his Dday: 2/10
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me (WW/BS): 48
him: (BS/WH)52
4 kiddos in mid 20's

Me: I didn't sign up for this.
Him: you're already in this. All you can do is resign...


Posts: 4930 | Registered: Dec 2010
Searchingforhope
Member
Member # 38437
Default  Posted: 9:40 AM, December 18th (Wednesday)

My desktop has a recycle bin. Does yours? If so, try looking in there..

HTH...


Me: BW 51 (didn't have a clue)
Him: FWH 54(extremely remorseful about his stupid midlife crisis)
Married 27 yrs

PA that lasted approx. 2 weeks. OW was a younger but totally screwed up %#@%!

DDay 4-25-12
Reconciling


Posts: 148 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: California
Bikingguy
Member
Member # 38103
Default  Posted: 9:50 AM, December 18th (Wednesday)

I know this doesn't help now but might help others. WW forwarded me OM's contact info after d day. However I did not want to save it in my contact list so I took a iPhone screen shot and saved the photo. It is backed up on the cloud so even if it gets deleted I can restore it.

But I have also had emails (not A related) vanish and it drives me mad.


Me: BH, 44
Her: WW, 43
D day. January 12, 2013

Posts: 672 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Socal
rachelc
Member
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 10:03 AM, December 18th (Wednesday)

I looked in sent, trash, spam, important, starred, searched by word (apologize, husband) - and found emails from 2004 that I DON'T have in any folder..
so this email is like it never existed...

think I'm gonna ask him and then casually say google is working on it and they'll be able to tell me when and from what IP # the email was deleted from... he has no idea how technology works, and see if he squirms at all.

it's not a big deal that I don't have her contact info - hell I can email or call her at work if I needed to - it WOULD be a big deal if he deleted it.


his Dday: 2/10
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me (WW/BS): 48
him: (BS/WH)52
4 kiddos in mid 20's

Me: I didn't sign up for this.
Him: you're already in this. All you can do is resign...


Posts: 4930 | Registered: Dec 2010
PinkJeepLady
Member
Member # 37575
Default  Posted: 10:06 AM, December 18th (Wednesday)

Gotcha, I am all for saving it just in case. I understand completely.
I hope you it turns up somehow and if it does, back it up with paper copies or photos. What a good idea. I also have thought about giving someone else I trust my paper copies, just in case. Crazy we have to go to all this trouble isn't it? Just one more thing of the crazy train we are on.
Good luck!
I work in the criminal justice field and may I just say a "harassment charge" is very unlikely. The reality is that it's very hard to prove and a person would have to have several very provable incidents. I hope that helps put you at ease a little bit?!


Me: BW-54. Him-FWH 54. DDay June 1st 2012 cheating with prostitutes overseas
R-ing
"Not everything that counts is counted. Not everything that is counted counts." Albert Einstein

Posts: 484 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Out West
rachelc
Member
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 10:10 AM, December 18th (Wednesday)

thanks PJL! She had a cop call me and told me to knock it off - I had called her employer, mom and brother to ask them to help stop this affair.

and her husband called me and said he was more angry with me than my husband. whatevs...


his Dday: 2/10
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me (WW/BS): 48
him: (BS/WH)52
4 kiddos in mid 20's

Me: I didn't sign up for this.
Him: you're already in this. All you can do is resign...


Posts: 4930 | Registered: Dec 2010
sodamnlost
Member
Member # 37190
Default  Posted: 10:16 AM, December 18th (Wednesday)

Are you bothered this stuff is gone or bothered you think he did it and is lying about it? I get the last one. I had pics of OW on my phone - two. Both dissapeared, about 6 weeks apart. No other pics missing. WH swears he didn't delete them but I *KNOW* I didn't and nobody else has access to my phone. Even if they did nobody would have known who she is. At first I was mad the pictures were gone because when feeling low about what he did - her pictures helped. It showed me the affair had nothing to do with me (she's huge and fugly). Now it bugs me he is still lying about it.


If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck - it's not a fluffy pink unicorn squirting liquid rainbows, complete with pots of gold out of it's ass.

Posts: 766 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: Nowhere pretty
PinkJeepLady
Member
Member # 37575
Default  Posted: 10:20 AM, December 18th (Wednesday)

Yeah, please know that is common. People come in all the time to ask cops to do that, but know nothing really comes of it. I am sorry people have to worry about it. There are so many misconceptions about our criminal justice system. I work with victims who are truly harassed and it's difficult process to prove. So don't worry!

I don't think you did anything wrong with those calls, can you believe the H being mad at YOU??? Geez just one more thing you would never expect. Wow.

We live in a free country, you can call whoever you want. It's their choice to answer or not.

I just hope this won't bug you too much!


Me: BW-54. Him-FWH 54. DDay June 1st 2012 cheating with prostitutes overseas
R-ing
"Not everything that counts is counted. Not everything that is counted counts." Albert Einstein

Posts: 484 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Out West
rachelc
Member
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 10:23 AM, December 18th (Wednesday)

r bothered you think he did it

this. Like I said, I have many avenues for contact, if needed...


his Dday: 2/10
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me (WW/BS): 48
him: (BS/WH)52
4 kiddos in mid 20's

Me: I didn't sign up for this.
Him: you're already in this. All you can do is resign...


Posts: 4930 | Registered: Dec 2010
TennisTC
Member
Member # 41330
Default  Posted: 12:33 PM, December 18th (Wednesday)

I totally get it and I would feel the same way.

I think your plan is a good one. Maybe tell him they will be able to tell you the date and time it was deleted too (just in case he deleted it from your house, bc then he would deny it and say that you must have done it accidentally while home). But if he is guilty, even if he thinks you may be bluffing about ways to find out, he will most likely squirm or go on and on about all the ways you probably deleted it by accident.

Good luck. I hope you can find out what happened. Keep us posted. (((Hugs)))


Me: BW Him: WH (Both early 30's)
Married 11 years with a DD7
DDay: 2-24-13
R'ing

Posts: 166 | Registered: Nov 2013
rachelc
Member
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 7:38 AM, December 19th (Thursday)

update: I asked him about it last night. Said he had never been in my email and asked why I kept it. I told him why - in case of harrassment charges to prove she contacted me and I DIDN'T contact her. He nodded and said he hoped I could find it and he hoped I believed him.

So, I guess I don't remember doing things.


his Dday: 2/10
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me (WW/BS): 48
him: (BS/WH)52
4 kiddos in mid 20's

Me: I didn't sign up for this.
Him: you're already in this. All you can do is resign...


Posts: 4930 | Registered: Dec 2010
TennisTC
Member
Member # 41330
Default  Posted: 8:46 AM, December 19th (Thursday)

That's great news!

The same thing happened to me yesterday (but the email was just contact info for a tennis player who wanted to join one of my teams). I went to forward the email and it was gone! I looked everywhere, even in the trash folder and it just vanished. I have no idea what happened and I even started to question if I ever received it in the first place (when I know I did!). It's crazy making for sure. I can only imagine it is worse when the email was about such a sensitive topic.


Me: BW Him: WH (Both early 30's)
Married 11 years with a DD7
DDay: 2-24-13
R'ing

Posts: 166 | Registered: Nov 2013
sisoon
Member
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 10:50 AM, December 19th (Thursday)

That's really good news.

We all have to remember that not every combo of keys can be tested effectively. Very often, hitting a random collection of keys has an effect that is immediately evident. Other combos do things we can't see when we do them. Also, there are bugs in software that are so intermittent that they can't be identified, much less fixed.

In other words, you could have simultaneously brushed against some keys too hard and thereby set the deletion in process without intending to or even knowing that you did it.

The email could even still be on your PC, even though you can't find it without looking at each file....


fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 10094 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
Sumrlady
Member
Member # 4355
Default  Posted: 1:08 AM, December 27th (Friday)

The email could even still be on your PC, even though you can't find it without looking at each file...

You could try running a search using a word like "adultery" as the keyword.


Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover-Mark Twain

Posts: 3138 | Registered: May 2004 | From: N. California
Topic Posts: 19