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User Topic: I want to tell him off so bad!
painfulpast
Member
Member # 41038
Default  Posted: 10:56 AM, December 18th (Wednesday)

Talk me out of it, please!! I want to text WH and just tell him off. I want to let him really have it for all the shit Iíve dealt with. I know it wonít do a thing, but I canít stop wanting to do this.

Tell me why itís a bad idea. I need a good solid 2x4 here!



The stones from my enemies, these wounds will mend
but I cannot survive the roses from my friends

Posts: 1893 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: East Coast
tushnurse
Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 11:04 AM, December 18th (Wednesday)

It's a bad idea because he won't read it, or get it.
But it is quite cathartic to write it out, and post it here, and we will commiserate, and cheer you on. So Vent away!!!!


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8509 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
TrustGone
Member
Member # 36654
Default  Posted: 11:05 AM, December 18th (Wednesday)

If that's what you want to do, then I say go for it!!!! No 2x4's from me. Every now and then I have to let my WH#2 know how this makes me feel. If he didn't want to hear about it, he shouldn't have done it as far as I am concerned. If he doesn't want to hear about it now, then I told him not to let the door hit him in has ass as he leaves. Maybe not the best way to handle it, but it's what I am left with now.


BW-50
WH#2-51
M-9 yrs T-11 yrs
4 children-none together
DD#1-9/5/11 LTA 2yrs
DD#2-7/3/12 False R
DD#3-4/29/13 (OW broke NC)
Status: Your guess is as good as mine.

Posts: 2420 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Texas
Rebreather
Member
Member # 30817
Default  Posted: 11:11 AM, December 18th (Wednesday)

I don't see any reason why you should not share your pain and frustration and anger.

I wouldn't hope it will result in any kind of change in him, but you absolutely have the right to confront him for all his has done.


Me BS
Him WH
2 ddays in '07
Recovering.
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi

Posts: 6442 | Registered: Jan 2011
StillLivin
Member
Member # 40229
Default  Posted: 11:40 AM, December 18th (Wednesday)

It depends. Most times NC is just best. Vent here.
If you are wanting to hurt him, you have to ask, "am I past the point that he can't hurt me anymore?"
If your honest answer is yes, proceed with caution.
However, if you even THINK he is still capable of words that could hurt you, then NC.
Most times, blasting them may alleviate some stress, but it tends to be short lived, and you end up regretting it. Not only that, he will fight dirty and say VERY hurtful things to you. It just isn't worth the grief he could bring back on you.
They are in a world of denial. They didn't do anything wrong. If you try and make him see, he will fight and fight dirty.
Vent here. Someone posted the other day on one of my posts. Can't remember right now, it will come to me....anywho
When you vent here, we get it, we also can share the fury with you. But the most profound word the poster used was hilarioust! She said the folks here are the hilarioust people and they will end up having you laugh with them by the time you are done. This is much better than just getting angrier or worse sobbing in tears of hurt.
NC = No new hurts! It is hard. I was also advised to "sit on my hands if I must"...think it was SBB or maybe Nature_Girl.


I don't need further confirmation of what a fuckwit he is. I already have plenty, thanks very much. -SBB
D: 7/2/2014

Posts: 2238 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: AZ
prowoman
Member
Member # 40761
Default  Posted: 11:58 AM, December 18th (Wednesday)

I say NC too. For me whenever I've blasted him, all I wanted was really for him to GET IT. And no matter how articulate and RIGHT and insightful and backed by evidence I am, he will never GET IT. I second those that say post the frustration here- we all GET IT. And it's not as satisfying as coming from the person who wronged you, but it's not as frustrating as trying to get through to someone who can't GET IT.


me: BS 39 | stbxWH: 46
DD14, DS2
DDAY: Aug12... A continued "underground"
Separated Nov13 and Divorcing
OC Born May 14

Posts: 129 | Registered: Sep 2013
painfulpast
Member
Member # 41038
Default  Posted: 12:10 PM, December 18th (Wednesday)

Well, I did it, and as I suspected, I'm getting blameshifting, projecting, and flat out lies. I told him I was done, and why, and just got his usual garbage in return.

Pure insanity. I need to get off the rollercoaster. It never stops, it only slows down, and I'm sick of this friggin ride.


The stones from my enemies, these wounds will mend
but I cannot survive the roses from my friends

Posts: 1893 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: East Coast
20Hopeful16
Member
Member # 40487
Default  Posted: 12:19 PM, December 18th (Wednesday)

(((painfulpast))) I'm sorry you got the response you were expecting instead of the one you were hoping for. I know how hard it is to try to talk yourself out of doing stuff like that sometimes, even when you know its not going to get the results you hope for.


Me: BS (39)
Three Beautiful Children 12,9,5
DD: 8/24/13
Heading for divorce
Moving on with life

Posts: 107 | Registered: Aug 2013
gonnabe2016
Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 12:25 PM, December 18th (Wednesday)

Always remember this:
Most times, blasting them may alleviate some stress, but it tends to be short lived, and you end up regretting it. Not only that, he will fight dirty and say VERY hurtful things to you. It just isn't worth the grief he could bring back on you.
They are in a world of denial. They didn't do anything wrong. If you try and make him see, he will fight and fight dirty

You'll eventually get to the point where you *know* what his response will be to what you have to say, and you'll figure it's not worth the bother. It took me a long time to get to that point, but it did finally happen.


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 8006 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
painfulpast
Member
Member # 41038
Default  Posted: 12:25 PM, December 18th (Wednesday)

and here comes the gas lighting.


The stones from my enemies, these wounds will mend
but I cannot survive the roses from my friends

Posts: 1893 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: East Coast
StillLivin
Member
Member # 40229
Default  Posted: 12:26 PM, December 18th (Wednesday)

I've been thinking about this post.
I broke NC today.
I did it without the intent of getting anything from him other than for him to just quit being so damn nasty and PA.
We have common bills. I sent him a copy of the bill, no words. He responded in his usual passive aggressive way. I'm the victim, I can't afford to give you the money I owe you because my whore needs and wants thinigs, blah blah blah.
Finances wise, until I get paid this Friday, I'm hurting. I paid his half of all the bills he was supposed to help with, about $440 worth of his share. Now, I don't have a dime in the account.
I thought about it. I broke NC to let him know what my situation was. I reminded him that he was supposed to pay half and that because he didn't I'm counting change to buy my lunch and I'm on less than half a tank of gas.
I didn't expect him to "get it" that his choices to move out and spend all that money on his whore is hurting me. It is, but whatever.
I didn't put the guilt trip on him, just informed him why I needed him to ante up his share that I paid. I no longer expect him to care, because he doesn't give two cents about me. I will somehow make it without him doing the right thing. If he refuses to pay, he doesn't have to talk about it to me too. I told him I'm done and if he continues the verbal abuse there will be legal consequences.
I was to the point. I didn't blast, I didn't give him my frustration in the hopes that he "got it".
I come here with my vents. It's more cathartic.
One of us has to be the adult, I choose for it to be me. If I can't pick my battles wisely, and couldn't keep my emotions from getting the better of me, then I won't break NC anymore.
We all get how bad you want to blast him. We have all wanted to too. I've only been able to see this clearly for maybe 2 weeks.
I hope this helps.


I don't need further confirmation of what a fuckwit he is. I already have plenty, thanks very much. -SBB
D: 7/2/2014

Posts: 2238 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: AZ
Kelany
Member
Member # 34755
Default  Posted: 12:28 PM, December 18th (Wednesday)

I've found, for us, texting is ***NOT*** a good tool for communication. Things can be misunderstood, you can't tell tone, read body language or express yourself properly. Text fighting has really hurt us significantly at times. I think you should express your feelings to him, but not over text.


BS - Me
SA/FWH Him
DDay 1 - Jul 11
DDay 2 - Jul 12
R Dec 12

Former 80s Icon wishful thinking


Posts: 2031 | Registered: Feb 2012
Topic Posts: 12